The Mixed-Up Life of Brad
by D. G. D. Davidson
IX. The Good, the Brad, and the Ugly
The school gymnasium was a smoking ruin. The stage was a wreckage of splintered wood, and burning streamers of crepe paper hung from the rafters or smoldered on the floor. The merely human students, overwhelmed by pony magic, had fainted senseless and now lay strewn about the room like toppled wax dolls.
Susan Shelby, also called Sunset Shimmer, had been distorted by rage and hatred into a towering, slavering beast. From her hands, she hurled fire that the Equestria Girls, partially transformed into ponies by the Element of Magic, deftly dodged.
Shocked by the newfound agility of her magically enhanced humanoid body, Twilight Sparkle, trying to find cover, backflipped through the air and agilely landed behind the DJ booth where Vicky Scranton lay unconscious.
“Give it up, Sunset!” Twilight shouted. “The power of friendship has restored my magic! You can’t win!”
“You think I’ll come quietly?” Sunset Shimmer roared. “You think I’ll just bow my neck and let you lock me in stone like you did to Discord? You took everything from me, Twilight Sparkle! You took Celestia, you took my princesshood, you took my popularity in this world, and now you’ve even taken my boyfriend! You can burn in Tartarus!”
“Give me my crown!” Twilight shouted.
“Never!” screamed Sunset. “It should have been mine to begin with!” Her fists burst into flame, and she threw another pair of fireballs.
Twilight grabbed Vicky and, shielding her as best she could, rolled out of the way before the DJ booth exploded.
Roxy Dodgers, now equipped with a pair of wings, zipped around Sunset and yelled, “Hey, tough guy! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”
“Pathetic human!” Sunset snarled. She snatched at Roxy with a clawed hand, but Roxy flitted back and forth like a hummingbird and blew a raspberry.
Ducking low, Twilight sprinted across the room to where the other Equestria Girls huddled. Although most of her was still human, Twilight’s ears had reverted to pony form: since they were no longer mere inert lumps of flesh, she could rotate their pinnae toward sounds, capture noises unnoticeable to a mere human, and use them to gauge the distance of objects. Even without looking at her, and even though she moved quickly, Twilight could correctly estimate Roxy’s location and predict her movements from the sound of her flapping wings—but Roxy apparently didn’t realize that Sunset could do the same thing.
“Roxy, don’t get so close!” Twilight shouted. “Look out for—”
“Ack!” Roxy cried. One of Sunset’s claws ripped across the midsection of her dress and sent her tumbling to the floor.
Twilight changed her course, leapt sideways like a shying horse, and then went into a barrel roll, grabbing up Roxy in the process. Flapping her own wings, she dragged Roxy out of the way just before Sunset brought down a massive foot to crush her.
“Are you okay?” asked Twilight, cradling Roxy in her arms.
“Ugh.” Roxy clutched her side, and blood seeped from under her fingers. “Guess I’m not used to this pony thing yet—”
Twilight cast a spell. Her right hand sparkled with a violet aura, just as her horn had formerly done. She touched Roxy’s wound, and the skin closed. Roxy winced.
“I don’t know if we can do this without the Elements,” Twilight said, “but we have to try.”
“We can do it,” said Roxy with a weak grin. “Lead the way, Twilight. I know we can do it.”
“There’s no hope for you, Equestria Girls!” Sunset boomed, pointing to the jeweled crown on her brow. “Do you think a little unicorn magic can possibly defeat the Element of Magic?”
Twilight helped Roxy stand. Raising a defiant fist, Twilight said, “That’s not the only magic we have, Sunset Shimmer! We have the magic of friendship!”
“Friendship!” Sunset scoffed. “What is friendship? In the face of power like mine, it is nothing!”
“We’ll see about that!” said Roxy.
The other Equestria Girls leapt to their feet and gathered close to Twilight.
“Friendship is dreadfully important, darling,” said Rowellina as she flipped her hair.
“Durn tootin’,” said Amelia.
“Yeah!” shouted Paulina. “If you had friends, maybe you wouldn’t be such a big, mean, grouchy-mean-mean-meanie-pants!”
“Um . . . yay?” whispered Faith.
Together, the Equestria Girls leapt into the air. Faith, Roxy, and Twilight, flapping their wings, supported the others as, all together, they linked their arms in the form of the ancient emblem once worn by the One Judge.
“By the power of love and friendship!” they shouted.
To Twilight’s mingled shock and relief, a bright beam, colored like a rainbow, burst from their bodies and enveloped Sunset Shimmer in a whirlwind of light. From the midst of it, Sunset screamed.
The pressure of the spell’s back blast hit the Equestria Girls like a solid wall. They lost their grip on each other and tumbled to the floor in a heap. Twilight had the misfortune to land on the bottom of the pile; her wind was knocked away, and sparks flashed in her eyes. After a minute, struggling to breathe, she climbed her way out from beneath the others and rose shakily to her feet, only to find that the whirlwind of light had been replaced by a column of black smoke.
The smoke spread through the room and formed a thick haze. Twilight squinted through it as she cautiously stepped forward and saw, in the middle of the gym floor, a crater lined with blackened earth that had been fused to glass. Lying in the crater’s center, with steam rising from her body, was Sunset Shimmer, who had transformed back into a pony. At the edge of the crater lay the Element of Magic, Twilight’s rightful crown.
Twilight stooped, took up the crown, and placed it on her own head. Her friends gathered around her again and gazed down into the pit.
“So that’s a magic pony,” Amelia muttered.
Faith whispered, “Is that really, um, what you look like in the other world?”
“Yes,” said Twilight. “Well, more or less.”
Sunset lifted her head and shakily raised a hoof. “Twilight—”
“It’s over,” Twilight said.
Tears poured down Sunset’s face. “Don’t be a fool, Twilight. Look at the power we have! Think of what we could do here! Don’t give it all up!” She crawled slowly toward the crater’s edge, one hoof still imploringly stretched out. “Imagine it, Twilight! The humans have no princess, nopony to lead them! You and I can be their princesses—no, more than that! We can be their queens—!”
Clenching her fists and raising her chin, Twilight recited the words she had been taught to repeat since she was a little foal: “There is only One Queen,” she said. “There is only One Judge.”
Sunset stopped crawling and lowered her hoof. She sneered. “Do you still believe those old legends of the Geldings, Twilight Sparkle? Of the unicorn Queen who created the ponies in the Valley of Dreams? Of Magog the Mighty, who descended on a rainbow and wrote the ponies’ laws? Do you still believe the Ponycalypse of Starswirl, which says Magog will come back someday?”
“I don’t know,” Twilight answered, “but it doesn’t matter. Maybe the humans don’t have a queen or a princess of their own, but you’re not their princess, Sunset Shimmer, and neither am I. My kingdom is not of this world.” She raised her hand, and it again glowed purple. Under Sunset appeared a disc of bright light, into which she began to sink.
“No!” Sunset screeched as she struggled to grasp solid ground and prevent herself from being pulled into the vortex. “No! You don’t know what you’re doing! I’ll give you anything! I’ll give you power!”
“I don’t want power,” said Twilight. “I never wanted it.”
Sunset sank quickly, and now only her face showed above the disc. “Then why?” she moaned, her tears running thick and fast. “Why are you the new princess instead of me?”
“Because I didn’t want it. Nopony who grasps at power deserves to have it.”
Twilight closed her hand into a fist, and the disc of light evaporated, taking Sunset Shimmer with it.
The magic faded from the room. The crater in the floor disappeared as smoke and ash flecks coagulated into unburnt wooden boards and flew into place. The fires went out. Streamers, falling upward like a reversed rain, hung themselves anew from the rafters. The wreckages of both the stage and the DJ booth reassembled, leaping into place like marionettes pulled by puppeteers. The ears of the Equestria Girls shrank and changed shape, turning into human ears again. The girls’ long hair, which made them appear almost to have tails, returned to its former length. Twilight, Roxy, and Faith’s wings slipped into their backs.
Slowly, with many groans, the students lying around the gym sat up, rubbed their heads, and looked around in confusion.
Kneading a fist against his eyes and staggering slightly as if he’d just awoken from a deep sleep, Brad walked to Twilight’s side and grinned at her.
She sighed, scrunched her eyebrows, and offered him a sad, lopsided smile. “It’s finished,” she said.
“What happened?” he asked, his eyes turning up to the crown on her head.
“I got my magic back. We fought Sunset Shimmer. And we won.”
“You don’t sound happy about it.” He put his hands in his pockets and twisted his mouth. He didn’t sound happy either. With a twinge of jealously, Twilight remembered that Brad had courted Sunset before courting her.
She looked down. “I hope that, someday, Sunset will learn to accept friendship. But at least now, well . . .”
“You can go home,” he said.
A lump formed in her throat. Without saying anything more, she nodded.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Brad said, “Twilight, I know this is probably a really awkward time to say this, but, you know . . . I’d still really like that dance.”
Her cheeks warmed. Nervous, she twisted a strand of her hair around her fingers and whispered, “I’d be honored.”
With a grin, Roxy threw an arm over Brad’s shoulders and said, “Hey, how come you never ask me to dance?”
Brad playfully punched her in the shoulder. “Yeah, right, Roxy.”
Roxy laughed, but Twilight thought her face betrayed a trace of disappointment—or perhaps Twilight imagined it.
Vicky Scranton, instead of putting on more house music, went to the concession table. Olivia, carrying her cello and sporting a bowtie, walked onto the stage and sat down. Others soon followed: Fred sat at the piano, Betty took up her sousaphone, and Elias went to his harp. Together, they began to play a slow waltz.
Twilight had no idea how humans danced. She sucked in her breath when Brad took her hand in his and slipped his other hand to the small of her back. Gently but confidently, he led her through the movements. A couple of times, she stepped on his feet, but he didn’t seem to mind.
When she had first entered this world, she had found her new body ungainly and impractical, but now she realized that it had a beauty and grace of its own. She had been horrified, too, at the thinness, vulnerability, and sensitivity of this body’s skin, but, trembling in Brad’s arms, she was suddenly grateful for it. Becoming human had deadened her hearing and sense of smell, but had heightened other senses to an almost painful pitch; the feel of him so close, and the touch of his hands, almost overwhelmed her.
She stopped stumbling and stopped treading on his toes when she finally relaxed and allowed him to lead. He spun her once, and she gasped when he moved her into a dip, but he made these unfamiliar movements feel natural.
When the song ended, he stepped back, bowed, and brushed his lips against her fingers, sending an electric shock up her arm.
She swallowed, found her voice, and murmured, “You’re a good dancer . . .”
He shrugged. “A lot of us in the theater club took lessons at the community center.” He released her hand, gave her a wink, and added, “But this music’s a little slow, don’t you think?”
He ran to the base of the stage where his guitar case sat. He threw the case open, pulled out his Stratocaster, jumped up beside Olivia, and plugged the lead into an amp.
Olivia gave him a glance that appeared disdainful, but a slight smile graced her lips. She carefully placed her acoustic cello on a stand, walked behind the stage, and returned with an electric cello. The students erupted into cheers.
Brad played the opening riff from “Having Trouble with the Technology” by Tracer Vex. Vicky returned to her booth and added a backbeat, and then Olivia joined in. Soon, they were having an all-out guitar-cello duel while the students jumped around and cheered. Twilight merely laughed and shook her head.
Amelia swung by the concession table and returned with six bottles of apple soda. The Equestria Girls opened the bottles, clicked them together, and drank thirstily.
Amelia gestured toward the stage. “Ain’t really my style o’ music, but they are somethin’, ain’t they?”
“Somethin’ awesome,” Roxy said. Twilight glanced at her and was both surprised and a little disconcerted to see how eagerly Roxy watched the performance, her wide eyes never leaving Brad.
At Brad’s request, the Cosmic Council took yet another five-minute recess, and he couldn’t help but notice how Rainbow Dash, hovering a few feet above Twilight’s throne with her forelegs crossed in disapproval, watched him with narrowed eyes as he made his way out of the chamber.
In the washroom, as Brad crouched awkwardly over a pony toilet and struggled to keep his balance, he considered that he had probably wasted Celestia’s offer of a boon. Still, he could think of nothing he wanted to ask of her that she would grant. All he cared about right now was getting Twilight out of trouble.
Using the equine facilities was a chore. He still hadn’t mastered the bidet, so he ended up pouring a quart of water into his pants while trying to wash himself. He cursed under his breath, but could see no obvious solution to that problem, so he spent the next several minutes fumbling with the buttons on the front of his trousers. After that, he checked himself in the mirror to survey the damage: it looked as if he’d run off to the bathroom but hadn’t quite made it.
He tapped his cane rhythmically on the floor while considering what to do. He could wait until his pants dried, which would probably take a while, or he could walk back to the chamber just the way he was. If Celestia had stood in front of him now and offered him a boon, even up to half her kingdom, he would have asked her to dry his pants.
His indecision lasted only a moment: he pulled his top hat low over his ears, screwed up his courage, and decided to pile yet another buffoonish action onto the many he’d committed recently. He would march into the Council Chamber and announce to all and sundry that he couldn’t figure out how to use a pony bidet. No doubt the entire country would get a good laugh at his expense, but he considered that preferable to letting their minds go where they would when they saw what condition he was in.
Just as he turned to the bathroom door, he heard a knock and a voice. “Brad?”
The voice was Twilight’s.
“Twilight Sparkle,” he answered, “just the pony I wanted to hear and not see. We have to stop holding conversations through doors. Hurry and blow it up.”
He expected Twilight to laugh, but she didn’t. “What’s taking you so long?” she asked. “Did you fall in?”
“No, but, considering how ponies make toilets, it’s only a matter of time. I did have sort of a problem with the washy-thingy—”
“Is anypony else in there?”
“No.”
“Are you decent?”
“Never.”
She pushed open the door, looked him over, and giggled a little. “Well, this will probably hurt.” She pointed her horn at his crotch.
“Whoa!” he cried, crossing his hands over himself. “There are places I don’t want you—gyaah!”
He staggered back and moved his hands up to clutch his head. His ears rang for a few seconds, but after the unpleasant sensations of the magic spell had ended, he realized his trousers were dry—dry and very warm.
“Quick-dry spell,” she said. “It’s simple. They teach it in kindergarten.” A faint hint of pink appeared in her cheeks. “And, by the way, I, um, like your new outfit.” She turned swiftly and galloped away.
Brad thrust out his chin, puffed out his chest, and cocked his hat. “She likes my outfit,” he murmured, and then he walked back toward the Council Chamber with head held high. On the way, he shook his cane at the hall ceiling and said aloud to no one in particular, “How do you know when love is true? When you’re okay with her seeing you after you’ve wet your pants.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
Brad dropped his cane and spun around to find Princess Cadance standing about twenty feet behind, just outside the distance at which she affected him.
“Cadance,” he said, “we have to stop running into each other like this. No, really, I mean it.”
“When you didn’t return, Brad, Princess Twilight left her throne to find you.”
“I was on my own throne at the time.”
Cadance cocked an eyebrow, and a quizzical expression passed over her features. “Anyway, I thought it would be best if I followed.”
“You think we need a chaperone?”
She gave him a wide smile. “It so happens that I ardently recommend the chaperoning of youths, but no: I thought it would look better if you reentered the Council Chamber with me instead of with her.”
Brad’s annoyance evaporated. “Oh—”
“I don’t like it, Brad, but even I have to admit that the life of the court is not all about sincerity and openness. Appearances are also important. We have an expression here, ‘saving muzzle.’ Do you know what it means?”
“I can guess.”
“Twilight very much needs to save muzzle right now. So, then, will you do me the honor of escorting me back to the Council, Mister Brad?”
“Fine. Just keep your distance.”
“Of course.”
He snatched up his cane, and the two of them continued down the hallway, Brad occasionally looking over his shoulder to be sure Cadance wasn’t getting too close. “You really recommend chaperones?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“For someone who makes such a big deal of love, you seem awfully straitlaced.”
“Romance is all about rules, Brad.”
“That’s news to me. Seems like it’s about breaking rules—”
“Of course it is. But if there are no rules to break, what will romantics do then? How can lovers meet in secret by moonlight if they have no reason to keep secrets and nopony from whom to keep them? You cannot be a true romantic unless you have first learned how to be—how did you put it?—straitlaced.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Perhaps you will understand it in time.”
They turned a corner, and Brad halted when he found a pony’s blue-furred muzzle hovering in front of his face. Surprised, he involuntarily released a small yelp and staggered backwards.
“Where were you?” Rainbow Dash demanded. She was steadily flapping her wings, keeping herself aloft. She still had her forelegs crossed and a look of grumpy disapproval on her face, just as she had when he’d seen her last.
He sucked in his breath and felt sweat break out on his forehead as Cadance pushed past him.
“Hurry up,” Cadance said as she continued down the hall toward a pair of double doors.
Brad clenched his teeth, leaned around Rainbow, and shook his cane at Cadance’s back.
Rainbow took that as an opportunity to wrap a fetlock around his outstretched arm. “C’mon, weirdo. Everypony in Equestria is waiting.”
“Does it really take three ponies, including two princesses, to find me?” Brad demanded as she dragged him down the hall.
“Yes. You were taking forever.”
He tried to extricate himself from her grip, but found he couldn’t. He stopped walking, but she barely noticed, continuing to drag him while his feet slid across the floor.
Brad glanced around to see if any other ponies were present. Cadance appeared to be out of earshot, so he whispered, “What are you doing here, Roxy? How did you and the others find a portal?”
Rainbow Dash paused, let go of his arm, and spun around. “What? What are you talking about?”
He tapped his cane on the floor and leaned on it. “C’mon, don’t play dumb. You didn’t seriously think I wouldn’t recognize you, did you?”
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed and she peered close into his face. “Have we met?”
Brad backed up a step. “I know who you are, Roxy. We’ve known each other since we were kids. This pony thing isn’t even a good disguise. Why are you pretending? What are you up to?”
Rainbow flew up almost to the ceiling and said, “That’s it, I’m outta here. Get back in here, or you’re gonna make this thing take all week.” She spun and zipped up the hall, disappearing through the doors.
Shaking his head, Brad rejoined Cadance and entered the Council Chamber. “I am going to get to the bottom of this,” he muttered to himself.
MOAR!!!
Alternate universe, alternate people. I remember reading somewhere that there are only two meaningful things you can do with your exact duplicate: Fight them, or fuck them. Let that mental image sink in.
It's kinda sad, but your ending is much better than the films. Also, I LOVE the humanized names! Why didn't the movie do that?!
2876320
Considering that identical twins exist, I'm inclined to doubt this assessment. I suppose that's not quite an exact duplicate in the sense of having identical experience. Still, I can think of no warrant for this assessment of how duplicates must necessarily interact.
2876346
I aimed for pure corn in this rewrite of the movie's ending. I want the present Equestria and flashback Earth(?) to have a different feel. I'm trying to do something similar but more subtle in Demon Slayer, in which Earth is described minimalistically and Ponyland with more orotund prose.
Christian references? And now I want to know where Twilight sent Sunset Satan. A new statue in the garden, perhaps?
2876320
So, all Brad needs to do is to kill Flash Sentry and take his powers. Seems fine to me.
2876346
Oh, I forgot to say--the humanized names I've used for the Mane Six are ones that were, before the movie came out, floating around the Internet and pretending to be canonical. Since I started this story when all we had to go on was the first trailer, I used those here and then proceeded to humanize the names of any other ponies I depicted as humans.
2876447
Spill-over, no doubt, from A Mighty Demon Slayer Grooms Some Ponies, which I've crossed over here.
I ... like this. But it feels almost too alien, does that make sense? I suppose it's forcing me out of my comfort zone, so that should be a major positive. Still ... and some of the Earth-flashback bit almost smacked of the 'ponies > humans' thought that I despise but not enough to have me quit reading.
I don't know. It's like there's this underlying feel that makes me grumble about this and I can't tell for the life of me where it's coming from. At all. Maybe I am 'grr humanity fuck yeah' and I don't even know it - argh, it is driving me batty trying to tell where this discomfort is coming from! Still, very good story regardless of my own personal affections or afflictions. Sorry to have some grumblings to say, actually. I still like it. Ignore me.
2876460 I noticed that bit about the Ponycalypse of Starswirl and the return of Magog, does that make this a prequel to A Mighty Demon Slayer?
So this guy can officially say he was the boyfriend to two alien unicorns (err alicorn). Twilight was just getting use to having teenage hormones all over again, what's Sunshines' excuse? Brad attracts dangerous females.
I'm enjoying this: the relationship between Brad and Twilight is cute, though the one between Flash Sentry and Sunset Shimmer is cuter. Still: I'm glad to see you haven't cancelled this.
The element of loyalty doing her duty, I see.
I did some research on this a while back, and given your usually tendency to go for as close an approximation to real horses as possible, you should probably be aware that the entirety of a horse's body has the same sensitivity as a human hand.
Links: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/understanding-a-horses-senses.html, http://www.gla.ac.uk/external/EBF/uhcc7.html, http://www.extension.org/pages/10313/horse-senses, http://noblecohp.org/Hippology/Equine%20Science/Equine%20Science%20-%204%20-Senses%20of%20the%20Horse.pdf
Hope this helps and I'm not just being annoying by telling you things you already know
2876854
Nope, didn't know that.
Why did Twilight put Sunset into a vortex of death and is she coming out? I have no idea what's keeping Brad from asking Twilight though.
2876734
This is an AU of Demon Slayer. It's still Chronoverse in that it has the same general backdrop, but the stories are independent of each other. As will become clear in Demon Slayer's upcoming chapter, that story hews to the canonical Equestria Girls rather than this deviation. I've also chronologically made G. M. Berrow's first novel come after the movie in that universe (since it works better), whereas I have the events of the novel come first in this story.
Still, revealing, in Demon Slayer, out of left field, that Twilight has a human boyfriend named Brad, could certainly be amusing, though it would probably also be a deal-breaker.
2876853
In the actual movie, Flash Sentry is Sunset Shimmer's former boyfriend (so even the canonical character has had two girlfriends who both turn out to have formerly been magic ponies). I liked that, so I went ahead and incorporated it here.
2876734
In terms of physical abilities, I'm trying to be true to the capacities of horses and humans, though I may have gotten it wrong in my description of the relative sensitivity of the skin. Horses do have much more acute senses of smell and hearing than we do, though our vision is considerably better.
As far as culture goes, I take the show's idyllic, kid-friendly atmosphere literally. Of course, if I were completely consistent, the human world of Equestria Girls is equally idyllic, so mentions of nuclear weapons and outre crimes are arguably as out of place in that world as they are in Equestria.
As-realistic-as-I-can-get-them horses and Equestria taken at face-value are typically my starting points for fan fic, and then I see how far I can get away with tweaking them.
2876937
... the Geldings fit into this how?
But on a serious note, I think that might be part of my ... issue? I'm more apt to add or subtract things to bring Equestria more in-line with our own understanding of reality - to make it more real to us - rather than going the route of 'what is shown is all there is/the actuality of their reality.' Though I do try to maintain a sense of the alien. That might be it. Or maybe it's the more institutionalized feel of 'mares as leads.' I like the thought of a society being traditionally like that but as more a societal pressure to be 'normal' as opposed to a set of rules and regulations with that in mind (the doffing of the hat to all mares, etc.). That might be a less realistic idea on my own part, though. Society tends to create rules to mirror the reality and all.
All in all, it's a very nice story and it does make the ponies more alien then most other stories attempting to tackle the same. Also, humanity tends to be physically weaker because our development in the womb concentrates on our brains instead of our physicality - if the ponies have large brains, shouldn't they be less physically able then real horses? Just a thought I figured I should share.
One more thing: I've started reading the Magog Groom story because of this and must say, it's not the first Megan+G1/G4 crossover story I've read and it shares a huge similarity to The Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds from RK_Striker_JK_5. Did that at all influence your story or is this the first you've seen of it? Just curious.
2876734
I know that feel, bro. The little I read of Xenophilia and its worldbuilding made me feel a lot similar to what I feel now, but I can't say what it is. Alien is a good word. It seems like the ponies have a subconscious hostility towards Brad; Cadance saying "I could kick you through a wall" so casually is unsettling, knowing that it's tantamount to a fatal blow for a human AND knowing Cadance is supposedly one of the friendliest characters in the show. Then there was Rainbow calling him 'weirdo'. And the whole perfume thing. And the fact that he's physically outmatched by virtually every creature on the planet, with Alicorns merely by proximity; how will he live with Twilight like that? I don't know, but I do know that this couple will never be able to get around it with a good outcome. I still find Brad's dedication to Twilight commendable in the face of all this, so I'll keep reading.
2877207
I always figured that magic helped them cheat. Give magic humans then it evens out.
2877261
THAT'S IT! That is perfectly it. The subtle 'I could kill you if I wanted to but I'm such a nice pony I won't but I'll mention it anyway to make you feel weak' kind of passive-aggressive thing I think hits it SQUARE on the head! Thank you so much, that would have bothered me forEVER if you hadn't said that.
And that's what makes me dislike some other stories now that I think about it. The whole 'they have the power but they're so nice they'll only mention the potential to kill you in passing instead of being a rampaging asshole' thing.
I could be entirely wrong about the authors stance/direction with that but I always felt those stories I disliked were subtly misanthropic (though always more-so then anything I could pretend to say about this one) and I always found it really rather difficult to describe exactly why I felt that way. In that one line, you've distilled everything that made me unsettled about this story - that and Brad's powerlessness to even a foal. The implication that humanity is weak and powerless, unable to survive in the world without the help of the ponies.
2877379
Well, I've always liked to think more 'give humans some type of ability to actively defend' regardless of the type or form that ability takes. If it's magic, okay. If it's magic immunity, fine. If it's just the ability to use science to counteract magic in some way, great. Something that doesn't make humanity some kind of weak thing that always requires being babysat by the 'kind and gentle but super powered' ponies.
2877623
I feel exactly how you feel on the human side of things. I feel the same about the approach some writers make with the ponies, mixed in with shades of 'this is ridiculous'. A particularly egregious example of the super-pony-race thing I saw had Twilight give SUPERMAN'S "World of Cardboard" speech to Nightmare Moon. Maybe it's just because I think only villains are allowed to be horrifically powerful, but I can't stop cracking up at the thought. I laugh, and yet it still really bothers me. I saw an argument in a thread once about unicorn powers, and how Rarity of all ponies could defeat a fully armed/armored tank 100% of the time. It just feels out of character for the show to portray ponies like this, and that's my biggest issue with all of this.
Woohoo! I'm really liking where this story is going, everything seems alien because... well, IT IS!
It's got that nice amount of seriousness to keep things filled with intrigue and characterization while providing comedic elements to ease transitions and keep things upbeat. Definately definately great work here, I'm looking foward to more yet again!
2877623
Well I say magic because you enter into an alien world saturated with the stuff it will affect you. Either you die due to magical radiation or it changes you to something different. At least in this story something is happening to the human.
I wonder if it's intentional that, while the previous chapter was a breathtaking, epic look at the pony world capital; at the breathtaking airships fit for royalty; and at the elite ruling class of the pony world -- this chapter seems to be mostly devoted to Brad's wet pants.
2877740
I don´t care if the ponies are physically/magically superiors to humans, as long as our own perks (survival and agressive instincts, ingenious and creative minds, superior numbers and tech) counts as well. Something in the line of "Yeah, no doubts your Royal Guard would turn our soldiers into lasagna in a close combat... such a pity they´ll never get that closer"
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Unfortunately, most stories with that issue have only a single man trapped on Equestria, else a small group of untrained civilians. Some people like to imply any random pony, military or not, could kill any man, even a trained soldier, with little effort. It doesn't matter how much our lone man can brag about our military prowess; it's not any power he has the ability to wield, after all. Some earlier commenters on this story were frustrated that Brad was setting such a bad example on behalf of our race, and seemed to care very little about the image he was carrying. I can understand these feelings; there's only so much flak and condescension a person can endure, and yet Brad doesn't mind while we readers have to stomach it vicariously. What can you really do, though, as the only human in the world? You could boast about humanity's firepower, how we could reduce a head to a fine red mist from two miles away, how we can completely wipe a city off the map with a single nuke and ruin the surrounding ecosystem for decades, but to any sane, primitive or peaceful race it would sound like the ravings of a madman. That's the point of the frustration, I think.
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In Brad´s defense, he is just a teen student, not a diplomatic. He is in Equestria for his girl/marefriend, not to represent a world and a race , specially after the only mean to contact and travel has been literally shattered.
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That's how I see it as well, but it still seems to be touchy for some readers.
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Even before you throw in magic powers, a horse can kill a man fairly easily. I admit I'm not sure how I would get around that if I wanted humans and ponies on an equal footing physically.
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Yeah, the flashback seemed fairly out of place, and nothing of note really happened.
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On terms of power? I can't really be bothered by Brad's seeming helplessness. Despite that, he's been treated pretty well, considering. The biggest threat he's faced has been Rainbow's aggressiveness, and she's treating him like a equal, if one she doesn't like. He's disoriented, alone, and in a magic world where his had approximately zero. Let's face it, humans are generally pretty weak alone and without our tools.
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Don't worry about it. You could say that our trepidation about that fact is just another way we can immerse ourselves in Brad's place. I would admit that, if my race possessed Herculean strength, I would lord over others pretty openly, even if I looked like an asshat by doing so. While ponies aren't saints, they aren't evil either, so I can live with the idea of our weakness. Also, are you talking 'little ponies' or 'seven foot tall horses' here?
The suspense! The oh so delicious suspense!
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I suddenly remember mage Carolinus´ speech in the Flight of Dragons, about how magic, and mankind's strides to achieve it, is the basis for technological advances. Man sees a wizard looking into a crystal ball; he invents television. Man sees a dragon flying; he builds airplanes, etc...Leaving aside the magical context, humanity´s physical weaknesses and limitations are the actual reason we seek to improve.
i36.photobucket.com/albums/e42/MihoshiK/spacebattles/motivator283a09afaf9f071dbd538a7e8b40c71afdfdb573.jpg~original
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The little ponies as I'm envisioning them have more-or-less the stats of a Shetland pony, which is a very powerful animal, pound-for-pound much stronger than a lot of larger breeds. Seems to be about the right size, too, best as I can make out, based on the general look of G4 and also on G1, where ponies regularly interacted with humans. It also weighs twice to three times as much as a large man.
I think sometimes in this fandom we forget that even miniature horses (that is, smaller than a pony) are big, except when you get down to the teeniest, freakishly tiny breeds. I once saw a guy with a miniature horse in his lap, but it still looked huge, bigger than most big dogs, and from the look of the guy, I'd say the thing was probably pretty heavy, too.
Oh man, I have to read this for the punny titles alone.
Whenever I have time to read (someday, somewhere)...
Another interesting chapter. My only fripe is you made Sunset feel even more one dimensional and by extensuion Twilight too. Thel ine about thiose who reach for power just feels so pat and cliched.
I really enjoyed Brad's and especially Cadance's pieces. She's right too.
Rainbow Dash is acting odd in this
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No, she is not. Dashie merely perceives Brad as the source of all Twilight´s actual problems, so it´s normal for her regarding the young human alien with certain hostility and mistrust.
For Roxie, of course, Brad is a hottie.
Okay, I have no idea what half these comments are talking about -_-
I need to go read the Demon Slayer story.
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It's up to the reader rather than the author to decide, in the end, if the characters are successfully portrayed as in-character or not, but, for what it's worth, I see Dashie as somepony with intense likes and dislikes, which seems fitting for someone who has loyalty as a defining trait. Dash intensely disliked Pinkie Pie before getting to know her, after which Pinkie became one of her closest friends. Dashie was very much opposed to the buffalo as well, until she heard their story, and then she became their most zealous supporter. Anything Dash has an opinion about, it's likely to be a very strong opinion. At least for the time being, she has reason to dislike Brad, so I imagine she would dislike him all the way, and not just a little bit.
This is rated Teen because....?
All these puns...I lost it at
'Cast your Brad upon the waters'
God I love the chapter title puns.
I've read it. I really like it. I look forward to more.
Holy crap, you've done the impossible. You made me like Flash Sentry. You made me like a character that had less development than Sombra. Keep it up!
So I, uhh....just saw Equestria Girls. I want you to know that your story here is vastly superior. Thanks for writing it. Hope to see more chapters soon.
You know... it's rare for a story to motivate me to read up on a subject, then subsequently post about it in the comments... but I just couldn't resist. Your world-building, sir. It... behooves me.
I was reading up on horse sense of smell, glands, etc. That, as it inevitably does, expanded into just hormone responses, comparative senses of smell, and such for mammals in general. During this wikipedia jump/skip session, I ran across something very interesting and possibly relevant to the plot of this story (especially considering how important sense of smell is to your version of the ponies):
So... current research has turned up something pretty crazy and unique about human pheromones.
It turns out that humans have this really weird pheromonal response that kinda... mimics other species. It's been posited that that's how we got along with dogs and other species so well.
So once a species "gets used" to the human smell, it starts to react to it like it's from it's own species.
This has been proven time and time again. Not only that, but it's a relatively short-term process.
In other words, Brad is going to gradually start smelling more and more like the ponies themselves, his glands working overtime to try to mimic what the ponies' are doing. He's never going to smell exactly like them, mind you. But, give it a week or so and he's going to start smelling rather... familiar to them. Good, even, if they're all about not masking natural BO.
Enough to possibly start modifying their behavior toward him, depending on how instinctual (vs. conscious) their response to smell is. For instance: their first subconscious impression, rather than "weird, smelly stranger!" may shift more towards "weirdly shaped pony!"
Brad would have no idea this is happening, but any of the ponies hanging around him regularly would probably start wondering why he smells like a lot like a pony all of a sudden.
I have no idea if you knew this already... but I figured I'd throw it in the comments just in case it you didn't, it caught your fancy, and you decided to do something with it.
EDIT: Caveat... did some more reading, and it seems that this scent response is only found in domesticated animals and (weirdly) some higher-order mammals. Personally, I can't imagine why ponies wouldn't count as higher order mammals... but... you know... full disclosure and all that.
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I did not know this, but I think I'll look it up. Thank you.
I did know, at the very least, that it was possible to get horses to accept you as one of their own. I read recently that to approach a horse, you should hold out the back of your hand so he can take your sent, mimicking the manner in which horses meet each other by sniffing noses.
It might be a little difficult to work this in in a strict fashion, however. Whereas real horses are easily spooked by anything unfamiliar, the ponies live in a society where they are accustomed to seeing various non-pony creatures like griffons or minotaurs or what-have-you. If Brad's body would actually alter to accommodate them, though, that would be interesting.
Nose-sniffing will be incorporated into the next chapter of Demon Slayer, and I think I will have a place to work it into this story as well.
Isn't the phrase usually "barrel roll", rather than "barrel role"?
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Thanks for finding the typos. I'll correct them.
Brad is not a horseman, and probably could not sex a horse at first glance, but I would have thought that what to look for is obvious. Even Brad could immediately tell a male pony from a female one if he were looking at the right angle.
In any case, in English, he is the appropriately gendered pronoun for an individual of unspecified sex. I assume slightly different grammatical rules for ponies, so in a pony's POV I use the feminine pronoun as the default, but since this is nonstandard in English, I try to be careful to ensure that the meaning is plain in context.
This is incredible. You took a joke grown out of the barest minimum of information and ran with it, turning a caricature into a sympathetic character through whose eyes we can explore the Equestria that is uniquely yours. Exquisitely done, sir. (Or madam. This is the Internet, it's not like I can tell.) Definitely looking forward to more.
Also, if I may offer a few chapter titles:
Brad and Circuses
I Am Brad, and That's Good
Bradic Performance
Name-Brad Product
Raisin Brad
Okay, I'm done.