• Member Since 29th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

pinkie_pie240


T

Ponyville has been attacked by the undead. The only hope that Equestria has lies in the hooves of a mare named Violet Arrow. She soon realizes that she is the only pony that can save Equestria after saving her closest friends from an attack from the undead. She asks where this came from. Nopony knows. Will she discover the truth to this new enemy? Will she be able to save Ponyville, let alone Equestria? Or will everything fall to the undead?

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 71 )

You should proof read your story at least once, instead of pressing spell check and selecting the first suggestion for each word.

Another good thing about proof reading is that it helps minimize awkward sentences, of which your story has many.

Though, before proof reading, you should read the writers guide on this website.

2510745
Thank you for that, this is my first story so wasn't really thinking. I'll be sure to take that into consideration in my next chapter.

2510930

Um...

You should really, Really make sure that your first chapter is written well. Otherwise, people won't continue reading your story. I won't continue reading your story.

You should find some time to go back and edit your 1st chapter. The only other option is to write different stories until you become good enough at writing that you don't need to edit your work, which could take forever.

Also, I skimmed the second chapter. The formatting is still bad, and it looks like Twilight fell in love with the main character in just 2000 words. I think that's a Mary Sue. I'm not sure though; I'm still new to the term.

2514081 Thanks again, I'll start it now, I'm not a very good writer, but I do understand why you think that way about the second chapter, I didn't realize it was so sudden they feel in love, go figure. Anyway, I'm trying to find an editor. But thanks again, I'll try to edit best I can though.

I enjoyed the story isn't written very well but I think others may enjoy it. I didn't like it so much but that depends on characteristics.

2515681 yeah, it's my first story, so I'm not the best writer, but I'm confident that it'll get better in later chapters.

Keep you're hopes up. You're very bright and open minded. Follow me if you want.

You're Pal, EmeraldFlash

2516001 sure, I'll do that, and don't worry, I'm not giving up on this story until it's done

That's the spirit!

Zecora has no "H" in it.

keep up it maybe your first but it is very good:derpytongue2:

2561613 Thanks, chapter five is in progress, it'll be up hopefully by the end of the weekend.

Comment posted by VGBNarvaez deleted May 13th, 2013

If you could, I think it'd be cool if you could put in my OC Appleseed
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120527203260/ponymondawndusk/images/d/db/AppleseedFull.png
He would obviously appear on the farm, or whenever you pick up AJ.
As for shipping I'd say Twi, but she's taken, so I got nothin there... Maybe Rarity? I can be a gentlecolt when I feel like it.
Well I'll leave the rest upto you.

I volunteer my OC as Tribute!
His name is Techno Scratch, cousin to Vinyl Scratch.
i don't care if you ship him with anyone, but if you want to i would be ok with Derpy or Rainbow Dash.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/d582583b71818fd758c0de69beda2eb3/tumblr_mn5z1wVBBV1ss61l5o1_400.jpg
(not sure if you will be able to see it:twilightsheepish:)
he is a few songs short of a album:derpytongue2:, loves singing, is strong (but not as strong as Rainbow Dash).

He constantly sings this one song over and over in his head (perfect for this story)
http://youtu.be/VsnXeQDqOOg

2609556 sure, no problem. I'll do my best to put your Oc in the story.

2610622 I'll try my best. Don't worry, you'll show up.

2612196 Just for you, next will be Aj and your oc. It'll probably be after the chapter that I'm working on now.

2612137

Thats awesome dude! Cant wait!
Lets hope only the dead bite the dust...

2617240 don't worry, with me, and a few others, no doubt they will.

we need to find are friend in a tree:rainbowlaugh:

Dude love the story so far!! It's amazing!!! Keep up the good work. Hopefully I can have my oc pony made and you you can ad him in before you upload again.

I would like to apologize for the first comment from darmonk. That was me I was accidentally using that account instead of this one.

2645989 no problem, just send me a message or comment telling as much about your Oc as you can. And if you want to be shipped with anypony, but of course, you don't have to. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

Can't wait for the next update. Keep it up

2664184 it's coming soon, up next, Canterlot

you should totally do a sequel. love the story so far.

you should makeup a story for my cutie mark ;)

2667795 I'm considering making a sequel. I most likely will.

nice chapter.
cant wait for the battle! should be epic!

2668266 I'm going to upload it now, I finished the story, and I'm going to upload the rest now.

Well that was anti climactic and short...

But still good

2668331 Yeah, I'm not very good with scenes like this.

lot of grammer mistakes:ajbemused:

Paragraphing, adding commas if there will be a said tag after sentences, and adding some more detail.

Concerning the Romance, let me just say that it escalated VERY quickly.

Zecora is spelled wrong.

"Zombies" is not official yet, nor is "Zompony", but the only alternative I've got is:

o.o -- ( Uh-oh ) THE TROTTING DEAD oOo -- ( HELP!!! )

OH SHIT PINKAMENA RUN!!!!!!!

The only problem for me in this tic is that they don't seem too affected by the living dead, except for when they have to fight them. Also nice with pinkamena.

To me the characters don't seem to struggle much on fighting off and copeing with the undead one of them probably would have gone insane or died

So looks like rainbow dash doesn't get her sister. :P

2707261 yeah, I've never had any real experience in writing these kinds of stories, I find that they're a little difficult to describe in detail. And yes, too bad for RD, Scootaloo's gone.

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