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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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4679246
Around 800.
You all are saying to add an extra space between paragraphs? As in hitting the enter button twice instead of once?
And thanks for the words of encouragement. Another user messaged me and said not to worry about the dislikes.
I'll be honest, this is very much going a lot better than I had expected! I just wish there were more comments criticizing the work. Or comments highlighting parts the reader enjoyed!
Anyhow, thanks for the comments, and I hope you all enjoy the later chapters if you stick around for them!
4679246 At the moment, there are 346 Fallout: Equestria stories added to the official group, but I'm sure quite a few fall between the cracks, get added to one of the many other Fo:E groups and not this one, aren't on this site to begin with, etc.
tl;dr There's a lot, but very few of them are actually complete
4679246
Never enough.
4679362
Come on man, where's your normal analysis and subsequent freak out over a pegasus OC? Alright freak out may not be the right word, but I know you love your Dashite/Enclave/just wasteland pegasus protagonists.
4680999
And I'm doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen anymore, I'd Rainbow Salute here if I could.
4681347
To be fair, this freak out isn't subsequent. An analysis mostly starts with it.
4680536
Yes, they mean using the ENTER key twice. In theory, it should look like this:
And where you usually did this, at the end of a paragraph cluster, you should do a horizontal line to indicate the gap in time. And when I say horizontal line I mean one you came up with yourself (such as xxxx_xxxx or something like that) because this side's HRs have a habit of turning invisible from time to time, thereby screwing up the spacing.
I can't see anything really bad with this story. Although the amnesia thing is something people apparently don't like that much (don't ask me why). What I found a bit irritating was the perspective change at the end of chapter 1. You jump from 1st person to 3rd person narration. That makes the story seem inconsistent, since we as readers can't know what the 1st person character really knows. It's easier to keep track when you have a fixed narration point.
I think on what you can cut back is the RP-style: sure, keep level-ups and even the skills, but you don't have to constantly give us ALL his stats. Those serve no direct purpose. This is a story after all, not an RP, even if you got your inspiration from one.
I'll like this story, even if it's another Dashite one. (Seriously, can no enclave pony be ever a protagonist of anything?) And I would like to read further chapters.