Lately, Princess Cadance has been feeling inadequate. She's spoken of this briefly to Twilight Sparkle at the Starswirl the Bearded Traveling Museum, but her longing for a grand adventure is really starting to get to her, as are the thoughts that she isn't doing her best.
When help comes in the unlikeliest of places, Cadance finds herself getting more than she bargained for, starting with her companion of circumstance: King Sombra.
Book One of Sombra's Odyssey. Takes place in between seasons 4 and 5 of MLP:FiM canon. Proofread by: NorrisThePony and ElderXelpud Spoilers in the comments. The cover art is assembled from a piece by sugarberryart, plainoasis, and Pedro Hander. This story is a rewrite of Crystalline. Contribute to the TVTropes page!
Nothing can go wrong with this... fright?
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gAByufCJKog]
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gAByufCJKog]
. . . Green?
7489673 Most ponies don't have green colors (especially not in their manes and coats). That's where the statement came from. Basically, it's a really recessive trait, even in the old days.
7439234 [youtube=broken link] Two: Electric Boogaloo
I like this so far, you're a great author, but I really don't understand why Cadence would believe Sombra about any of this. To me it seems like this might be an elaborate plan to get inside Canterlot and blow it up as revenge against the Princesses.
When you describe the young mare's coat, you say it's the color of orchids, but... Aren't there many different colors of orchid?
7552171 I'm very bad with flowers.
Tagged it
7668447 Pardon?
the legend of cadence
Fucken confusing. Just kiss already
Damn.
Where are the comments
Hmm...not sure how I feel about this, but then again, it is the very beginning. You have written a ton more of these, so perhaps you have gotten better at writing. Not that this was bad, it's just that it all happened so fast. Cadance to me seems too trusting, and a little dumb. First thing I would have done when I saw Sombra was knock his ass out, him being all normal-looking, and when that didn't work, I would have locked his tyrannical ass up, then left him to simmer for a few days, then come down for some serious interrogation/torture possibly. I most certainly would not have just heard him out, much less would I have trusted him immediately. I mean he barely explained what he was saying. I would have preferred that to be a dialogue rather than a summary by Cadance.
Now granted, Cadance is the Princess of Love. All that stuff I said is out of character—for her. But where are her interrogators? Don't tell me those dumb guards were the interrogation force, because that is just unrealistic.
Now, I'm gonna keep going with the story, but I do feel this needs another once-over, including quite a few grammar issues, and some lines that were just a little too...generic/cringeworthy/tbh kinda dumb/forced. Hopefully it improves later on. Best of luck to you and your Iceverse.
EDIT: Seriously, how the hell does Sombra not know who Cadance is? He should at least have recognized her magic, or something about her presence or some other shit like that. It just doesn't make sense that he doesn't recognize the mare whose cutie mark is the crystal he tried to hide in order to assume control of a freaking nation.
7746167 You pointed out that would be OOC for Cadance - and that's sort of where Cady's flaws can lie. She is very nice and trusting and her longing for adventure can get her into some problematic situations.
Thank you for both the praise and the critique - I love to hear both. The fast pacing of the first few chapters was my intention - it helps showcase Cady as an Action Girl - no sitting around for her!
Getting better, as predicted! Well done. Pick a tense though.
As for lore—YAY LORE! Alicorn aging concept is fascinating. It's strange that you say Cadance is not a real alicorn, and thus is not immortal. I know that one of the up-top people on the show (may have been McCarthy?) said Twilight wouldn't outlive her friends just because she's an alicorn, but I feel it would make more sense that Celestia, being the mighty goddess of sunlight that she is, would be able to grant immortality, especially considering she's granted two mares alicorn powers. Just me speculating. Good chapter.
Ok, getting interesting, I want to know what's so important about this ridiculous looking pony in the painting. There must be something, since you went into a lot of detail about her. But even more so, you have me on the edge of my seat wondering what the hell is in that book, and what it all has to do with Sombra's appearance. Well done! Get an editor though.
This story was a blast to read. I especially loved tension between Celestia and Sombra at the end. Took me 5 minutes before I could stop laughing. Can't way to read the next part.
7854406 Thanks! I hope you enjoy the others as well!
[youtube=AhGxfZnFqYg]
7885914 it wasn't an intentional reference but is hilarious in hindsight.
I feel like Link has had this feeling at least once in his life.
And Mario.
And a few other heroes we might remember.
I don't think anything can faze me anymore since that little outburst from Sombra had no effect on me.
Then again I haven't had my morning coffee so that might be it.
7669749 The infidels did not have the courage to give thanks to the story weaver.
The heretics...
7994471 It might not have an impact yet. And yes, that might be it.
Ugh, teenager mane six. No thanks.
8197638 16 is actually the age of majority in this 'verse, so they're more like college aged.
8197642 Still significantly younger than portrayed in the show.
8203676 Not really. There's nothing that states their ages in the show; it's all implied. And from what is implied and how the Mane 6 are treated/interact/think and anything involving EqG, the Mane 6 appear to be young adults. Their ages also appear to correlate with human ages more then horses (at her birthday party, Sweetie wasn't an adult, for example). This means that the Mane 6 are probably anywhere from 15-25. There's really not much to suggest how old they are in the show.
8203676 Not to mention, when Twilight goes into the EQG universe, shes a high schooler. You can stick your fingers in your ear at that and go "nyah nyah nyah not canon" and thats fine, but dont act like theres explicit evidence towards their age that this story is disregarding.
8204121 EqG being canon throws a wrench in any linear age mapping for the cast as a whole, but as the author did mention the age of majority being lower than I'd expected I suppose it's a moot point.
8514054
Same! It's still eluding me, and I've kinda given up looking, but I hope you're enjoying the story thus far.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
8576009
Use your words, 🅱. :P
media.giphy.com/media/2sszRaUsrdMHe/giphy.gif
8636713
Exactly.
Hope you like this one!
That'd be one hell of a spell to know.
8197638
I take it you're not a fan of EQG?
8640592
Truly the mightiest of arcane knowledge.
Arcane Vision has good taste in book titles.
8641252
Titles are always fun, so of course I need to shoehorn ponies with good tastes in titles into my word vomit.
Look out everypony, rockhorse is back on the block, and he brought his snark with him!
8734828
Oooh yes, all the snark~!
Bad Ice Star! No all-caps in dialogue!
Im enjoying this little tale thus far. I have to half-heartedly agree with one of the other comments for a moment, however. Her acceptance of him does seem a little rushed, but it's not a huge detriment. Its hardly a complaint, actually. Its not much of an important part of the story, and you're keeping things short.
8734857
Nyah, sometimes maybe. Bad BeanBean. I have pre-reader rights.
She's a pastel pink candy princess. Of course she's gonna be quick to trust things.
Thanks for enjoying this little adventure with this oddball duo! I love their journey!
Oooh yeah, backstory. Damn good backstory, at that. I found it odd how young Luna is. How was she born a full 300 years later? i assume your headcanon is that their parents are alicorns?
8734898
I've always found Luna to appear and act far younger than Celestia - an even more youthful appearance than most ponies and lots of emotion-based choices made her feel far younger than Celestia, and her sense of moodiness, too. It seemed o fit a young adult better than an older individual.
Yeppers! There's lots of backstory on them too!