Another Signal Boost and some Additional Signal (Please check it out if it's relevant to you.) · 8:06am Jan 1st, 2018
First, happy new year and also I'm still alive!
I was moved to post this at this godforsaken hour in reaction to the talk that's been going around. You’ve probably seen this already, but I wanted to signal boost Horizon’s post about the scary situation that happened last BronyCon.
I also wanted to add some practical talk about what people who host and attend con parties can do to prevent these situations. Because it’s nice to say “this can’t happen again” and “we need to be better,” but the people who hear that aren’t the problem and the people who are the problem don’t care. And the typical “watch your drinks, tell someone if you feel funny” advice is useful but narrow in both scope and shouldering responsibility.
So below the cut is my Mom/Big Sister advice on what you, person of any gender who goes to con parties, can do to make them safe.
First up, I’m not blaming anyone, for anything. There’s one(?) person who’s guilty, and they’re probably not reading this.
I do think that people should take reasonable steps towards their own safety. Most women do. Most people do. And that’s good. Horizon had some specific tips towards that end.
The thing is, from what I’ve been reading in my feed, most of the suggestions for bystanders of all genders (which, let’s face it, includes the vast majority of guys) are reactive or kind of… theoretical.
But the truth of the matter is that there are things that we can do, before anything happens or could happen, to make con parties safer for everyone, not just women.
No party is 100% safe, but some parties are safer than others. The less alcohol there is, the safer everyone is likely to be. The more controlled the guest list is, the safer the party is likely to be. The more involved everyone is, the safer the party is likely to be. Not just safe from sexual assault, but from regular assault, alcohol poisoning, and That Dangerous Idea That Seemed Awesome at the Time.
Now, I’m NOT saying you shouldn’t have alcohol, that you need to send out invitations, or that you need to require a dress code and have a checklist of party games. But consider this my Big Sisterly advice on making the con party scene a better place for everyone:
If you’re hosting, be a host.
Introduce yourself to everyone who comes in, ask their names, let them know who to talk to if there’s a problem (and allow them to put a face to the name, so they don’t have to ask someone which one you are.) A lot of con parties spread by word of mouth, or people bring friends, but as the host you’re taking on responsibility for managing the party. Let people know that as they arrive.
Remain sober-ish, or have a co-host who’s sober. Horizon suggested having someone sober watching the liquor, which is a great idea, but equally important is having someone sober to handle situations that arise, be they damage or potential damage to persons or property.
Have control of the party. You decide when the alcohol flows, and which alcohol is flowing, and who’s drinking it. You can ask people to leave if there are problems, whether they can’t handle themselves or their drink, or they’re being dicks in any way to other people.
If all of that sounds like too much work, or sounds awkward or annoying, do not host a party. It’s not going to be safe for your guests or your hotel room. If nothing’s happened at your past parties, you were lucky.
If you’re a guest, be a good one.
Enjoy your drinks, don’t drink to get drunk. This fandom has many awesome mixologists, and it can be tempting, but the more sober-ish people around, the safer everyone will be. You should at very least be sober when the party starts breaking up, so you can get back to your room safely and help anyone who can’t. (Ending up wandering drunkenly around Baltimore at night is a great way to get non-sexually assaulted.)
Travel with people you trust, and be friendly with strangers. The last thing someone trying to rape strangers wants is to be surrounded by people (especially guys) who know their name and face, and that they run an art booth and are from Cleveland, and see them leave with a potential victim. The more people are talking to each other, the safer everyone will be.
If you see anything shady, at all, tell the host. The host (or a co-host) can keep an eye on the situation. This includes rape-y or harassy behavior, but also any anti-social behavior or behavior that could become a problem if it keeps going in that direction. Even if it’s not enough to call security or get in a fight over, or you don’t think it’s your business, it is the host’s business.
Don’t stay at parties that are out of the host’s control. If you think you can help keep it under control, find the host and offer to help. If you don’t think the host is interested in keeping control of the party, gather your group and leave, because it’s not a safe party. And the more people who bail on parties like that, the less cool they will be and the more people will try to keep things under control.
Once again, this will not make parties 100% safe, or scare off every bad guy. There's no way to do that, period, end of sentence.
And I know some people might think this sounds like a buzzkill. But safe parties aren’t the responsibility of potential victims, they’re the responsibility of everyone there. Besides, the real fun is in the people you party with, and if parties are safer you’ll be hanging out with a more diverse and awesome group of people.
Thanks for the tangible advice.
Thanks for the advice, cool mom.
Much appreciated. Definitely more helpful than my boost.
Good advice. Also, happy new year!
Signal Damping: out of those who had blood tests because they thought they had been victims of drink spiking, almost none had been drugged. In rough order, it went "you drank too much", "you took other drugs which interacted with your drink", "you were given a stronger drink than you expected", "you admitted that someone pressured you into taking illegal drugs", and way down at the bottom was "you wouldn't admit to taking drugs, and there were drugs in your system, so maybe your drink was spiked".
The last category ranged from "1-2%" to "literally none" depending on the study. Unfortunately, "Thirty five per cent of patients still believed that they had been a victim of drink spiking irrespective of the results."
Moral panics are bad news.
4764411
I have zero question that by far the most common "rape drug" is a stronger than usual drink. As to what happened in this case, I have no idea, but I did give one of the alleged victims a cigarette the next morning, and she was very obviously shaken by something.
But as I said in my post, the safety of con parties isn't about who is most likely to be victimized by what, and is more about everyone creating a safe atmosphere that will protect people and property from dangers both common and unlikely. So I stand by this advice regardless.
4764411
I agree, but this isn't a moral panic. This is:
a) Horizon giving a report on something disturbing that he personally saw, which for various reasons (level of detail, going public, and his being a known figure in the fandom) I find believable.
b) Bookplayer making some sensible observations on the risks of mixing alcohol and strangers
c) A world and a fandom where we know these things do happen.
Nobody's panicking, and there's relatively little moralizing given the topic. Though perhaps that's because everybody here already knows that rape is bad, assault is bad, and that solutions of alcohol and sedatives can quickly precipitate dead bodies.
Wisdom.
4764411 Speaking as someone who is friends with the host: She has been drugged before and confirmed by test it was indeed rohypnol. I have faith she knows what it's like.
4764411
Horizon's account is pretty clear. I agree that moral panic is bad, but at the same time we must be aware that bad things do happen, and we need to be prepared for them.
Though I wonder how much of this stuff would go away if recreational poison wasn't a cultural practice.
Yeah, this is, like, actually useful, genuine advice. Thank you for it, really.
4764438
S'truth. Something that I think has gotten lost in a lot of this, particularly with the appearance of Saban's Moral Panic Rangers, is that it's almost certain that there's behavior happening at con parties that people are deeply uncomfortable with / that strays into the realm of being dangerous, and that doesn't involve people getting drugged. Everything presented here is fantastic advice that, frankly, I think the community should widely endorse. And it being fantastic advice has exactly nothing to do with the details of the incident described in Horizon's blog.
Oh man, like the time I got wasted and tried to use a piece of sheet metal to surf behind a truck during an ice storm. Good times, once I stopped peeing blood from hitting a lamppost.
This is really good and I need to signal-boost it in return.
Having control of the party was exactly what prevented this situation from escalating to those women being in immediate danger.
As an infrequent party-goer who is liable to make stupid decisions for lack of proper forethought, thanks cool mom.
Sagely party advice. Pinkie would be proud.
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I'll add a bit of my own advice. It's a bit more general than preventing nasty things from going down at a party but it's still something I consider important.
If you're hosting, make sure you have a designated quiet area for partygoers
Preferably somewhere you can check with ease, like a garden (any smokers outside can help keep an eye on things, which is a bonus). Some people don't have the energy to keep partying 24/7 and prefer some quiet time to recharge (or chat privately to some friends), others might just need a bit of space and fresh air to cool off after having drunken too much. In both cases, having an area set up for them helps towards a smoother party experience and it'll make some party goers feel more comfortable knowing there's a place they can get to so they can escape the hustle and bustle for a bit. However as you host you will have to check up on it now and again to make sure nothing funny is going on.
4765456
In general, that's great advice, but not always possible at a con party hosted in a hotel room or suite. In those cases I think it's fair to forego that and let the hotel lobby and whatever smoking area is outside serve that purpose, under the supervision (in the case of the lobby at least) of the hotel itself.
4765518
Yeah, it does depend on your venue. I've no experience with cons at all though (Britain doesn't have many and getting to the States for a con isn't exactly cheap). Though I do admit the idea of a party at a con sounds crazy to me. All day I would've been on my feet, surrounded by tons of people, doing all I can to make the most of the contime... what sort of madman has the energy to party at night after all that?!
Very, very, very good advice. Drawn straight from a risk management handbook! I like it!