13. If This Feeling Is Brad, then I Don't Wanna Be Right
The Mixed-Up Life of Brad
by D. G. D. Davidson
XIII. If This Feeling Is Brad, then I Don’t Wanna Be Right
“Is it true? Is it true about you and the new girl?”
Students bustled in the hallway. A low din filled the air, as did the odors of stale sweat and week-old chewing gum. Brad slammed his locker shut and turned to confront Roxy, who glared at him with her backpack slung over one slim shoulder and a soccer ball tucked under the opposite arm. She had come to school in her workout clothes again.
Since gossip always flew around Canterlot High, Brad had known ahead of time that his first date would become common knowledge, and he had also known that he could expect some opposition, some ribbing, even some insults.
But he hadn’t expected them from Roxy.
“What about us?” he asked.
She backed up a step, and her angry expression faltered. “I just . . . I mean, I just heard you two are dating—”
“I took her for burgers and fries, so yeah, I guess we are.”
Roxy set her jaw and looked away from him. She shrugged one shoulder, shifting her pack. “Well, I mean, if she asked you out, I guess it’s only polite to—”
“I asked her.”
“What?” She snapped her eyes back to his face.
“What’s the matter? Afraid I won’t have time to hang out?” He lightly punched her free shoulder. “Hey, that’s not gonna happen. Pals for life, right?”
He held up one pinky, expecting her to link it with her own, just as she did when they whispered promises to each other behind the schoolhouse more than a decade ago. But she didn’t.
“I don’t think she’s your type,” she said, her voice low.
“Huh?”
Chewing her lip and hunching her shoulders, she stepped closer to him, almost close enough to whisper in his ear. “Brad, on the first day of school, she walked in on all fours, made horse noises, and told everyone to call her ‘Sunset Shimmer’—”
He tousled her hair. “C’mon, I know Susan’s a little weird, but she’s gotten more normal since then. She’s nice. A bit stuck up, maybe, but—”
“She can hardly walk down the hall without tripping over herself, and have you heard the way she talks?”
“That stuff doesn’t bother me.”
Roxy slapped his hand away and flipped her ponytail from her shoulder. “She acts, I don’t know, almost as if her body’s not hers, as if she’s wearing it instead of being it. The way she has trouble walking or holding things—”
Brad snatched up his guitar case from the floor. “She’s just got poor coordination, Rox. Not everyone can be a star athlete like you.”
“And what’s wrong with being an athlete?”
“Nothing.”
“Athletic girls intimidate you, huh?”
“What?”
“Maybe you just want a girl you can feel sorry for.” She bent her knees and held out a hand to an imaginary someone. “Oh, Susan, did you trip? Let me help you up!” Clasping her hands, batting her lashes, and raising the pitch of her voice, she added, “Thank you, Brad! You’re such a—”
“Knock it off.”
Shrill and loud, the morning bell sounded through the hall. Tucking his books under his arm, Brad walked away, but Roxy called after him, “Maybe I should get a boyfriend. What would you think of that?”
He kept walking. “Good luck.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Gritting his teeth, he spun around. “Exactly what it sounds like. Good luck.”
“Is that a challenge?” She marched toward him.
“Not everything’s a challenge, Rox. You don’t have to compete with me for number of dates.”
“You don’t think I could get a guy to like me, do you?”
Ordinarily, Brad would have replied with something noncommittal or encouraging, but now his jaw tightened, and he clenched his fists. “I’m sure you could,” he hissed, “if he’s into boys.”
That’s when she punched him.
As Brad approached Princess Luna’s dark tower and his own dark fate, Twilight Sparkle, back in Canterlot, lay under the soothing ministrations of her friends.
She was exhausted. She had spent the day squirming on her uncomfortable throne and waiting for her trial to begin—waiting for accusations to thunder through the Council Chamber, waiting for the steady buzz of gossip, and waiting for the incredulous stares, disapproving glances, and lewd chuckles.
But none of that had happened, and thus the agony was prolonged for another day.
The nobles and their petty squabbles had been torture to her, and she hadn’t heard a word they’d said. Ordinarily, she might have been keenly interested in the minutiae of their disputes: after all, she had studied the natural law theory of Thomas Equinus and read the entire works of Blackspony on common law, but today she had been worthless as a princess: she had spent the Council session struggling not to look at Brad and feeling a twinge of jealousy that he was leaning against Celestia. She wasn’t entirely certain if she was jealous because someone else was sitting in her old seat beside her mentor, or because Brad was leaning against somepony other than her.
Thankfully, right now, she could put all of that behind her. The stress of the day ebbed. There would be plenty of time for further stress tomorrow.
Thanks to her princesshood, Twilight had, for her personal use, a lavish suite complete with jewel-encrusted furniture from the Crystal Empire, heavy cat-hair rugs from Purrsia, and a four-poster bed hung with the finest silks from Saddle Arabia. The ceiling overhead was sculptured, overlain with gold, inset with mirrors, and rimmed with an elaborate cornice featuring high-relief images of winged pegasi wielding spears. Pervading the room was the scent of periwinkle, which wafted from a vase on the vanity, where a filly de chambre had recently placed a fresh bouquet of Twilight’s signature flower.
In the midst of this opulence, Twilight lay on a crushed velvet pillow with a pair of cucumber slices over her eyes as Rarity daubed her face with a mud mask. Meanwhile, Fluttershy dug her hooves into Twilight’s shoulders and tried to work the tension out of her muscles. Spike, with a brush in his claws, worked on her tail. She sighed.
The door slammed open, and Twilight started, knocking the cucumber slices from her eyes and causing Fluttershy to jump back with a squeak. Applejack walked in, closely followed by a bouncing Pinkie Pie and a hovering Rainbow Dash.
“Whoowee!” Applejack cried. “Every barrel empty! Ol’ King Leo’ll have to buy more if’n he wants to keep the party goin’ tomorrow. This’ll surely help the farm.”
“Whee!” Pinkie shouted as she performed a cartwheel. Even from across the room, Twilight could smell sea salt on her. “I got to make my super salty-sweet seaweed snacks again!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Yeah, the trouble is convincing anypony to eat them.”
“Brad ate one!” Pinkie shouted as she twirled. “He thought it was dee-licious!”
“But he’s a freak,” Rainbow said, “so he probably has freak tastes.”
“Rainbow,” said Twilight, “he’s perfectly ordinary where he comes from.” She looked away and added, “I mean, not ordinary ordinary, but—”
“We know what you mean, darling,” Rarity said as she began filing one of Twilight’s hooves. “I’m sure Mister Brad is a perfect gentlecolt when he’s not, er, under stress.”
With a chuckle, Rainbow lowered herself to the floor next to Spike, threw herself onto her back, and put her front hooves behind her head. “Yeah, right. He was awesome on the guitar, though. It must be because of his freaky . . . freaky . . . you know, those things he has to hold things—”
“Thumbs?” Pinkie asked as she bounced around the room on her tail.
“No, I’m sure that’s not right—”
“He played guitar?” asked Twilight. “At the party?”
Rainbow sat up and threw her hooves in the air. “It was so awesome! Er, I mean, it was a’ight.” She rubbed her hooves together and looked away.
Behind her mud mask, Twilight frowned.
Applejack surveyed the others’ work for a moment, shrugged, and then shoved one of her hooves in a curry mitt and nudged Fluttershy aside. Twilight winced as Applejack dug into her withers with the mitt’s nubs. “He seemed like a nice feller,” Applejack said. “A little crazy, but he knew good cider.”
“Yow! Ow! Applejack, not so hard!” Twilight scurried out of Applejack’s grasp and rose to her feet.
“What? It’s s’posed to be hard. Gets the blood flowin’.”
Twilight fluttered her wings for a moment, took a deep breath, and tried to regain her tenuous grasp on calm. Rarity levitated a washcloth to her.
“Thank you.” Twilight took the cloth and scrubbed the mud from her face. “Can I tell you girls something? I know I’m not supposed to, but I was sort of planning to see him tonight, maybe just for a few minutes—”
From behind her, somepony said, “Normally, I would of course approve, but tonight, I’m afraid it won’t do you any good.”
Twilight gasped and spun around. The other ponies took to their hooves, bent their knees, and bowed their faces to the ground.
Princess Cadance stood in the doorway with an easy smile on her face. “I’m sorry to barge in, Twilight. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
“N-no,” Twilight stammered. “I mean—”
“Oh good.” Cadance cantered into the room and briefly sniffed Twilight’s nose. “I am of course very much in favor of secretive meetings by moonlight. Quite romantic. Is he a good climber? He could scale the garden wall . . . no, wait, he plays an instrument, doesn’t he? He could serenade you beneath your window.”
Feeling a blush rising in her face, Twilight looked away. “I’m a little surprised to hear you say something like that, Cadance—”
Cadance put a hoof to Twilight’s chin and met her eyes. With a mischievous smile, she said, “You know, back when we were still in academy, your brother once raised a ladder to my bedroom window.”
“He what?”
“I pushed him backwards off it, of course, but I still thought it was cute.” Her gaze turned distant as she settled herself onto the floor beside Rainbow Dash. “He recited poetry as he climbed, and he was right in the middle of a verse just as he reached my sill. Didn’t miss a beat when I shoved him, either, but kept right on reciting as he tumbled into the darkness.” She sighed.
Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue and silently pretended to shove her hoof down her throat.
Cadance rolled her eyes. “Of course, I found out later that he cribbed the poem from one of those role-playing games . . . anyway, has Brad ever raised a ladder to your window, Twilight?”
Twilight’s face was burning. “O-of course not. He would never—”
“Too bad. If you rebuff him and he doesn’t wander off, it’s a good sign that he’s worth keeping.”
“How ’bout if you break his neck?” Applejack asked.
Cadance clucked. “I put a bubble spell under him, so he landed softly. And really, he was in the ROTC program. He should have been on his guard.”
A knock came at the half-open door. All turned to see a white unicorn with a severely cropped pink mane poke her head in. “Mistress?”
“Oh! Goodness!” Cadance jumped to her hooves. “Excuse me, I left my protégé in the hall. You’ve all met Lovestruck, haven’t you?”
Lovestruck stepped through the door, ducked her head, and nickered.
Lovestruck was a lithe pony, almost as sleek as Rainbow Dash, with the lean body and well-muscled neck of a horn-fencer. She was beautiful, and she had an open face with bright green eyes and an easy, comely smile, but at her entrance, the room chilled: Applejack cleared her throat, Rainbow Dash grumbled, Rarity coughed delicately into her hoof, and Fluttershy cowered. Only Pinkie continued bouncing around the room, apparently oblivious.
“Has my mistress been lecturing you?” Lovestruck asked. “You must forgive her for her old-fashioned notions.” She sauntered to Twilight, sniffed her nose, and then moved to offer the same greeting to the other ponies. “She still thinks real courtships should play out like two-bit love novels.”
“I don’t see what’s wrong with that,” Rarity muttered, but she forced a smile as Lovestruck touched her muzzle.
“Even she will have to admit, however,” Lovestruck continued, her smile thinning, “that her own romance, though trumped in the papers as a ‘real-life fairy tale,’ was, when compared to the cent-dreadfuls they sell in the book stalls, less than romantic.”
Cadance’s eyebrows knit, and her face took on a decidedly longsuffering air. “I would make no such admission.”
“Really?” said Lovestruck, cocking an eyebrow. “Did Shining Armor ever slay a dragon for you or unmask his dastardly twin brother as the heroes do in the cheap stories? For that matter, did he even so much as bend his hock, pledge lifelong fidelity, and ask you to be his bride? As I recall, you had to propose to him, and when Queen Chrysalis had you at her mercy, it wasn’t even Shining Armor who came to save—”
Cadance cleared her throat, and Lovestruck’s mouth shut with a snap.
Turning to Twilight, Cadance said, with a smile obviously forced, “I taught Lovestruck my compatibility equations, of course, but she seems to have decided that those are the only important things we do, and that the rest can be thrown out.”
“The rest is mumblety-peg,” said Lovestruck with her nose in the air, “but the equations are science. Nopony can have an ideal romance, not even you, but everypony can have compatibility. Why, we could make everypony in Equestria happy if we just matched each mare with her perfect stallion and cast a few quick spells.”
“As I said before,” said Cadance, “there are ethical matters to consider—”
“The only ethical matter is maximizing happiness, which we could do if you overcame your quaint hang-ups.”
Cadance thumped a hoof on the floor. “Love magic is a serious responsibility! We must respect things like privacy and spontaneity and the desires of the noble families—”
“Spontaneity!” Lovestruck cried. “The groom sweeps his bride into a carriage for the honeymoon, and then they immediately start marking a calendar with her estrus cycle. Where’s the spontaneity in that?”
Coughing and hacking, Rainbow Dash rose into the air. “’Scuse me. Something caught in my throat.”
Cadance glanced at her and then settled to the floor again. “Perhaps we could discuss this another time, Lovestruck. In private.”
“Ah, yes,” said Lovestruck with an exaggerated sigh. “The old-fashioned discretion of the traditional matchmaker.”
“And the obedience of the student. I expect you to practice both. Sit.”
Without another word, Lovestruck swished her tail and lowered her hindquarters to the floor.
After clearing her throat, Cadance turned back to Twilight, forced another smile, and said, “I came to tell you, Twilight, in case you didn’t know, that Brad is with Princess Luna tonight.”
Twilight’s wings shot open. “What?”
“I’m afraid I don’t know the details, but it was your guard who escorted him away—”
“Stainless did?” Twilight scowled and muttered, “Where is he?”
“Last I saw, he was drinking too much sarsaparilla and trying to chat up Leo’s mermares, but he should be back in the barracks by now—”
“I’ll get ’im,” Rainbow said, and she streaked toward the door.
Cadance turned her head, blocked the doorway with a shimmering blue force field, and brought Rainbow up short. “The barracks of the Canterlot Royal Guard, Rainbow Dash. No mares allowed.”
“Lame!” Rainbow shouted.
“But it makes having a suitor there more exciting,” Cadance replied.
Twilight rubbed a hoof against her forehead. “Um, Rainbow Dash, could you just find a night watchpony? Tell him Princess Twilight wants to see Stainless Steel of the Sundown Guard. He’ll take care of it.”
“On it,” Rainbow said. Cadance lowered the force field, and Rainbow Dash zipped out of the room.
Cadance watched the door for a minute, and then she turned back to Twilight. “Twilight, listen. I have a confession to make: I’ve been playing a game with you—”
“You let me find Brad after you locked him up,” said Twilight.
Cadance raised one eyebrow.
“But I didn’t realize what you were doing,” Twilight added, “until I saw you’d put How to Nuzzle a Mare in his room.”
Cadance blinked a few times, and then she lowered her head and chuckled. “Ah, I should have known you could see through me.”
“I appreciate the gesture, Cadance, but Brad and I don’t need reverse psychology. We love each other enough as it is.”
“I’m sorry, Twilight. I could tell from the moment I met him that he was susceptible to it, so I got carried away. He has a strong rebellious streak.”
“I know.” Twilight lowered her eyes and, in spite of herself, felt a grin spreading across her muzzle. “You could see it in the way he took to Rarity’s clothes. I mean, they look nice here, but back in his world, no guy would ever dress like—”
“Now, wait a minute!” Rarity cried. “That outfit is in accordance with the latest fashion—”
“Fashion here, Rarity,” said Twilight, her grin widening. “And for satyrs. Not in his world, for men. But he liked it, just because it was different. Just because he thought it would turn heads. He’s like that.”
She lay on the floor, crossed her front hooves, lowered her chin, and muttered, “He’s a very silly boy.”
Cadance’s eyes widened and turned moist.
Loudly clearing her throat, Lovestruck levitated a file and began rasping one of her hooves. “A match made in heaven, I’m sure, but what about the here and now? Mistress, have you run compatibility equations on Brad and Princess Twilight?”
Cadance stabbed her with a glare. “Twilight didn’t ask me to run them.”
“But did you?”
Cadance chewed her lip for a moment before she turned from Lovestruck and said, “What I wanted to say, Twilight—before I got distracted—is that I don’t think I’m the only one who’s playing a game. There are forces at the Council that want to take advantage.”
“Timekeepers?” Twilight asked. “Geldings? I already knew—”
Cadance shook her head. “I learned a few things while I lived at the castle, things Auntie might not have taught you. The Geldings claim absolute fidelity to the One Queen, but they have grown dependent on Canterlot. Aunt Celestia has no trouble with them. The Timekeepers are much the same: Chief Chronomaster Clockwork will take any opportunity to backstab Chief Gelding Parsnip, but he isn’t much concerned with us alicorns so long as his position stays cozy. No, your problem will probably come from another source—Celestia is in talks right now with the Weather Board.”
Twilight bit her lip.
Cadance looked again to the door, as if checking whether Rainbow Dash had returned. “There are some who want to restore Pegasopolis.”
Twilight raised her head. “There hasn’t been a Pegasopolis for over a thousand years.”
“I know. It’s a small group, but they’re young, active, and loud. They say foolish things about re-establishing the Equestrian Order and the commandership . . . I hate to say it, but they have sympathetic ears on the Weather Board, and you know the Black Capital has a hoof in everything that happens at the Council—”
Cadance paused and looked over Twilight’s shoulder. Twilight turned her head to follow Cadance’s gaze, and her eyes fell on Fluttershy, who trembled and released a faint squeak.
“Fluttershy ain’t even been to Cloudsdale for years,” said Applejack quickly as she threw a foreleg across Fluttershy’s withers. “Well, ’cept that one time. But, I mean—”
“I don’t expect trouble from Fluttershy,” Cadance said quietly, “but there might be trouble for her.”
Fluttershy released another squeak and curled in on herself. Spike waddled to her and gently patted her back.
“Shoot,” said Applejack, cocking her hat. “She’s the best caretaker in five districts. Ain’t no earth pony can talk to critters an’ varmints like she can.”
Cadance shook her head. “That isn’t what I’m getting at. If this new faction has its way, all pegasi will have mandatory military duty, like in the old days.”
Fluttershy shook, and Spike patted her again.
“Why?” Twilight cried. “The Equestrian Order disbanded because we didn’t need it!”
“It disbanded because Celestia ordered it,” Cadance repied.
Cadance shut her mouth and raised her head when Rainbow Dash’s raspy chuckle came from the hall. A knock sounded at the door, and then Stainless Steel, his dented armor loosely buckled and his champron askew, stumbled in. Rainbow Dash floated in lazily after him.
“The way you took out them sky gremlins,” said Stainless. “That was a thing o’ beauty.”
“Well, yeah, I was pretty awesome,” said Rainbow, rolling her shoulders. “Couldn’t fly for months after that, though—”
A fresh and thoroughly genuine smile crossed Cadance’s face.
Twilight thought for a moment that she was probably supposed to rebuke Stainless Steel, but, fortunately, Rarity beat her to it. “Ahem,” said Rarity, her voice stern, “Rainbow Dash? Mister guard?” She batted her lashes.
Both Rainbow and Stainless stiffened. Stainless thumped a hoof against his head in a slovenly salute, and his champron rang like a bell. “Oy! Your Royal Pain, what’s the big idea of gettin’ a stallion up at all hours of the night in peacetime?” He winced and rubbed his hoof against his temple.
Cadance inclined her horn toward him. “You’ve drunk too much sarsaparilla,” she said, and her horn glowed blue.
Stainless frowned and stopped rubbing. Then, with a slight sway and a dippy grin, he returned to attention.
“Stainless,” said Twilight, “where’s Brad?”
“What?” Stainless cried. “Am I my princess’s boyfriend’s keeper?”
“Yes.”
“Oh . . . right.” He squinted and tapped his hoof against his chin. “Hm, interestin’ question. If I were permitted to make an edumacated guesstimation, Your High an’ Mightyness, I might say that, by this time, he’s prob’ly somewhere in the vicinity of Princess Luna’s colon.”
“Stainless Steel!” Twilight shouted, rising to her hooves. “Luna does not eat ponies!”
“Well, now, he ain’t no pony, as I think most of us have noticed. But she took ’im to the Black Ship, an’ unless she plans to stay in port tonight, I’d guess that, right about now, they’re pullin’ into the Aerie.”
Twilight scowled, muttered to herself, and paced.
“Twilight,” said Cadance, “surely you don’t think she’d hurt him? I’ve gotten to know Luna, and though she’s intimidating at first—”
“I know that, Cadance.” Twilight cast a glare at Stainless. “But I want to know why I didn’t know about this.”
“I got an order,” said Stainless. He still swayed, but he now wore a solemn expression. “I followed it. I may be your stallion, but I can’t just up an’ say no to another princess, ’specially one who outranks you.”
“You still should have told me.”
Without a word, Stainless bowed his head to the ground.
“I would like to know what Luna’s up to,” Cadance murmured. “Perhaps she thinks he knows some secret lore because he’s from another world—?”
“I can’t say I caught the gist of her mummery,” Stainless answered, “but she said crazy stuff about teachin’ him to dream.”
“Dream?” Twilight halted, spun, and stared wide-eyed at Cadance.
Cadance shook her head. “I’m sorry, Twilight. I don’t know anything about that kind of magic.”
“It’s dangerous. What is Luna thinking?” Twilight ran to the window, threw it open, and gazed out into the night. The sky was clear, and the stars overhead shone bright and cold. A faint, cool breeze, scented with the hyacinths and rhododendrons of the garden below, tousled her mane. Her hooves trembled on the sill.
“She won’t hurt him,” Cadance said.
“On purpose,” Twilight replied as she stared at the shimmering moon. “But Luna doesn’t understand some things. She fights owlbears every night and slays nightmares. She doesn’t get it that other ponies don’t.”
After a pause, she added, “Maybe I could fly up there—”
Stainless snorted. “No offense to Your Highness’s freshly minted flyin’ skills, but there ain’t nopony gettin’ up to the Aerie without a ship and a wraith to navigate.”
Rainbow landed beside him, stretched her wings, and then cracked their joints. “I bet I could do it.”
Stainless glanced sidelong at her and snorted again. “Not even the Light Refraction of Satisfaction can fly that canyon. Not in the dark.”
“I can fly Ghastly Gorge,” Rainbow replied. “What do you think of that?”
“Ever done it at night in a hurricane?”
Rainbow leapt into the air again. “Ah, what do you know? You’re just a unicorn.”
Cadance stiffened.
“I know ships, lass,” Stainless replied with a chuckle. “I don’t have to be a pegasus for that. I can read the wind as well as you, and I know what your sixteen point five wingpower means against the wind in Latigo Canyon—it means nothing.”
Rainbow dove down, stuck her muzzle to his, and tapped a hoof against his chest. “I make the wind, bub.”
Pinkie paused in her bouncing, giggled, and said, “And sometimes she br—”
“Do you really think you can do it, Rainbow Dash?” Twilight whispered.
“In my sleep,” Rainbow replied, still glaring in Stainless Steel’s eyes.
Twilight paused, took a deep breath, and said, “Okay, then. If you can get to the Aerie, tell Luna I don’t want her to take Brad into the Deeper Slumber.”
“Deeper Slumber,” Rainbow said. “Got it.”
Cadance glanced back and forth between Twilight and Rainbow. “Are you sure about this? We don’t know for certain that Brad’s in danger, and there’s no sense risking Rainbow Dash’s—”
“I’ll be fine,” Rainbow said, landing again and beginning a set of push-ups. “It’s no sweat. I’d like a good night flight. And besides”—she paused in the middle of a push-up—“Brad seemed like a cool guy. Maybe me and him could, I dunno, hang out.”
Turning from the window, Twilight watched as Rainbow Dash moved through several more stretches and warm-up exercises. Her mind flew back to the Fall Formal at Canterlot High, to the way Brad looked on stage as he played his guitar, and to the eager grin on Roxy Dodgers’s face—
Twilight swallowed a lump.
With a jump and a powerful flap, Rainbow sailed over Twilight’s head and alighted on the windowsill.
“Well, darling,” said Rarity as she dusted off her front hooves. “I think that’s more than enough excitement for you tonight. Some princesses ought to get their beauty sleep before the big day tomorrow.”
“I agree,” said Cadance with a yawn. “Twilight? Your guard—”
Twilight glanced again at Rainbow Dash and then gave a weak smile to Stainless. “Stainless Steel, you’re, um, excused.”
Stainless bowed his head low again. “Thank-ee kindly, Your Uppityness. I do indeed believe I must retire, as my bed is callin’ me with its sweet siren song.” He made an about-face, marched for the door, and muttered in a voice barely audible, “I just wish there was a siren in it.”
“Well,” Rainbow called, “good night.” She leapt into the dark.
Cadance nodded. “If we’re lucky, this will end without incident. Come, Lovestruck.”
Lovestruck took to her hooves, ducked her head, nickered, and murmured, “This was worth a little loss of sleep,” as she followed Cadance out the door.
Spike pulled aside one of the sheer silk hangings of Twilight’s ample, feather-soft bed. Twilight’s five friends gathered around her for a moment, and then, nudged by Rarity, Twilight climbed into the bed and burrowed under the covers.
Fluttershy flew to the ceiling and blew the fireflies out of the lamps in the chandeliers. The fireflies flitted through the window, and Applejack closed the shutters after them. Now the room was pitch-dark aside from the rectangle of light flowing from the doorway. The ponies quietly made their way out; Spike shut the door after them, and then he tiptoed to his basket. For a minute, he tossed and turned, but soon all was quiet aside from the steady rhythm of his snoring.
In the darkness, Twilight, with her head almost buried in a down pillow, stared up at the bed’s black velvet canopy, which glistened with faintly glowing jewels that mimicked the stars of the night sky.
She doubted if she would sleep tonight.
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Go to sleep Twilight. Maybe Brad will meet you in your dreams.
And yet, how could it be any other way?
Nice chapter. I want to see this Deep Slumber episode. If this is controllable, then Brad could use imagination to bend dream world as he wish to fight "nightmares". Imagine what he could do with knowledge of popular fictional war universes... Luna would lose her sanity.
Lovestruck... the more I read about that magical sociopath shipper, the more I would want to have her horn ripped out.
Dammit, Rainbow!
hmm the ponies are rather racist in this ive seen brad bend over backwards to try and adapt into thier rules but the ponies seem to be ignoring the house guest rule of trying to make you guest feel comfortable. Plus he is 16 its only a matter of time until someone does something that pushes him to far if this trend continues.
Cant wait for the crash and burn I wonder when discord will get involved.
I'm hoping brad gets a to be a bit of a badass at some point in this story. Or at least not the universe's punching bag.
4263974
You cannot expect an entire culture to change for a single individual, the ponies are not being unkind or mean towards him, they are treating him like they would one of their own, you cannot expect them to treat him in a more "humane" way because the only specimen of Brad is Brad himself.
As he is the one in the foreign setting it really falls on him to be the one to adapt to the customs and expectations of the ponies, not the other way around, as an entire culture will not change for an individual, and even if you educate a single person and that person agrees to treat you as you wish to be treated, each new person you meet will take you back to square one. It's one of the reasons HiE tend to be so bad, they just have a society bending over to accommodate whatever special needs a single character has.
As for his age, he's old enough to be considered a grown up by equestrian standards, it's not feasible to explain to every pony that comes in contact with him that he's actually still a teenager where he comes from, the default expectation from him is that he's a grown up and must take his share of the blame on the situation, and in fact that's the plan for the trail, to make it clear that he's old and mature enough to take the decision to come to Equestria willingly and that he wasn't coerced into it by Twilight.
Okay, DGD, I have but one question...
Are you ever going to run out of Brad puns?
4264478 i have seen so far no questions about brads culture from the ponies where as he is trying his best to figure theirs out and where did i ever say that ponies that society needs to bend backwards over for him.(even though it is done in real life for diplomats ever hear of diplomatic immunity) I'm not talking their whole culture but just individuals he interacts with he is constantly talked over and ignored even belittled in this story and i realize its supposed to be a story to point out faults in the HiE genre but I guess im just more open minded than other people following the silver rule and all.
For example his education was called into question denoting him as less intelligent as ponies.
His ability to not smell as well has been a very large point in this story giving an air that they view him as less evolved and none of the other characters seem to step back and look at it from his point of view or even his different biology.
I see a lot of him being trampled in conversation which is kind of annoying since i want to see his reactions but, not my story.
overall im reading this to see the inevitable consequences of the ponies poor treatment of brad. not much else is attracting me to this story.
4263974
Well, maybe Brad should have thought of that before he decided to jump into an unstable magical portal on a whim for the sake of someone he just met three days ago.
"Hurricane Fluttershy" established Dash's wingpower as sixteen point five. (transcript) Unless it got upgraded in the comics and I didn't notice. Or Dash really stepped it up, but more than tripling an already impressive wingpower seems a bit much.
In any case, great to see more of this, especially the ways it ties into your other stories. Lovestruck continues to be what I can only describe as a mad scientist of love, and it's rather fantastic. Seeing the Mane Six attend to Twilight like hoofmaidens is frankly kind of weird. It sort of makes sense, but it doesn't seem to mesh well with Twilight's usual "first among equals" attitude. On the other hand, she needs as much relaxation as she can get, and they all know that.
Meanwhile, the New Pegasopolis movement is a bizarre and intriguing wrinkle. I look forward to seeing where you go with that.
I look forward to more. Same Brad time*, same Brad channel.
*When it's ready
*Grins* You do love to torture your characters. And I suppose I'm just as guilty for enjoying it so.
Ok, your version of Lovestruck (admittedly yours is the only version I've ever seen) still scares the crap outta me, and Stainless, drunk or not, needs a good punch in the face.
4264752
My headcanon says she only flew the wingpower test just fast enough to be slightly faster than everypony else in town. Also, wingpower as a unit of measurement is seriously iffy. "What does the scouter say?" "It's an arbitrary number the writers came up with that sounds REALLY HUUUUUUUUUGE!"
4264500
Blasphemy.
4264401
I second this sentiment. Brad needs to have a hope spot once in a while, or he's seriously going to be this story's whipping boy. He feels like a bit of one already.
4264752
I've played that episode more than once and heard "sixty" every time, and in fact I replayed that scene before I posted to make sure I had the number right. Either I misheard it or the dude who wrote the transcript for the Wiki did. In any case, if everyone else is saying sixteen, I'll change the text.
4264752
Originally, I drafted this as a "mutual grooming" scene. That might have been funny for people who read my blog, but for everyone else, it would be one more thing that needs explaining, so I changed it. As I see it, Twilight is getting pampered here not because she's an extra-special princess, but because she's under a lot of stress. I envision Rarity as probably the instigator of this little make-Twilight-feel-better party.
4265175, 4264752
Lovestruck fascinates me. One year, she shows up for Valentine's Day out of nowhere, with no precedent, in the Gameloft app. We know nothing about her except that she's love-themed, and she has a big pink house, and the holiday-based quests she comes with imply (but don't say directly) that she's trying to set up a date between Crescent Pony and Apple Fritter, and that she's being decidedly pushy about it.
I can only conclude that she's some sort of matchmaker. And if Equestria has matchmakers, who would train them but Princess Cadance?
And then Hasbro comes out with a miniature of Lovestruck, the card for which tells us she loves sports. So whenever I have her appear in a story, I try to emphasize her athletic appearance.
With every chapter I'm loving this fic more and more
Suhweet! Finally an update!
The bit with Cadance, Shining, and the ladder at the window was just great.
I'm really curious about whether Dash has anything to do with this Pegasopolis issue. She's young, hot-headed, and doesn't exactly make good long term plans.
4265661
If anything, I'd call Lovestruck's interest in sports more a matter of belief that it's all about the body, and not the heart.
A little love magic to twitch the right hormones, some formulas to make sure the two ponies should be looking at the right time...and of course, looking good only improves your general odds of being compatible with anypony so....exercise. Exercise where other ponies will *ahem* see you sweat and get all heated up. Lead by example.
4264500 DGD will never run out of Brad puns (unintentional pun there.) because he's the 'Goddamn Brad-man!'
Great work! Really digging this story and characterizations. Especially Rainbow Dash. I cant wait to see where you are taking the RD and Brad branch of the story.
I agree RD would be the one to spot someone acting strange like Sunset Shimmer. I think the series has shown her to have very good instincts (usually) and able to make correct decisions at a split second (usually).
I am really sad to see you getting so many unfair downvotes just because you feature Brad in your story. Some people are twits, period. Nothing in this work deserves 63 downvotes. Especially compared to the absolute dreck upvoted daily in the featurebox.
Keep up the good work and champion on!
So basically Rainbow's is just simply going to stop Luna before it gets too far right?
At first I thought your addition of Lovestruck was an excellent treat, in that it's a continuity reference without feeling crammed in, and offers another perspective of her; one that takes place earlier in her career, and before her (further) descent into romance authoritarianism. But unfortunately, she's revealed to be something of a strawman; an opposing viewpoint wrapped with an extrememly unpleasant personality, for the purpose giving our characters further reason to ignore her viewpoint.
With this development comes another problem, one I last observed in the IDW MLP Series Annual. Sunset Shimmer, and now Lovestruck, is portrayed as such a sociopath even early on in life, it boggles the mind that demigods would bestow guarded magical power and responsibility to them. Celestia’s terrible character judgment can partially excused in that she was presumably attached to Sunset from a young age, and eventually reached the sense to say GTFO. I cannot make any of these excuses for Cadence.
It must be said that Lovestruck does not seem as Sauron-esque as Sunset Shimmer. When the latter was looking into the Mirror of Erised, she saw herself ruling the land with a satanic hoof.
i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii72/CommandoCZ/The%20Fall%20of%20SunSet%20Shimmer/page3x_zps015307f8.png
But both were still ill-suited to the task their respective mentor had in mind for them, even with the disproportionate importance of those tasks.
4296631
The two stories are not in continuity with each other, though I used a similar depiction of Lovestruck in each. In the Chronoverse, it remains to be seen whether Lovestruck will ever become an official matchmaker, or whether her mentor will disqualify her for the same reason Celestia disqualified Sunset Shimmer.
And it is established in the Chronoverse that, though she may be crafty in her own way, Cadance has a peculiar inability to recognize ill will or to make negative judgments of another. This idea I came up with before we got more of her backstory, but it's halfway canonical: she is at least exceptionally patient with others, and put up with Discord longer than Twilight did.
4296916
hrrrmm
images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/5200000/Rorschach-watchmen-5287542-1576-2100.jpg
I can certainly see how at this point she'd end up disqualified from match making. But again, like Sunset, it seems bizzare that she'd even make it this far. Hopefully, this means Cadence will follow in her autie's hoofprints soon and fail her own apprentice. OOOOH! Does this mean Lovestruck is going to become this story's supervillain?
A-hem-hem.
Still, my point on the strawman remains. It was actually the original intent of my post, it just got dominated by me complaining about the logistics her rotten personality, instead of questioning the author's intent.
Also, I think I wanted to butter you up by referencing Sunset, since you love EQG and the comics, and the EQG comic.
Oh! And did you like my Erised reference? I came up with that on the fly.
4297492
I'm afraid I don't know what your point is, since strawman usually refers to a mischaracterization of someone else's argument. In this case, Lovestruck is a fictional character, and her philosophy is of my own creation, so I am incapable of mischaracterizing it. You are using the word strawman in some nonstandard way.
How do you know Lovestruck will not be reformed, or even vindicated?
4300404
Strawman most likely isn't the right word, I just couldn't think of a better alternative. It feels like Lovestruck "undermines" her/your philosophy, specifically, in her efforts to convince others. By acting so stand-offish, others will be less inclined to agree with her. Likeability is hardly a good indiciator of quality advice, but it's how humans (and I'm going to say ponies as well) are inclined.
4302962 I suppose that works... I'm more a nurture over nature guy, myself.
4303257
and there's your point! But some things (red for passion) are pretty common in cultures. Common though not always
True. I see what you mean..because how you are raised puts more emphasis on a the sentence/action/thought. It's just some things tend to evoke emotions..that's all I meant.
Culture probably creates the biggest bias anyway, think of the colour red in america vs india, or white in australian culture vs chinese. They're pretty different for funerals. Though the colour is the same, the cultural meaning is very different and twists it.
:) If that makes sense
I really dont mind Flashlight ship but the amount of cornyness in this fic had almost killed me at 5th chapter. Sorry but I have to downvote.
4265198
I actually did work out a conversion formula between wingpower and kW at one point, but it was long enough ago that I'd have to dig to find it again.
(It actually works best as a quadratic rather than linear scale; Rainbow handles _vastly_ more mechanical power than the average pegasus, who in turn handles vastly more power than Fluttershy. Air resistance is funny that way.)
This is fun to think about, because Science. And because Awesome.
Poor Dashie. She does come across as the perpetually "bad luck with boys" kind of girl, especially by the conventions of American high school drama.
This fic ... annoys me, I love everything about it, EXCEPT Brad.
4413961
Ah. I did not know that was the term for it.
“The rest is mumblety-peg,” said Lovestruck with her nose in the air, “but the equations are science. Nopony can have an ideal romance, not even you, but everypony can have compatibility. Why, we could make everypony in Equestria happy if we just matched each mare with her perfect stallion and cast a few quick spells.”
If I'm reading this correctly, does this mean that she would forcibly turn gay ponies straight? Because wow, that's pretty horrific.
THOMAS EQUINAS
AHAHA
THAT'S AWESOME
Also, I see we have a fanatical Utilitarian. Very interesting. I like how philosophy always finds a way to worm itself into your fics.
mmmm... pie....