The Dangers of Having Three Princesses of Equestria in Your Head · 9:18pm May 16th, 2013
[It is a warm night in the middle spring. Twilight Sparkle, Luna, and Cadance approach Washburn Observatory, walking the road that overlooks the lake far below. The observatory dome is already open to the clear night sky above. Placid yellow light shines forth from the interior.]
Twilight (trotting along): This is gonna be great! I was here last year and we got to make some wonderful observations of Jupiter! Tonight, Saturn's in the sky! We might even be able to see the moons!
Luna (cautiously): We are... a bit concerned about the hour. This is a week-night, not a week-end-night. And all we have eaten to-day is a coffee scone and a single bean burrito at the shopping mall.
Cadance: And some pink lemonade.
Luna: That was for you. It occurs to us that while the observatory will be open until eleven of the clock, it is doubtful that public houses will still be serving at that hour.
Twilight: Easy solution! I'll start making observations here, and you two can go get something to eat!
Cadance: Can we... actually do that? Split up?
Twilight: Sure! Don't worry, you two. I'm an expert at this sort of thing by now. Have fun! Enjoy your dinner!
[Twilight trots over to the crowd awaiting entrance to the observatory, and is gone.]
Luna: So. Mi Amore Cadenza. We are alone.
Cadance (a little anxiously): Certainly looks that way.
Luna: We have selected the proper establishment at which to dine. We did not speak of it earlier as it would have bothered sensitive young Princess Sparkle, but now that she has left us, we can reveal this fact. Mi Amore, tonight you and I will be partaking of Churrasco.
Cadance: Churrasco?
Luna: Brazilian barbecue. An endless stream of succulent meat dishes, perfectly grilled and seasoned. They will melt in your mouth.
Cadance: We're ponies.
Luna: You eat oysters.
Cadance: I thought I was an aberration.
Luna: We are not wholly like our herbivorous ancestors. Proteins come naturally to us. My sister leads by a certain self-righteous example alone when she is seen consuming plants and eggs and cheeses only. The Night, on the other hoof, will show you gustatory pleasures undreamed of by the Day.
Cadance (nervous, backing away): But... But... I mean... beef! We talk to beef!
Luna: Silence thy objections. You exist only hypothetically in the mind of an author, in a universe distant from ours by several steps. The Kine do not occupy the same standing of high sapience here. You need not fear.
Cadance: But...
Luna: Pah. You have always cleaved close to my sister, standing always with her in the Sun. But the rules are different here.
[Luna leans in, seductively.]
Luna: Mi Amore, on this night, I will teach you to love the flesh.
Cadance (swallowing, voice small): Okay.
[With ceremony and trepidation, the two princesses approach the churrascaria. The place is lit a with sinister red light, the glow of temptation; and is only accessible by staircase, which giving it an aura of clandestine wickedness. This place should not be at street level. The sins within must be kept high above the public eye. The decor inside is smooth, polished, night-dark wood, and the place is filled with yet more orange and red light. It is soothing, like the good intentions that pave the road to Tartarus.]
Luna (for practical reasons): One, for dinner.
Hostess: I apologize, but we're closed for the night.
Luna (bristling slightly): Thy web-site declares that thou art open for another forty-five minutes!
Hostess (pleasantly): I'm sorry, we hadn't had a new table in about an hour, and they've shut off the grills.
Cadance (taking the reins): Thank you. We'll just head back downstairs.
[The pink princess and the blue princess find themselves at street level again. They look at each other for a time, awkwardly.]
Cadance: Frozen yogurt?
Luna: Yes.
Cadance: Good! There's this place where you can stir in all sorts of fruit and gummi bears, and...
* * *
[Later, at the State Street Brat Haus. A shingle outside proudly and quite literally proclaims the words "Open 'Til Real Late". The three princesses are seated at a booth with a pint glass of hard cider, a prodigious basket of fresh hot waffle fries, and a single pork bratwurst with sauerkraut. The place is noisy with college students celebrating the end of their final exams.]
Luna (using the same voice as before): As I was saying. Tonight, Mi Amore, I will teach you to love the flesh.
Cadance: Y'know, it doesn't have the same feel to it when it's a bratwurst.
Twilight (covering her eyes, good-naturedly squeamish): Just get it over with, you two, so I can have some waffle fries!
Cadance: All right then.
[As Luna looks on, Cadance takes a bite and chews thoughtfully.]
Luna: Well?
Cadance: It's pretty good.
I laughed, and was reminded of a place downtown called State Street Brats.
Cadance/Bratwurst.
I ship it.
Are you ... are you outside my building or something? I am not two hundred yards from the State Street Brat Haus.
Is it a quirk of the universe that there is a State Street Brat Haus everywhere?
That was...nice.
I always like to imagine that Luna and Cadance are supremely awkward when left together
Well, pigs haven't spoken on the show, so it isn't nearly as morally objectionable.
Also, I find myself hoping Twilight gets force-fed meat before the night is through. Am I a terrible person?
I'm not sure what I just read. But I think i'd read more of it.
So do you actually have princesses in your head or did you just make this bit up? Inquiring minds want to know!
media.tumblr.com/6cb749689595bd733c2ef56b2c072a33/tumblr_inline_mh8xnq4KCJ1r8f9u5.gif
What is this I don't even.
I sincerely hope there is more of this, and that you plan to publish it. I laughed the whole way through this. And I noticed that you like to use big words I have no knowledge of... That's the only thing that puts me off about your stories.
Two questions:
1) Why has this not been extended and made an actual story already?
2) Why can't blog posts be featured?
Ummm...
1085155
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I think I read a fic like that once...
It should be a crime to post something this funny when I'm likely to read it in public. A good crime.
Also, I've never heard of this State Street Brat Haus restaurant before, but I get the feeling it's something I need to visit at least once.
1085161
Some dramatic license was taken, but, for the most part, this is what happened when I tried to go out to dinner last night with these three characters on the brain. I don't know if it's normal for most people to have running conversations in their heads, or if my inner life is merely complex.
Other events of the night include the bizarre event of Cadance trying to buy a Luna Is Best Princess shirt from Hot Topic, Twilight geeking out about a red panda at the zoo, and a very interesting hot shower for Luna using some really great raspberry/jasmine/vanilla soap that Cady bought for her at Bath and Body Works earlier that day in the aforementioned mall.
Yeah. This is how it goes, sometimes.
1085147, 1085128
If BBJBS down there is not a Madisonian, it strongly suggests that, given a street called "State Street", there is some obscure genetic quirk encoded in the human DNA that urges us to build a bratwurst-selling establishment there.
That was hilarious.
I find it amazing how often your apparent head canon matches my own.
I hope you're not invading my dreams or something, when I'm less than alert.
Dr. Golden Dawn, Physician Royal: And what have we learned today Your Highness?
...oysters!
Cadænce: That...urp...when we try new foods whe...hork...we only eat a...ulk...little bit.
Dr. Golden Dawn: So that your digestive tract has time to adapt. Nine hundred years of vegetarianism, Your Highness. That's a long time.
Cadænce: I eat...
Dr. Golden Dawn: Do they make bratwurst out of oysters?
Cadænce: No.
Dr. Golden Dawn: Didn't think so. Well, take some milk of magnesia, and see me in the morning if the nausea persists. And I'd suggest not taking diet advice from a pony who once tried to expedite dinner by inventing the 'dinner all-in-one smoothie.'
Cadænce: ...really?
Dr. Golden Dawn: Best thing that could be said about it is that it was as good on the way in as on the way out.
Cadænce: ulp...I really don't think you should...
Dr. Golden Dawn: I mean it had sardines in it.
Cadænce:
Dr. Golden Dawn: Oh that's a shame. I suspect it will clean off.
Cadænce: Your...ulk...your bedside manner is...quite something.
Dr. Golden Dawn: I get that a lot.
1085422
He's got Luna in his head. She does it for him.
In the immortal (?) words of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza : "It's pretty good."
PS : I LOVE sauerkraut.
Only these three? Y u no have best princess?
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5254974976/h1D302928/
1085308
Well, I personally don't know the feel, but my sister regularly complains about the fact that her characters run around in her head and they are all totally neurotic.
Due to this rule you can't post it as a fic.
It was well written and funny
You should also make them visit the arcade!
1085308
Once your headponies start talking with your head non-ponies, I vote "complex." But complex takes many forms. For my own part, one immortal alicorn princess with access to my brain is more than complex enough.
I've only let multiple ponies in to chat once. When I was nearing the end of my ponyfic NaNoWriMo last year and blocking hard on the last 5,000 words, I invited several of the Elements into my headspace and wrote out the conversation I had with them.[1] (I honestly expected Twilight to be more helpfully analytical, but she kept getting distracted, mostly by Wikipedia.)
The upshot of that whole thing — which did, in fact, put me over the wordcount goal — is that I now owe Applejack a story in which she finds some happiness she otherwise wouldn't. Talking with headponies is dangerous, man. You make them promises.
--
[1] Which, it should be noted, was largely about whether counting the (unpublishable) wordcount of my brainpony conversation toward my goal was within the spirit of the NaNoWriMo rules.
1085308
Ah, it's good to know I'm not the only one who has princess ponies on the brain too often. This happens when I watch too much MLP and then try and watch other things. I end up getting commentary.
1085617
Well, part of the reason is that I was inspired (by this picture) to get the three of them alone together in a shopping mall environment to see what their actual dynamics would be like under these circumstances. Celly would have been welcome but she tends to alter the group dynamics of the other three princesses pretty profoundly (and she furthermore didn't want to stand in the way of bonding time). This one inspiration spilled over into a number of different side activities, including a trip to a planetarium, an observatory, the zoo, the university arboretum, stuff like that. It was an extremely busy fifteen hours of my life.
Incidentally, inquiring of Celly whether or not she knew the restaurant was going to be closed from the outset receives only a little smile in reply. So, yes.
1085787
Don't I know it.
1085459
Ah, Doctor Dawn. Always a pleasure to read her. Thanks for that.
1085904
We (and J. and K.) really should set aside some time to Talk at EFNW.
1085746
IMPLYING THERE EVEN IS AN ARCADE ANY MORE.
Another piece of my childhood, gone the way of the dinosaur. I never thought I would see the day when a budget hotel contained more video games than any local shopping mall, but there you have it.
1085316 What a hilariously small world this is. I'd say there's a good chance we'll run into each other next weekend and not even realize it.
1085459
1085787
I still owe my OC the next chapter to my story. She's not happy...
Also, promises that I keep failing to keep.
Your interest in making ponies eat meat is somewhat... concerning.
1085147
VARSITY, VARSITY, U RAH RAH WISCONSIN!!
1085128
Dude, I am typing this message from my apartment that is literally on East Campus Mall and I can see Memorial Library as well as the Red Gym from my window. I'll give you two guesses what building it is but I think you'll only need one. Seriously, can a Brony Meetup be considered a meetup with only 3/4 people?
1085259 Eeh, it's okay, food is mediocre but the it's a popular hangout due to it being close to the start of State Street.
1085617
That sounds eerily similar to my own sister.
Better than everything in the box.
1086219
Don't worry, other than the oysters, carnivore ponies aren't likely going to make their way into any of my stories. That is, unless I get the urge to finish "The Last Thing She Saw (or, Ponies Love Bacon)", an aborted horror-comedy of mine where the whole vegetarian thing is an elaborate show put on for Spike's benefit so he doesn't start getting the idea of eating meat, and thus, ponies. I think you can see where this is heading. Anyhow, I stopped work on it when I realized that I really don't like to grim up the Ponyverse too much, even for the purposes of black comedy. It's an "escape" area of my brain and I'd like to keep it that way.
This is glorious. I love how seriously Luna takes herself even if she isn't aware of how silly it makes her look at times.
And thus begins a new explanation for my headcanon that ponies can eat meat.
1087305
It's one of my favorite ways of envisioning the character.
1087633
What, that you're hearing the voices in my head?
Yea, the way I see it pegasi can eat all sorts of seafood safely, and possibly any other pony with a pegasus ancestor.
Not only do I love this, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one who talks to characters in their head.