Chapter 8 (Dragonshy)
Why am I in a Cartoon?
Written by Frake
Chapter 8 (Dragonshy)
I was sure today would be different from all the rest, no more crazy females that tried to make me in to a sex slave, no more violent monsters that I would have to flee from and definitely no more mistakenly making ponies want to date me for God only knows why. Over my weeks of going to Ponyville I had started to get a good feel on how everything worked, so I was pretty confident that I could navigate any more dangerous and or culture based situations, at least that's what I believed. Turns out that I was about to be slapped in the face by a long dead man by the name of Murphy, and he wasn't going to be kind about it either, nope, it was going to be a full bitch slap.
It all started innocently enough, for when I appeared in town I found a beautiful park full of ponies having a good time, but when I showed up in a flash of light I was immediately the center of attention. I smiled sheepishly and waved a little as I backed away from the scene I had just made. This however made it possible for me to trip over a very shy, yellow, Pegasus and I was soon entangled in her limbs as we both screamed out in shock. I found my head lodged in between her thighs and it brought to mind many a crappy anime that had this scenario happening to the main protagonist. I never would have guessed it actually occurring in real life, but then again I was in a weird cartoon like universe, so who could really say for certain.
Beyond all of this I did have to admit that Fluttershy had a nice ass, even thought I hadn't considered these ponies in that way before, but these thoughts were swiftly removed when another one replaced it. I quickly remembered what usually happened afterwords to the guy in my position, which would be a fierce ass kicking, so I untangled myself and started to stammer out some sort of apology.
"AHHH HA HA, Uh hmm... hey Fluttershy... I, I, I didn't... I can... you see.......... I'm really sorry, please don't beat me in to a bloody pulp!" Her face was as red as a tomato and I was pretty sure that all she wanted to do was curl up in to a ball and maybe cry, but when I said what I did she was pulled out of her embarrassment and went straight in to confusion.
"WHAT!? James what are you even talking about,I would never do something like that....." Fluttershy said in a steadily decreasing voice, until she was just whispering and quickly I felt awful for making such an assumption, so I apologize for my apology.
"That was dumb of me, please forgive me for assuming something so asinine." She told me it was okay, but we soon settled in to an awkward silence, taking quick glances at each other without really making any real eye contact until I finally decided to change the subject.
"Sooooo, what were you doing before I showed up?" Her eyes lit up and she immediately responded,
"Oh dear, I almost completely forgot, there is a great storm of smoke coming from the mountain over there. I have to warn the town before it reaches Ponyville." I looked at the mountain that she was pointing at and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head, for there was a massive cloud of smoke poring out of the peak. I had no idea what could create that much smoke from such a little area, but I knew it couldn't be good, so I followed after Fluttershy in an effort to help in whatever way I could. She started to try and get every ones attention, but her soft voice had absolutely no effect in getting attention and it really started to get on my nerves. After a few tries I was fed up and yelled out,
"Oy, Shut the hell up! Fluttershy has something to say, so listen to her." Every eye fell upon me and her with dead silence and she looked like a dear caught in the headlights, but she started by speak in a stuttering voice anyway.
"Umm, well you see... I think we uhh... eeepp!" and with that she ran behind me and hid while shaking slightly, which made me sigh in exasperation, but I decided to speak in her place.
"What Fluttershy was trying to say is that there is a large cloud of smoke headed for Ponyville and it should be dealt with right away in an orderly and calm manner." Everyone looked up at the smoke with gasps of surprise and confusion, as many voices started to wonder what should be done. At that moment Sparkly Purplecorn showed up, but for those that don't know her name of power we will just call her Twilight Sparkle and she had more info on the issue at hand. Turns out that a dragon was taking a nap, of all things, on the local mountain and as soon as she mentioned the dragon all hell broke loose. You would think that Twilight would have better sense than to mention a giant fire breathing monster to an easily startled group of ponies, but one thing I had noticed about her was that she didn't really have a lot of PR skills.
The panicking ponies were ignored due to the fact that they had all run off in different directions, but that left a handful who didn't flee, oddly enough Fluttershy didn't run away, however this could be due to the fact that she was too scared to move. Twilight had Me, Pinkie, Rainbow and Fluttershy, who were the remains follow her to her house, but I was forced to gather up Fluttershy and carry her there in my arms, because of said fear. When we got there, Applejack and Rarity were already there, which I assumed was Twilights doing and we were told that we would be climbing the mountain to convince the dragon to leave. Twilight followed this up by telling use to go gather supplies and meet back up in less than an hour, but what I failed to notice was how she just said girls, instead of everypony, which would become a bit of an ordeal in the very near future.
I returned to my house and immediately started to look around for supplies, which I started off with a big black backpack, followed by some climbing gear, a half a gallon of water, a lighter, dry wood, an automatic shotgun, the shotgun shells to go with, a bundle of dynamite and a warm suit of dark clothes to match the mountain so that I would be harder to spot. Now you may be wondering why I have an automatic shotgun and dynamite, well that would be my fathers fault. You see he got it in to his head that 2012 would be the end of the world so he had been stocking up sense 2005 and he even bought my family supplies (he got a bundle deal for the guns). He had told me and my brother that we would have to learn how to shoot (my mother shot him down before he even tried with her, ha, more puns) and so he payed for lessons, which I actually enjoyed. Anyway, I had a small arsenal in my mothers house and for once I thought it might be a good thing that I knew how to kill so effectively.
Upon returning to the library I found all the ponies outside and I went out to greet them, saying out loud,
"Hey girls, I'm ready to convince the dragon to leave" Which drew all eyes on me and I wondered why they all looked so surprised, but then Twilight spoke up.
"Uhh James, your not coming with us, it's just going to be us girls."
"What ya talkin about, Twilight?" I said, while the pop culture reference went right above there heads, but this didn't stop Applejack from responding,
"Look sugarcube, as mares we are looked upon to protect stallions and foals that are too precious to allow to be hurt... you understand don't ya?" I was dumbfounded as the new information was force fed to me, but finally I was able to respond,
"Wow, really? sexism? I was not expecting that one. Well anyway, I refuse, I'm coming with and you can just deal with it. I mean I don't really want to face down a dragon, but I sure as hell not going to let you all just go without me, especially when I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to survive if things went south." This wasn't taken well and Rainbow even stated how she felt,
"What is that suppose to mean!? Are you saying that I uhh... I mean we wouldn't be able to take on a dragon? and that you could... ha, as if!" I sighed and responded,
"Maybe Twilight could but, It is always good to have a backup plan and I would hate to find out that you all died." This seemed to shut her up and a general gasp was heard from the group as they considered my point of view. Rarity was next to speak up,
"Darling, why would you even assume something like that would happen, we are just going to ask it nicely to leave." I rubbed the palms of my hands in to my forehead as a headache started to form and responded,
"Really? I can't even fathom why you all aren't afraid of the giant, fire breathing, armored, death dealing monster. In my culture dragons are held with the utmost respect and fear for there kingship over all other life, even if they are considered just a myth. Now we are going to go talk to a real one and you all act like it is as simple as going to the market to buy a bag of flour." They all took on looks of uncertainty, but then Pinkie spoke up,
"Ah, it's not as bad as all of that, I'm sure that we will be having a big laugh with that dragon about this whole situation at the end of the day." The manner that she said it brought smiles to all the girls faces and they completely forgot about my warning. I shrugged it off though, due to the fact that they didn't complain anymore that I was going with them.
With all this in mind, I pulled Fluttershy out of a bush she was hiding in as she made whimpering noises, but I wasn't detoured and I one armed her like a football before making my way towards the mountain. The trip was fairly short and the whole way there Fluttershy continued to whimper, which I could sympathies with, but I knew that this had to be done, so I just bared down for what was ahead and pulled her a little closer to my chest.
At the base of the mountain I let Fluttershy down and started to get ready to climb, but then I saw the other ponies start to walk up the mountain in a way that I knew wasn't possible on my world. They seemed to be deifying the force of gravity while they walked at must have been at least a seventy percent tilt and I was forced to just gawk at them while muttering,
"Freaking magic" However, this didn't stop me from pulling out my ropes and other accoutrements as I got ready, but then something else happened. Fluttershy's wings seized up in fear when she heard the dragon snoring, followed by her whole body, but Applejack being the quick thinker that she is, decided to use the map to find a path around the mountain. Being that I could carry Fluttershy the fastest, I decided to go with and so I resumed my taxi services (in Soviet Russia pony ride you! I'm so sorry
).
On we went, all the while Fluttershy seemed to be in a state of shock so I started to talk to her,
"Hey Fluttershy, time to wake up, no need to be all frozen... come on now, snap out of it!" I snapped my fingers in front of her face but it did very little and I was force to take more extreme measures.
"If you don't stop, I will have to use my secret weapon and believe me you will be begging me to stop, so just take it easy on yourself and wake up." I still got nothing and at this point Applejack was eying me with suspicion, but I didn't care for I was starting to get worried. Without any more warning I started my attack by flipping Fluttershy in my arms and immediately began to tickle like I have never tickled before. Soon she was shaking and sweating, followed by a low giggling, but this just led to heavier guffaws and then all out screams of laughter. Tears started to streak down her face as I reached the height of my deadly assault and that was the point when she started to beg me to stop, just as I said she would. I felt no mercy and went in for the final blow, a raspberry delivered straight to the tummy, truly I was without a heart, a monster in the deadly art of tickling. The loud flatulent noise could be heard echoing all across the mountain, as well as the high pitched screams before I was finally done and Fluttershy just lay in my arms as her laughing fit slowed down.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA 'gasp' ha ha ha ha ha 'gasp' ee he he he..... oooh my. No more please, I surrender." she was able to finally sputter out and I grinned evilly before saying,
"Excellent, as my prize I claim one hug, muhahaha!" Both of my pony companions smiled at my silly attitude as I pulled Fluttershy in to an ill gotten hug. This set the mood as we rounded the bend and found the rest of the ponies waiting for us, really it only took about ten minutes, but I guess that was too much for Rainbow Dash and she stated her displeasure. I don't know, it was something about how she thought we were slow and Fluttershy was just holding us back, but I didn't like her tone so I returned,
"Hey Rainbow? Do you know what this hand sign means?" Before flipping her off and she just stared dumbly and answered,
"Of course I don't, do I look like I have hands?" I smiled back and said,
"That's true, well I'm sure you will find out eventually and I want you to remember this moment when you do." She just gave me a funny look before continuing and I laughed on the inside, 'that will be fun to deal with later'.
So on we went and soon we came to a very small gap in the path we need to take, but it did drop straight down for a very long way. I got up my courage and started to rush the gap when Fluttershy started freaking out and her wing snapped open, flapping furiously. This somehow managed to send me back several feet, so I looked down at Fluttershy and asked,
"Umm, so is there something you wanted to tell me?" She looked rather afraid and then it was confirmed when she said that she was afraid, which I found a little amusing.
"Look Shy, everyone feels fear, but you don't have to worry about us falling, because I promise that I will keep you safe no matter what." I said while looking deeply in to her eyes which seemed to do the trick, although this brought a scoff from Rainbow before she said,
"Oh brother, this is so backwards, it's like James is the mare and Fluttershy the stallion." I just responded by flipping her off again and she still looked confused, but it still made me laugh under my breath. I asked Shy if she was ready and she gulped, but nodded anyway, so I once again focused and jumped across, which was followed by a loud sigh from my passenger. Once we were on the other side I asked Shy if she would like to walk from here on out, for I thought that it might be a little demeaning to be carried all the way to the top of the mountain and she confirmed that she would like to. Once I set her down we were back on our way and it finally looked like we would get to the dragon, we just had to make it past an avalanche zone without making noise, and how hard could that be?
Turns out, pretty damn hard, because right after we entered the area Fluttershy got scared by a pair of falling leaves and screamed out the word avalanche. This was all that was need to cause a huge rock slide and it also might have made me scream like a little girl, but the whole thing was such a big blur of fleeing for my life that I'm not really sure. Somehow I managed to not be crushed under a big ass boulder and I was thankful for that, but then I remembered everyone else before checking to see if they were okay, which they were. Other than almost dieing, nothing else happened and all we had to was climb over the big pile of rocks which lead us right to the dragons cave.
All the ponies except Fluttershy were excited as Twilight started to list off what needed to be done, but for some reason they couldn't see that she was terrified of the dragon. Predictably, when Fluttershy was assigned to follow Twilight in, she didn't and Fluttershy was forced to reveal that she had a fear of dragons. This was followed by the girls trying to convince her that she could do it and that 'the only thing to fear is fear itself' or something like that, I don't know, I'm paraphrasing. Sadly, Fluttershy just couldn't do it and went to hide behind a big rock, which left me with the job of consoling her, since Twilight failed to give me some sort of task. Anyway, I followed Fluttershy behind her rock and started to talk,
"Shy, are you alright?" What I didn't expect was the biggest, saddest puppy dog eyes I have ever seen and it nearly crushed my freaking heart, if there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was sad faces. I rushed over and smothered her in a hug while patting her back, all the while she made pathetically sad little mewing noises that threatened to kill me on the spot.
"Awwww, Shy, it's alright, you don't have to feel so bad about this, I mean being afraid of a dragon is a legitimate fear, I know that I'm afraid of the huge bastard. So don't beat yourself up over this, I know I would never hold it against you." She just cried in to my shoulder for several seconds before finally asking,
"You're afraid of the dragon too? Then why did you come along, the girls didn't even want you to because... well you know... you're a male." I chuckled and said,
"Oh come on, even if I am afraid doesn't mean that I wouldn't risk my life for my friends, it is one of the few things in my life that I truly find value in, that and family. So even if I find myself doubting what I can really do, I will be damned before I let you all endanger yourselves without me to back you up." She smiled up at me through the tears and responded,
"That's a nice way to live your life, but I don't think I could do that." I guffawed and said,
"Fluttershy, you look after animals of every size, no matter how fearsome and do it because you love them. I know for a fact that you already do what I do and with more conviction, maybe it isn't in the same way, but I know you have the heart of a lion and even if you don't believe it, I do without a doubt. You Fluttershy, are absolutely amazing." Her face was the shade of a cherry as a smile graced her lips and she started to flutter her eyelashes at me, while saying,
"Oh my... James that was wonderful, I don't think any pony has ever complimented me in such a way, it is-" Just then we both heard Twilight yell,
"Rainbow, Nooo!" I flinched and said,
"Hold that thought Fluttershy, I thing we might be moving to plan B." and with that I ran around that rock and pulled out my shotgun, while loading in the shells, meanwhile a roar could be heard within the cave. I rushed over the wall and pressed my body flat while going over my plan in my head, it went like this 'wait until the dragon is distracted and shoot it in the neck where it's scales are thinnest. If that doesn't work, light the dynamite throw it in to the cave and run like hell, for with it's resting spot destroyed it will most likely try to kill you with a vengeance.'
It may not have been the best plan, but I was really counting on the first part to work and this was what I could come up with in such short time. However, when the dragon shot rainbow out of the cave at brake neck speeds, right in to the rest of the girls, I started to sweat, hoping that it wouldn't be a extremely large one. Turns out it was about the size of a house, which was larger that I thought it was going to be, but not as large as it could have been. None the less, I was a little terrified, but I knew it wouldn't stop me as I tensed my muscles, however I never got the chance to move. Right when I was about to go, Fluttershy found her friends laid out on the ground and she snapped. I swear it was one of the most badass things I have ever seen and as she talked it down I found myself openly gawking at her. That's when I started to hear music (Kiss by Prince, just in case the link doesn't work) and I looked around in bewilderment as it started to play from seemingly nowhere. I looked over to the ponies congratulating Fluttershy and asked,
"Hey, can any of you hear that music?" They all looked at me and looked at me strangely and Twilight asked,
"What music?" I shook my head and said,
"You can't hear that? That's no good, well, I think I might be having a stroke, I can even smell burning, or maybe that's the dragon smoke." I looked all around trying to find the source of the music, when all of the sudden I was blindsided by Fluttershy, who was hugging me with an huge amount of force, then she started talking,
"Did you see? I actually stood up to that dragon and it was all because of you, I kept thinking about what you said when I was looking at him and suddenly I wasn't afraid anymore! I am so happy I could just, just, just!" and then it happened, Fluttershy frenched me, she pulled me in too a massive, lusty kiss with tongue. At first I tried to pull away, but then I slowly melted in to it, finding it to be one of the most passionate kisses I have ever had. The way she rolled her tongue inside my mouth probing every spot, softly, but forcefully and slowly leading my tongue with an almost dancing rhythm. Needless to say it was exquisite and it left me wanting more, much more, but when the kiss was broken, Fluttershy opened her eyes and the look of shock was beyond understanding. Her eyes darted back and forth as she started to hyperventilate as I tried to calm her down, but it was too little too late and she passed out.
The whole ordeal left me confused and... horny, yep horny, so I opened my mouth and asked,
"Does anyone know what the hell just happened? Because I'm so confused it hurts" 'and what's more I think I want to make out with Fluttershy.' The last part I thought in my head as I looked around for answers but all I got was more confusion and a whole lot of Jealousy from Pinkie. I sighed and said,
"Well the Dragon is gone so, yay we win... umm make sure Fluttershy gets home and I think I should get going............... I need a cold shower." With that I pulled out my remote and got the hell out of dodge.
Happy Mothers Day and enjoy!
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Beautiful and pinkie would be jealous because Fluttershy just stole her man *finger snap*
two words... EPIC WINNING!!!!! love the newest chapter!
Curse you Murphy's Law!!
Loving this, hope James doesn't meet Pinkamena. Oh, just realised since this is going to go along the episodes... Party of One.
Aoah Fluttershy kissed James and Pinkie be like....
25.media.tumblr.com/0292cb98934a28f74b2df8794317ce46/tumblr_mh1sy8JWh61qda0z2o1_500.gif
Oh snap! She was all like
then 
and suddenly 
but then 
and everyone else was 
. NEXT CHAPTER NOW!!!
I say a dovahkiin Helmet would have went nice with Flutters...
2567886 sorry man, I know what it's from but I have never played the game, so I couldn't really do it justice.
2568211 Ya I get what you mean, don't try something you don't know. Thats like if I asked you to tell me how to build a nuke, sure you could look up the blueprints but it is not the same as experience.
Im still a sad panda...
2567886
Did someone say they wanted a Dovashy?
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2568408 The best one is the second one...
HA HA
Ohoho, what is this I just read. A lustful Fluttershy and a horny James.
Oh my, this can only lead to a pshycho and jealous Pinkamena.
James...I will do the one thing for you that I have never done for anyone before in my life in hopes that Murphy shows mercy in 'Party of One'. Pray.
Well, dodged a bullet there. Bumerang bullet. We'll see when he come back to Equestria :P
ps: Happy whathever, I'm a little suprised. In Poland mothers day is 26th may.
2568416
My favorite was the one with spike in it. He's like wut?
haha awesome I think it would be even funnier that in the future each one of the main 6 kisses James but pinky is last .causing her to be crazy jealous. Hell be better if she walks in on james clopping with some other pony.
James should be Charlie Sheen, cause he is definitely winning
2567774 Not enough thumbs can be given to your comment
- a better word would be negate
- telling us
- since 2005
-sympathise
I guess it makes sense, with the few stallions they have there. Only wondering why they have such a whole lot of male guards with Celestia. Does she horde all the males for herself? It would make sense with this Celestia, actually!
Reversed gender roles is a funny thing to use. I mean, yeah stereotypes like that are dumb, but also funny, if you use them right!
The song makes sense now!