Vindictus Vulnere grew up in the cold. Both his environment was cold and the other ponies' behaviour towards him. He grew up fighting and alone, save for one stallion who he saw as a father.
Chapters (8)
tazdarkstripe13
Joined 30th Aug, 2012 ·
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Could do with a better title and archive/short description.
Something about what happens in the story rather than what the story is.
Did not vote on this.
Took a brief look, and not voting either. As a story, it's poorly constructed in terms of hook, but it seems you didn't really intend this as a story, so I won't hold that entirely against it.
The one thing I don't understand is how this passed moderation. I was pretty sure we'd instituted a paragraphing rule, and you have neither line breaks nor indentions marking your new paragraphs. That serves to make the whole thing quite annoying to read, and just as a matter of courtesy to anyone who you want to have look at this, I strongly advise you paragraph properly.
memecreator.eu/media/created/1yiojf.jpg
You might want to reconsider that title and short description. It's so bland the only people likely to click it are going to be people planning to down vote without reading. Your story could be a utter masterpiece, rivaling the Bard of Avon himself, but people don't wish to just read about another's oc. They need a hook and a reason to read.
The whole story is a HUGE wall of text, it's just not readable. Use lines break and indentions to make clear paragraphs.
Another thing bothering me is the fact that NONE of the characters have a Pony name, you lose a lot of immersion factor when the name don't fit the setting of the story.
As for the other content of the story ... it's just another Alicorn OC story.
True, because no one care about the story of some random OC Gary Stu. You want to know why ?
Because every reader have their own fantasy, every OC is more powerfull and amazing OR lore-friendly than your OC.
Your OC is a Prince ? Meh, Josh's OC is a King.
Your OC can make a Sonic Rainboom ? Kevin's OC can do a quadruple Sonic DeathBoom while flying on his back.
Your OC can play electric guitar like a boss ? Melody's OC is a talented singer who perform in front of all the Canterlot nobility.
See ? Why should Josh, Kevin or Melody care about your OC when they're own is better than your and when they all have a life somewhere in Equestria ?
The only way for an OC to be " popular " is to be credible right from the start. He need the right balançe of backstory, personnality and appearence to make people be interrested in him.
And the story need to aim the right public to make the OC shine enough to be interresting.
So far I'm not convinced enough by the story of Vindictus to think he's a credible or likeable OC.
24,168 words about an OC
...
...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/340/070/f16.gif
2703019 How about this one?
i.imgur.com/7IgWM.gif
Edit: Oh dear Celestia, I commented on his page 38 weeks ago...
Actually, you're not half bad as a writer if you'd just paragraph your stuff. You had some nice imagery and Cadance and Amare were well sketched. Nereus and Aureole less so, if they've been together hundreds of years wouldn't the high school sweethearts thing be getting a little old?
I'm not sure I'm interested enough to keep reading, but it doesn't deserve all these dislikes.
Nuuuuuuuuuuu