After seeing Vinyl after a concert. Octavia is invited to stay at Vinyl Scratch's place for the night. This story is about how i think the two friends would act in the given situation. Just about friends being friends.
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Tremil
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A couple notes.
1: Please indent at the start of a new paragraph.
2: Please start a new paragraph whenever a new character starts talking.
I don't mean to be nit picky but that will make it a lot easier to read.
Besides that, it was a very cute story. I liked it.
Great story if I have the time I will definitely read it again
Well done.
“Sorry. I guess that was kind of mean.” Vinyl said wiping a tear from her eye. “It’s ok” Octavia said standing up and fixing her pink bowtie. She lightly punched Vinyl’s shoulder. “Just don’t EVER do that again.” Vinyl rubbed her shoulder. “Ok, ok.” She laughed.
Ya need to fix that, turn it into this
"Sorry. I guess that was kind of mean." Vinyl said, wiping a tear from her eye.
"It's ok." Octavia said, standing up and fixing her pink bow tie. She lightly punched Vinyl's shoulder. Just don't EVER do that again." she said, annoyed but still smiling. Vinyl rubbed her shoulder sheepishly. "Ok, ok!" she laughed.
You also need to make paragraphs, not megagraphs, I will leave you with this, but now, I go.
eatdrinkmontclair.com/files/2011/12/like-a-boss.jpg
As above, definitely needs some editing to be more readable. Can't argue with more Vinyl/Octy though.
It's nice. But it really needs a little dose of Return Key.
I like friendshipping, but this needs its own pace. It's too rushed.
Cute, but a little too condensed, I'm afraid. You may wish to work on your punctuation and indentation.
It's a good little story, though. You've got potential.
These 2 are awesome together
This was some awesome work, just for the love of Celestia, please, do check this for grammatical errors.
Annoyed at the grammer Nazi at the top of the comments page