Twilight, Revised: completion notice and author's notes · 2:15am Nov 17th, 2012
Well, at long last, it’s finished. Twilight, Revised, the longest writing project I’ve undertaken for this fandom, is complete. What follows will be some assorted author’s notes and thank yous that won’t shy away from spoilers, so if you haven’t read the full story yet, I recommend you do that.
Twilight, Revised was conceived as the antithesis to Distorted Perspective’s thesis: a dark, gloomy look at the Twilestia relationship from Twilight projecting her feelings onto a proxy as opposed to a wacky, mostly comedic look at the Twilestia ship from Celestia projecting her feelings onto a proxy. This story was also different for me from a preparation standpoint, as nearly the whole thing was planned in advance; I don’t usually do that, but this demanded a little more finesse than I usually practice in my horse words.
When I pitched this idea to Varanus, my main man for all things Twilestia (for obvious reasons), we came up with the final image of Twilight and Celestia sealed in the sun in an embrace right away, and that was an image I kept wanting to hurry towards as I wrote. It was then that Var suggested Nightmare Moon physically assuming the guise of Celestia to Twilight, which was a stroke of goddamned genius that improved the story tremendously. I felt like a fool for not thinking of it myself.
This story was also a reaction against [Dark] tales that, in this fandom and elsewhere, merely dip to a low point before delivering an upbeat ending. Screw that, I say. If you’re going to play with darkness, immerse yourself in it. Let the heroes lose.
The chapter titles were made to evoke certain references. Chapter 1 references the obvious Biblical betrayal of Jesus with a kiss at Gethsemane, as well as a totally awesome punk song. Chapter 2 references an Audioslave song that I happened to hear while outlining (I commonly listen to instrumental music such as Andy Timmons Band when writing, but that day was the exception) and I thought, Yes. That’s perfect. Chapter 3 was a bit of an odd duck: while I don’t recall what the original chapter title was, it became about Twilight’s end-of-chapter defiance, after a chapter full of her just getting the absolute tar kicked out of her.
Chapter 4—where I remarked to a friend that “Twilight’s been playing bass this whole story. She needed a guitar solo”—is again a dual reference. On one hand, we have another Biblical reference from the King James version of the Bible, from the Book of Corinthians: “The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.” On the other hand, this also references a mission from the game Red Dead Redemption, where (to paraphrase without spoiling) the protagonist must fight against overwhelming odds, and the victory is Phyrric at best. It was also intended to make the reader wonder who the titular “enemy” was by the end of the story.
I could not have done this without my editors. Varanus, as previously mentioned, was indispensable for planning and imagery assistance. Nick Nack, who sadly is not a member of the fandom any longer, helped with grammar and descriptive style. Short Skirts and Explosions helped quite a bit with word repetition and awkward phrasing in general. Ebon Mane did very well at pointing out grammar issues, as well as helping suggest places for further description and less “talky” structure. Seattle_Lite was a great shoulder devil, constantly making me question plotting decisions and further refining flow.
As a final note, if this story angers you? If you feel that what happened to Twilight is inexcusable? Good, but don’t waste your energy on a My Little Pony fanfic. Pay attention to issues in the real world—domestic violence, mental illness, sexual slavery (yes, even in the first world), rape, abuse, and any number of other horrors that can put people through this kind of mental anguish every day. I myself have many family members who can barely function some days due to mental illness warping their minds and perceptions so much that they can’t know what’s real. And you know what the easy thing for people in those situations to often believe is?
“No one is coming to help me.” “This is my own fault.” “I cannot change my own life.” “I am worthless.”
No matter what the situation, I’ve known many people who have been suffering and simply believe they have no agency or ability to change what is happening. Even something as little as a smile or a hug to someone who may be suffering in silence can mean the world to that person. I’ve witnessed suicides prevented and lives saved with less.
I used to work in a nursing home when I was in high school. I prepared food and cleaned the tables after mealtimes. Day in and day out, I’d see the same few elders get visits from their family, while the rest looked on with dull-eyed despair, believing they had been abandoned, since no one came to visit them. Ever. A few of them confided in me that they were simply waiting for death because they believed no one cared about them: not the jaded nurses that worked there, not the people who organized bingo games and other activities for them, and certainly not the relatives who’d shoved them to this place and never came to see them. I tried to be as Pinkie Pie as I could for that place, to bring joy to them, but to many of them, the world still seemed like a cold, dead place.
In such an interconnected world, many people can still feel alone, and they can start to believe horrible things about themselves because of it. It can be all too easy to walk by someone who looks miserable—it’s practically a social norm, at least in the parts of the U.S. I’ve seen, to ignore anyone you don’t know who’s having a rough go of it. It’s fear of exposing oneself, I believe.
But what’s that matter to us? We’re bronies. By all conventional logic, by all probabilities, we should not exist. This community should not have come into being. We shatter odds, logic, and commonplaces just by existing.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say with this long, winding rant is: try to help somebody. We need each other more than we often realize.
Until next time, friends. Hope the final chapter was to your liking. If not, please let my know why. I read every comment.
-Vimbert the Unimpressive.
Vimbert like's Rise Against? Needless to say my respect for you has increased tenfold.
Additionally, those are true words of advice. The world could always stand to be a little nicer.
509730
Not just nicer, but actively helping and taking responsibility for ourselves and for each other. We're all in this together.
Nice post, Vim. TR's still on my "Read Later" list, but... Well, it's on the list. :)
An author and a philosopher. Well said, sir.
Retag your story Vim, this is no longer merely Dark. It now falls under Tragedy.
That's not the first time you've mentioned the nursing home. Each time you do, you mention how it moved you. I do believe that this was the first time you mentioned that you tried to cheer them up, to be "Pinkie Pie for them", as you said.
"Yup," I said to myself, "that pretty much sums up everything I've come to believe about Vim."
You're a good man, Vim, and I'm glad to share this fandom with ya'. Congratulations on finishing your big work. I never read an incomplete story, so now perhaps I can get into it.
I think I respect your empathy even more than I respect your writing, V. And I mightily respect your writing.
509820
I dislike giving away endings in tags.
509969 Let me give you a story description. There are two ponies, lets call them Romeo and Juliet. They fall in love, but their families hate each other. How can they overcome their problems and find happiness together? Tagged Dark Romance. Oh boy! Romance! Dark, but okay I can handle a little dark. Gee, I wonder how they are gonna get out of this? Oh wait... they both die. Huh... Well, that was misleading. Tragically so.
While the world may be like this, people turn to fiction to "get away" from this world, which would explain people's outrage.
510210
Heh, fair enough!
The more I'm exposed to your inner thoughts, the more I think you would enjoy giving Background Pony another try. I think you'd be proud of the ending I did, whereas so many marsupials were all "NUUUUUUUUUUU" about it.
More dark stories should have dark endings. F'naaa
509969
The problem comes from misleading your audience. For example, I don't usually read tragedies, since the downer ending tends to depress me a lot. Especially when the story has been well written (and let there be no doubt that this was a finely crafted story). So, when I feel like immersing myself into a Tragedy, I have to get mentally ready for that. If it comes out of left field—like this—it brings up very unpleasant feelings.
I was actually angry and disgusted at the end. Not at Nightmare Moon or at Twilight, but at you, the author. For one, I felt mislead. Following that, I felt horrible at having read 33k+ words of Twilight being tortured, with no payoff. And the worst part is that I know I could've endured and appreciated this story better if I'd been informed of where it was headed. The small glimmers of hope given throughout the chapters would've been more than mocking illusions.
The instant you told the reader that Rarity had been publicly executed, you already set yourself up for a less-than-happy ending. There can be no happy ending after that, because a fundamental piece of the world is now missing. And that's fine. Even then, your story didn't have to be a Tragedy. The idea I had, going into the last chapter, was that Twilight might be able to do something to defeat Nightmare, but would still ultimately die, remain mentally broken and/or be reviled and shunned by the other ponies in Equestria. That would've been okay, and in accordance to the tags you gave the story. There would've been no glorious fanfare and celebratory parades in the end, but at least some form of good would've come out of it. One last hurrah.
So yeah, I was pretty mad. Then I came here and read about your intent and went, "Yeah, okay, it's a good message... even if I didn't really get that from the story until I read this blog." It did peeve me, but I do understand what you tried to convey. I just wish you hadn't done so with misdirection.
Either way, it was a good story.
510253
Okay, that point I can respect. I guess I'm not just as tag-obsessed as most of the fandom, but I should accommodate those who pay more attention to those silly things.
510224
I just... guh.
That Rarity chapter really killed it for me. I still think the decision to not run it past your editors and let it be the trainwreck it was for the sake of theme was a mistake.
' As a final note, if this story angers you? If you feel that what happened to Twilight is inexcusable? Good, but don’t waste your energy on a My Little Pony fanfic. Pay attention to issues in the real world—domestic violence, mental illness, sexual slavery (yes, even in the first world), rape, abuse, and any number of other horrors that can put people through this kind of mental anguish every day '
And now, I won't be able to read this story anymore...
We don't have nearly enough good Twilestia stories.
510459
>implying that dark cannot be good
>reading author's notes that say to not read them before reading the full story
510461
I'm not saying that dark cannot be good, I believe it can.
However, I avoid all things truly dark, because I'm a sensitive person and once tried to kill myself because I got depressed by just such a story.
edit: When I said 'we don't have near enough good Twilestia stories' I didn't mean to imply that this was bad, and I'm sorry for making it seem that way.
I just want more general fluffy feelgood aswell as some sadturnedhappy stories...
But those either don't get updated for ages (composure), share the spotlight with too many other ponies which makes them lose impact (2for4) or have major dark elements like this one...
510466
Ah, fair enough.
Yeah, and for what it's worth, I agree: we could use more Twilestia fluff.
I've had one of my famous pow-wows with Var were we discussed a fluff Twilestia idea I had. I'll probably write it at some point.
510523
Tell him to stop slacking while you're at it.
I know it's kinda cliche, but,become villains if and of themselves?
Anyway, speaking of Bad Ending, I'm surprised that NMM's "modifications" don't seem to be springing up again once Twilight realizes it's the "real" Celestia. Or maybe I missed something.
510576
The last line implies there are lingering effects (I used the "Her"), plus that whole bit where Twilight freaks the hell out and thinks Celestia is that doppelganger.
Perhaps I didn't >imply that bit strongly enough...
This and Eternal are why I can't get twilestia out of my head when they're both onscreen at the same time.
That said, this is one of the few fics that actually made me feel physically dirty while I was reading it, what with the poor treatment of the protagonist, the viciousness of the antagonist, and, of course, the loss of self. To me, loss of self crosses into the realm of horror, and the ending wrapped that horror up in a big pretty bow and scared the crap out of me with it. Good work.
Also:
>>implying
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4959-1337028259726.jpg
Dammnit i feel dirty for enjoying all the pain Twilight went thought, but like most (or all?) i expected a somewhat happier ending. And yet it was a great ride, the ending is good for what it could be.
Just shows me how evil we humans really are.
Hope you will counter all this >feel's with some more Eagle Eye.
Glad I could help, Vim. Wish I could have helped more.
tl;dr fake and gay go kill urself ur mom
(rly, why wasn't this in my list?)
510253
While I didn't mind the ending as much as you did, I too found Rarity's execution to be kinda... off-putting. It wasn't about Rarity (if someone is getting executed in the middle of a Equestrian war, it's either going to be Rarity, Pinkie or RD due to their personalities and it couldn't be RD due to her being the rebel) and it wasn't because I felt the Elements of Harmony could be one way of fighting NMM (that's the most common canon way of fighting enemies). From that point on, I knew there would be no happy ending since Twilight loves her friends so much. It doesn't matter if the story ends happily or not but having that possibility is much more interesting than being almost completely sure of the end.
However, this fic was one of the best if not the best tragedy-fic I've read and not just because I like the Twilestia ship. Your decisions won't make me hate this story or alienate me from your future stories; me disagreeing with some parts is just a good thing.
509969
Yet another reason why humanity is badass.
Honestly, though, your story didn't really provoke the kind of fury I somewhat expected it to. While I had a -VERY- strong reaction to the Hunger Games book series, this hardly shook me at all.
Your story does bring some philosophical questions I've been struggling with to light, though. One of them being, "If I can't trust myself, who can I trust?"
510732
True loss of self is also a major horror to me, but for some reason I wasn't as effected by it as I should have been. As I usually am.
510224
...
A... A NUUUU Chapter? NOOOO! I haven't read the ending yet, and now I'm mortally mortified!
How did they put that at the end of Se7en?
You're right. It's good that bronydom exists.
if this was a movie, I;d be giving it a slow serious clap right now. I've always said, happy endings are overrated. Or to Quote one of my favorite movies, "Life is Pain. Anyone that tells you otherwise is selling something."
Takes balls to drag a beloved character through that much pain without a reward for her suffering, but that is just how life is. I respect that. Mad props for not only doing it, but seeing it through to the end instead of pussing out and leaving it unfinished like far so many authors of dark fanfiction I've seen. "Oh no, I pissed off my fans, i better quit writing!" Yea, fuck that noise.
Stories may be about escapism, but even dreams can become nightmares. How we learn to deal with the pain is what defines us.
As for your bit of editorial, part of me agrees. I long to help people, and gain my greatest pleasure in life from helping others. I have been to some pretty dark places, have often been the shoulder that held someone from the bottomless pit that ended in suicide or worse. But the other half of me will forever despise humanity, and always remember that when I needed a shoulder myself, I was usually left alone and bereft of empathy. It all comes down to strength of will, and the willingness to fight on no matter the odds.
Meh, but now i'm rambling. I need to stop posting drunk.
Thanks for an amazing story.
Loved it. Just goes to show the world isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Also, I think that's about the happiest ending you could have given that piece. At least Twilight can be with Celestia again.
526342
I love The Princess Bride.
Heh, so i finally got around to reading this... what a punch in the gut. That is some bleak shit, and I loved every second.
Meh. I don't like bad endings. Contrary to popular belief, happy endings do NOT have to be cliche. That's why I hate it when authors use the excuse, "Oh, it was the only ending that fit the theme." No, it was the only ending you could think of that fit the theme. You CAN have things work out and maintain the dreary atmosphere. You may argue that is what happens here, as Twilight and Celestia are together again... but the world is still fucked royally.
No offense, Vimmy, I like your work for the most part. I juts hate "Fuck all" endings.
Now, I have to be honest... I only read the last chapter. Before you even start, no, it wouldn't have made me like the story more. Any issue with loss of free will, slavery, stealing control from another, and I lose my shit. I almost didn't make it through The Ambassador's Son, and that was probably the most sunshine and rainbows look at slavery in history! I know, by reading your usual work, that it was most likely well-written, and probably very gripping... I just can't read that kind of stuff. It makes me angry, and if that was your intention, then you could have just made a blog post about the things you say we should be mad at other than your story. Seriously, things like the subject material here get me so mad I can't sleep at night.
Honestly, I never would have read even the ending, but one of my fellow Noble Jury fucks told me that this had one of his favorite endings int he fandom, so I skipped ahead. And honestly... seems like the typical Saw/Tales From The Crypt/Cliche horror movie ending: everyone's dead, the world is fucked, evil goes unpunished, hero suffers.
Seen it.
(and now come the comments about how I can't comment if I didn't read the full story. Obviously, you didn't read my whole comment.)
Wow. I first read this in high school (2012?), and I distinctly remember thinking that it had helped me understand and empathize with the trauma of rape like nothing else had. Since then, I've gotten totally disillusioned with bronies, and so I began to assume this story must have come from some amount of bad faith and misogyny. But reading this author's note, I realized you knew exactly what you were doing. So thank you, and bravo.