My Little Teelo: Masquerade

by Ardwolf

Modest Strides

In which the appearance of normalcy is gradually reestablished by the actors lest the audience see the play for what it is.

Earth, Sunday afternoon, May 29, 2013 3:18 PM

“Be home by seven, young man,” Olivia told her son as he headed out again to play with his friends.

“I know, Mom!” he said with a long suffering sigh. “See ya!”

Olivia’s fond smile slipped as she turned back to stare at her other offspring, who regarded her calmly. It was beginning to annoy Olivia just how casually Emma was treating all this. Listening to Emma speak so blandly about battles and monsters was making her temper fray. She couldn’t imagine why Jacob hadn’t completely lost it by now.

“All right, Emma. Start talking,” Jacob growled.

“Let’s see, where was I? Oh! Once we reached Ponyville things calmed down quite a bit,” Emma said after thinking a moment. “We went to the hospital to drop off Chrysalis and the wounded changelings then Teelo had to make some kind of financial arrangements for treating the changelings. I didn’t really understand it, something about who was going to pay for the specialists or something. Teelo said if Celestia or Fjell wouldn’t cover it she would, and that was good enough for the hospital because we left a bit after that.

“Wait, Teelo would cover their bills?” Olivia said, confused. “Why? And how? Her family isn’t exactly rich.”

“I dunno,” Emma said shrugging. “Maybe as the queen Teelo has some kind of allowance or something? When I asked her she said it was payment for services rendered. I think she meant it was her part of the deal with Chrysalis. Anyway, our next stop was some café because using Crush always makes Teelo really hungry—like actually starving to death hungry.

“Stormwind wanted to head to Canterlot on the first train but Teelo put her foot down. That’s when Søyle told us about Crush feeding off its wielder whenever they go all superhero with it. She said Teelo was doing things she didn’t know Crush could do, like the whole flying thing.

“She can fly?” Jacob said in disbelief.

“Yes, Daddy. Remember? Chrysalis and her guards were like forty feet in the air when she fought them.” Emma said patiently.

“Oh, right,” Jacob muttered.

“Anyway, Rarity shows up and joins us for lunch. They brought Teelo this huge bowl of stew—it must have been a full gallon. She ate it all, along with a loaf of bread, five ears of corn and a massive piece of chocolate cake for desert. She mentioned she’s eating six thousand calories a day just to keep her weight steady. That’s three times what I eat.”

“Skinny little Teelo?” Jacob scoffed. “That’s hard to believe.”

“I’ve watched her eat,” Emma said, shaking her head. “Double and triple portions every meal. That club really takes it out of her and she trains with it every day. Not to mention the workout she got while we were there.”

“Anyway, everything was going fine until Discord shows up. Teelo started screaming. She completely lost it, charging Discord and hitting him with Crush. There was this bright flash and a loud bang and he was gone. The boom made a mess too. It broke a lot of windows.”

“Wait, didn’t you say Discord was a villain? What was he doing there?” Olivia said sharply.

“Discord was the one who kidnapped her the first time,” Emma explained, “but Celestia had Fluttershy reform him. Pity nobody bothered telling Teelo that.”

“Did she kill him?” Jacob asked before he could help himself.

Emma shook her head. “Nope, he’s the god of chaos, Daddy. But she did hit him so hard he landed in Canterlot. Right in front of Celestia while she was having tea, in fact.”

The girl chuckled. “Twilight told me Discord had wisps of smoke coming off him.

“Fluttershy was kind of miffed that Teelo hit him though. Apparently she’d gotten friendly enough with Discord that he was boarding with her. The restaurant owner wasn’t very happy about the mess she made either. By the time we got all of that straightened out Princess Celestia showed up with Discord in tow. I was really nervous because I’d never met a princess before, but it turns out Celestia is really friendly,” Emma confided.

“I’d have been more worried about Discord,” Jacob commented dryly. “Didn’t you say he was a crazy ax-murderer?”

“Um, no, he really isn’t. It turns out he was being possessed by a demon when he tried to kill Fluttershy,” Emma said. “The demon’s dead now and he’s reformed, so I guess they figure all is forgiven.”

“Fluttershy must be crazy, letting him live in her house like that,” Olivia said with a shiver. “I’d shoot him before I let him in my door.”

“Yeah, well, Fluttershy’s kind of a saint like that,” Emma said slowly. “On the other hand, Teelo told me she wouldn’t cross Fluttershy on a bet. She’s sort of like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Hit the right button and she turns into a raging monster.”

“Wait, this is the kindly one, right?” Jacob said, trying to make sense of it.

“Yeah, she’s the Element of Kindness. I mean she wields it. Like I said, she’s a living saint, friend of all creatures—until she isn’t. That’s when dragons run and hide.”

“These ponies are just weird,” Olivia complained. “A saint who turns into a monster? A scholarly princess who’s also a small-town librarian? They’re all crazy!”

“But really nice.” Emma said firmly. “If you don’t mess with them they’ll bend over backward to help you. It’s only when somebody tries to hurt them they hit back. Can you blame them for defending themselves?”

“No, of course not,” Olivia replied. “But they aren’t human, honey! We don’t know how they’ll react at all. You might do something without realizing that would make them hurt you. The trolls are even worse. At least ponies aren’t carnivores.”

“Ponies are one third human, Mom,” Emma said mildly. “And trolls aren’t that bad, really. Just don’t lie to them or try or take unfair advantage of them and they won’t hurt you.”

“So you say,” Jacob snorted. “How do you know? You’ve only dealt with them for two days.”

Emma smiled slightly. “I’ve known their queen for years, Daddy.”

“Teelo isn’t a troll, honey,” Olivia said. “I don’t understand why they would make her their queen but they’ll tolerate a lot more odd behavior from her than they would from you.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” Emma said confidently. “Everyone I’ve talked to, pony or troll, always told me the same thing. You treat a troll honestly and they’ll return the favor. You cheat one, or lie to one, and they’ll attack you. Besides, I’m clan. Trolls protect members of their clan.”

“Trolls aren’t human, Emma! How can we know what they’d do? They’re aliens! How can you tell what they consider cheating? Cultural differences can get people in trouble when they deal with other countries, much less other species,” Jacob exclaimed.

“Ask Twilight,” Emma suggested. “She’s been working with Princess Luna who’s an expert on trolls and their culture. She’ll tell you exactly what I have. In fact she already did, if you recall.”

“Twilight did say the trolls would protect clan, Jacob,” Olivia said reluctantly.

“Alright, so maybe they won’t turn on her for an innocent mistake,” Jacob admitted as though he were making a huge concession. “What happened after the Princess arrived?”

“Well, Teelo filled her in about Subtle Dancer and the changelings. That was when we found out Discord knows Chrysalis.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Jacob said sourly.

“Well, to be fair, both of them are thousands of years old,” Emma replied. “Discord swore he hadn’t talked to Chrysalis since she betrayed him and sided with his sister during the Sibling War. That was a long time before the ponies even came to the planet, according to both Discord and Celestia. As revenge Discord turned Chrysalis and her people into changelings. They were something called, um, flutterponies? Yeah, flutterponies, before that.

“Here’s a big surprise, Teelo really doesn’t like Discord, and she doesn’t trust him. Having talked to him I can’t say I blame her. He’s a real scumbag. Even reformed, he’s trouble. I can’t imagine what he would have been like when he was possessed.”

“And that’s another thing,” Jacob said angrily. “They have demons there! They possess people, Emma! They force them to do horrible things. What happens if you get possessed?”

“Um, these aren’t demons like in the Exorcist, Daddy,” Emma replied. “They don’t come from Hell. In fact I’m not really sure where they come from. The demon that possessed Discord was evil. But that demon’s dead now, Princess Celestia killed it. The one inside Pinkie is scary, but she’s almost always asleep. Besides, she’s on our side—I think. She went with Teelo to help rescue Sweetie Belle. An evil demon wouldn’t do that, would they? Remember, Crush is a demon too. Teelo says the only way she’ll ever be rid of Crush is when she dies.”

“Teelo’s possessed by a demon?” Olivia asked in a strangled voice.

“Kind of,” Emma hedged. “She told me Crush is a special case. He’s got to follow a lot of rules and stuff. But she said he’s wrapped around her soul, that’s why the two of them can do the things they do. They’re kind of fused together, like Siamese twins. Crush advises her but she’s always in control of her body.”

“Oh dear, that’s horrible,” Olivia said quietly.

“I wouldn’t say that, Mom. She gets superpowers because of it.” Emma pointed out. “Problem is, she’s also got super-responsibilities to go along with them. That’s why she needs my help.”

“What happens if Crush takes over?” Jacob asked seriously.

“Crush has all kinds of rules built into the spell that makes him part of her club,” Emma said patiently. “He can’t take over. Even if he could, she’s part of him. It’s in his best interest to protect her no matter which of them is in control. Which means I’d be safe too, Daddy. Because if she found out he didn’t protect me, or worse actually hurt me…” Emma smiled. “She’s part of him, he’s part of her. Hurting me would hurt her and thus him. See?”

“Uh-huh,” Jacob said sarcastically. “Let’s get back to the part where you can actually do something useful if you go.”

“Well, I was the one who helped Teelo recover after her nightmare so she wasn’t a zombie,” Emma pointed out. “I also managed to give Celestia and Discord the solution for turning Chrysalis and her changelings back into flutterponies—something Discord couldn’t figure out on his own. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

“Also, she needs me to help keep her anchored. Not to mention everybody talks to me where they wouldn’t the queen, you know? So I can let her know what both the nobles and the normal folk are thinking.”

“You mean be a spy?” Jacob asked, raising his eyebrows.

“No, nothing like that,” Emma waved the possibility away. “But how many queens would have liked to know what their subjects were really thinking? I can give her that.”

“You don’t speak Trollish though.” Olivia objected.

“I will by summer’s end,” Emma said with a smile, “which is another perk for going. Besides, there are trolls that speak Equestrian—which is actually English. So I can talk to them, and they talk to other trolls who only speak Trollish. Even trolls gossip. Well, sort of.”

“I’d be careful with that idea, Emma,” Olivia warned. “You have the queen’s ear—which makes you a target for people trying to gain her favor.”

“Well, duh. Give me a little credit, Mom,” Emma said while making a face. “I’m not stupid. Most trolls are really straight forward. There are a few tricky ones, but from what I saw their politics aren’t anywhere near as complicated as the cliques at school. So far the only tricky ones I’ve heard of are the ambassadors and the wizards.

“Anyway, after our meeting we got on the train and went to Canterlot. It took us a couple of hours to get there, so Søyle used the time to teach us the basics of troll etiquette so we’d know how to be polite to the rest of the clan.”

Emma giggled suddenly.

“It was really funny to see Skrent and Flint try to settle down for the ride. The train wasn’t tall enough for them to stand, so they ended up wedged into the aisle between the seats. Søyle had to sit on a pony seat cross-legged.

“That trip is when Teelo told us the story about the Bridge of Days. Søyle went nuts when she figured out that Teelo and Celestia were related, it was a big huge deal. Clan of the soul, she called it. It’s complicated but as I understand it, it means that Teelo is clan to both trolls and ponies—and that means that ponies and trolls are also clan. It pretty much kicked Teelo’s diplomatic mission into warp drive as far as the trolls were concerned. I’m pretty sure it was one of those significant historic moments people always talk about—and I actually got to see it! The ponies and the trolls have been on the edge of war for ten years and now they’re clan, so war is impossible. That’s how important Teelo’s mission is, Daddy.

“What happened once you got to Camelot?” Her father asked.

“Canterlot, not Camelot,” Emma corrected her father. “The horse puns in Equestria are really too silly to be believed. But anyway, once we got to the station there were a good thirty trolls waiting to meet us. Even when they were kneeling they towered over both of us. After the greetings a troll named Tor asked if I was Teelo’s sister.

“Teelo said I was her best friend, and part of her clan. Oh I forgot to mention this; trolls have two kinds of clans. One is a clan of blood, just like humans, but the other is a clan of purpose. I’m in Teelo’s clan of purpose—but trolls treat the two kinds of clans exactly the same! Anyway, then Tor turns to me and says “Welcome cousin”. And just like that, I’m clan with trolls,” Emma smiled. “I asked how many of them spoke English, and only nine of them didn’t. Of course not everybody’s English was that good, but we could still say hello and such. All of them were really polite and friendly to me.”

“We are talking about trolls, right?” Jacob asked curiously. “Because aren’t trolls supposed to be really unfriendly to humans?”

“Well, Emma is the queen’s best friend, Jacob. That’s bound to make them friendlier,” Olivia pointed out.

“Yeah, it’s just I’m having trouble picturing eight-foot tall killing machines being friendly,” Jacob retorted.

“Daddy, trolls are civilized,” Emma said with exasperation. “They’ve had one civilization that’s thousands of years old! Can humans say that? Teelo said trolls get a bad rap because their ambassadors play the “dumb troll” card. It gives them a real edge when they’re negotiating, because everybody else thinks they’re stupid.”

“Ok, ok, so keep going. What happened after you met the trolls?” Jacob asked.

“Well, we went up to the castle and were escorted to our suite. You should have seen it! There was gold everywhere and deep carpets and fancy furniture. The suite was more like a separate mansion than just a set of rooms.

“We didn’t get to explore because a colt came to escort us to see Twilight, who said she’d talked to you and you wanted me to come home.”

“Ah, good. We’re finally catching up to you. You had a busy day didn’t you?” Jacob said sarcastically.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Emma said, relaxing inside. If she was lucky she wouldn’t have to talk about Spike turning dark or the flight to Ponyville or Teagan going on her rescue mission.

Or the whole secret conspiracy thing, Emma thought to herself. They would not approve.

“So you had dinner with Princess Celestia?” Olivia said, clearly trying to clear the air a bit.

“I sure did. I’m thinking it was a pretty important dinner party because there were half a dozen ponies there, all of them nobility. There was a duke, and a baroness and a prince, although he left kind of early. Both Princess Luna and Princess Celestia were there too.”

“I hope you were on your best behavior, young lady,” Olivia said sternly.

“Well, duh. When the Princess invited Teelo, Søyle and me to dinner I thought it was going to be just the four of us. Imagine my surprise when I’m seated next to a baroness! I was so afraid I was going to say something stupid. She was fishing for dirt on Teelo, but I managed to dodge her questions. Then she asked me to introduce Søyle.”

Emma shivered. “That was scary. The baroness and Søyle kept trading barbs. I thought for certain Søyle was going to go ballistic right there at the table. The baroness kept baiting her, but she kept her cool and gave as good as she got until the Princesses arrived.”

Emma grinned.

“Princess Celestia is simply amazing. I swear it’s like she planned for Søyle and the baroness to have that conversation in advance. The entire dinner was one long exercise in politics. She was the perfect hostess, but even the food was part of her strategy!

“Søyle started it by saying she and the baroness had been discussing the cultural differences between ponies and trolls. It had actually been more like a refined catfight than a discussion, but Celestia used it as the opening move in her own plans. See, the first two courses were from Equestria, but the main dish was human, and the desert was from the World Below.

The main dish was called, um, gari something. The important part was I thought it was barbecued chicken. It turns out it was some kind of wheat and spices, but it fooled me. You should have seen the look on the ponies’ faces when Celestia started eating what they thought was meat!” Emma laughed. “She invited them to try it, and when Princess Celestia invites you, well, there’s no way to refuse, now is there? Everybody tried it. Søyle thought it was meat too, which pretty much freaked out the ponies—but they went ahead and ate it, especially after Princess Luna announced it was delicious.”

She watched her parents as she prepared to give the punch line.

“It wasn’t until everyone was finished with the course that Celestia asked me what I thought it was. Well, what was I going to do? I told her what I thought it was.”

“Celestia kept quiet just long enough for the ponies to start to panic. Then she told them gari wasn’t actually meat, but made out of wheat instead. She gave a little speech about how fortunate they all were to be able to share a new experience from human culture, and how it could shine a new light on their own. And then we had dessert—oh my God! That dessert was heavenly!”

“Didn’t you say it was trollish?” Olivia asked.

Emma nodded. “Yep, I forget the trollish name, but it translated to sweet fungus pudding. It was this blue pudding that came with toasted sticks made from a large mushroom that grows in the World Below. Søyle said it grows as big as a tree. The sticks were spicy and the pudding was this really sour flavor, just sweet enough not to be bitter. It was totally and utterly yum!”

“Sounds like the dessert excited you more than being in a battle,” Olivia said shrewdly. “Why is that, honey?”

Emma paused, clearly not expecting the question.

“The battle was scary, Mom,” Emma finally replied. “It wasn’t fun, it was horrible. The dessert was fun, and exciting in a good way.”

“Yes, but you treat all the scary parts like they were boring.” Olivia pressed.

“Oh, they weren’t boring at all. But all I did during the battle was stay out of the way,” Emma said patiently. “I’m not a fighter, which is why my job will be helping Teelo keep from blowing a gasket. She needs a friendly shoulder to cry on—and frankly she won’t find it among the trolls or the ponies. That’s why I have to go back, because I’m the only one who can help her.”

“How do we know the trolls really want peace?” Jacob asked, slightly more calmly. “For all we know there’s a troll in the shadows plotting to overthrow the king.”

Emma barked a short laugh. “That wouldn’t work with trolls, Daddy. Trolls have very simple view of the world, but they aren’t stupid. Laws are sacred to them, and those laws aren’t like ours, they’re easy to understand and don’t need interpretation. The only troll that would do something like that would already be an outcast. And the other trolls would never follow an outcast.”

“Then what about the ponies?” he asked. “You said they’re one-third human, right? Humans can be ambitious, or evil, or just downright deluded. What’s to keep a pony from plotting to break up the ponies and the trolls and go back to fighting them?”

“Nothing,” Emma said, shrugging, “except the Princesses, of course, and Teelo, and Fjell, and me, and all the ponies and trolls that don’t want a war. The troll king doesn’t have absolute power, but their laws pretty much insure as long as he stays inside the law, the trolls will back him. And Teelo’s the queen, remember? With Teelo being clan to both of them it pretty much means the trolls won’t start anything, and Princess Celestia is on top of things too. Ponies worship her, Daddy. Imagine if God told you to do something to your face. Would you defy Him?”

“What about the other species then?” Jacob said stubbornly. “They might not be so happy seeing the ponies and the trolls teaming up. They might even plot to assassinate Teelo—and you’d just be an inconvenient witness.”

“You really are trying to keep me here, aren’t you?” Emma said, shaking her head. “Ok, maybe the griffins would be unhappy about it, but I doubt the minotaurs or the cattle would care. The diamond dogs are too disorganized politically to even have an embassy in Canterlot, and as for the dragons,” she shrugged, “Teelo tells me they think anybody that doesn’t live for hundreds of years isn’t worth the effort. That covers the majority of the intelligent species Equestria deals with.

“The bottom line is Teelo needs my help, and I’ll be useful there. I won’t be in danger because I’ll be guarded almost as well as Teelo herself is. I’ll be among family, Daddy. In a city that’s protected by stone walls that are miles thick, guarded with magic spells and lots of trolls. Going to and from the city I’ll have armed guards escorting me. I won’t say something couldn’t happen, but then again something could happen to me here, too. A drunk driver or a fire, or who knows what?”

She watched her parents calmly.

“So, are you going to let me go back or not?”

ooOoo

Earth, Sunday afternoon, May 29, 2013 3:36 PM

“And that’s it,” Millicent said, leaning back in her chair. “Basically, Teagan is a sociopathic personality. She’s mild as milk until something doesn’t go her way, then she’s hyper-aggressive. I had Lisa Marden tell me when she accidentally startled Teagan she thought the girl was going to hit her.”

“So why wasn’t the incident reported?” Mia asked in an interested tone.

“Because Lisa doesn’t like confrontation. She said Teagan was quick to apologize and was so contrite Lisa didn’t really have the heart to report it officially.

“You don’t suppose it was because startling a martial artist makes them react defensively?” Mia asked with a touch of sarcasm. “If somebody startled me I’d go into a defensive stance too. And I’m not a sociopath. Just exactly what did Teagan do?”

“Lisa didn’t say,” Millicent admitted reluctantly. “Just she thought for a moment Teagan was going to hit her.”

“Have there been other incidents?” Mia asked patiently.

“No,” Millicent said after a moment. “But my interview with her was pretty frightening.”

“So why wait six months to tell me about it?” Mia said. “Why didn’t you report it immediately to the principal?”

“Because it could have cost me my job,” Millicent snapped, “even if I was in the right! Principal Marshall is completely unreasonable when it comes to the possibility of lawsuits. Ever since that business with the cameras a few years ago he’s been absolutely phobic about getting sued.”

“Cameras?” Mia asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Yeah, he was the vice-principal about six years ago when we started letting the students rent school laptops. They were supposed to stay in school, but we had a problem with students taking them home. The insurance company was going to raise our rates because of it, so the principal approved installing this computer program that let them activate the laptop’s camera to see where they were. I thought it was a brilliant idea myself, but one of the students saw the little camera light come on and started poking around. When he found the software his parents went ballistic over invasion of privacy and sued the school. The judge found for the family and it cost the school board a couple of hundred thousand dollars. Then other parents jumped on the band wagon and the local prosecutor started making noises about potential child pornography charges in case little Suzy was changing her clothes when the camera was activated.

“The school board fired the principal who had okayed the idea, and that’s how Jeff Marshall ended up as principal. The surveillance program was scrapped.”

Millicent sniffed.

“All because one student was at fault for taking the laptop off school grounds in the first place! So now he’s so scared of lawsuits we have to let the kids run rampant.”

“I see,” Mia said, stomach dropping. “Milly, listen to me. I know all about in loco parentis, but that camera deal was beyond the pale. And you’re right; your little vendetta against Teagan could lose you your job, or worse, get you arrested. Just by listening to you I’m now complicit. So I’m telling you, drop this. Or I’ll have to report you myself. I’m putting my own job at risk by even warning you. Let it go.”

“You too, Mia?” Millicent asked, clearly disappointed. “I thought you’d understand. This girl is dangerous. She’s going to hurt someone!”

“Look, I can understand why you don’t like her. She challenged you and made you back down.” Mia said gently. “Nobody likes it when their authority is challenged. Hell, it happens to me all the time. But you have to pick your battles. Teagan didn’t threaten to hurt you physically she just threatened to sue you. That’s allowed, Millicent. And having met her and her parents I guarantee you if you pursue this they’ll do it too. You don’t need that kind of grief.”

“What happens when she breaks someone’s arm? Or kills them? Why won’t you listen to me?” Millicent demanded.

“Because, in my professional opinion, you don’t have enough evidence to act,” Mia said calmly. “Look, I’ve had clients threaten my life. I’ve had my tires slashed, hell I even had one father attack me when we came to take his daughter into foster care. Even with two police officers present I still needed to defend myself because he knocked them both down and came after me.

“Teagan isn’t anywhere near that violent. There’s a world of difference between suing someone and putting them in the hospital. If you stop now you may be ok. But if you don’t you’ll destroy your career. I’d hate to see that happen. Even if you’re right and Teagan is a sociopath you can’t do anything because you don’t have any evidence, just your gut instinct. Judges are not impressed with gut instincts, Milly.”

“I thought you were my friend, Mia,” Millicent said bitterly. “I thought you’d believe me. Nobody else has.”

Mia sighed.

“Look, I am your friend. That’s why I’m not going to report this. But you have to let this go. As your friend I’m giving you both my advice and my professional opinion. Teagan hasn’t done anything to warrant you hounding her. If and when she does become violent you can bring your evidence then. It isn’t enough by itself, but if she hurts someone it will cover your butt. Realistically, that’s all you can do.”

The mood had been soured so much that Mia only stayed a few more minutes. After she’d gone Millicent cleaned up the breakfast nook in silence.

She spent the rest of the day brooding.

ooOoo

Lady Silkwind was sitting at her favorite bistro, listening to the highborn ponies around her. Around her neck was a beautiful amethyst necklace that had cost far more than the jewels and craftsmanship alone would warrant. She idly touched the necklace with a talon tip as she glanced casually at a well dressed pony and her companion. Suddenly their conversation filled her ears, as though she were sitting at the same table. She returned to her tea and cake, appearing to take no interest in her surroundings.

“—they talk of nothing else,” the stallion said in a bored tone. “Lady Teagan this and troll queen that. Frankly, I find the whole thing rather tiresome. Humans aren’t that much different from any other species. Now that there are two of them you’d think the court would have had their fill of the novelty. Honestly.” The snort that followed was disdainful.

“Oh, but surely trolls in the Ghrian suite causes more outrage?” The mare’s voice was full of sympathy. “You are a saint, Pinstripe, an absolute saint! The way you deal with those ruffians and never lose your temper.”

“Please, Baroness, I am merely a professional,” Pinstripe said calmly. “I cannot claim virtues I do not possess. I am not the Bearer of Kindness. I simply perform the task her Royal Highness has entrusted to me and in that claim I rest content.”

“But Pinstripe! Surely, dealing with trolls must be a trial?” The baroness asked with surprise.

“Oh, of course it can be,” he acknowledged easily. “However, I find trolls at least are very straightforward in their demands. Unlike, say, the griffins, whose love of intrigue taxes even my professional demeanor. Only dragons are more cunning. No, if I had to choose I’d deal with trolls every single day rather than deal with griffins once per year.”

“I had no idea,” The baroness said, lowering her voice. “For example, Lady Silkwind there at the table across the way. She always struck me as extremely friendly and open. I cannot believe she is a plotter!”

Silkwind smiled to herself, vainly pleased her skills had not grown soft here in Equestria.

“Oh, beware that one, Baroness,” Pinstripe said with a quiet chuckle. “She is perhaps the most adept of them. While I enjoy her company immensely I never lower my guard for an instant around her. Nor do I engage in gossip with her, for she is capable of extracting the most astonishing amounts of intelligence from a single careless word.”

“Really?” the baroness asked thoughtfully. “How interesting. Should I avoid her? It would be a pity! She can always be counted on to liven up a dull party. Her charm is legendary among all the very best ponies.”

“No, no,” Pinstripe said hurriedly. “That would be ill-advised. The Princess counts her a valuable ally among the griffins. The price Equestria pays for the occasional diplomatic communiqué going astray is more than made up for by her charm and wit.”

“I don’t understand,” the baroness said.

“My dear Baroness,” Pinstripe chuckled. “Diplomacy is a business. It produces peace and prosperity for us all, while the cost of doing that business is accommodating those who seek to profit from us. Lady Silkwind’s cost to Equestria is far outweighed by the benefits we gain from her. The humans, who are quite adept at statecraft themselves, understand the value of occasional deliberate leaks of confidential information we want others to know without officially telling them. If the cost of that channel is that on occasion genuine confidential information may make its way into an opponent’s ears, well business has costs as well as profits my dear Baroness.”

“Why Pinstripe, you absolute rogue!” the baroness said with laughter in her voice. “Here I thought you were merely the head functionary in a rather boring if essential branch of government. I had no idea you were a master spy!”

“Shh!” Pinstripe said lightly, “Don’t let that get around. I have enough to do without being deluged by would be counter-spies!”

“I understand, my friend. Far be it for me to paint a target on your back,” she said teasingly.

The sound of hooves on stone signaled the end of the conversation.

“It’s been delightful to share a meal with you, as always, Baroness Splendid Light,” Pinstripe said pleasantly, “but my lunch hour is drawing to a close and I have to get back to my office.”

“Of course! Please don’t be late on my account,” the baroness said genially. “And thank you for the meal, Pinstripe. It was delicious.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, dear Baroness. Until our next meeting, then.”

Looking up Silkwind saw the dark gray earth pony stallion bow his head genteelly to the garishly patterned mare in a blindingly white dress.

Pretending the noise was the only thing that had attracted her attention she returned to her food, thoughtlessly tapping her necklace again to break the connection and end its magic.

So, I’m a useful tool, am I? She thought in amusement.

She wasn’t really surprised. Her access to the Princess had always seemed too good to be true, despite Celestia’s maddening ability to say nothing in the most fascinating way possible. Of course she genuinely enjoyed her visits and she suspected the Princess did as well.

Still, two can play at that game, Pinstripe Tock.

Smiling warmly she summoned her waiter with a gesture. The griffiness paid for her tea and cake, leaving a generous tip as was her custom. The waiter beamed at her.

After all, you never knew when a kind gesture might be reciprocated, she thought, continuing to her next destination.

ooOoo

Mist Chaser woke suddenly with a start. He was lying on his stomach, the bindings on his wings halting his instinctive spread of them. He winced at the sharp stabbing pains shooting through his wing roots.

“So, the mighty hero returns to the land of the living,” An acerbic voice noted from his bedside. Looking over he saw a familiar white unicorn mare rise to her hooves. He already knew her all too well and didn’t need the nurse’s hat to recognize her. He glanced around, noting he was in the embassy infirmary.

Again.

“Hello, Rare Soul. What’s the damage this time?” He asked with a roguish wink.

“Hello, Accident Prone,” She replied, unimpressed. “Severe muscle strain, hairline fracture of the left metacarpus, cracked third thoracic vertebrae, dislocated left wing, torn left acrocoracohumeral ligament requiring surgery to repair and supplemental magical healing to prevent further tearing. Be glad we have a soft-tissue specialist here at the embassy, or you might have lost the ability to fly! What the hay did you do to yourself this time? Something about being chased by a land shark? Did it catch you or what?”

“Oh, is that what a land shark looks like?” Mist Chaser wheezed in surprised pain as he started to get out of bed.

“Oh no! You stay in bed for the next week, Mr. I-Can’t-Go-A-Day-Without-Injuring-Myself,” The nurse scolded, surrounding him with levitation magic and bodily lifting him back into bed. “Doctor’s orders! Besides, you have a very important visitor.”

“It’s been three months since I had to come here!” Mist Chaser retorted grumpily.

“And you’ve only been back on duty for two months, one of those on restricted duty,” The nurse said dismissively. “You are way too careless. Who do you think you are, Daring Do?”

“All right, all right,” Mist Chaser said with an easy smile. “Not my fault a land shark mistook me for an evening snack is it? Who’s this visitor?”

“I’ll let him introduce himself,” the nurse said with sudden nervousness. “I suggest you try and keep a civil tongue in your head if your overgrown ego will permit it!”

The nurse left, speaking in a low respectful tone to someone in the hall. The growling bass rumble told him it was a troll.

Great, probably the checkpoint watch commander coming to yell at me for violating protocol, Mist Chaser thought grumpily. I was doing them a favor by warning them about that land shark too. Celestia give me strength!

Three trolls came into the room and Mist Chaser suddenly felt very, very small indeed.

“Hi,” he finally managed.

“I am Kongen Fjell,” The troll by his bedside spoke in reply. “You need not rise since I am told you are injured. I wish to thank you for warning the guards at the ytterste veggen about the bakkan hai. Alas, the guards at the custom house,” he bowed his head in sorrow, “were caught by surprise. They fought, but were overwhelmed by that fell beast. Had you not given warning the beast might have slain more of my people, perhaps even the queen’s reisefølge as well. You have done a hero’s work this day. I name you Kongensven, and pledge that the tale of your deed will be sung throughout the city, as befits a hero.”

Mist Chaser stared at him with his mouth open in shock.

“Th-thank you, Your Majesty,” Mist Chaser started to grin, only to have it fade. “I’m sorry about the custom station guards. But as great as all that hero stuff sounds, to tell you the truth I was just trying to save my own hide. I thought the outpost guards could drive that thing off. I was already exhausted and couldn’t have stayed in the air for much longer.”

Fjell studied him solemnly for a moment, and then smiled. “You are Mist Chaser, are you not?”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” The pegasus bobbed this head, wincing as sore muscles protested.

“It is said that among the ponies the winged ones are often boasters,” the troll replied, “lying of their prowess to make themselves appear more than they are to those around them. Among trolls this is thought to be a bad thing. I did not expect such honesty from a fugl hest, and for that I apologize. In saving yourself you have also saved many other lives this day. Perhaps even the queen herself and her ætt, among them my own wife, whom I have come to love very much, as well as many high-ranking representatives among the clans. The clans will know of the service you have done us, Mist Chaser of Clan Hest. You do your clan great honor, with your cunning, your skill, and your honesty.”

And then Fjell raised one fist toward the ceiling, threw his head back and roared. His guards solemnly repeated the gesture, their own roars joining their king’s.

Ears folded flat in self-defense against the sheer intensity of the sound, Mist Chaser forced himself to sit up, the grin on his face threatening to split it wide open.

As though nothing had happened Fjell resumed his solemn expression.

“Because of your timely warning the guards were able to slay the bakkan hai with no losses to themselves. I bring you a gift to commemorate your actions this day.”

With grave ceremony he laid what looked like a curved dagger nearly a foot long at Mist Chaser’s hooves. It was dark gray, nearly black, and had no handle, a slender blade with a needle-sharp tip.

“A claw from the beast’s left front foot,” Fjell explained. “It should make a fine spear tip if you do not wish to mount it on your wall. And now, Mist Chaser of Clan Hest, tell me the tale of the bakkan hai and how you lured it to its doom.”

Mist Chaser smiled and stroked the claw with one of his hoof flanges.

“Well, Your Majesty, it was like this…”

ooOoo

Earth, Monday morning, May 30, 2013 3:04 AM

Emma woke with a strangled shriek, frozen in terror as the nightmare slowly faded. Her heart racing, she shuddered under the covers, remembering the jaws of the huge changeling closing over her head to bite off her face. She could still feel the sharp fangs crushing her skull…

It took her nearly ten minutes to relax enough to move at all, and she couldn’t stop shaking. She tried to settle down and go back to sleep, but was too tense.

After a half hour she rose quietly to get some milk. The cold drink cleared the fuzz from her head, but didn’t do a thing to help her sleep.

By four o’clock she gave up and turned on her bedside lamp. Grabbing a book from her nightstand she tried to get into the story but, compared to giant bug-unicorns, sparkling vampires suddenly seemed too silly for words. Sighing she turned her light off and tried settling down again. She did her best but by five-thirty she gave up completely and got dressed, getting out her school backpack and trying to figure out what she needed to take with her. Søyle had said the mountains were pleasantly warm this time of year, but Hejm was cool, so she packed shorts and a couple of pair of jeans, a couple of sweatshirts, and underwear.

Only to find out her backpack was too small to hold everything.

Damn it! How in the world am I going to convince them to let me go when I can’t even pack properly? Teagan says it’s going to be a fifty mile hike and I have to carry my luggage at least over the bridge, so suitcases aren’t going to cut it. But Søyle said they have wagons so surely the luggage could go in them?

I guess my sneakers will work, better take my old pair too in case something happens. Oh, that means I need socks too. And a toothbrush—and toothpaste. Gah!

Grimly she started over, ruthlessly pruning down the endless list of what she needed to just what she could carry. After all, Teagan was only taking a single backpack!

Wonder if Teagan would loan me some troll money to get what I need. Do trolls even use money?

In the predawn darkness Emma began to see how daunting this trip promised to be.

ooOoo

Earth, Monday morning, May 30, 2013 8:00 AM

Teagan growled in annoyance as a knock pulled her awake. She seriously debated ignoring it, but the second time it was accompanied by Twilight’s plaintive voice.

“Teagan, the sun’s been up for over two hours! Are you awake yet?”

“I am now,” the teen grumbled too quietly to let Twilight hear her. Groaning she dragged herself out of bed. “Hang on, hang on, I’m coming!”

Stumbling to the door she opened it and glared at the alicorn. “What?”

Startled, Twilight took a step back, staring at the apparition in front of her. Wild red hair exploded from the girl’s head, framing a pale face with bared teeth. Her normally pretty green eyes were narrowed in a glare that made Twilight swallow nervously.

“Sorry, it’s just you’ve been asleep for twelve hours so I thought you’d be awake by now,” Twilight said nervously. “And there’s so much I want to study about your world library because we’ll be leaving so—soon?”

She paused as Teagan face-palmed.

“Ok, sorry, not my best before breakfast.” The girl mumbled. “You better wait up here, because I will be having bacon, and it’s not going to be pretty.”

“Well, I’m kind of hungry myself. It won’t bother me.” Twilight said. “By the way, I heard your father leave about an hour ago.”

“It’s Monday so he had to go to work,” Teagan said with a huge yawn, inelegantly hidden behind a half-hearted attempt at waving her hand in front of her face. “You sure you’re ready for this? Because I’ll be too busy devouring food to even notice if you bolt half way through breakfast. Fair warning.”

“I’ll be fine just as long as you don’t expect me to eat any meat,” Twilight said with a confident smile.

“You can eat cooked eggs though, right?” Teagan asked as they made their way toward the kitchen. “What about milk?”

“I don’t eat eggs that much, but I wouldn’t mind them,” Twilight replied. “Adult ponies can drink milk but usually don’t, unless it’s a milkshake or ice cream or something like that. Water or juice will be fine.”

“Mom’s a good cook you’ll love her food,” Teagan said. “Hey Mom, are you here?”

Twilight’s ears folded down at the sudden volume.

“Good morning,” Elaine said, emerging from the living room. She glanced at her daughter and chuckled. “I’m thinking you’ll be wanting breakfast, little chick. Am I right?”

“Please,” Teagan said, stifling another yawn. “But it’s Twilight that’s Little-Miss-Early-Bird today. She got me out of a nice warm bed after only twelve hours. A heinous crime against nature!” Teagan threw back her head and placed the back her hand against her forehead. “Oh, woe is me! Whatever shall I do?”

Elaine snickered. “Don’t quit your day job, Teagan. Good morning, Twilight. Did you sleep well?”

“I did,” Twilight said, nodding with a smile. “I thought being in a strange world would make it difficult to sleep but the bed was so comfortable I nodded off pretty fast.”

“What, you actually went to bed at a decent hour?” Teagan asked. “I would have bet you stayed up all night.”

Twilight blushed. “I thought I’d work on my report for Princess Celestia but she called around one o’clock and reminded me to get some rest.”

“Hah! Thought so!” Teagan laughed as she sat down at the table. Twilight sat on the pillow put there for her last night.

“Mom, I want bacon this morning, a full eight slices! And half a dozen eggs, oh, and do we have any of those cinnamon bagels left?”

“Teagan! Where are your manners, little girl?” Elaine demanded, looking aghast between her daughter and Twilight. “Bacon? Really?”

“It’s all right, Mrs. O’Gara,” Twilight said hastily. “She warned me she would be eating meat this morning. It’ll be fine, honestly.”

“Are you sure?” Elaine asked cautiously.

“Yes, absolutely! I’m a princess now, and I’ll have to host state dinners with griffons and trolls eventually. Princess Celestia says they always demand meat as a diplomatic ploy. This will be excellent practice. If there’s a problem I’ll just take my breakfast to the living room. Don’t mind me.”

“Well, if you say so. Teagan, would you get the orange juice please? Would you like some, Twilight?”

“Juice would be great, thanks,” Twilight said smiling. She watched as Teagan went to a large metal cabinet in the corner that was taller than she was. Opening the door the girl pulled several things out and then closed the door behind her. Twilight’s ears pricked up when she felt a breath of cold air brush past her.

The girl poured two large glasses of juice and put the juice bottle back into the white cabinet. Another faint gust of cold tickled Twilight’s hooves.

“Does that cabinet keep things cold?” Twilight asked as Teagan sat the juice in front of her. Lifting it in a purple glow she took a sip, delighted at the icy chill of the beverage.

“Yeah, it’s called a refrigerator,” Teagan said casually, draining half her juice in a single gulp. “It runs off electricity, but I’m not sure how it works. Something about a compressor circulating fluid that moves the heat out or something.”

“But compressing things makes them hotter,” Twilight said, her brow wrinkling in puzzlement. “That’s the exact opposite of what you’d want.”

Teagan shrugged. “All I know is it works, Twi. You want the science of it we can look it up later. Oh, that reminds me. I need to go see Matt. It should only take a couple of hours. Sorry Twilight, but I have to do this. I need to talk to him big time.”

“But, but, the world library!” Twilight almost wailed. “I’ve got so little time! And I can’t read your script!”

“How about if I get Emma to help you while I’m gone?” Teagan asked, feeling guilty. “She knows the net just as well as I do.”

“Oh, that would be great!” Twilight said, brightening. Something started to sizzle and Twilight glanced over to where Elaine was putting pale strips of something into a skillet. She gulped and turned back to Teagan.

“So, I was doing the calculations last night. Since Equestria is three months, four hours and 48 minutes ahead of Earth, but the sunrise and sunset times are the same—adjusting for the seasonal differential that is—Celestia should be ready to open the gate at 7:53 PM Equestria time, which means we need to be ready by 3:05 PM this afternoon, probably no later than 2:55 PM to be safe. That gives us just under seven hours from now.”

Teagan raised her eyebrows. “How do you know Earth’s sun sets at exactly the same time of day Equestria’s does?”

“Oh, I memorized Equestria’s yearly sunrise and sunset times.” Twilight said breezily. “This morning I checked the time of your sunrise. They match!”

“How did you know what time it was?” Teagan asked, digesting the slightly disturbing fact Twilight had memorized an entire year’s worth of sunrise and sunset times.

“Magic,” Twilight said casually. “It’s a really handy spell called Stop Watch’s Precise Time Piece. You cast it once, and it automatically draws power from your reserve when it needs recharging. Just about any unicorn can learn it, but most don’t because they don’t want to tie up the thaumic energy. Fortunately, my reserves are large enough I don’t even notice it.”

The alicorn beamed at Teagan who just shook her head and laughed.

“Twilight, how do eggs and bagels with cream cheese sound?” Elaine said. “I’ve got cinnamon raisin, garlic, or blueberry.

“You have blueberry bagels?” Twilight said in disbelief. “Yes, please!”

“Would you like plain, chives, or garden vegetable cream cheese on your bagels?” Elaine asked cheerfully.

“Oh, my. You have different flavors of cream cheese?” Twilight’s irises swelled to fill her eyes, with enlarged pupils. “Could—could I try one of each?”

“Sure,” Elaine said. “How many bagels do you want?”

“Oh, I suppose it depends on how big they are,” Twilight said after a second, remembering that while Teagan could demolish second helpings of normal pony-sized portions, Emma always asked for the filly-sized portions, and sometimes couldn’t even finish those.

Elaine wordlessly held up a bagel.

“Oh, um, maybe six?” Twilight answered, eyeing the (to her) pint-sized breadstuff. Elaine raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and stuck the halves of the bagel in the toaster.

An odd smell started to fill the air, coming from the sizzling frying pan. It smelled salty, slightly greasy, and made Twilight distinctly uneasy, although she did her best to ignore it.

“Sooo…” Twilight desperately searched for a conversational topic to distract herself from the growing smell of frying meat, “where do you think I should start on your world library?”

“You’re asking me?” Teagan asked in surprise. “You’re the scholar, Twilight. I wouldn’t have a clue.”

“That’s the problem,” Twilight said mournfully. “There’s just so much. I can’t decide where to start. With so little time I don’t even have time to organize a proper search strategy!”

“Well, what are you interested in?” Teagan asked reasonably.

“Everything!” The alicorn said earnestly. “That’s why I’m so frustrated.”

“If you can work out that talking coin trick so humans could use it we’ll get you a computer and you’ll have all the time you need,” Teagan said, chuckling. “If we could email back and forth it would solve so many problems.”

“Yes, I know! It would be a good way for me to practice using your script too. With a bit of time we could create a small Equestrian to English alphabet chart and I could puzzle out reading, but writing would be another issue altogether. Not to mention punctuation and spelling issues.”

“Yeah, English isn’t the easiest language to learn to write,” Teagan nodded sympathetically. “It takes years for most people to be half-way passable, much less master.”

“Well,” Twilight said thoughtfully, “Princess Celestia used a self-renewing spell for the figurines that converts sunlight into magical energy. I’ll have to consult with her about it.” Twilight’s expression brightened. “Are computers very expensive, Teelo?”

“It depends on the computer,” Teagan answered. “My dad gave me his old one when the college bought him a new laptop. Since then the prices have kept coming down and it also depends on how fancy you want it. A cheap one would probably run around four hundred or so, I guess, once you bought the screen and everything.”

“Is that a lot?” Twilight asked, cocking her head. “Four hundred bits is a lot of money for most ponies. On my old stipend I’d have had to save for a year to put that much aside.”

“Two points, Your Highness,” Elaine said, placing a plate of bagel halves in front of the alicorn. “One, you’re a princess now, so I’m sure buying a computer would fall under state expenses, and two, remember one of your bits is about eight hundred dollars worth of gold. On the other hand, I would suggest using a plain gold ingot instead. We wouldn’t want to try and explain where a coin with a pony on it came from!”

“I remember Evelyn saying that,” Twilight admitted. “It’s hard to believe bits are so valuable here.”

“Gold is valuable here,” Teagan noted. “I’m not sure why. I mean it’s pretty and shiny and doesn’t corrode, but it’s worth like a thousand dollars an ounce or something! That’s just crazy.”

“People got it in their heads that gold is valuable, my chick,” Elaine said, putting the bacon in front of Teelo. Twilight became absorbed in her bagels as the crunching and chewing commenced on the other side of the table. “After that, well, people are easy to get set in their ways.”

The alicorn picked up a bagel in her magic and took a bite.

“Oh, this is wonderful!” she exclaimed happily. “It’s like a fruit salad on a bagel!”

“Glad you like it,” Elaine said pleasantly. Teagan was too busy stuffing her face to say anything. She could have given Pinkie Pie a run for her money the way the food was vanishing.

Happily for Twilight Teagan finished the bacon before the alicorn finished a single bagel half, so the remainder of the meal passed pleasantly.

ooOoo

Earth, Monday morning, May 30, 2013 6:12 AM

Emma’s parents woke to find their daughter dressed and waiting for them in the kitchen when they arrived.

Jacob grunted a hello while his wife started getting breakfast ready.

“You’re up early,” he noted with a yawn.

“I need an answer,” Emma said mildly. “There’s a lot to do if you say yes.”

Olivia turned to regard her daughter with a sigh.

“Your father and I have reluctantly decided to let you go, Emma. But there are some conditions. First, you are not to put yourself at risk, do you understand? Stay near your guards and if there’s trouble you hide.”

“Absolutely,” Emma said fervently. “I’m not a fighter.”

“Second, you’re to keep a journal for us to read on your return. Since you can’t write letters home a journal is better than nothing. Make sure you record everything, not just what you think is safe to tell us.”

Olivia’s face turned grim. “If the unthinkable happens, and you don’t—don’t come back, make Teagan promise to bring the journal back, all right?”

“Mom!” Emma said, truly shocked. “I’m not going to die! It’s a diplomatic mission for goodness sake!”

“Promise me,” Olivia said harshly.

“Ok, I promise. But I’ll be the one bringing it back, not Teelo. You know she gave me some advice I think you should think about. She said don’t borrow trouble. I will come back, I promise.”

“We’re trusting you, Emma,” Jacob said heavily. “This is the biggest thing you’ve ever done in your life. It’s going to be a lot harder than you think. Are you positive you can do this? Because if you’re wrong a lot of people could die, including you. Once you cross that bridge of yours there’s no turning back.”

“I’m not doing it alone, Daddy,” Emma said. “Remember, a lot of people want to see this mission succeed. My job is to keep Teelo from stressing out. And that’s something I’m really good at. She’s my best friend and I’m not going to let her down.”

Breakfast was strained, but her father left for work with only one more demand that she promise to stay safe. One bright spot was that her mother had been a girl scout and still had her camping gear. Her mother reluctantly took her shopping for some of the other things she’d need.

It wasn’t the sweeping victory Emma had been hoping for, but at least it wasn’t total defeat either.

ooOoo

Earth, Monday morning, May 30, 2013 8:46 AM

Teagan waited for someone to pick up the phone.

“Practical Krav Maga Dojo, this is Jerry,” the voice on the other end answered.

“Hi Jerry, it’s Teelo. I need to talk to Matt, is he around?”

“Hey Teelo, I thought you were off on your trip?”

“I got delayed a bit,” She said truthfully.

“Hang on. I think he’s finishing up with the early morning class. Let me check.”

Teagan waited as Twilight looked on, fascinated with the cell phone and what it represented.

“This is Matt, what’s up Teelo?” His voice was mild but she could tell he was actually giving her his full attention.

“Matt, there’s been an—incident,” Teagan said carefully, aware her mother might overhear. She didn’t lower her voice or change inflection. That, she knew, would automatically set off motherly radar.

“I see.” He said calmly. “Is it anything urgent?”

“Yes,” Teelo replied casually. “We’re only back for today, so I need to see you right away. I want to take you up on your offer to talk.”

“Well, I’m free till ten. What time are you going back?”

“Around three,” she said. “I’ll get Mom to give me a lift. I appreciate this, Matt.”

“No problem,” He said. “See you when you get here.”

Teagan hung up, and Twilight immediately spoke up.

“What do you need to talk to Matt about?”

“Something that happened during Sweetie Belle’s rescue,” Teagan said, keeping her voice casual. “It’s not something you can help with, Twilight, trust me. No pony can, it’s a human thing.”

“Oh,” Twilight said in a small voice. “It’s about the troll, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Teagan said heavily. “But I’ll take care of it. I just don’t want to let it fester all summer.”

She dialed the phone again.

“Hello?”

“Hi Emma, it’s Teelo,” The girl said much more cheerfully. “I have to talk to Matt and Twilight’s about to faint over not getting her internet fix. Can you come over and be her translator for a couple of hours?”

“Really wish I could,” Emma said regretfully. “But Mom’s taking me shopping for the trip!”

“You’re coming back with us?” Teagan felt herself smiling in spite of the knot in her stomach.

“Yes, but they aren’t happy about it,” Emma said ruefully. “We’re in the car so I gotta run, ok?”

“Ok, remember to be here no later than two,” Teagan said. “See you then.”

She hung up and let out a sigh.

“Well, Emma did it. She’s going back to Equestria with us.”

“You don’t look too happy about it,” Twilight said shrewdly.

“I don’t know what to think. On the one hand I’m thrilled she’ll be there but at the same time it could be dangerous.”

“Trust your friends, Teelo,” Twilight said with a smile. “After all, Emma doesn’t strike me as all that foolhardy.”

“I don’t know if she is or isn’t,” Teagan said, frowning. “She did sneak across the Bridge. That was pretty stupid if you ask me.”

“She was trying to help a friend. You hadn’t exactly been forthcoming up to now, you know,” Twilight noted gently. “At least this time she knows exactly what she’s getting into.”

“Maybe you’re right. It’s really too late to do anything about it now, anyway.” Teagan said heavily. “But this whole thing makes Nightmare Discord look like a walk in the park. We don’t even know who the latest bad guy is yet!”

“Let the Princess worry about that,” Twilight advised. “We have a prisoner now. She’s bound to let something useful slip. We also have a few more clues, like the name of that unicorn stallion. I’m sure the Horns will be able to chase down his associates.”

“I hope so.” Teagan stretched. “Oh well, I need to get moving. It’s about five minutes by car to the dojo. Will you be alright here by yourself until Mom gets back?”

“I’m a grown mare, Teelo,” Twilight said, laughing. “I’m sure I can find something to occupy myself for fifteen minutes or so.”

“Oh! That gives me an idea. You may not be able to read our language, but since you can understand it I’ll show you how to use the TV. That way you can get some information even if you can’t get on the internet.”

“TV?” Twilight asked curiously. “What’s that?”

“Television. You remember the cartoon? Well, television is like a one-way version of that, they schedule various shows one after another, what you see on the TV is whatever was scheduled to be shown at the time.”

“Like going to a play?” Twilight asked, trying to work it out.

“Sort of. We have cable, which has about a hundred channels. Each channel shows different things, so you’re bound to find something interesting to watch. You should be able to use the remote control with magic, there’s only like five different buttons you need to press. There’s two to change the channels, two to control the loudness, and one to turn the TV on and off.”

“That sounds easy enough,” Twilight said. “What kind of shows are there?”

“Oh, lots of different ones,” Teagan said waving her hand dismissively. There’s shows for entertainment, and animals, and history and even one for science stuff.”

“Really?” Twilight’s ears perked up. “Sounds fascinating. Maybe we can get this television the same way we do your internet?”

“I don’t think you need to bother,” Teagan said, shaking her head. “The internet has a lot of the same stuff on it as TV. In a lot of ways the internet is actually a big improvement on TV. See, TV came first.”

“Oh! So whatever shows they have on TV could be viewed on the internet?” Twilight asked excitedly.

“Exactly,” Teagan said nodding. “Even better, on the internet you can seek out specific shows that you want, and even skip through them to find the bits you need.”

“I can see why the internet would replace TV then,” Twilight replied thoughtfully. “But why do you still have TV?”

Teagan cocked her head. “Well, doing any of this stuff takes huge amounts of people and money, so I guess there’s a lot of momentum. A lot of people don’t understand computers all that well, so there’s a large chunk of people who still don’t use the internet.”

“They don’t use a planet-sized library?” Twilight said, aghast. “Why not?”

“How many ponies use your library?” Teagan asked in amusement. “Computers do take effort to learn, I guess. A lot of people just don’t want to bother.”

“But Teelo! The knowledge! How could they not want to know?” Twilight’s shock was comically obvious. “Besides, it’s so easy! It’s harder with my library, well, unless you ask me where something is. But using your internet is like asking me to answer the exact question you have! How could it be any simpler?”

“Look at Rainbow Dash,” Teagan said, grinning. “Her eyes glaze over when you start talking about stuff she’s not interested in, right? Same thing.”

“Oh. That’s true,” Twilight mused. “I’ve never understood why she’s like that.”

“Knowledge is your special ability,” Teagan said. “Not just magic. When it comes to pony special abilities I think you guys never really studied it. Take Rarity, for instance. Her talent is supposed to be fashion, right? But look at all the other abilities she has. She can multitask like nobody else, use her magic to lift and manipulate dozens of different objects at once, with amazing precision. She can find gems, and produce all sorts of light with her magic, she’s got the eye of an artist and she’s obsessed with beauty and form.”

Teagan smiled at the alicorn.

“But her talent is just fashion, hmm?”

Twilight’s pupils grew to fill her eyes before shrinking back to normal.

“That’s—brilliant, Teelo! Why didn’t I ever see that before?”

“We have a saying here. Fish don’t have a word for wet.” Teagan said, laughing. “You ponies are too close to the problem. Humans fall prey to this kind of thing all the time. It takes an outsider to point out things that are so obvious you never think to question them.”

“I don’t think I’ll need to see the TV now,” Twilight said, shaking her head dazedly. “This new insight will keep me busy for months.” She grinned at the girl. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome. Well, I have to go see Matt.”

And with that the girl left the oblivious alicorn to her thoughts as she went to beg a ride from her mother.

Comments

[More Dakka]

Could have sworn I've read this chapter before

[Wellwater]

“Yeah, it’s called a refrigerator,” Teagan said casually, draining half her juice in a single gulp. “It runs off electricity, but I’m not sure how it works. Something about a compressor circulating fluid that moves the heat out or something.”

“But compressing things makes them hotter,” Twilight said, her brow wrinkling in puzzlement. “That’s the exact opposite of what you’d want.”

Wait 'til somebody tells her about kerosene refrigerators. A flame at the bottom makes ice at the top! That's probably one of the single most impressive magic tricks technology can pull off. And the only things that move are the gases and liquids.