My first fanfic. I know there are errors and I accept that. I also know it was a little rushed.
The government wants to experiment on RD and take her from her father. He will stop at all costs to prevent this from happening.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 29th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 19th, 2013
RamboPilot
I am a pilot. The kind of planes I fly are Boeing 747s.
RamboPilot
Joined 29th Jan, 2012 ·
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This is rushed and I can clearly see tendencies for moralism in a overpowered character. Disapproved.
Also, if some alternate ending to MLD needs to be done, it must contain gore.
I mean- sparkles and rainbows (unintentional pun, OH I'M SO CLEVER) are just fine and dandy. But the world isn't marshmallow-coated, sugarcube.
Plus, we have plenty of sugarsweet fics about MLD here.
I was skeptical
Looks like i was right
Having My Little Dashie end how it did makes it what it is.
It ended in a way that just made the story bliss it didn't need an alternate.
Thats just my opinion
as for the story it needs a bit more smoothing out grammar and punctuation
197159
Yeah, I didn't really go back and edit like I was going to. I should have. Oh and I put italics on the thoughts in MS Word but it didn't transfer.
197141
I didn't really want to go too far into her getting gutted.
Let me clear something up- it actually isn't complete I will write a part two.
This is really, really rushed. Everything happens without build up, things occur without any reason (He goes into a van, sees Dashie, stops the van, AND punches the guy without getting out?) and it doesn't offer any actual emotion. The guys feelings are rushed, Dash isn't given any characterization besides mare in distress, and the military is so hilariously evil that it's laughable.
197517
Yeah, kinda knew that I rushed it. I didn't really proof read it either.
197523
That was probably a bad idea. Just saying. You don't publish something without at least trying to proofread it.
197537
I tried. I uploaded it last night and I thought I already fixed my errors.
197540
Well, best to look over it for a while to really make sure you've got everything. Especially with it now on the front page.
Oh yeah. i am speaking for myself, but I kinda like this.
Please continue writing it. i love everything invloved around my little dashie.
197938
I will continue writing!
Brings back the knowledge that Goverments are heartless Bastards, the only government that makes sense is Utopia, and Utopia cannot exist.
The thing I find absolutely laughable about this is how the scientists react to Dash. "Hey, let's do a quick DNA extraction, then a live dissection! That sounds like a great idea!"
Truth is, the only even vaguely accurate part about that is the DNA analysis, which would be performed using RFLP (random fragment length polymorphism) and takes between two and three weeks. They would likely follow that up with a battery of x-rays, soft-tissue MRI scans, and several fMRI scans of the brain. A live dissection, is completely useless, and really doesn't tell a scientist anything. There's a reason that the only thing biologists dissect for anatomical information are creatures that have been literally pickled in formaldehyde. Blood tends to get in the way a bit. This I can say with absolute certainty, mainly because I'm a biology major specializing in conservation and ecology.
Secondly, the protagonist displays remarkable knowledge of firearms for an average Joe. I went shooting once with a semi-automatic .22, equipped with a scope, and I still had trouble hitting pop cans at a distance of about 3 metres. Automatic weapons, fired at moving targets, would be considerably more difficult to handle, and they show an alarming propensity for jamming. Unless the wielder has enough knowledge to field-strip the gun and put it back together, it would then be useless.
Thirdly, the military is laughably evil, and the amount of materiel and personnel they commit to hunting this guy down is ridiculous. It's like Grand Theft Auto all over again. Another thing: if he was facing that degree of military mobilization, he would've been cut down by a sniper as soon as he shot the first soldier.
Finally, the entire thing was rushed, rife with grammatical errors, and contained zero emotional content. The only thing I can even loosely classify this as is some sort of bizarre parody, that really doesn't deserve to share a name with the original.
Usually, with something like this, I'm inclined to be generous, and forgive a writer's flaws, penning it down as a learning experience. But this is a butchered take on a fic that I genuinely liked, and so I'm being a lot more harsh than I usually am. Maybe it's because I'm sick of all the cheap knock-offs, secondary interpretations and shameless rip-offs that surround popular fics. Who knows?
217328
Uh actually, I kept his knowledge about guns pretty dumbed down by keeping it relatively vague. Yes, I know it's rushed and not very well written, but I will try to fix it.
Not bad but quite entertaining
I found it okay through. A little rushed but... nice. Hmm.. A sonic boom can actually cause the government to panic? Hmm.... interesting idea, sir. *tracked*
It's okay. I felt a bit sad. Rushed. 269424 I am reading a fic about that