After several months of being stuck back in Canterlot with Celestia, Luna and the occasional visit from Shining Armor and Cadence Twilight is finally allowed back to ponyville to reunite with her friends and her no.1 assistant spike. However Twilight's visit is cut short when Celestia sends her pupil something new to her to experiment with.
(not sure what to categorize this as for the moment so i'll just put something like dark, also this is my first try ever at writing something that i hope is at least decent 'i really doubt it' constructive criticism is MUCH appreciated and i hope those of you who stick around for this enjoy it)
Chapters (1)
You need sentences. :)
If you're not using sentences, then all you have is a stream of text, which won't be able to convey any emotion or excitement to the reader. It's also a chore to read, because you're forcing your reader to do the work of figuring out where your clauses start and end.
I'll try to break down this first paragraph for you so you can see where sentences are appropriate.
yeah thanks for that i'm pretty new to this so i guess i'll edit this and break that paragraph down in some way
2526284 done
jesus i've been lazy as hell i need to update this
