Far beyond anyone has come to explore before, there are countries with no name: never ending steppes; ancient forests and immense blue seas, dotted with green islands and peninsulas.
These are the lands where Hasty Cloud used to live, and this is the tale of how she, with the help of uncanny friends and trough many dangers, traveled to the land of Equestria, looking for help to her kin.
An interesting setting - nomadic tribes, giant eagles, overprotective fathers... I like that.
It's difficult to debut with a story with OCs, but you should definitely keep with it. Also, learn the power of cliffhangers! Try to end a chapter with something unexpected to keep the audience engaged.
Indentations, like the one in this line, are also helpful to begin a new thought or dialogue - they make the whole text clear and easier to read.
2551122
Thanks a lot!
you might want to change the rating of this story from "everyone" to "teen".
just saying...
2588321
Your comment actually confirmed my decision to do it.
Thanks!