After attempting to blow away her friends with a new stunt, Rainbow Dash ends up in hospital sharing a dorm with yours truly. Just a quick heads up for readers who dislike OC with Mane 6 character shipping, I wouldn't bother reading this. I really hope you all like it though, since it's my first fic that I'm posting on the interwebs. It will take time to write all of the chapters since I write my basic ideas in the notes app of my iPhone, but I'll try to keep the chapters to a deadline when I type them up onto my computer.
Chapters (3)
And then they had hospital sex.
Mentions shipping in description.
No romance tag.
It's just so... short.
Needs longer chapters.
2281015 Thanks for pointing that out!
2281288 I'm gonna try and make them longer; I'm trying to grasp writing better but I find it difficult to create a story with chapters longer than 400 words. I'll try my best though.
The one thing i've noticed the most is that you don't use enough commas in your sentences, it's only a minor thing but it can really improve the reading momentum :D
Edit: Only saw this in chapter 1, 2 is much better
2292633 Thanks! I'm always up for hearing people's ideas and ways to better my writing style, so I'll try to stay true to what you said and keep the fic rolling a little more. I may be working with my good friend Drop Dee on it soon, so I'm sure he can help me beef out the chapters and add input as to where I should piece certain parts of the story in. Also, thanks for favouriting my fic!
2294318 I can try to beef these chapters up but by how much, well, we'll have to wait and see.
2426402 Well any help would be appreciated!
Check you out, Sparks. Longer chapters. I'm proud of you! Have a moustache
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I do have some constructive points to make.
In the line "rendered flightless had come up countless nightmares", it seems that you might be missing the word "in". Also, when using dialogue, make sure that you make a clear space between speakers, otherwise it looks like a huge block of dialogue, said tags and conveniently placed descriptors. I cannot stress the importance of proof reading. You can always ask a friend to pre-read and proof read your work before you publish the chapter(s) to make sure that your Fic can reach its optimal potential. Other than those two points, this is a great addition to the Fic and I can't wait to see what you have in store for us.