A Pegasus' Last Words..

by FlaireFlutterSky

The Letter

I know you wasn't expecting this.
You all thought I was perfectly fine,
Well you were wrong.

I've been lied to, tormented, and ripped apart by some of you in one way or another.

You know me as the tough, brave and brash Pegasus who never cries or shows any sign of emotion.

Once again, you were wrong.

Very slowly, my heart and soul has darkened and shattered into millions of tiny, little pieces. Those tiny fragments that can never be put back together again.. Those tiny fragments that make cuts all over my helpless body that ooze out crimson-colored blood, that once held life.

You are all right, darkness is in fact, a myth. There is no actual darkness when you are like me.
Suicidal.

There is no darkness. The world always looks the same to me. The sun always rising and setting in the morning and evenings, the moon still changes, waxing and waning every month...

But the way you view the world changes.

It feels like everypony hates me. They don't give a flying feather about me and how I feel. They still won't care if I live or if I die. They glance at me, smirk and whisper about me, at the pitiful equine that I am.

I was born a failure, never accomplishing anything or achieving anything as a pegasus.

I was a big mistake, so everypony tells me. How they point their hoof at me and single me out from the others. I hated it. And one of those ponies was actually one of my best friends. It was you, Twilight.

How I would accidentally crash into your library, to smirk and tell me how much of a reckless pony I am, and how the Wonderbolts would never accept me if I am that ruthless. Usually, I would just laugh it off as if it was a harmless joke and get on with life. But deep inside? It hurts. A lot. Everypony knows how badly I want to be a Wonderbolt. I train every single day and night just to have the feeling of flying alongside them one day. Then saying that, just made my life worse. None of you have any idea how many countless times I have cried myself to sleep, with a voice in my head telling me how much of a dumb, worthless piece of shit I am. I know you never meant to hurt me that way, Twilight, but you did, the scars remain.

Fluttershy,

I care for you. I care for you more than anything in my entire life. You're sweet, kind and caring. You are loved by pretty much everypony and everything. I care about you woth my rotten, withered heart. You have always had my back, and I can never thank you enough for that. You were one of the only ponies who truly cared for me. Without you, I probably would have done something like this years ago. You always tried to help me, you tried to make me see the brighter side of things, but you couldn't in the end. I've fallen too deep for you to help me out. Even the longest rope In Equestrian history couldn't reach my depth. I love you, flutters, more than you could imagine. I am so sorry for the pain I will cause for you, I really am. I want you to remember me, please.

And to the rest of you girls, I am truly sorry of the pain ill bring. I love each and everyone of you in a different way, but never more than others.

Pinkie Pie,

Never stop being the bouncy, random pony that you are. Always smile. Be happy. I am at ease now.
Keep on throwing parties for all I care, please, just stay Pinkie Pie.

Applejack,

I want you to carry on being the bold, athletic mare that I know. Carry on making that delicious apple-family cider that I love and have always loved. I want you to never give up on yourself, not that you will. of course.

And last but not least, Rarity.

The most sophisticated, elegant and glamourous dressmaker of Ponyville.
I really want you to stay the most fashionable pony to ever be graced from Equestria. Heck, maybe the most fashionable pony in the world. As you pretty much know, we are complete opposites, you and me. But you are an amazing pony none the less.

I'm am really sorry I'm not the pony you all thought I was, and how much of a shock this is to all of you. I'm not tough, certainly not brave. I just felt as if nopony needed me. For once in my life, I feel hopelessly desperate for somebody to tell me to stay, and not give up on myself like I already have...
But, I doubt that will ever happen In this sad, little world that was graced the name Equestria..

I already know how I will do this.
I will take a razorblade from my room, put it to my cyan coat and cut myself. I will watch and feel the life slowly trickling out of me, and tumbling to the ground, like it has done so much already. Soon enough, I will finally be free of this guilt that I carry.

From everypony,
From myself,
From life.

I will no longer have to bear the sick, terrifying monster that I have created for my sadistic, little place that I call home.

Do not weep for me, no pony can weep for me. Except from some of my friends and loved ones. Once again, I am sorry for the pain I will cause to all of you. Please continue your lives, become happy and maybe have a family of your own.
I love you, girls, so much, please, never forget me and what I lived for.

Goodbye cruel, shameful world.
Let's hope we never cross our paths again.

Lots Of Love,

Rainbow dash.

Author's Note:

My first fic! What do you guys think? Critisism apreciated.

Comments

[The Accursed One]

I found a lot of errors.
Also, why does Dash explain what Twilight did to her and then later say that she loves Twi?

[Bandy]

There were certainly aspects of this story I enjoyed, your realism in the structure of the note itself (Dash calling out each of her friends by name--that's gotta be a real string-tugger there) chief among them.

However, there were problems. I tried to reading into the fic, but I couldn't get past the wall of Waaahangst this fic put up. Sure, Dash listed several legitimate reasons for distress (ie., wonderbolt-naysaying, being viewed as someone she is not), and those are all promising motifs that could easily have been expanded upon to greater extent, but I still can't help but get the vibe that all the problems tearing her apart aren't really there in the first place. She calls herself a "sick, terrifying monster" in ten different ways to Midnight, but she never really seems to have any problems from which she can derive emotional trauma beyond trivialities. That's what her problems come across as: trivial.

Overall, while you avoided many common errors that tend to plague first-time writers--and don't get me wrong, you did a better job than most when it came down to spelling, grammar, and the like--it still boiled down to the fact that the story was too angsty for its own good. Dash seemed to do nothing but make a mountain out of a molehill, then throw herself off it.

Also, this line:

crimson-colored blood

made me giggle. What color equine blood would otherwise be, I am unsure. Maybe it really is purple and we're all just colorblind.

[FlaireFlutterSky]

2660276 Bear in mind I wrote this on my phone at about 2 A.M in the morning, and yeah, thanks for pointing that out, appreciate it.

[GAPDashie]

The concept is intriguing, but in all honesty, the writing needs quite a bit of work. I ended up skimming the last half just to try to get past the spelling and grammar problems. A lot of the phrasing seemed awkward to me as well.
I'm with thebandbrony; it's obvious Dash is down on herself, but I'm left asking why. Have her address the reasons behind her despair; Wonderbolts, MMDW, etc. Maybe have her blaming her friends for not being there for her, even if there was no way for them to know... coming from Loyalty, this would carry a little extra weight.
This has potential, but basic errors are dragging it down. Best thing for you to do right now is to get an editor to sweep it for mistakes and odd word choice. I'd offer, but my Internet's down at the moment.

[TheEarthSheep]

Like bandbrony and RDash, I just think you need more practice and an editor.

Also like RDash, I would offer to edit for you but, unlike RDash, I'm already busy editing someone else's fic.

Good luck! Keep writing.

[Lillieslies666]

That was so sad! It was very well written. Write more stories if that's ok with you...

[Theater Critic]

That was so sad!

[ATKGWFOPLM]

feels.

[JustAnotherPegasister]

I loved it, justone thing, I am really curious of what the other girls reactions were. If you do another last words fic, I think it would be interesting to see the reactions if the pony's friends or family

[Little Ling]

I know I'm late, but hey, at least I'm here!

I was deeply depressed and suicidal for about 5 years. You really hit it on the nose here. There is something about being depressed and suicidal that is just nearly impossible to explain. "I was a big mistake, so everypony tells me. How they point their hoof at me and single me out from the others. I hated it. And one of those ponies was actually one of my best friends. It was you, Twilight. How I would accidentally crash into your library, to smirk and tell me how much of a reckless pony I am, and how the Wonderbolts would never accept me if I am that ruthless. Usually, I would just laugh it off as if it was a harmless joke and get on with life. But deep inside? It hurts. A lot. "
That part right there.
And it is incredible how much this was my experience: "None of you have any idea how many countless times I have cried myself to sleep, with a voice in my head telling me how much of a dumb, worthless piece of shit I am. I know you never meant to hurt me that way, Twilight, but you did, the scars remain."
People joke about you being stupid, about you being clumsy, or worthless. But if you are depressed, or even suicidal, it hurts, it hurts like hell. It makes an impact on you, it drives you further into the depression, even though it was intended as a joke.

I don't know if I could have written this better, without just straight out writing my suicide note, without the, you know, suicide part.
What's hard about suicide in general is that you CAN NOT understand it, UNLESS you have truly been there yourself. UNLESS you were suicidal, you can only pretend to understand what it feels like to know that you are dumb, clumsy, and worthless. To know that you will never be accepted.
And now I want to try to write that story! Actually, I might try now! Cool.
For the hundredth time, good job. You got the mentality right.

[Six String]

Please read this https://www.fimfiction.net/story/374086/first-last-and-only-letter, and it's sequels. It's along similar lines, but unlike this story, "First, Last, And Only Letter" had a more positive uplifting ending.