My Little Teelo: Masquerade

by Ardwolf

Opening Diplomatic Relations

In which we discover sometimes the end is actually the beginning.

---

Earth, Thursday morning, August 1, 2013 8:12 AM

Teagan and Emma stepped through the rainbow-edged circle that was the Bridge of Days, crossing over with only a couple of steps. They turned and waved at the now-recovered Subtle Dancer, just before the Bridge snapped closed.

Turning back, Emma was immediately engulfed in her mother’s desperate hug while her father crowded close.

“Welcome home, Teagan,” Elaine said warmly as her daughter gave her a far less constricting hug than Emma was getting.

“Good to finally be home,” Teagan replied, pulling back.

“Mom, I can’t breathe!” Emma protested as she tried to squirm away.

“What in the world are you two wearing?” Jacob Halsted demanded with wide eyes.

“It’s the latest in troll fashion, daddy,” Emma said, grinning. “You like it? I admit this outfit is a bit skimpy but it does let you move around easily. And once Juniper Rose gave me my warming necklace I didn’t notice the cold.”

She shrugged out of her backpack, and pulled out a slim leather bound book.

“Here,” she said, shoving it into her mother’s hands. “Told you I’d be bringing it back.”

“What is this?” The other woman asked in confusion.

“It’s my journal, Mom,” Emma said, “just like I promised. It’ll make a good bedtime story for the two of you tonight.”

“How was your trip, honey?” John asked Teagan, eyeing his daughter’s outfit with a neutral expression. “In spite of what you’re wearing I notice you two didn’t get much of a tan over the summer.”

“Yeah, not much sunlight than far underground,” Teagan retorted dryly. “To be honest it was a lot more exciting than I wanted it to be, but everything’s pretty much back to normal. I’m happy to say the threat of war between ponies and trolls is over. They’re starting to get used to one another now although I’m betting it’s going to be a long hard slog before they start singing Kumbaya.”

“Did you have to slay any dragons?” Jacob asked snarkily.

Teagan and Emma exchanged a meaningful glance.

As the adults eyes started to widen in alarm Emma snickered.

“Only one!” Teagan said hastily, “only I didn’t slay him, more like, um, forcefully negotiated with him. Let’s just say it could have gone better. He doesn’t like me very much now.”

“Two,” Emma corrected her. “Don’t forget Spike.”

“I don’t count him,” Teagan objected. “We barely said anything to him before he jumped out the window. Twilight was more upset than we were.”

“Speak for yourself. He scared me right down to my toes,” Emma said. “He was terrifying, Teelo!”

“He’s three feet tall, Emma,” Teelo said in exasperation. “Not exactly a nightmare made flesh. He bakes Twilight cookies, remember?”

“Not right then he wasn’t!” Emma objected. “He got really big and grew wings. I thought he was going to bite Twilight’s head off!”

“Wait, what?” Jacob asked, glaring at his daughter. “What are you talking about? When did this happen?”

“Oops,” Emma said, her face displaying her unease.

“Well?” Jacob demanded belligerently.

“Just before Sweetie Belle got kidnapped,” Teagan said quickly. “We weren’t in any danger from Spike, Mr. Halstead. There was some kind of magical catalyst in Twilight’s office nobody knew about that made Spike grow wings and get about 10 feet long. He wasn’t going to hurt us. he was completely focused on hunting down Chrysalis because she ambushed us.”

“You didn’t mention that little detail when you told us about your adventure, Emma,” Olivia said in a flat voice, eyes narrowing.

“Det må ha sløv meg,” Emma blurted, flinching.

“What?” Olivia blinked at her daughter. “What did you just say? Was that Trollish?”

“Um, yeah, it’s actually called Trolsk. I said it must have slipped my mind,” Emma said apologetically. “A lot happened in that couple of days.”

“A dragon attack slipped your mind?” her mother asked with a raised eyebrow. “Really, Emma?”

“Really,” Emma said earnestly. “There was just too much to keep track of it all.”

She shifted nervously, trying to think of something to distract her irate parents. A familiar tug across her chest came to her rescue.

Hey, check this out!” she said brightly, pulling the walking stick off her back and offering it to her mother.

“It’s a stick,” her mother said, refusing to be distracted.

“It’s a magical walking stick,” Emma retorted. “Real magic, mom, not that Pen and Teller stuff. Have you ever held real magic in your hands before?”

“Of course not, magic doesn’t exist,” her mother said dismissively, then paused as Emma grinned knowingly at her. She offered the stick again, and her mother took it gingerly.

“Um, it won’t shoot sparks or something, will it?” Jacob asked nervously, eyeing the staff in his wife’s hands warily.

“No, daddy,” Emma shook her head, chuckling. “All the magic does is keep the wood from rotting or the metal from rusting. But it really is magic.”

“It’s very pretty, but it doesn’t feel magical,” her mother said uncertainly, examining it more closely.

“My necklace is magical too,” Emma replied. “It doesn’t tingle or anything either. It just keeps me from getting cold. We flew home in an open chariot—over snow covered mountains with a stiff wind blowing the whole way. I didn’t shiver once and you see what I’m wearing.”

Jacob peered curiously at the necklace, a thick gold chain supporting a large sunstone. “Did the trolls make that?” he asked.

“No, the unicorns did,” Emma replied. “I don’t know which one did, but Juniper Rose told me the magic will only last six months. My walking stick, on the other hand, won’t ever lose its magic.”

“My daughter went on an adventure in another world and came home with magic items,” Jacob said, blinking. “Jesus, when did the world turn into a D&D game?”

“Welcome to the Twilight Zone,” John said ruefully. “We have cookies.”

“Speaking of, my chick, have you eaten?” Elaine asked Teagan.

“Yeah, we had lunch at Sweet Apple Acres. Oh my God! Let me tell you, Granny Smith’s apple fritters and cider was worth the whole trip.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Emma said excitedly. “Applejack gave us each a bottle of their private stock as a going-away present. She said you guys deserved some of the finer things Equestria has to offer. I’d think she was boasting if I hadn’t tasted it.”

“She wasn’t boasting,” Teagan giggled, then tried to adopt Applejack’s accent. “Ah declare that there cider is the finest Sweet Apple Acres ever made, bottled with love and a hunnert years of magic and skill. Why, the Princess herself orders a case ever’ single year!”

Emma snickered.

“Don’t let Applejack hear you do that, Teelo,” she warned.

“Never would I ever,” Teagan swore solemnly, then giggled. The girls dug the bottles out of their packs and presented them to their parents.

Jacob eyed the bottle carefully.

“Is this hard cider?” he asked suspiciously.

“Yes, but it’s only like 3 proof or something, basically just enough alcohol to keep it from spoiling. I doubt you’d get a buzz if you chugged the whole bottle. Which would be sacrilege, by the way. That stuff is best drunk like you’d drink eggnog—in very small glasses to make the bottle last longer.” Teagan replied seriously. “Ponies get drunk from salt, not alcohol, so any alcohol they make is just an accident. This cider’s probably one of the strongest drinks they have.”

“Huh, that’s weird,” Jacob said, creasing his brow. “So nobody in Equestria makes beer or wine?”

Teagan hesitated. “Well, the ponies don’t, but I’ve heard griffins brew beer and I know minotaurs make melomel and probably other kinds of mead too.”

“What about trolls?” John asked interestedly.

“Ale,” Teagan said, nodding, “really good ale too, and they drink it by the flagon.”

“You drank ale?” Elaine asked sharply, “regularly?”

“Yes, mom, but only one flagon at dinner—and that was their version of a kiddy cup, probably about 12 ounces. After one flagon I always switched to cave lemming milk. Besides, I doubt alcohol would affect me very much because of Crush. You know, for the same reason I need to eat so much.”

“Ah,” Elaine said nodding, her parental instincts mollified.

“What about you?” Jacob asked his daughter suspiciously.

“I steered clear of the ale,” Emma promised, raising one hand. “After I accidentally drank a glass of mead at the trading post I was very careful after that. All I drank in Hejm was either water or cave lemming milk. I did have a small glass of cider at Applejack’s, but I made sure it was a very small glass.”

“Guess that’s no worse than near-beer,” Jacob grumbled. “Any scars we should know about? Broken bones? Any other minor stuff that slipped your mind?”

“No, daddy,” Emma said with a huff. “My journal has everything. I promised I wouldn’t hide anything and I didn’t.”

“Before you go nuclear,” Teagan said gently, “next summer will be much easier on everyone. Fjell and Celestia have agreed when I go back it will be by chariot. Skrent and Flint will be the only trolls to accompany me, so if Emma wants to go it’ll be a three hour flight there and back, escorted by a full wing of the Sun Shield. Not a week spent tromping through the mountains.”

“That does sound safer,” Elaine said thoughtfully.

“On top of which Twilight is looking into ways to get a computer, and spells that will allow her to access the internet from Equestria.”

“Is that even possible?” Olivia asked, surprised.

“Well, she was able to make a doohickey that let her talk to Celestia across the Veil,” Teagan pointed out. “And her figurine can actually act like a mini-body for her. I’m no mage but if you can pass sound it shouldn’t be that hard to pass an electrical signal. That’s all an Ethernet cable does after all.”

“I don’t think Verizon has inter-dimensional service, honey,” John smirked.

“She can piggy-back off our internet connection,” Teagan snorted. “It’s not like the cable needs to be all that long, a few inches on our side, a few inches on hers.”

“If she had internet then we could stay in touch with email,” Olivia said, brightening.

“As long as we were in Canterlot,” Teagan nodded. “Hmm, I wonder if she could put a switch next to her computer and another cable doohickey connection to Hejm? I could take a laptop with me and never be out of touch.

“I like the sound of that,” Elaine said, relaxing. “It was no fun being out of touch the whole summer, my chick.”

“How would you recharge the laptop’s battery?” John asked.

“Magic, probably, or maybe put a solar panel somewhere outside, like the customs house maybe. Take a few spare batteries and keep them and the charger there. Let a courier run the spent batteries out every couple of days and bring back charged ones. That’s always assuming magical recharging wouldn’t work.” Teagan said. “At any rate we have nine months to let Twilight figure it out. In the mean time we can keep in touch with her through her figurine.

“Bottom line, next time it’ll be a lot easier to keep in touch. So,” Teagan asked, rubbing her hands together, “did anything interesting happen here over the summer?”

ooOoo

Earth, Thursday morning, August 1, 2013 8:38 AM

All four adults exchanged glances.

“Actually we had our own Twilight Zone episode,” John said slowly. “On June 11 some lake in Canada vanished—leaving a perfectly hemispherical crater half a mile deep. They said it killed several hundred people.”

Teagan stiffened, frantically doing date calculations in her mind. “Oh, crap.”

“You know something?” Jacob asked in a voice sharp with suspicion.

“I can’t be certain,” Teagan said cautiously. “But I think that’s the day Celestia put Duisternis out of everyone’s misery.”

“Who’s Duisternis?” Olivia asked blankly.

“Doomsday cult,” Teagan replied tiredly. “They were the ones that kidnapped Sweetie Belle and sicced Chrysalis on us. Caused all kinds of trouble, they had some plot to destroy the whole world. Don’t know how close they were to success, but Celestia suggested Earth might be their next target.”

“What?” Jacob yelped.

“It’s ok, Duisternis went the way of the dodo,” Teagan said, holding up a placating hand. “There was some kind of bomb Luna got from the group that taught Epona to make the Bridge of Days. Celestia said it was some kind of super-nuke. It destroyed everything in a mile wide sphere, even time and space. I guess it destroyed dimensions too. That’s probably what happened to the lake.”

“Oh my God, so now Equestria’s wars are affecting Earth,” Jacob said hollowly. “All those people…”

“Yeah,” Teagan said, heartsick. “Listen, Mr. Halstead you can’t tell anyone about this. They’d never believe you.”

“But they died, Teagan!” he roared. “Hundreds of human beings. Murdered by that horse!”

“And tens of thousands of magically sensitive people on Equis died too,” Teagan said, closing her eyes. “But it wasn’t murder, Mr. Halstead. The group that gave Luna the bomb carefully neglected to mention the collateral damage it would cause.”

“Is that what you call it?” Jacob sneered, “collateral damage? Well, your precious god-like princess committed an act of war against Canada and probably the U.S. as well since we’re allies. Hell, maybe against the whole damn world!”

“And in the process she saved millions of lives on Equis—and billions on Earth. You never fought Duisternis, Mr. Halstead. I did. They wanted to extinguish the Sun. You do know what happens if the Sun goes away, right? After Equis it would have been Earth’s turn. Because of Crush sharing its memories with me I lived through the last time Equis lost its sun. Ask Emma what that little trip down memory lane did to me.”

“She was screaming, daddy,” Emma said, shivering. “She fell off her chair and started writhing on the ground. It was horrible.”

Teagan nodded angrily.

“I lived it, Mr. Halstead. So I know exactly what Duisternis would have done to Equis—and then Earth. Not a single living thing would have survived, the only thing moving after that would be demons and undead.”

Teagan’s rage had broken free. She stepped angrily into Jacob’s personal space and glared at him.

“Yes, that means every horror movie you’ve ever seen was right. Undead are real. I destroyed an army of animated pony skeletons! Not to mention putrid zombies that spewed rotting flesh everywhere when Crush hit them!

“Oh, and the freaking cherry on top? I had to kill two draugrs. A draugr is a soul damned to be trapped in their own dead body for all eternity. A body that had been skinned alive and then tortured until they died. Only they didn’t die—not completely. Their spirits were trapped in those bodies, leaving them in eternal agony. Imagine living every day of your life feeling like you’re on fire. Not only that, but any damage they take heals nearly instantly. So they cannot destroy themselves to escape.

“I used Crush’s magic to destroy two draugrs that managed to slip their leashes long enough to beg me for death!

“By the way, that bomb? It killed the rest of the draugrs, the demons leading Duisternis, and a lot of their undead soldiers, including some weird undead pony spirits called Windigos. Celestia saved two worlds when she used it.

“So, yes it was a tragedy that innocents died here on Earth. Humans should never have been involved at all. But if Celestia hadn’t ended Duisternis with that bomb they would eventually have killed every single human being in existence. And our world would be nothing but another frozen graveyard.

“You want to know what the worst part was? They never told Celestia about the bomb’s aftermath. Probably because they knew she’d never have used it if they had.”

Jacob just stared at her, face white as a sheet. The other three adults weren’t quite as horror struck, but then Teagan hadn’t been shouting in their face, her own red with rage.

“Whoever gave Luna that bomb does not care about anyone’s life except their own,” Teagan said bitterly as she stepped back. “Their gifts always come at too high a price, Mr. Halstead. Something I’m certain Celestia wishes she’d known before deciding to use it.”

ooOoo

Earth, Wednesday evening, August 14, 2013 9:26 PM Eastern Standard Time

“So, did Faust ever turn up?” President Bend asked the NSA head as they relaxed in the Oval Office.

“No, as I expected that gentleman left us to pick up the pieces by ourselves,” Admiral Spears said drily. “However, I am happy to report that both Teagan O’Gara and Emma Halstead attended school yesterday.”

“So they’re back,” President Bend settled back in his chair with a satisfied look. “Now, maybe I can get some answers. I just have to arrange a quiet little trip to Kansas City.”

“Very quiet,” the other man said mildly. “Remember Cosen’s Lake.”

“You think Miss O’Gara did that?” The president’s eyes sharpened. The other man shrugged.

“No idea, to be honest. Probably not, but she may know who did. Asking her might be a bad idea, though.”

“Spell it out for me,” the president invited the other man.

“Consider the alternatives. If she ordered it she’s hardly going to want to admit that. If she did admit to it I’d be extremely worried about why. And I’d be even more worried what that confession would mean in terms of her raw power and apparent willingness to use it. Given the number of deaths involved the implications are…alarming. Faust did warn me she has a temper.

“On the other hand if she didn’t do it but does know who did that might qualify as sticking your nose somewhere she didn’t want you to, inviting her to swat you with the Fae equivalent of a rolled up newspaper. I doubt it would kill you, but I’m equally doubtful you’d enjoy the experience.

“Lastly, if she neither ordered it nor knows who did, she might think you were accusing her, making her feel threatened. Given that we know nothing of her actual capabilities that’s something to be avoided at all costs—especially considering we’re ignorant of her allies and their capabilities.”

“I can’t let it go, Admiral,” the president said mildly. Every country on Earth is looking for answers. Half of them still think it was one of our weapon projects gone horribly wrong. They want assurances it won’t happen again in their backyard. We need to know.”

“Then, Mr. President,” Admiral Spears spoke carefully, “all I can suggest is you be exceedingly,” he hesitated, “circumspect. Always keep in mind the Fae don’t lie—but they play very dangerous word games.”

ooOoo

Earth, Thursday evening, August 22, 2013 7:18 PM

“Ok, Squirt, good job. Let’s take a five minute break and then I’ll let you do some parrying,” Matt told the panting girl. She gratefully stripped off her helmet and went to grab a bottle of water, slumping down next to Crush.

Matt grabbed another bottle and sat next to her.

“Keep this up and you’ll be ready for your P3 test in another month,” he said, rolling his shoulders as he leaned back against the wall.

“Sounds good to me,” Teagan grinned. “I’m gonna catch up to you before long, Matt.”

He snorted. “By the time you reach E3 I’ll be happily retired and spending my days watching multicolored ponies do their shopping, Squirt.”

“Ha! You just watch me,” Teagan boasted. “Bet I make G1 before I graduate.”

Matt considered that.

“Maybe,” he allowed. “Then again, having to spend 6 months in Equestria over the next two years will seriously cut into your training time. On top of that, the G grades progress a lot slower than the P ones. Besides which, from P3 on you really need to start sparring with as many opponents as you can. Sparring with nobody but me will leave holes in your technique. Not everybody fights like I do. New opponents will bring new surprises. P3 would be a good level to start broadening your experience. Maybe enter some competitions too. They tend to attract the really aggressive competitors. You need that.”

“You could be right,” Teagan answered, considering the idea. “On the other hand, in every serious fight I’ve been in I had to use Crush to survive. The only reason I leaned Krav Maga in the first place was to let me hold off an attacker long enough for Crush to get there.”

“Yeah, well, I think you need to round out your fighting skills, Squirt. Depending on a single magical club could leave you in a world of hurt if you ever had to fight without it. Remember the glacier?”

Teagan shuddered. “Don’t remind me. The problem is Krav Maga is designed to fight humans. I’ve only had one serious fight against anything even vaguely humanoid, much less against a human. Even then it’s been something so far outside my weight class it’s ridiculous. Think about it. First it was Discord—a freaking god, then Tišina—another god, then Chrysalis, who probably weighs 700 pounds or more, and her bug-unicorns that weighed more than she does.

“What else? Oh, yeah, a pack of shadow wolves, a homicidal troll, a hundred foot long, fire-breathing dragon for God’s sake, an enormous swarm of vampiric birds the size of cats, a skeleton army, and a pair of draugrs! No offense, Matt but not even you could hurt any one of those, E3 or not. A mere P2 like me? Pfft.”

“I see your point,” he said with a chuckle. “Still, if I were you I’d be thinking about getting a team around me. Skrent and Flint are a pretty good start. Maybe add a magic-user or two. Don’t forget a medic, either.

“Game or not, D&D players play in a group of mixed classes for a reason, Teelo. It’s just common sense. Not to mention you need a ranged weapon for backup. Given how technologically backward Equestria is I’d suggest a crossbow rather than a gun. Maybe enchant the bolts too, explosive arrow heads maybe, or ones that create a big fireball in the wound. Something like that would absolutely ruin the bad guy’s whole day.”

Teagan shuddered.

“Thank you so much for that mental image,” she groused. “Now I need a gallon of brain bleach. Still, you’ll get no arguments from me. I watched Rolling Thunder in the field and they were awesome.”

“You do understand that leading any kind of group requires leadership skills, Your Majesty, not just unarmed combat training? And while I can give you lots of pointers on leading a team there’s simply no substitute for hands on experience. You’re going to need political and diplomatic skills too since your “team” is actually a nation.”

Teagan sighed and stuck her tongue out at her mentor.

“In other words, delegate,” she said with a sigh.

“Yup,” Matt said with a grin. “Learn how to pick the best person for the job and trust them to get on with it—but at the same time don’t abdicate your responsibility, either. The buck really does stop with you.”

“And now that you’ve done your Debbie Downer routine, can we please get to the parrying?” Teagan asked, raising her eyebrows.

Matt was about to answer when his phone went off, sounding like a doorbell.

“Somebody’s come in,” he said with a small frown. “Jerry’s got the night off and nobody’s scheduled a practice session tonight. Must be a walk-in. Finish your water, this shouldn’t take long.”

Teagan saluted him with her water bottle as he headed for the front of the dojo.

He was actually gone long enough for her to finish her water, and then do some stretches to ease muscles that had tightened up during her break.

But when he returned he wasn’t alone—and from the wary tension in his gait Teagan recognized trouble on the way. She rose to her feet and assumed her Harmless Young Girl persona, keeping her face neutral and vaguely pleasant and her stance open. She casually shifted so that Crush was half-hidden behind her, its handle mere inches from her hand.

The man following Matt was an African-American in his early fifties, with a buzz cut and large ears that stuck out from the side of his head. He was a few inches taller than Matt and moved with the confident assurance of a leader, but without the fluid grace of a trained martial artist.

Lawyer or politician, Teagan thought as Matt’s training kicked in. She noted he was dressed in a tracksuit, but it looked brand new and while he acted comfortable in it something about him said he’d be more at home in an expensive business suit.

He also looked familiar for some reason. It wasn’t until he spoke she recognized him.

“Good evening, Miss O’Gara. My name is Zelig Bend.”

Her brain rebooted and her surprise must have shown on her face because he grinned that famous grin.

“I see you recognize me,” he said pleasantly.

Crush’s eyes opened in her mind and the world slowed down. Her brain kicked in its mental afterburner as she tried to figure out the impossibility of his presence and what to do about it. The implications were horrifying but she forced herself to remain calm and after a moment shrugged mentally and decided to take a page from Celestia’s book and try her hand at speaking nothing but the literal truth—with extreme prejudice.

“Good evening, Mr. Bend. Yes, I recognize you. I also know where you live and what you do for a living. I have to say your visit is an unexpected surprise. Since you obviously recognize me I’m going to assume you know where I live and what I do for a living too.”

“Good guess,” the man admitted, still smiling affably.

“Matt, could I trouble you for some catnip tea? I have a feeling we’re all going to need it before we’re done.” Teagan turned puppy dog eyes on her mentor.

“I’ll bring in a table and chairs too,” Matt said easily, some of the wariness leaving him. When he left the two studied each other with interest.

Teagan was watching the way he stood, the way he shifted his weight, looking for all the little tells she had been trained to find.

He didn’t show anything. Not one tell. Which instantly made her very wary. Either he was completely without guile or he had identified his tells and eliminated them. Given who he was, she was certain it was the latter, which made him a very dangerous adversary.

For his part Zelig Bend was seeing a rather relaxed and pleasant looking teenage girl. He was also looking for tells and didn’t find any. Like Teagan it made him even more cautious, given everything the NSA suspected about the short slender red-haired girl and her father. He forcefully reminded himself she no doubt wielded political power similar to his own and under no circumstances did he dare underestimate her.

Thus her very mild and harmless appearance did nothing but make him extra wary.

“So…you’re a long way from home,” Teagan said with a winsome smile. “What brings you to the middle of nowhere?”

“Hey now,” he protested. “My mom is from Kansas, you know. My grandparents grew up and got married not too far from here. Plus, the barbeque is to die for.”

“Returning to your roots?” Teagan asked with a chuckle.

“Doing some fund-raising for Joe Wilson,” he said, spreading his hands and smiling. “While I was in town I just had to stop at P40 and get a half-slab and slaw, you know? And, well, since I was here anyway, I thought I’d stop by and say hello just to be neighborly.”

“I see,” Teagan found herself honestly amused at the man’s “aw shucks” conviviality. And if he had been anyone else, she might even have believed him.

“Since both of us know what the other does for a living,” he winked, “it just makes sense to get to know one another, right? So we can be friendly neighbors?”

Just then Matt returned carrying three fold up chairs and a table. He quickly unfolded the table legs and the chairs, disappearing again for a moment before reappearing with a teapot, some small plates and a package of cookies. He vanished once more and returned with three teacups and spoons. Then, in a passable British accent he announced “Tea is served, my lady.”

Teagan rolled her eyes at him then stuck out her tongue, making sure their visitor saw it all.

“Mr. Bend, would you care to sit and have some tea and cookies?” Teagan asked.

“Of course,” he replied easily. Once the three of them were seated Matt poured each of them a cup and set aside a small squeeze bottle of honey after carefully squirting a little into his tea.

“What kind of tea did you say this was?” their visitor asked.

“Catnip,” Teagan replied, picking up the bottle of honey and adding some to her tea. “I know it sounds weird but it’s actually pretty good. It’s very relaxing, but won’t put you to sleep.”

Matt opened the package of cookies and put three on each plate, then placed the open package in the middle of the table. He handed their visitor the first plate.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” he said in thanks, accepting the plate before sitting it next to his tea. He watched the other two take a sip before reaching for the honey and squirting a short squirt into his own tea.

He knows who Matt is, Teagan realized silently as she took a bite of the butter cookie, hoping she hadn’t reacted to their visitor’s slip of the tongue.

Wait a minute, that wasn’t a slip of the tongue, was it? He’s too good to screw up like that, Teagan thought to herself before wincing internally.

Of course he’s good, you idiot! You can’t get his job without being very good at the game.

For his part Matt just sat quietly, his tranquil gaze moving naturally between the other two as he enjoyed his tea.

“This is very good,” their visitor said with a smile. “I’ll have to see about getting some. I think Zaria would love it.”

“I find it to be an acquired taste,” Teagan admitted ruefully. “But now that I’m used to it I rather enjoy it.”

After they had finished the tea and cookies their visitor settled back in his chair and smiled at the girl.

“I have to say Zaria would be thrilled to know you’re so dedicated to physical fitness and athleticism, Miss O’Gara. I’m a fitness buff myself, but even if my job didn’t demand so much of my time I don’t think I could handle martial arts.”

“Call me Teagan,” the girl offered with a smile. “I will admit Matt’s a real slave driver, but I’ve never been a quitter. I’m actually pretty good at this stuff, and you’re right, it’s wonderful exercise.”

“Then call me Zelig, Teagan. No need to stand on formality, right?”

“Works for me,” Teagan replied with a rather more genuine smile.

“My job forces me to meet a lot of people who demand formality,” the man made a disgusted face that made Teagan laugh. “What about yours?”

“Hmm,” Teagan tilted her head, considering. “A few, but my—clients—prefer a simpler, more straightforward approach. You might say I’m on a first name basis with everyone I work with, who works for me, or I serve.”

“Wish I could say that,” Zelig made another face. “It took me a while to get used to having the people who work for me jump up every time I walk into the room.”

“I hear that,” Teagan said, nodding. “My pet peeve is they absolutely insist on using my title in every sentence. It gets really old. Oh, and the dress code, don’t even get me started on the dress code.”

“Tell me about it,” Zelig replied, shaking his head. “I think there are maybe 10 people total that use my first name—and three of them are my wife and daughters! Everyone else is always so careful to use the title instead. All I can do is smile and nod. My predecessor was a real stickler for the dress code too. First thing I did was institute business casual whenever I could get away with it.”

“Hear, hear!” Teagan said with feeling, a big grin on her face.

“I’m glad we’re getting along so well informally,” the visitor said with a smile. “I was wondering if we could perhaps let our jobs get along as well?”

And now the other shoe drops, Teagan thought with a sinking sensation. She whimsically channeled Fluttershy for a moment.

“Oh, dear. No, I’m afraid that would be a very bad idea,” Teagan said shaking her head. “Please understand, while I’m very happy that Zelig Bend came to have tea with Teagan O’Gara and I have no objection to doing it again if you’d like, our jobs mustn’t become involved—ever.”

“May I ask why?” their visitor asked, clearly puzzled.

“I think having the President of the United States of America officially meet the Queen of the World Below would be a disaster of absolutely biblical proportions,” Teagan said with slow deliberate emphasis. “You said you know what I do for a living. Do you know where I do it?”

Zelig studied her for a long moment, before slowly nodding.

“I believe it’s—elsewhere—isn’t it?” he asked in a suddenly serious voice.

Teagan nodded.

“That’s actually a very good way of putting it,” she admitted. “It’s—quite far away. You might even call it another world if you wanted to be poetic.”

Or literal, Teagan added silently.

“That’s what I’ve been told,” he said carefully.

“Have you ever heard the expression good fences make good neighbors?” Teagan asked, reaching for another cookie.

“I have,” Zelig nodded.

“There’s an exceptionally good fence between here and there,” Teagan said, biting into her cookie and swallowing before continuing. “It makes the World Below a very, very good neighbor. Everyone likes good neighbors, right?”

“So, if I understand you, you’re saying having our jobs interact could tear down the fence?” the man asked carefully.

“I think that’s an accurate summation, yes,” Teagan put the unfinished half of her cookie down on her plate.

“What about you and I having tea?” Zelig asked, watching her carefully.

“Well, who are you and I in the big picture?” Teagan asked lightly. “I’m just a schoolgirl, and you’re just a manager. If either one of us disappeared the other’s world wouldn’t even notice. We’d certainly be replaced easily enough. One cog disappears and another, similar, cog is slapped in place. The machine continues on its merry way, no one the wiser.

“But if the President of the United States and the Queen of the World Below become aware of each other officially, why then if one should disappear the other will face profound disruptions as matters explode, flinging crises everywhere.

“So no, it’s—better—if the President and the Queen remain officially unaware of the other’s existence.” Teagan said gently. “You see?”

“I believe so. So—unofficially then—would it be fair to say you know the Queen? Do you think you could guess what she plans to do?”

“Oh, I think so,” Teagan said, smiling. “Keep in mind I am just a school girl. I can’t speak for the Queen, how could I? But I believe I do have a unique insight into her plans. What about you? Can you guess what the President plans to do?”

“Well, I obviously can’t speak for the President,” Zelig said, grinning, “but I think I have some insight too. Would you be offended if I asked you to share yours?”

“No, because that’s obvious,” Teagan said, smiling. “Since the Queen doesn’t know the President exists, she has no plans concerning him or the U.S. at all. I would imagine since the President doesn’t officially know the Queen exists either, he doesn’t have any plans concerning her or the World Below.”

Zelig paused, reaching for another cookie to buy some time. Teagan settled back in her chair, outwardly placid but inwardly tense as she waited to hear what he would say. Matt simply relaxed in his chair, an expression of polite interest on his face.

“Well, he’s been hearing rumors,” Zelig said reluctantly, wondering if this gamble would pay off or explode in his face. “Here and there, as one does. Like Canada, for instance…”

He watched Teagan’s face closely and caught her stiffening. He forced himself not to react.

“I heard about that,” she said sadly. “All those poor people killed. Did anyone ever figure out what happened?”

“Not that I heard,” he said carefully, watching her. “Has the Queen heard about anything like that over there?”

Now it was Teagan’s turn to sit and think. Too late she realized her very silence shouted the answer.

He’s very good at the game indeed, she thought glumly.

“She did hear about something like that before I came back,” she finally admitted.

Zelig suppressed the impulse to grab her and shake the answer out of her. After all, she wasn’t the first dignitary to provoke that reaction. He’d had plenty of practice.

“Remember that fence I mentioned?” Teagan asked.

Zelig nodded. “You said it was exceptionally good.”

“It is,” she nodded, “but it’s not perfect. Nothing is ever perfect. Or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“I suppose not,” he answered somberly. “So—whatever took a bite out of Canada was from over there?”

Teagan tilted her head. “No, I really don’t think so. Not originally, at least. I think it was brought there and then used. Whatever it was punched a hole in the fence, and Canada just happened to be standing on the other side.”

“So Canada was collateral damage?” he asked in a neutral voice.

“What a horribly bland phrase,” Teagan sighed. “Yes, Zelig, Canada was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And people died that shouldn’t have.”

“I see,” he replied, considering. A heavy silence hovered around the group. “Any idea where it came from, and if there are more?”

“The queen has her suspicions, I think,” Teagan said, tiptoeing carefully through this minefield, “but if what she suspects is true it’s unlikely more of the things will wander over there—and even less likely if one does it will get used. I can assure you she herself would never consider using one. Some sleeping dogs should never wake up.”

Zelig heard the forceful loathing in her voice and it made him feel a little better.

“It sounds like we’re in agreement on that point,” he said, watching her. “You can understand my concern about having it happen again.”

“Oh yes,” Teagan said a grimace. “And I share that concern. Still, things like that are well above our pay grade and not something we have to worry about. Let the President or the Queen have that grief, they’re welcome to it.”

“Still, it might be better if the two of them discussed it directly, don’t you think?” he pressed as lightly as he dared.

Teagan shook her head. “My insights concerning the Queen give me a certain advantage of perspective, Zelig. I’m sure your own insights give you a better perspective on things here, but mine are better there. Things there are—complicated. Besides, here and there are just part of a much larger everywhere, and it would be better if here stays out of the mess that is everywhere as much as possible. It’s—safer—when places are kept separate. Kind of like making sure nitric acid and glycerol are kept well away from each other.”

Zelig considered this, remembering Admiral Spears’ views on the subject, and especially how the different universes really did seem to make an effort to keep themselves isolated.

“Perhaps you’re right,” he agreed finally. “Although I must say it seems a pity. Diversity is a great driver of progress. New ideas, new perspectives, new ways of doing things, it’s really amazing.”

“Oh I agree completely,” Teagan nodded. “But history teaches us that not all diversity is created equal. Ideas are a lot like animals. Some are beneficial, some are not. Some animals are benign where they originated, but disastrous in other places. Kudzu vines in the southern States or rabbits in Australia, for example.”

“Can you imagine what might happen if animals from there were introduced here, for instance?”

Zelig stiffened a bit, imagining the resulting disaster was all too easy.

“Just like animals, certain harmless ideas could become invasive too. So any contact between here and there should be kept to an absolute minimum. After all, do you trust every single politician in the U.S. government and their aides and their interns, to be as discreet as the two of us? After all, ideas are kind of like viruses. It only takes one person to spread them.”

“You seem to have adapted to there, Teagan,” he said carefully. “Don’t you think others would be able to as well?”

Teagan shrugged. “Of course. Some people adapt easily, they could even thrive there. But would everyone, all at once? Imagine, for a moment, that little green men landed their starship on the Whitehouse lawn, in full view of the crowds of tourists. What would the President do then?”

Zelig couldn’t stop himself from wincing.

Teagan nodded.

“Exactly. It would be an absolute circus, no, a crisis. Every country on Earth would want to make sure they were included, wouldn’t they? Oh, and let’s not forget the religious fanatics of all faiths, and the paranoid and the conspiracy theorists and a hundred other fringe groups spreading rumors faster than the government could schedule news conferences to counter them. Oh! And what would happen if the little green men played favorites? For instance, if they declared that one religion was actively working against the tranquil harmony that mankind should be enjoying?”

“That—would be bad,” Zelig said after contemplating just how bad it could get.

“I’ll tell you a secret, Zelig, if you promise to keep it quiet,” Teagan said with a small smile. “Do you promise?”

He nodded, wondering if this was really a good idea.

“That everywhere I mentioned? There’s more to it than just here and there. And some of those places that make up everywhere aren’t very nice. They wouldn’t be good neighbors, no matter how perfect the fences were. Trust me on this.”

“When you say they aren’t very nice…” he trailed off invitingly.

“Think H.P. Lovecraft,” Teagan replied soberly. “Think of all the horror movies you’ve ever heard of that ended badly for the main characters. Zombie apocalypses, the Doom video game, basically any book or movie where everybody dies at the end—that degree of not nice. And there are a lot of those kinds of places making up everywhere.”

“I assume there are also places out there that are extremely nice as well?” he asked, “just to maintain the cosmic balance?”

Teagan smiled ruefully. “You’re assuming there’s such a thing as cosmic balance in the first place.”

“There isn’t?” he asked, suddenly alert.

Teagan shrugged.

“Honestly? I have no idea,” she admitted. “The World Below isn’t exactly a hell dimension, but it’s pretty dangerous. Think hundreds of years ago when civilization was surrounded by untamed wilderness. Thus my clients don’t exactly welcome strangers with open arms.

“Having said that, some of our allies are much closer to the human ideal of good guys than my clients, but even they aren’t all sunshine and rainbows, and when their survival is threatened, well, they don’t hold back.”

Zelig’s ears pricked up at the mention of allies.

“So there is more than just the World Below?” he asked casually.

Teagan grinned at him.

“I told you it was complicated. Yes, there is more than just the World Below, a whole gaggle of different peoples, different cultures, different aspirations, hopes and fears. None of them are human, almost none are bipeds, and a few aren’t even mammals. Also, I cannot stress enough that there isn’t even the tiniest fraction of everywhere.”

“So, basically there is a planet just like Earth?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“A planet yes, but not like Earth,” Teagan shook her head. “In fact, it’s completely different from Earth. I mean sure, politically the different intelligent species group together in their own territories, have their own forms of government, eat, sleep, and so on, but while there are lots of parallels with human cultures each species have biological differences that can create bizarre laws or customs. It would be like claiming you could predict the behavior of dolphins by knowing everything there is to know about cobras.”

“I see,” Zelig said thoughtfully. “Would you be willing to describe some of the species? Like your—clients—for example?”

“Curious?” Teagan asked, tilting her head.

“Fascinated,” Zelig corrected. “It’s a whole new world, with a wide array of intelligent species. Who wouldn’t be?”

“Fair enough,” she said. “But you need to be extremely careful with whatever I tell you about there. Also remember I’m just a high school sophomore and there is a very big place. Most of what I know is from personal experience. I’ve had very little time to study anything outside the World Below.”

“Understood,” Zelig replied, leaning forward in his chair, attention fixed on the girl.

“Well, my clients are one of the few bipedal species known,” she began, “and stand anywhere from 8 to 10 feet tall, with females averaging around 6 feet. Their arms are much longer than their legs—their hands can nearly brush the ground when standing upright. They’re slate green in color, fading to a silvery hue as they get older, sort of like human hair turning gray but my clients are hairless, making their species pretty unique in that respect. Most of the others have fur, those that don’t have scales.

“My clients are subterranean, in fact their entire civilization exists underground, which is why they call it the World Below, I guess. They have large claws that can dig through solid rock pretty rapidly and they enjoy creating all kinds of artwork from stone, everything from decorations on buildings or natural caverns, to making statues, ranging from tiny figurines all the way up to humongous things like Mount Rushmore.

“Their eyes are quite large and usually dark brown or black. They tend to be straight forward, honest, and completely intolerant of oath-breakers and liars. Their clothing is minimal, just a loin cloth and chest harness for males, with the females adding a halter top, although like their stone work they create cloth with intricate patterns, all extremely tough, high quality, and frankly beautiful.

“I assume it’s a kingdom since they have a queen?” Zelig asked innocently.

Teagan nodded.

“Kingdoms are the most common form of government,” she replied. “Even species that don’t call their leaders kings are just calling a rose by another name. The only exceptions I know of are the species that don’t form social groups, but even they tend to form advisory councils out of sheer necessity.”

“Does the planet have a name like Earth does?”

“Yes,” Teagan nodded.

“And that name would be…” he prompted her after it was clear she wasn’t going to continue.

“Names have power, Zelig,” she replied in a serious tone. “As much as I like you I’m not willing to give you that much power.”

Zelig felt a chill for the first time since he’d entered the dojo. Faust had used those exact words when Admiral Spears asked who the queen of the seventh universe was. Clearly this was something the Fae knew about that humans didn’t.

And if it’s something the Fae are wary of doing I better damn well pay attention, he thought.

“How could knowing the name of another planet possibly given me any power?” He asked, truly puzzled and fishing for a clue.

“You have the resources of one of the most powerful nations on Earth at your fingertips, Zelig,” Teagan said, smiling. “Why should I give you any names? Names have power for a reason.

“You’ve actually told me a lot about the planet. How is all that information less valuable than the planet’s name?”

“Information is power,” she agreed calmly. “But names are the equivalent of a Google search term. Knowing it allows you to narrow your search effortlessly. No name, no search term, no way to narrow the search.

“And that makes here and there easy to keep separated and safe,” she finished. “You don’t want creatures from there rampaging through New York or Los Angeles do you?”

“Of course not,” he replied, shaking his head.

“No more than I want human scientists or soldiers descending en masse on the World Below. My clients would react—badly—to something like that. There would be lots of casualties. Let’s keep the body count from spiraling out of control, shall we? It’s already far too high.”

“I certainly wouldn’t want more deaths, Teagan,” Zelig assured her with complete honesty.

“Good, we’re in agreement then. Let’s hope our insights accurately mirror what the President and Queen would decide if they were aware of each other.” Teagan said with a relaxed smile.

“You really aren’t going to let me open diplomatic relations with the World Below, are you?” Zelig asked after another long silence.

“No. As I said, it would be a disaster of biblical proportions if that happened,” Teagan said earnestly. “Trust me, Zelig. If I get my way I’ll spend the next few summers in the World Below, finish college and then move there permanently, giving you one less headache to worry about.”

“You aren’t the only one dealing with the World Below,” he said carefully. “We know there are others. Are they going to move away too?”

She studied him.

“I can say with absolute certainty I am the only human being dealing with the World Below,” Teagan replied calmly. “No one else can go there without my knowledge and consent. That’s how the fence works, Zelig. What makes you think otherwise?”

“The President has been hearing rumors of payments from there. If it isn’t the World Below, then who might it be?”

“Payments?” Teagan tilted her head. “What kind of payments?”

“Gemstones of exceptional quality,” he answered after a short internal debate. “I’m personally aware of a large ruby we know isn’t local being sold to a gem dealer here in Kansas City.”

“Ah. I’m aware of those gems, Zelig. They were payment for services rendered to our allies. Don’t worry, the gems are quite genuine and were earned honestly. I know everyone involved and can vouch they won’t cause any trouble. Unless circumstances change drastically regular contact between here and there will never happen. I give you my word, based on my insight of the Queen.”

“You personally guarantee there will be no more travelers moving between here and there?” Zelig asked, suddenly turning serious.

“Other than myself you mean? No, I won’t guarantee there won’t be any travelers. But anyone who does travel will do so only with my permission—which won’t be given lightly, you have my word.”

He studied her, his expression pleasantly neutral.

I’ve had to accept worse deals before, he thought. Given she’s Fae—or at least influenced by the Fae this is about the best I’ll be able to get. At least it’s actually not terrible.

“Ok, Teagan. I have to say I’m disappointed about never meeting you professionally, but frankly not having to worry about the World Below will be one less thing on the President’s plate. My insight tells me he won’t miss it.”

“Likewise I’m positive the Queen certainly won’t miss it either. She’s terribly busy these days. I’m sure you understand.”

“Oh yes,” he said with a genuinely honest smirk. “Well, I only have this job another two and a half years and then it’s not my problem anymore—unlike the Queen. I understand that job is a lifetime sentence?”

“Unfortunately,” Teagan grimaced. “And it’s nowhere near as fun as most people imagine.”

“I hear that,” he replied, rising to his feet. “Speaking of work, I should be going. No rest for the wicked. It was a pleasure having tea with you, Teagan. Maybe we can do it again some time.”

“That would be nice, Zelig,” Teagan said with a genuine smile. “Of course, with our work schedules that might be tricky.”

“True that,” he acknowledged. “Lieutenant, it was a pleasure meeting you again, Teagan, have a good night.”

Matt and Teagan walked their visitor back to the front lobby where a younger stocky man rose to his feet. Matt’s training let her spot the suspicious bulge under his jacket.

With a handshake their visitor and his “friend” vanished out the door.

ooOoo

Earth, Thursday evening, August 22, 2013 9:23 PM

“Since when do you know the freaking President of the United States?” Teagan demanded once the front door was locked and they were safely back in the dojo.

“That’s one of those stories I don’t tell you to preserve your faith in our government, Squirt,” he said calmly. “Did you catch the part about him being President for only another couple of years?”

“Yeah,” Teagan replied morosely. “I think he’s willing to let sleeping dogs lie but I’m not so sure about his successor. I’ve got another 6 years here at least before going back. Any idea if his successor is going to be as sensible about it as he was?”

“No,” Matt said flatly. “Zelig Bend’s been president for two terms now, which means it’s likely we’ll get a Republican next. They’re always a lot more gung-ho than the Democrats when it comes to military intervention.”

“Just great,” Teagan snarled. “So now I have to worry about the government trying to get to Equestria. Celestia would just love that.”

“And it’s not just them you have to worry about, Squirt. Somebody’s obviously been telling tales,” Matt pointed out. “Remember the cartoon? The fact it exists at all proves somebody has access to news out of Equestria. Somebody gave Luna a nuke so Celestia could terminate those demon terrorists of yours.”

“Celestia thinks it’s the same group that helped Epona make the Bridge,” Teagan said thoughtfully. “Maybe I was more right than I knew when I said Earth and Equis are just tiny fractions of what’s out there.

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Matt said, scratching his chin. “We know there are at least three realms out there: Earth, Equis, and wherever Tišina oozed out of. My physics professor in college always said that any number other than 0 will always be a much bigger than you expect. If there are 3 realms we know of there must be a lot more we don’t.”

“Not helping,” Teagan said grumpily. “I just wish I knew who was stirring the pot and why.”

ooOoo

Faust smiled in delight as he gazed into the large crystal sphere currently showing the troll queen as she spoke with her human mentor.

“Oh, Your Majesty,” he said softly, “do be cautious of what you wish, for often your wish may be granted.”

He began to laugh merrily as he let the scene in the crystal ball fade.

ooOoo FINI ooOoo

Comments

[Somepony42]

Thank you for such a great story! Looking forward to whatever comes next!

[StainedBarrel]

This is such a great story, I hate how it has so few likes.
In any case, i can't wait to see the next story.

[Panther Passing Across]

This is wonderful.

[Ephedianroyalty]

Oh please dont end this here, sir! Oh please!

[Glados Aperature]

I advise you to keep writing. This storyline has my utmost attention

[Jhonn]

:'(