Starlight and the Pull of Fates - by Twifight Anguish Juxtapose Alienate. · 8:12am Sep 1st, 2016
The end of days is a colourful paradise depicted in a postcard, made alive and joyous by the copious amounts of disbelief - relaxation, contentment, happiness and joy? Tch, such a satchel of bollocks. Stress is what motivates us as a species! It is the forgotten soldier in us that persists despite our desire to do nothing, empowering our waved misgivings and suffocated paranoia enough to shift our lazy asses to make it through another day!
There is no catalyst nearly as strong as FEAR! Who jumps the highest? THOSE WHO ARE DEATHLY AFRAID OF THE CONSEQUENCES! Fear is a brilliant star ready to go super nova at any given moment! IT IS THE SINGLE MOST CONCENTRATED EMOTION THAT WE KNOW! What makes us afraid? Is it disappointing someone? Showing up for work late? Losing your boyfriend to the cute girl in the stetson working the Apple Orchards?
Does it even matter, in the grand scheme?
FEAR: noun - a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger - if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.
How do we deal with fear now? What do we actually have left to fear, save fear itself? Vampires, zombies, mutant superheroes and killer robots from the future are imaginary. Losing face in front of your boss, losing a big client to an inferior competitor, losing a beneficial comrade for saying or doing something stupid... losing your best friend, your family, your fight against a terrible disease. These are real things, each a valid excuse to be scared out of your wits.
Fear is a real and righteous incentive that requires your attention. Fear depicts the most irreprehensible and irrepairable harm to you or those you love, and it must be faced every day regardless of its power over you. Whether the simple act of walking out your front door brings on its sticking pricks, you haven't any choice but to carry onward. Perhaps your fears aren't justified, but the possibility of being put in peril is very real, and it stabs you square in the chest. Every waking moment of every day. Every. Breath.
Breathe deep, relax. Again. Deeply, and... release. Let the anxiety fade enough to allow your rational mind to garner some semblance of reality - yes, you are definitely afraid. Yes, you HAVE to be afraid. Does it have to be the foremost thing on your mind, though? Maybe not?
Yes, actually. It has already been assimilated into your daily routine, albeit in a mostly subconscious manner. You don't drink your morning coffee until it has sufficiently cooled. You don't step in front of the bus that delivers you to work in the morning. You don't kill your co-workers for being loud and annoying, because the police will likely shoot you. You don't kill your boss for being stupid, because they pay you a pittance for your menial work to allow you money enough to pay your exorbitant rent and buy food for three of the fifteen days you have left to survive the same aggravating process over and over every goddamn minute of every hour of every day of every life oh where has my life gone!?
Breathe deep, relax. Again. Deeply, and... stop it.
Fear is a poor excuse for existence. Happiness used to be an easy way to excuse the frustrating patterns we're doomed to live in. Work can be fun. Music, television, movies and social media and all sorts of lovely ways to forget yourself exist to distract you and maybe... maybe let you forget fear for a little while.
It'll always be there, though. Fear. You were spoonfed it from the moment you knew what it was to remember - was it when you were in Kindergarten? Maybe before? You already had fear by then. Fear of the dark. Of speaking in public. Of making the teacher mad. Of making a mistake. Of your dad, drunk and angry every night. Your mother, sad and depressed because her life never turned out the way it should have.
You can still be afraid and happy. We all are, even if we don't show it. All of those friends and fellows we know that seem to be so much more "together" than you? Yeah, they're exactly the same. They just don't express their issues in the way you do. So, don't hide yourself. Just know you're the same. We're all the same.
Anyway. Enough of that.
BURN THE WRETCHED UNDESERVING TO ASH, THEN DANCE IN THE SPINNING FLAKING BLACK OF THEIR DEATHLY REMAINS, PULLED BY THE WIND INTO THE OBLIVION OF THE NIGHT SKY!
HOWL WITH ME, CHILDREN OF ASPIDOCELEON, YOU LUSUS NATURAE! AWOO-OOO!
... anyway. Hello, good peebles of the pony word world! You precious numbers, made by the page views and followers, the Daily and the important reviewers that impossibly like to read all the slag that piles up in the dirty corners of this polluted oily beach we call a literary sanctuary. Hey, howyadoing out there? Me? I am good. I am surviving, and basically well in mind and spirit. For the moment, that is. Literally, any given moment it can radically change, so... let's enjoy right now, mm? I am enjoying right now with you, I promise. Some day all the sweat and devotion shall pay off for us, if we give our best and our all, uh... hm.
Nevermind. I had some sort of altruistic diatribe to share, but the moment changed on me. See? Moments, man. Money can buy happiness for a moment, but money can't fix the passage of time. Or something.
Anyway, so I'm motivated to post a blog. Not from fear, um... because I need to. I want to. I have a few things to share, although it isn't much. I guess that means this blog won't be very interesting from here on out. At least I warned you.
I started writing a few years ago on a dare and a presumption that I could. My close and only friend at the time was a scholar, author, musician, and so many lovely artistic things that he inspired me to try, and I will always love him for it. Since then, my ability and time has waned... as well as my focus and inspiration. Many of my stories are unfinished - although I work on them almost every day, sometimes rewriting entire portions after rereading them after a long while. A Funeral and Intransigence are almost completely new stories now, although I didn't intend such - I just couldn't leave them so damnably convoluted and nonsensical. After a story has been written and published, noticed initially by the followers and fans of a writer and/or particular genre, they quickly become devoured by the ether. Sometimes they may come in contact with a new reader or two every couple of months, but mostly they're alone and forgotten. So I rewrite my own stories for me. To renew my fascination with the ideas I had in the past. Because I am, ultimately, a hoarder of memories.
I am currently fascinated with an old clop fic I started a year ago. I was almost finished it, then ended up erasing all but the first 400 words in a fit of rage. I uh... regret that. So I'm trying to piece it together again. I hope to publish it soon, then follow it with a new chapter of Awards of the Heart. Remember that? Yeah, geez. I barely do.
I am delighted that my friend Dusty Sage is out of hospital. For those of you who sent him prayers - anonymous or otherwise - thank you.
The swarm has a few new members, by the by. How long has it been since I brought up the swarm, eh? Holy cats! My headache voice, she is so peeved! Mind, her seething emotional rage pales compared to the politics in the news these days... she wishes she could be so atrocious! Please welcome Sexcaliber Hrosspower, Rollo Xi, corrupt cake, Fido, OmniFox, and Horse Voice to the brood. Yeah, seriously - Horse Voice! Crazy, I know. I hope he brought clean underwear.
On the topic of new friends, I have a few old friends here that I adore, and I feel like mentioning them by name: Phazon, Regidar, Martian, theRedBrony, theburningone, hunterz263, darcyyannew, fattymagee1, Bad Horse, Themaskedferret, Dusty Sage, bookplayer, Skeeter The Lurker, PointlessGizmo, Propmaster, zel, yamgoth, 4rch4ng31, WrathOfGod519, Hat, TheMyth, Fiddlebottoms (and all my Cockroach Club brethren), horizon, Art Inspired... well, these are off the top of my head. I also know there're a ton of folks that read my blogs and haven't the want to offer their voice - and I respect that - although I would love to hear from you. C'mon, I don't bite! ... scratch that, I bite hard. Anyway, you're all the reason I continue to try and write, love pony and fight the good fight... pay taxes, answer my phone, get out of bed in the morning. My love for you all is true, and it is thick. Like maple syrup, but less yummy. Thank you for touching my heart. Wash your hands after contact, for your own safety.
So here's the cover art for my one-day-I-might-publish-it clop fic - yes, it's a Shining Armor x Twilight Sparkle thing. I uh... well. I dunno. Just enjoy it.
I did a bit of Photoshop stuff. Love the Twilight bedroom eyes. FUCK I DON'T KNOW CLOP WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING ANYMORE HOW ABOUT FINISHING A STORY BEFORE STARTING SOMETHING ELSE ARRGH ACK PFT BLEH GAWD FUCK!?
Until I type something else and hit the "look at this guys" button, be well. Also, on a completely different note, I really, REALLY miss Church. He was a wonderful friend. I loved him dearly.
I'm gonna need to reread this when I'm not at work...
~Skeeter The Lurker
4185145
>tfw my blog posts have more words than 50% of my published stories.
That feel! Sorry for making this so bloody long - and not really worth the wait, lol. Aw well. Hugs!
Was just thinking I hadn't seen one of your blogs in awhile.
"Hope I brought...?" No, that's all wrong... it's supposed to be me who scares people.
Always a pleasure to hear from you, and even better, if you writes lots, eventually you'll finish something.
I read 'lusus naturae' as 'luscious naturae.' Fuck, I need sleep.
4185216
That was sort of my motivation... I mean, I blog about as often as a dead parakeet. It was nice to let the headache voice go. How're you, Cynewulf?
4185644
My favourite ferret! Writing lots and finishing something requires focus, and I have a ton of ideas that float about my head. Narrowing them down beyond the two or three sentences I manage during my manic inspiration? Tough. Awards of the Heart stands as the only abberation. Well, Twilight's Deadly Limerick got a second chapter, but... well. I have a lot of material for all of my stories. They just don't make much sense, is all. My routine is this: I write something. If I am drinking, and basically feel good with the work (which has always been a bad idea, mind you), I will do a few edits and post it. Everything else? I let my obsessive pattern tends take over, and spend weeks on a sentence. Then I delete it. Then I try and remember what it was, because it was awesome, and curse myself for ever thinking otherwise. Bother.
4187617
You're luscious in your own way.
4188310 Life is usually unpleasant. Mostly in small ways. I drive schizophrenic patients to and from a clinic for drug trials and write sometimes and play games. Life continues. It is a thing that happens to me.
>twifight sparkill
>Writing best incest paring
my body could never have been more ready
4188310
Yeah, that's nice. Just as long as you're not flirting with the lusus naturae.
4185266
Who said anything about scaring folks? Tch, perish the thought! I was simply suggesting that you be safely prepared, as any caring and supportive sort would! Do you have some peculiar aversion to wearing clean skivvies? Is that it? Well, I'm sure I could lend you a pair if need be. They're HUGE though, be forewarned.
4188431
Usually unpleasant? Really? I'm sorry to hear that, Cyne. I mean, I'm not one to talk... I'm basically unhappy. After losing a parent, my job of twelve years, and so forth, nothing is easy nowadays. However, I have really REALLY tried to stay positive despite myself recently, and although it isn't easy, I do find I'm less frantic and anxious. I'm into ASMR and am trying a bit at meditation, um... well. You're a good egg, and you deserve a break. Uh... I made an advantageous faux pas. Just noticed it. Gods, I'm sad...
4191789
I became a member of FiMFiction around the time that shipping and clopfics were new and exciting. Shortly after publishing Misinterpreted, I came across and really enjoyed ... well, three or four dirty stories. Stuff from butterscotchsundae and Callisto, you know? Not softcore vanilla, but... tender. Sort of funny, sort of awkward, but gentle and fun. I soon sought some advice from bookplayer about how I might approach the idea, and despite what you might think, it was a very professional conversation! Years later, I actually have the guts to not give a shit what anyone thinks and properly write the damn thing. I just don't know how! I get bogged down in trying to describe the specific sexy details, and I wish I'd never recycled my old Danielle Steele books now. Wish me luck, dearie! Hope you're doing okay in school!
4192155
The lusus naturae are my chi... er, the children of my alter-ego! THAT would be INCEST! ARE YOU SUGGESTING that I'd ENTERTAIN such an IRREPREHENSIBLE NOTION?! I should BOIL THE SKIN from your SKULL for the very idea! NGAAAAH!
... however, being of sound mind and peaceful nature*, I shall refrain. You are welcome.
*Also a rampant hypocrite, but that doesn't count.
4193121
Well, normally no, but you are writing an incest fic... But all kidding aside, I was in a frame of mind where I thought you'd called the lusus naturae 'luscious.' I swear, third-shift jobs will fuck up your mind.
Also, there's sort of an Undertale reference to all this. When you call Toriel while you're in the Ruins, have you ever tried calling her "Mom" and then flirting with her?
4193266
You monster.