Epilogue; The Race
"You know Rainbow Dash," I said to her, we started hanging out more ever since we defeated.the undead. It's been a week since. "Ever since flight school, I've been dying for a race."
She.broke into spontaneous laughter. "You know I would win, Violet, I won every time in flight school."
"That was then, this is now, I challenge you."
"You're on, meet me in the park at noon, don't keep me waiting." With that, she dashed off.
I better practice for a bit if I want to stand a chance.
I practiced for a few hours until I realized that I needed to go. I met Rainbow Dash at the park waiting at the starting line. I went up to her and stood beside her.
"About time you made it, slowpoke." She teased.
"We'll see whose the slowpoke after this." I teased back.
"The rules are as follows: One lap around Canterlot, no cheating, this will be a fair race." Twilight explained. "Ready. Set.GO."
We both dashed off, both of us going the same speed. I caught up to Rainbow Dash.
"So you're faster than I remember, but it won't matter, I'm still faster." She said as she dashed off faster.
We were already half way through the race. I had to go much faster if I was going to win. I doubled my speed, catching up to Rainbow again.
"How'd you do that?!" She asked with surprise.
"Like I said, I've been practicing." I said back, passing her.
Three quarters of the way there. Rainbow was trying desperately to keep up. She went into the beginning of a Sonic Rainboom.
"Oh no, better hurry before she catches up." I dashed as fast as possible, but not able to do the same. I couldn't create a Sonic Boom, I wasn't that fast.
I was just a few seconds away from the finish line when a huge boom roared from behind me. She performed a Sonic Rainboom. I crossed the finish line just as she did. We didn't know who the winner was.
"Twilight, who won?" We both asked her.
"Well, you may be disappointed, Rainbow Dash, but you tied with Violet."
"Congratulations, Violet." Rainbow Dash said to me, shaking my hoof. "You almost beat me. If it wasn't for my Sonic Rainboom, I would have lost."
"VIOLET." I heard somepony call my name. I turned to find Scootaloo running toward me. She jumped up and hugged me. "Wow, Violet, you almost beat Rainbow Dash! You did great!"
"Yes, Scootaloo, I almost won. By the way, Twilight and I have something to ask you."
"Sure!" She said following me in the direction where Twilight was waiting for me.
"Hey, Twilight, I brought Scootaloo." I stood next to her and we both knelt in front of her.
"Scootaloo," I started, "Me and Twilight have something very important to ask you, but it's your choice."
"Sure. Go ahead." She answered, clearly wondering what was going on.
Twilight spoke next. "Violet and I were wondering if you would like to be part of our family. What do you say?"
Scootaloo stood in shock. I wasn't sure what she would say. But then, she hugged us both, "I will, I accept. I will be part of your family."
We all hugged each other. Twilight, Scootaloo and I were a family now. I had the best friends anypony could ask for. And I couldn't be happier.
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2668331 Yeah, I'm not very good with scenes like this.
2705593 lol, I agree.
So looks like rainbow dash doesn't get her sister. :P
2707261 yeah, I've never had any real experience in writing these kinds of stories, I find that they're a little difficult to describe in detail. And yes, too bad for RD, Scootaloo's gone.
3399148 Why yes, yes it did. I was not aware of it at the time.
REVIEW TIME!
This fic. It isn't bad, it just isn't good enough to make me like it. There were a few... grammar errors but hey, im okay with that.
NOW PREPARE YOUR ANUS (You have been warned.)
As more as i hate to admit it, this fic escalates to quickly. You suddenly get Twilight to love in like..1 chapter? With a conversation with 15-20 LINES!? Putting into account that VIOLET JUST MET TWILIGHT!? What is this bullshit? I saw many fics that brew a romance between an OC and Twilight and it took several chapters for it to finally happen.
Another thing that i found a bummer was the zombie threat. Surprise to everyone, it wasn't a threat AT ALL. Seriously, i think this fic was made just to ship the Main Six, rather than tell a zombie apocalypse story. (Believe me, it was gonna be more succesful as a shipper fic.)
Anyway....Back to zombie threat. *clears throat*
We've seen a surprinsingly small amount of zombies for A ZOMBIE FIC. They just appear sometimes and again, they don't seem like a threat.
Pinkie x Sherbet? Violet x Twilight? Vinyl x Octavia? WHO CARES ABOUT THAT!? I CAME HERE FOR ZOMBIES. NOT SHIPPING. IF I WANTED SHIPPING, I WOULD GO TO SHIPPING, SIMPLE AS THAT.
Buut anyway, since im done with that, i'll move to other problems.
There are a few plot holes and plot devices that could've been used, or plot devices that got overused and became unnecessary.
Example: Fluttershy fainting, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Techno Scratch? Screw that! Must get Elements of Harmony!
Also, Rarity and Applejack (and the fillies) were in the middle of the street just waiting to be caught?! Shouldn't they be hiding or something?
So, Luna comes and says to Violet that she is the chosen one and asks her to go to canterlot. TWICE.
However, here's what happens when Violet gets to Canterlot:
"Ah, Twilight, Violet, you're here. We've been waiting for you two." Princess Celestia said in a nice tone.
ARE YOU %#$!@&%# KIDDING ME!? She had to come all the way to Ponyville to Canterlot just to recieve this worthless piece of information!? Sure, they had to get out of Ponyville, cause the city was dying. But they could simply finish all the zombies from Ponyville, after all, the almighty blast of lightness should obliterate ALL of the zombies and not just the ones in Canterlot, right?...Right!?
The "Final Battle" was just mildly stupid to me. Elements of Harmony, not enough power. We need to use power of love...Kiss between main character and her unnecessary passion..Boom, all zombies died. Anti-climax much?
The epilogue....Honestly who cares. The plague is over, everybody is happy...boom. Happy ending. Congratulations, have lasagna.
Sorry for being a teeny tiny bit harsh. I could spot more errors but it's two in the morning and i need my beauty sleep.
Again, sorry for being harsh, it's just that i go all out when im reviewing fics.
Have 4/10 Mustaches for this fic.
3399404 Forgiven, I admit, I am a VERY bad author if I don't think about what I write. Throughout this story, I honestly thought about it and fixed what I saw but hey, I'm only 15 and writing isn't my best subject. However, I do have an editor now and I hope my newest story will be better. Oh, and thanks for the criticism, I very much needed it.
3399573
Wait, WHAT!? You took it well? You're not cursing me and my family while threatning to burn my house down? ...Seriously?
Alright, you're a cool man.
I'll check your other stories, also, for being a cool man. have an extra mustache
Just a hint, don't try to copy Sonic Unleashed and make the characters travel A WHOLE CONTINENT just to get a worthless piece of information.
*cough* Princess Celestia *cough*
3402756 I am the kind of person to take a lot of mean things. And thanks a lot for deciding to check out the other story. Fair warning, it is probably worse.
3763912 Meh, freed somehow. I wasn't think.
4211784 Whoa, keep reading and you'll find out.
This looks interesting, I shall take a look at at. Looks like fun
ENGGood FIC the storyline was quite interesting and i really like the idea of OC, but all these personagi not year thickness , a unique personality. Ioho bed different FIC with zombie not all my little pony , but all of these zombie FIC had influenced the personality of the personagi , some even found that they were to kill their best friend to save the grupo. But I would like a new FIC perhaps discord created the zombie revenge , but the first ondatta was only a test to create zombies immune to magic of the elements. Now the zombies are stronger wild your character ocean making a long trip to be able to find a talisman that will end the zombie invasion. Here's a possible frame for the second act. Ps. You can use as a guide i my OC Ronald Grifing a gryphon black in color with the feathers blue and black, which to a brute scar on eyes caused when a fought against a chimera that now ornament for his house. Ronald and a gryphon paranoid , an expert in do trapole , kill zombies with its firearms created by himself and finally a few small problem mental nothing that only speaks for itself with seems to be invisible in the name Coco , but it's a treasure hunter-mercenary hired by the princesses for condure grupo in their undertaking in tere deserted in the empire of Orsus. Last thing to a baked to the pegasus stubborn even and adventure name Rainbow Dash. Finally i say your grammar is better than my , you should do personagi more complex with a past and personality , put some unexpected event, if you suggest we should add some time erotic attireresti multiple readers , i would give it a 8- but continues compagnio write.
4895450 Umm, thanks? I'm not sure what you're saying since I can't understand half of what you're saying. No offense. But from what I could understand, you liked it. Now I do need to come back and edit this at some point, but have been too busy with writing the one I'm currently working on. Now, if you would like for your OC to be in the series, would you mind using a PM instead, telling me all the details of the character?
Pinkie-pie240 Hello, I'm not English are Italian and use a tradutore to write commentaries. I have a poblem with tradure your response to my comment.
Want me to give you more details on my PC and you use it to this story and a new one. ps. know one publisher for the stories I would bisognio my grammar = 5- in Italian and English
after I used three tradutore, I understand that you would like details about my OC and here they are
Name: Ronald Grifing
Race: Griffin Nordic
Appearance: a griffin very high since two pony put on and off INGLESE
Big Mac than less, eyes dark red, her feathers are black and red, its part of a lion and black
dark and a bit of gray, the beak and claws very sharp.
Past: Ronaldo was the best personal guard of the emperor of united empire griffon, but after an attack on the emperor receives a blow to the head that almost killed him. In a short time Ronaldo instead of giving up personal guard of the Emperor to become a mad traveler-mercenary that deals accomplish missions extremely difficult for those who pay more. The last time Ronaldo works for Princess Luna, its mission and that will bring alive the elements of harmony in Canterlot by any means possible. Enable: Ronaldo has a monstrous force, his claws can cut almost anything possible, the ability to fly very surprising, Ronaldo and a mad genius who knows how to create powerful bombs using only ingredients to cook cakes. Being a mercenary brings with it many colteli weapons, swords, explosives, but especially brings his firearms made by himself.
Mind: Ronaldo often speaks as if he were a character in video games, and extremely paranoid and has a plan for any possible scenario even an attack of rabbits, and often screams I AM A SIZE, NEUTRAL, psychopath THIRD CLASS A MURDERESS A BLOOD FREDO NOT SCARED OF YOU.
Here are the details of my OC I hope you have enough detail, thanks to which you want to use my OC in your own work, I feel very happy :) x 10 = :))))))))))
4901149 I'll definitely consider putting your OC in my story, but I can't guarantee that I can because of the people who are already in it, plus people who may request to be put in it as well. But depending on how many people ask, you almost have a guaranteed spot.
Before I read this, what is the Gore and Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8337024
Just put it there for safety reasons. Really doesn't get too bad so should be good.