I'll erase it and rewrite it with nonsensical surrealism and an overwhelming sense of presence. I'm also on YouTube and Tumblr (same username).
My life as a victim of King Sombra's rage was dark and dreary. My only companion, Flora Honeydew, was the only pony who shielded me from his rage. My life was miserable. Until one fateful day....
Download PDF of Part 1 here: http://www.2shared.com/document/VQLfN2sP/Story.html
Page generated in 0.073 seconds
Total duration
1,021 users online
2,424,275 hits today, 2,064,738 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Again I say, any advice/constructive criticism is appreciated. Thanks everypony!
Well, you have a good basis for the story. Very good how you told the story in such a way that it read like a child was telling it. The only criticism I have is that you could have taken the time to split the story off a bit more. Like taken a chapter to explain Flora's and Tena's relationship, and gone into a bit more detail in general. Although all in all, not too shabby.
Looking forward to more. 