• Published 6th Mar 2013
  • 6,564 Views, 368 Comments

Why am I in a cartoon? - Frake

What if MLP went in a different direction and added a human in to the cast? and let's say he is apart of our own reality and stumbled in to the wrong universe but found a way to travel inbetween both... well this is that story.

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Chapter 3 (The Ticket Master)

Why am I in a Cartoon?

Written by Frake

Chapter 3 (The Ticket Master)

It has been a few days and it is finally early Saturday morning, and boy have I been looking forward to this, I don't know what it is but everything just seems right about it. The more I think about it the more I find that this new experience thrilling, I mean it is a whole, untapped, alien world with danger and excitement around every corner, and for a guy that always wanted to be an explorer and has an unhealthy flirtatious relationship with death, it couldn't be more exciting. Now I'm not saying that I seek out death, by no way do I mean that, no, what I mean is that I commonly do stupid things that seem to get me close to death, playing with extremely sharp swords for instance or poking deadly animals from time to time. The point is that I find myself drawn to this other world like a moth to a flame and I am finding it harder not to just go right away, even though I'm not sure when I should. Well as always patients loses to desire and I quickly press the enter button on my remote.

One quick portal trip later and I am sitting on my butt, looking in to a pair of extremely blue eyes, belonging to my favorite pink party animal, Pinkie Pie. Instead of thinking about coming up with something smart to say I just utter the first thing that pops in to my head.

"you have the most stunningly beautiful eyes I have ever seen." Not really the smartest thing to say when I don't want to give the wrong impression, but sadly my flirtatious attitude won out, even when I don't mean for it to happen. A blush on already pink cheeks is surprisingly cute (just for those who ever wondered) and Pinkie gave me a predatory grin as a thought flashes through my head 'Oh dear, what have I done'.

"Mmm, so you like my eyes... that is super sweet of you, I wonder how I could repay such a sweet compliment, tehe" Pinkie said with what can only be described as a very sultry voice. Now I knew that I was walking a dangerous path, so I tried to change course as soon as possible stating out loud,

"So Pinkie it is great to see you, would you happen to have something for me to eat? I'm starved!" This seemed to be the correct choice, for Pinkies attitude did a complete flip in to excited and happy instead of sexy and sultry, as she blurted out,

"Oh boy do I, here at Sugar Cube Corner we pride ourselves on a cornucopia of colorful confections with careful consideration." and with that she started listing off mass amounts of desserts, it was quite fun just to watch her list off so many treats and so I listened to her for several minutes until she just slowed to a stop and said "hmm no pony has ever let me go through the whole list, usually they stop me because they think I am being annoying."

I just laughed and said,

"well then they don't know what they are missing, I find your enthusiasm to be refreshing and adorable, I have no idea who wouldn't find absolute joy in just being around you. Well anyway I'll take one of your famous cupcakes." I mentally slapped myself when I noticed that I did it again, I really must have been hungry if I was just throwing out compliments without thinking. It had gotten me in to hot water before with numerous people, lets just say I have been punched in the face by angry boyfriends far to many times to count. Anyway this time around Pinkie looked at me with watery eyes and a wavering smile and said,

"That is the nicest thing any pony has ever said to me, thank you so very much James."

With that she ran in to the back room with tears dripping down her face as she looked for a cupcake and I felt a satisfied wave of embarrassment wash over me just from knowing that I caused so much happiness with something that I had said, but it was soon was silenced as an angry pony rushed out of where Pinkie had gone, in my direction. She had a blue coat and pink mane that looked as if it was made of frosting, which I would have found amusing if said pony didn't look like she wanted to rip me in half with her bare hooves.

"Now listen here you monster, I don't know what you just did to make Pinkie Pie cry, but it must have been awful because I have seen that mare take on some of the most irate customers with a sincere smile plastered on her face and never once break. I must admit that I am scared of you beyond words, but if you don't leave immediately I will beat you to within an inch of your life or maybe I will just kill you, do you understand me?!"

My eyes were as wide as they could get as I tried to form words; now my life has been threatened in the past before so I knew when someone was being serious when they said they would kill me and I saw that spark of willingness to murder me within this mares eyes. I was ready to jump out of my chair and sprint towards the door, because if I didn't I might just die, but then Pinkie rushed back in to the room with a worried look upon her face.

"Ms. Cake! Stop! He didn't make me cry in sadness but out of joy, he complimented me and it was just the nicest think any pony had ever said to me, that was why I was crying." Ms. Cake looked at me with shock while comprehending what Pinkie had just told her, before grabbing Pinkie and running off in to the back room once again. A few minutes later after a whispered conversation, both ponies walked back out to talk to me. Ms. Cake had a flat box balanced on her back that she set in front of me before saying,

"I am very sorry Mr. James, I talked to Pinkie Pie and she only had wonderful things to say about you, please take this box of treats on the house as a apology." A very embarrassed look rested upon her face as she looked at the ground in shame. I smiled at the wholehearted apology and said,

"There is no need to apologies to me, if someone had made a dear friend cry I probably would have done the same thing that you did... well maybe not with such fervor, but you get my point. Consider it water under the bridge and may I also say that it was rather courageous to speak your mind when you were so afraid of me." Ms. Cake looked up at me with surprise before a warm smile replaced it and she responded,

"Oh my, Pinkie dear you are quite right, he is very charming, it is rare to see such a kind stallion in such a scary form, now I just feel silly for running away with the rest of the town when we saw you appear. Please don't hesitate to come by and visit the Sugar Cube Corner at any time, and now I know what I will be gossiping about later on."

I smiled at all the feel good going around as I ate my cupcake (on a side note best damn cupcake I had ever had in my life) and everything seemed to be going great until for no perceivable reason Pinkie burst out the front door and proceeded to ram in to Twilight and Spike. I watched from my table as Pinkie freaked out over some tickets that landed on her face, mistaking them for bats, but then she realized her mistake.

"wait are these tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?" Pinkie screamed, which was followed by the oddest thing I have ever been apart of, I seemed to be pulled in to a fantasy of Pinkies creation, in which she sang while imagining what this "Gala" would be like.

"Whoa, what the freaking hell just happened?!" I screamed, while finding myself outside and no longer in my seat, but luckily I still had my goodie box. Twilight looked up at me and said,

"Oh, hi James, that was a magic induced group illusion, M.I.G.I. for short, they happen when a pony imagines something so powerful that every other pony in the same area can see and hear it. It has only been documented happening in pony society and it really is interesting, you see in two hundred and sixty two A.N.M. or after Nightmare Moon if you will, it was discovered that..." Twilight was cut short on her rant when Pinkie butted in and said,

"Boring! Twilight that is so very boring, lets get back to the tickets." Twilight seemed a little ticked off (sorry about the pun) to have her rant interrupted, but she complied to Pinkies demand. A few seconds later Rarity came walking up and noticed the tickets that Spike had in his claws, which was followed by another M.I.G.I., this one was about her meeting a perfect stallion and falling in love. I burst in to giggles and said,

"I'm sorry but that is the biggest load I have seen in the longest time, I mean if princes are anything like they are on my planet then this guy is probably a huge prick who only cares about his own looks. If by the off chance you did get to greet him he probably wouldn't give you the time of day, hell I bet he would go after somebody like Twilight and only because she has a high rank amongst the noble class. You would be far better off finding someone that adores you for you and completely stop trying to chase after such a contrite thing as prince charming, believe me he doesn't exist. As for you Pinkie, I hate to burst your bubble but, this is a party for the noble class, a bunch of stuck up, fro-fro, jerks, that wouldn't know a good time if it bit them in the keyster. No, if you wanted the party you are talking about you would be better off making it yourself, hell I would help you do so if you asked me to."

All creatures present looked at me with varying degrees of shock, Rarity looked at me like I had delivered a world shattering eye opener, Spike looked at me like I had lost my mind, Twilight had a perplexed look, as if she was trying to decifer a long dead language and Pinkie, well she just sat there with her head tilted to the side as if she had heard something that she wasn't sure she liked or not. The first to speak was Rarity,

"Why I, I, I... I don't even know what to say to you... on the one hoof I want to scream at you until I am blue in the face, but on the other hoof, I can almost see the truth of your statement, no matter how painful it seems to me............ I have to go and think about what you have told me, please excuse me." and with that Rarity ran off. Pinkie on the other hand was starting to shake around on the ground, as if there was an earthquake, and a massive grin split her face through the middle before she spoke.

"I could plan a party at the Gala and call it Pinkie's Spectacular Gala Get together, it would be the biggest party I have ever planned, oh this is big, this is really big. Sorry guys I have to go and plan now, thanks James." I nodded dumbly at this and looked down just in time to see a rabbit grab the tickets and bring them to Fluttershy. 'I'm started to get the feeling that there was a theme here' I thought as yet another M.I.G.I. appeared in my mind, this one was of Fluttershy in a colorful garden interacting with all the local fauna and how she would become friends with them all. I looked down at Fluttershy for a few seconds and gave her a sad look before saying,

"Well that sounds lovely, it really does, but let me ask you something, wouldn't the critters of this garden be shy around anyone that tried to get to know them, I'm not sure about the animals on this planet, but on mine they are extremely flighty and will run away from unknown elements." Fluttershy looked down at the ground in contemplation before looking back up at me and saying,

"Oh my, you're right, it took me years to get to know all the animals in the forest and I had to be extra gentle so as not to scare them. I should come up with a plan for how to interact with them in order not scare them away, thank you James. I'm so glad you are going to give me that ticket Twilight, this will make things so much easier when I go to meet them." This seemed to be a Que for more ponies to show up because just then Rainbow and Applejack showed up saying that it was their ticket and not Fluttershy's. Then all the others showed back up, even Rarity and they all said that it was their ticket, I laugh at the unbelievable nature this had just taken, as if mentioning the tickets was a summons for all of Twilight's friends to appear at once. I said,

"Hey Rarity what are you doing here? I thought you were thinking over what I said" Rarity looked at me and responded,

"Well I am, but I still want that ticket, so I am here to get it." With this everyone started complaining at once but Twilight was having none of it, or so it appeared for when the arguing reached a boiling point she blew her lid and told them all to leave her alone until she could figure out who to give the ticket to.

With that Twilight and Spike made there way to some fancy restaurant, I followed along for my curiosity had been peaked.

"So where did you get these tickets and why are there only two?" I asked. Twilight looked at me with sorrow and responded,

"Oh Celestia, not you too! Please tell me you don't want to go as well." I grimaced and said,

"Nope, that is the last thing on my mind, after what Celestia asked me to do for her last time, I think it would be best not to get anywhere near her for a good long while, I mean going to that celebration just sounds like asking for trouble." Twilight sighed in relief and said,

"Well you see Celestia sent me these tickets in a scroll and said to bring a friend, but now I can't seem to choose between any of my friends." I looked at Twilight as if she was stupid and responded,

"You know, if I didn't know any better I would say that your teacher is messing with you, but I'm not really sure, anyway there is a very simple way to fix this and it is quite simple." Twilight looked at me with bright eyes and asked me,

"what is it?" but before I could answer her, food arrived, she thanked the waiter and I was going to try to tell her again when several ponies ran by, in to the restaurant. At first I thought this was just coincidence, but then event after event would happen just as I was about to speak, from Dash showing up to keep rain from getting on Twilight and then Dash closing up said raincloud (I have no idea how she did that) when Twilight wouldn't accept the bribe, or at least that is how I saw it. Next Rarity tried to Bribe Twilight with cloths and she also dressed up spike like a little dandy, I laughed my ass off, but that is neither here nor there and all the while Twilight kept getting denied food to eat. Then AJ tried to bribe Twilight with food and after that we found Fluttershy cleaning the library, really it was just getting quite annoying. The final straw though was when we went back outside and found Pinkie as well as a large group of other ponies waiting for Twilight, they grabbed her and tossed her in to the air while Pinkie sang a song and once this was over, Pinkie let slip that Twilight had tickets. All the ponies freaked out and Twilight looked liked she was going to have a panic attack when I intervened.

"Enough!" This drew all eyes on me and suddenly all the ponies remembered that they were deathly afraid of me which played a role in clearing out the rabble right quick. After a quick beating of hooves we were nearly alone except for Pinkie and I continued from where I left off,

"Alright, Twilight eat this." and I shoved a cupcake in to her hooves from the goodie box I still had, all the while waiting until she finished it. Next I stepped in to the library and ushered everybody inside, looking around I noticed Twilight's friends were all here, perfect.They all started to whine and complain before I shouted "shut it!" which stopped the noise and I continued,

"First off, you all have been messing with Twilight all day long, leaving her with an impossible choice of who to choose, which is very unfair of you all." This made the group look around with embarrassed faces and soon they were apologizing to Twilight one by one.

"While this is all well and good there is a certain pony princess who is to blame for this entire mess, is there a way to send a quick message to Celestia?" Twilight nodded and told me that she sent instant messages through dragon flame and that Spike could write a letter. I nodded and said,

"Alright then, Spike if you would be so kind please take a letter, Dear, Trollestia..." Spike looked at me with a funny look but I just said,

"Just do it, anyway, I know what you have done and I am not pleased at all, maybe you were trying to teach your student a lesson, but if you were it was a horrible way to go about it. No, what I know happened was that you were pulling a little prank on your dear student, leaving only two tickets when you know for a fact she has five other friends, not to mention Spike who should have gotten a ticket because he is a sort of page to Twilight, or at least that is how I see it. So shame on you for pulling such a mean joke on Twilight, you should know better than that, bad princess, bad! Now you send her the rest of the tickets right away and I don't want any excuses. Signed, A very unhappy James Kirk."

"James I'm not sure you should send that, for it..." Twilight tried to continue but I cut her off and said,

"No, that is how it is going to go, speaking of which, Spike, send it." Spike looked uncertain but rolled up the note and burned away the letter. A few seconds later another letter appeared out of thin air and without thinking I grabbed it and started reading,

"Dear James, you are absolutely right, I am a bad princess for playing such a mean trick on Twilight and as you requested here are the rest of the tickets. For being such a bad princess, I think you should give me a spank..." I stopped reading out loud immediately and said,

"Well, look at that, she admitted fault, here you all go a ticket for each of you, even you spike. Anyway I think I will go read the rest of this alone." and with that I zipped in to the bathroom and reopened up the letter to read the rest of it, already dreading what it said.

"I think you should give me a spanking, for how will I ever learn if some pony doesn't teach me with a little pleasure and pain. Now that I am sure you have stopped reading this out loud, let me tell you something else, I am a princess and have never been talked down to in such a manner before and if I wasn't so very turned on right now I would find you and drop you off of a large cliff. As penance you are going to show up to my party and so help me if you aren't there, I will make your life a living hell. Signed with hugs and kisses, Princess Celestia."

"Oh, fuck my life" I said, as another ticket dropped out of the scroll. I picked it up and exited the bathroom and was greeted by several happy faces, I was going to just slip by then when Twilight asked,

"So, what did the rest of the letter say?" I panicked and said,

"Oh not much, turns out I'm going to the Gala as well, anyway I'm bushed, see you all later." and with a flick of my wrist I had my remote out and was gone in a flash before any more questions could be asked. As soon as I got home I flopped down on my bed and said,

"I really need to learn when to keep my opinion to myself, oh well at least I didn't get dropped off a cliff."

Author's Note:

you guys are so very lucky, look at that another chapter in record time. Enjoy :pinkiehappy:

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