Check-up
The next day...
"Well, I don't see anything wrong with you, Dusk," the informed him. "Truth be told though, magic's not my area of expertise. Neither is... transformation into an alicorn prince."
"I know... it's just, Lord Solaris told me I was supposed to become one," Dusk Shine explained to the doctor as he sat on the patient's table. He managed to sleep well last night, though he had stayed up late researching alicorns, magic and transformation after Bubble Berry's party. Completely out of options, he was too nervous to simply wait for an answer from Lord Solaris, so he checked himself in to see a doctor.
"He'd know more about that than I would," the doctor said, holding up Dusk's chart. "You're in good health though, from what I see."
That didn't console Dusk. "He said it was supposed to be my destiny," he said, his gaze dropping to the floor.
"Well, destiny's not really my field either but I know it's a little more complicated than just a routine check-up," the doctor stated. "Myself, I wasn't so sure about my own path a long time ago."
Dusk looked up to him. "You weren't?"
"Not at all. You see my cutie mark?" the doctor pulled up his coat and pointed to his flank. "You tell me this isn't hard to figure out. In all my time as a medical doctor, I'm still not completely sure what it means." The doctor's cutie mark was a stethoscope and he wore one around his neck.
"Well, it's a stethoscope isn't it? Doesn't it mean you're pretty much supposed to be good at using one? You are a doctor," Dusk said.
The doctor chuckled and held up the object around his neck. "Being able to use one of these doesn't make me a good doctor, Dusk Shine. A lot of different ponies use these in different medical fields. There are many different types of doctors, I'd be hard-pressed to try to fulfill every role."
Dusk glanced at his own cutie mark. He remembered back to the day he earned it during his entrance exam into Lord Solaris's School for Advanced Unicorns. That was the day he met Barbara, too. His cutie mark was some sort of purple star, it went along with his name. But thinking about it... he wasn't sure what it exactly meant, either. Considering how he'd earned it, obviously it had something to do with magic. But what?
He started thinking about his friends' cutie marks. Applebuck's was three apples... but what did that mean? Was he good at harvesting apples or selling them? He'd had difficulty with both prospects in the past, Dusk recalled. Elusive's was three gems but he was a fashion designer, not a jeweler. While he did bejewel outfits sometimes, he was a dressmaker. So shouldn't his cutie mark be clothes?
The floodgates opened on Dusk Shine. Butterscotch's cutie mark was butterflies and yet he bonded with so many animals. In fact, Dusk hardly ever saw Butterscotch do anything with butterflies. Bubble Berry had balloons and that did make sense with the parties. But Rainbow Blitz's cutie mark was a cloud with a rainbow bolt coming out of it. What did that even mean? Blitz was Ponyburg's weather manager but he couldn't make the clouds fire bolts of rainbow-colored lightning. The sonic rainboom did make sense and maybe he did resemble a bolt of rainbow lightning when he flew... but what did it mean?
"Cutie marks are just too vague," Dusk realized. "These things on our flanks decide our fates but we can't tell what those decisions are! Not for sure, anyway! So, why listen to what some mark on your backside says?" he asked, getting up.
"I wouldn't go that far, Dusk. I like to think of cutie marks as like a guide. You have your special talent already, when you discover it, you get your mark. But just knowing your talent isn't enough, you also have to find out how to apply it to your life. That way, we can all work to make Equestria a better place," the doctor said with a smile.
"Yesterday, all my friends' cutie marks were switched. Their destinies changed because of a magic spell I'd been working with. It took me the whole day just to get things sorted out. What if..." Dusk thought. "What if I'd failed?"
"There are a lot of what-ifs. But you succeeded, that's what matters."
Dusk didn't drop the line of thinking. "What if my mistake had been permanent? Our destinies could've been changed forever."
"Or maybe it was your destiny... to fix your friends' destinies," he said with a smile. "You took matters into your own hooves and did what you knew was right, Dusk. I think if you keep doing that, things will work out just fine for you and all your friends."
Dusk looked down again. "I guess so..."
The doctor could tell he was still upset. "Maybe you should take your destiny into your own hooves again, Dusk. Take a vacation, invite your friends. Get away from Ponyburg for a while and all this talk of fulfilling your duties."
Dusk Shine thought about that. A vacation... would that really solve his problems? It might be a good idea to let Lord Solaris continue to research whatever went wrong. There was nothing he could do to speed up time, he knew that from experience.
"Now, are there any other philosophical quandaries I can help you out with?"
He smiled nervously. "No, I... thank you, I'm gonna get going now."
"Take it easy, Dusk Shine," the doctor told him as the purple unicorn opened the door and left. Well, it hadn't been a complete waste of time. Dusk still pondered the implications of his fate, his obligation to Equestria as he walked to the reception area. He realized he was obsessing over this issue and there was little he could do about it. Maybe that was his destiny? To fixate on the tiny things that went wrong in his life to the point he drove himself insane!
He stopped himself. No, he had to have faith that Lord Solaris would find the answer. He had to have faith in his friends, faith in himself. But something to preoccupy his time might be nice.
Another unicorn walked out of the room adjacent to his and headed down the hallway towards Dusk.
"Hey there," the orange colt greeted him.
"Hi there," Dusk said back, still walking towards him.
The orange unicorn did a 180 and started walking with Dusk Shine. "Couldn't help but overhear you talking in the room next door. Name's Sundown, Sundown Gleam," he introduced himself as they walked.
Dusk started to do the same. "I'm-"
"Prince Dusk Shine," the unicorn finished. "Who hasn't heard about you and your friends?" The pony asked.
"Wait," Dusk Shine said, stopping. "I'm not a prince... what made you think I was?"
The orange pony stopped. "You mean you're not?"
Dusk shook his head. "No, I... hey, wait a minute." Something was too suspicious about this situation. "How did you know I was supposed to become an alicorn prince?"
The unicorn took a step back. "You were supposed to become an alicorn too? With the wings?"
"How do you know about all of this? I didn't even know about it until last night."
Sundown looked nervous. "I... umm... okay, you caught me," he said. "Lord Solaris sent me. I was a student of his a long time ago but I... turned down becoming a prince."
That was a shock to Dusk. "You turned down becoming a prince? How do you even do that?"
"I... just did," Sundown shrugged awkwardly. "But I still work for Lord Solaris and he told me to tell you that this all has to do with your Component of Magic."
"The Component of Magic? Is there something wrong with it?"
"Uh, yes!" the unicorn quickly answered. "And he sent me here to check it for you. I know how to fix it so that you can fulfill your duty to Equestria and take on your role as a prince!"
"And an alicorn?" Dusk added.
"Sure, whatever. So, where is the Components of Magic right now?" the orange colt asked.
"It's back at my house," Dusk said, still skeptical.
"Wonderful! We can go there now and get you all... princified!"
"Okay..." Dusk remarked. He was more than a little suspicious about the orange unicorn's story. How did he know about what happened last night? How did he know Dusk was supposed to become a prince? Ever since yesterday morning, it was like his world turned upside down. Nothing made sense any more. Still, he led Sundown through Ponyburg back to his house.
Sundown laughed as they approached. "You live in a tree?"
"Yeah, they don't tell you at first but you have to water it almost every day," Dusk explained. "This was originally the center of town, they planted this tree from the Everfree Forest," Dusk explained.
"Don't you worry about squirrels or something?" asked.
"Well, termites are a problem sometimes but Butterscotch takes care of those. It's just me, Barbs and Owlouisa."
"Right..." Sundance said. Dusk approached the door, still thinking about what the colt following him had said. As he opened the door and stepped inside, he reached a decision.
"You know, I don't think I need to be a prince. Or an alicorn," he told Sundown. "Not right now, anyway."
Sundown looked confused. "But... what about what Lord Solaris said?"
"That's just it, Sundance. I don't think there's anything wrong with the Components of Prosperity. I think it might be me," Dusk replied.
"What do you mean?" Sundown asked in disbelief.
"I... I don't think I'm ready to be an alicorn prince yet. I appreciate Lord Solaris sending you but I'm going to write to him myself and see what he says. Thank you for talking to me," Dusk said, stepping inside.
"Wait," Sundance blocked the door from closing with his hoof. "There... there still might be something wrong with the Component of Magic! I should at least take a look at it while I'm here!"
Dusk thought for a moment. "Well... I guess so." Reluctantly, he let the colt into his house.
"Wow," Sundance said, looking around. "That's a lot of books." Dusk walked over to the chest containing the Components of Prosperity and lifted the lid. The six magical artifacts gleamed before them.
"These are all of them. Lord Solaris left them here ever since we rehabilitated Disarray and-"
Sundance almost pushed Dusk out of his way as he walked over. His gaze was fixated on the Component of Magic in particular. It glowed and levitated out as Sundown lifted it with his magic.
"All this time... and to think, it would be this easy," Sundown said, examining it in midair. The orange pony seemed to be enamored by the object. Well, it was one of the legendary artifacts that protected Equestria.
"Do you see anything wrong with it?" Dusk asked.
"Yeah, yeah I do. Look here," Sundown held it over to Dusk.
The purple unicorn picked it up with his own magic. "What is it?"
"Turn it over, look at the band," Sundance said. "It's there, you'll see it."
Dusk did as instructed but still didn't see anything. "I don't see anything wrong. What should I be looking for?"
"Another destiny."
Dusk looked up a split-second too late. The bookcase fell down on him, crushing him to the ground and covering him in a pile of books.
"Later, Dumb Shine," Dusk heard Sundown say. He was disoriented; he fought against the weight of the bookshelf on top of him. Using his magic, he lifted it off of him. What the hay just happened?
The door to his house hung open. Sundown was nowhere to be seen. Frantically, Dusk looked amongst the books scattered at his hooves for his crown, the Component of Magic. It was gone.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Barrobroadcaster · 1.3k words · 86 5 · 3.5k views
- Barrobroadcaster · 1.1m words · 1,018 100 · 28k views
- Barrobroadcaster · 2.5k words · 165 6 · 3.3k views
- Dalek IX · 27k words · 283 5 · 9k views
- KRissCHu573 · 72k words · 69 6 · 2.5k views
- cullexoh · 23k words · 53 1 · 2.2k views
- BlueSun52 · 112k words · 105 7 · 4.3k views
- Hot Blooded Hero · 6.6k words · 18 1 · 1.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.105 seconds
Total duration
1,045 users online
1,943,172 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
No offense meant or anything, I'm going to keep reading.
2828465 Was going to call him Sundown but I like the name Sundance better.
2828499 I'd say Sundown Gleam is a good name. If you want it to keep it in the theme of the show, that is, And considering you took none of my past advice, I'd take that as a no.
2826975
"Spoil it"?
You don't want to describe your story to someone asking for a description because that would "spoil it"?
Jesus Christ. You don't really get this whole "making people actually WANT to read your fic" thing, do you?
Forget it. I'll just leave you to your clusterfuck of tags that utterly fails to describe anything or make me even remotely interested in reading your fic.
2828543 You are being really harsh with your criticism. I feel like I should criticize your criticism. Really, you haven't said a single thing you liked and you've threatened to unfavorite the story.
Really... you're being so hard to please, my head is hurting. I'll change the name. Please, for the love of Celestia, give a guy a gotdamn break. I changed the names of the places because it's an alternate universe, they're different styles, different names for all sorts of things.
I appreciate the feedback but really... would it kill you to say something positive?
2828566 It's a crossover with Left 4 Dead. I'm sorry you won't read something because of a tag.
2828566 It's not dark or very funny yet either and yet I have those tags. I'm sorry if you can't be bothered to have a little faith in something. Also, the language isn't really appreciated.
2828569 Sorry, my brain has been kind of broken recently
. Looking back on it, those were a bit harsh. Truthfully, this is an interesting and original concept, and I can't wait to see more. I should probably eat a Snickers. 
Seriously, sorry dude. All good? 
2828577
OK, firstly, don't respond twice to the same comment.
Secondly, I am not refusing to read because of "a" tag. A tag would be fine. With a tag, I would know what I was getting.
6 tags is the problem. A "dark comedy random crossover adventure AU" doesn't tell me what you're writing. It tells me that you lack the ability to focus on an idea, and that your fic is going to be horrifically bloated. If I start reading it because I want adventure, all the darkness and comedy will bore me. If I read it for the comedy, it will be too dark and the adventure plot won't gel. If I read it for the darkness, etc. etc.
2828617 Thank you... thank you very much. Yes, all good. I'm sorry too. For... not living up to your expectations? Disappointing you? Something like that. Truth be told, my original idea for this story was that Solaris sends Dusk to the human world to find out what went wrong, my own r63'd original character gets arrested for something she didn't do and r63'd Cranky Doodle Donkey stumbles into the portal by accident.
All 3 wind up in the human world but it's not at Canterlot High, it's the middle of the city outside a Denny's.
2828639 If it has an element of something in it, I add it as a tag. It's not random, it's just checking all that applies. Same with characters.
I don't look at the tags as being like the categories for movie. Romantic comedy, dark adventure, that kind of thing. The tags tell you what to expect so you aren't surprised not what it focuses about.
Does it take a little mystery out of it? Maybe but it can also be interesting because now the reader's wondering when that tag will come up and where. Where if I'd left Crossover or Dark out, it might not be one someone was expecting and they might decide they prefer something else.
It's not specifically what it's about. If that were true, every story would pretty much only have Slice of Life or Adventure because those are two main types.
Ultimately, this is an adventure. It's going to be a ride that includes all of those things mentioned because they apply. There are too many stories on this site to just give them only one or two tags.
2828685
That's not how tags work. You don't tag for "an element", you tag when it's a major factor of the story. This is all explained on the submission page, when you are tagging it.
Look at the movie genres you posted - "dark adventure", "romantic comedy". Do you think that every single scene of a rom-com is either funny or romantic? No, of course not. It has elements of drama, slice of life, maybe even fantasy. But it's not called a romance fantasy drama slice of life comedy, because that makes no sense.
Pick the IMPORTANT genres, and then tag them. And if you plan to say "but all six tags are important" then don't even bother replying. No, they are not all important enough to tag the entire story.
>Does it take some of the mystery out?
Well maybe it does, but I NEVER MENTIONED THE FUCKING MYSTERY OF IT, DID I? Don't respond to my post and then respond to questions that I never asked.
>There are too many stories to just use one or two tags
What are you even trying to say here? What is this non-sequitur supposed to mean?
2828710
As I just said, I don't look at the tags as categories for a movie but as a list of included elements. There are a lot of stories on this site and people look for specific things. That being said, mine is being very specific and the multiple tags should also hint at length.
They just added another tag to this site, if anything that's a reason to tag something more.
I didn't add sad, romance or tragedy because there's not going to be that in there. Did I add a human tag? No, again for a reason. I'm sorry if you're in doubt and disbelief but I've tried to explain it.
This entire argument should not be happening on the story itself. Is there anything you like about this story? Is there any one good thing you can say about it?
2828769
And as I said, "elements" is not how tags work. It is not how they work, it is not what they are meant for, it is not what you are told to do.
"That's just how I use tags" is fucking meaningless, because you're doing it objectively wrong. It's like:
"I spell the word house with an A"
"That's not how it works"
"That's just how I use it!"
2828784 I don't care how they work, I've never read anything that specifically states the tags are like movie genres.
I do remember specifically reading minimum of one, maximum of six, check all that apply.
I think what you're trying to say is you doubt that all the tags will blend together, you don't think they're relevant. Believe me, that is not the case.
you really shouldn't listen to anyone complaining about the tags. There are two types of tags on this site, the easy one to explain are the warning tags. They explain something is in the story you may not like. They are AU, Human, the new Antro, and Crossover. They should always be there if there is a hint whatever becasue that's the whole point. So that just leaves 4.
Theyr'e the other type, the genre tags. First off is random, which I really don't understand the purpose of entirely, but I've only ever used it on a fic where pinkie is the main character. A comedic adventure is essentially a road trip movie so obviously that's a thing.
Finally you have dark which is odd in that it marks the tone of the piece and is really has more in common with the sex and gore rating tags, but it's at the same time not quite the same. So far we have a road trip style movie, and now we know add the possibilitiy of dead hookers, guns, and other less ideal situations. It's perfectly clear really, some stories just have more tags.
2829560 Thank you my purple thestral friend. Your OC is adorable and I understand what the other guy says about tags as well.
But this story is going places. Not quite dead hookers but... you're not too far off.