• Published 6th Mar 2013
  • 6,562 Views, 368 Comments

Why am I in a cartoon? - Frake

What if MLP went in a different direction and added a human in to the cast? and let's say he is apart of our own reality and stumbled in to the wrong universe but found a way to travel inbetween both... well this is that story.

  • ...

Chapter 2 (getting to know James)

Why am I in a Cartoon?

Written by Frake

Chapter 2 (getting to know James, AU episode 3)

After taking a shower and changing in to a clean set of pants; I was still reeling over the bombshell I was just hit with. Not truly being able to accept the fact that I really seemed to have become a cartoon character, I mean this was so far above my head that I was drowning in it. After half an hour of "oh crap, oh crap, oh crap's" I slowly started to believe what I had seen, but this left me in the dangerous gray area of unknown's and I was going to have to remedy the situation right away.

My first course of action was to find out specifics about the show and why, oh why I was in it, so I went to work finding info on the internet. Two hours later I have a good understanding of who created the show and a general knowledge of the whole previous generations, as well as a huge gaping hole as to why I magicked my way in to what I could only guess to be an Alternate Universe. On a side note, I found out I had a predecessor in the original first series, but that didn't really get me anywhere since when I looked up her name and location in hopes of having someone to coach me through this, I got jack-squat. I heavily assumed she was a real person considering her situation was eerily similar to my own, but my best guess was she must have changed her name to protect her identity in case someone like me got a little to nosy. This lead to my own anonymity and I was forced to think back on to how much info I had given on my self, which was very little it turned out, really just my first name and I sighed in relief until I started to ponder other aspects of what my situation had brought about.

"What if I was forced to continued going back, I mean I'm apart of the original story and I have no idea what influence my world had over the other... but maybe this isn't all that bad as I make it out to be, I mean I'm not a very social person to the point of being a hermit and I am only going to collage part time and the other half is my crappy job so no one would make the connection to the show more than likely, due to the face that I barely stand out. Oh man this all way to complicated, why couldn't this have happened to somebody else..." But my ranting was cut short as I heard a familiar voice call out.

"James sweetie is that you? You really need to break the habit of talking to yourself, people will start thinking you are crazy and what are you doing up at this time anyway, usually when I come in here to wake you up you are dead asleep." I grinned sheepishly and said

"Well, were all a little crazy mom, it just depends on how much, I like to think I am just crazy enough to be fun, but not enough to be too scary. As for being up well... I just had a terrifying nightmare that seems to be becoming more real the longer I'm awake but I will deal with it as I go along." She looked at me with a quirked eyebrow and simply said

"Alright then" from the now open door.

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice... I mean Ponyville

Viewpoint: Twilight Sparkle

"I am so happy that the Princess allowed me to stay in Ponyville and now I even have a creature of legend to study and get to know... how exciting. Speaking of which were is that human?" As soon as I uttered this statement a very pink and hyper pony pulled in to my line of sight amongst the town wide party. I decided to ask Pinkie if she knew where James was, considering she seemed to know him better then the rest of us and slowly I pushed through the crowed trying to get her attention. When reached, Pinkie decided to greet me with a hug and a stream of bubbly gibberish,

"Hi Twilight, are you enjoying the party? Of course I don't see why you wouldn't, I mean who doesn't like parties? Oh maybe some sort of big meenie-beenie troll who frowns for a living, although I'm not sure how you would make a living from frowning, it doesn't seem to me that anypony would pay for a professional frowner, but then again I would have never of thought Ponies would buy rocks but they did back on the family farm. Did you know that rock farms sell only the rockiest rocks and..." It was at this point that I cut Pinkie off my the good of my own sanity and screamed

"Pinkie! That is all very, umm... interesting, but do you know where James went? I have a few questions I wanted to ask him, and maybe a few tests to do on him, and a book to write on his previously thought extinct species." To which she answered

"Oh he went home, back to his own world"

"What!? but that doesn't... how can he have... I don't even... THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Pinkie just giggled and responded

"Sure it does silly, he is an alien and lives on another planet, but don't worry he will be back in three days, just in time for his party... oh yeah, you are invited to his party by the way Twilight."

I just sat there with my mouth open as I tried to process what Pinkie had just told me, all the while Pinkie just sat and smiled like what she said made any real logic.

“Pinkie, how would you know that he will be back in a few days?”

“Oh, I can’t tell you that yet Twilight, that would be a huge spoiler to the story line and we can’t have that now can we?”

“What story?! What are you even talking about?!”

“........... I have no idea.” I growled in frustration before letting out a heavy sigh, accepting that Pinkie was just a mystery that I would have to solve for another time.

Just then Princess Celestia walked over with her sister and started talking to both Pinkie and I

“Ah, here you are Twilight and you too Pinkie, I was wondering if you knew where the human went, I have very important things to discuss with him.”

Pinkie opened her mouth before I could answer and she spewed out her special brand of crazy

“Oh, pick me; I know the answer, me, me, me, oh, oh, oh.” Waving her hoof in the air like she was a foal, Pinkie smiled widely when Celestia nodded at her to continue.

“Well you see, he went back to his world after using his cool, clicky, button thingy and now he is back home, but don’t worry he will be back in three days just in time for the party I will throw for him, so you can talk to him then.”

“Oh okay, that makes sense, well I’ll come back then, along with my sister, anyway goodbye my little ponies.”

"I don't even... why would you... just... just... I,I,I,I... uhhh" Does not compute, system failure imitate… restart system y/n? Yes.

Viewpoint: Pinkie Pie

“Sorry about that, but I guess that is all that Twilight could take, because she just sort of stopped working for a few minutes and then when I asked her what happened she just refused to talk about it. Anyway, transitions are fun funny with a big bunny, don’t you think?”

Three days later
Viewpoint: James

It has been a few days and can't stop thinking about 'My Little Pony' and how it seems to be calling to me like a seductive siren. It isn't helping that I have always secretly longed to live in a cartoon, travel to another world, and hang out with aliens; so being handed all these things on a silver plate was tantalizing to say the least. Once the initial shock subsided it took everything I had not to just try and get back but what stayed my hand was the fact that my first ten minutes their I was in tremendous danger.

So here I am on my couch with remote control in hand staring at my T.V. like it holds all the answers to the universe in it's dark void.

"Well, no point in sitting around and thinking about it, let's do this shit!"

As you can see I was never was very good at waiting, so forgoing the danger of returning I picked up my remote turned on the T.V. and touched the screen. Annnndddd nothing happened, I tried several more times but it was always the same results.

"What the hell it worked before... maybe I need to use the remote now, like I did when I returned."

Turns out that is exactly what I had to do, for when I pressed the enter button It felt like I was sucked right in, but I guess it was a good thing that touching the screen no longer pulled you in, now I didn't have to worry if someone accidentally found there way in, like I did, anyway long story short I fainted.


Several minutes later I awoke in the middle of Ponyville face down in the dirt. As I got to my feet I noticed the distinct lack of something, that something being sound and it was quite as a graveyard.

"Well this is just spooky as hell... hello! is anybody there? Anyone at all?" The lack of an answer was very disconcerting and as I started to make my way through town it just got worse. I noticed that all the doors and windows were locked and covered but I did see movement from the corner of my eye, as if something was stocking me as I moved. The longer I moved the more spooked I become and soon enough my mind started to guess as to what was going on, thoughts of the worst situation I could think of popped in to my head, a Zombie outbreak. I know how silly that sounds so just go ahead and laugh, but I have always had a fear of zombies. I know how unlikely it seems but I knew next to nothing of this world, except for the fact that it was plagued by monsters, based off of the previous show. Quickening my pace I made my way towards a looming building that I knew from the first episode I watched, Sugar Cube Corner,

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy" I snickered to myself, "I'm such a nerd."

The door to the establishment was wide open which I found very odd considering the rest of the town was boarded up tight, so I very cautiously made my way in. I noticed right away how dark the inside was even with the doors wide open and was wondering at that moment if it was such a great idea to just wander in to the building like a complete moron when I heard snickering. Now this did nothing to calm me, instead it made my heartbeat skyrocket and I was just about to make a sprint for the door when the lights snapped on. I saw many ponies surrounding me as I whipped my head from side to side, blurred faces all around with no escape, I heard some sort of loud yelling coming from the group but I was so full of adrenalin at the time that all I could really hear was my own pounding heart beat, and then I saw a knife. It was sticking out of a large cake just a few feet away from me so I flew at it bounding over a few heads and took out the cake in the process. Pulling myself off the ground I found the Knife in my grip as I yelled out

"Get back you zombie scum!" and that was when I finally took in my surroundings, a very surprised group of very alive ponies greeted me.

"Ha ha, oh, well, I guess you aren't zombies after all." real smooth James, real smooth. anyway, after the small group of ponies got over the shock of watching me tackle the cake and then threaten them with a knife while covered in said cake, a small sound started to build up. Small laughs started out nervously and force but soon became much more natural, followed by an all out thunder of side splitting laughter, much to my own embarrassment. I noticed that the group consisted of all the ponies I had met the first day I got here, and as the laughter died down, Pinkie Pie tackle hugged me.

"I guess it goes without saying that you were surprised, so welcome to your 'welcome to Equestria' party James. Mmm, you smell good like cake... I wonder if you taste like cake as well." So said, Pinkie decided to lick the cake off of me and holy cow does Pinkie have one amazing tongue, for once she started it was only a few seconds before she managed to lick the whole cake off of my as if I had never taken a face first dive in to it.

"That makes no sense compared to my understanding of reality, so thank goodness for cartoon like alien worlds that defy realities boundaries. So Pinkie, it's good to see you again... wait how did you set up a party for me when I didn't even know when I would be coming back?" Pinkie smirked at me and responded

"How come every Pony keeps asking me that, I can't tell anyone yet because it would be a big spoiler, but trust me it is a doozy."

"Hmm okay, makes as much sense as anything else I have encountered here, so are you going to reintroduce me to your friends?" Pinkies smile grew much larger and she started to bounce around me as she listed off all the mare's in the room as well as one dragon.

"This is Twilight Sparkle, she is super smart and the personal student of Celestia" Twilight smiled and said

"It is very nice to meet you, perhaps we can sit down later and you can tell me about your world and how you got here." Then Pinkie continued

"We have Applejack, the local apple farmer, who is the most honest and hardworking pony you will ever meet" AJ tipped her hat at me,

"Rainbow Dash, the self proclaimed fastest flyer in Equestria" to this she looked a little ticked off and responded

"Not only the self proclaimed, I really am the fastest and don't you forget it." I laughed and said

"And you are ever so modest as well I see." This earned me a glare, but I shrugged it off as Pinkie went on

"Rarity the most super fashionable pony to ever make clothing and the most generous." Rarity smirked at this

"Then we have Spike the dragon, he is sweet, adorable and Twilight's number one assistant" Spike blanched and said

"Hey! I'm not sweet and adorable, I'm cool and amazing" Pinkie giggled at this and said

"Sure, sure Spike, whatever you say... anyway then we have the Princesses, Celestia and Luna, rulers of all of Equestria. Celestia is super duper nice and has ruled for thousands of years with compassion and love for all pony kind. I don't know Luna as well but If she is anything like her sister then I'm sure she is wonderful as well." This brought blushes to both princesses faces and I started to realizes just how adorable all these creature's really were, when even the rulers of the land were just as cute as can be. Pinkie finished off by saying

"Then I guess that leaves me, I love to make other ponies smile and laugh, also I work here and bake goodies for all of Ponyville." Just as this was said a certain fern in the corner started to shake and shiver and Pinkie said

"Oh, silly me how could I forget, behind the potted plant is Fluttershy, the local caretaker for any and all animals, she is kindness embodied and also very shy as her name implies." Fluttershy popped her head out of the plant with a surprised but bashful look and I think my heart melted for she was the queen of cute and adorable creatures in the land of cuteness, a paragon of her kind. Did I mention that I'm a sucker for cute things? yes, well I am and this was almost to much for my heart to take, so I did what I think anyone would have done in that circumstance, I ran over and pulled her in to a hug (I'm also a huge fan of hugs just in case you didn't notice).

"I'll hug you and squeeze you and call you George, eh hehehe... I mean, you really are just the cutest thing I have ever seen." Fluttershy just froze in my arms for a few seconds before finally calming down and returning the hug. I then noticed the party goers around me staring at me like I had lost my mind and I laughed before saying

"Oh, umm, sorry about that, kind of forgot where I was there for a second, I'm all better now." to which I set down Fluttershy and stepped back a ways and Fluttershy was blushing heavily but she had a smile on as well as she said

"Oh it is no problem at all, you hug like a bear I know, it is quite nice." and with this being said everyone visibly relaxed.

"Anyway, I guess I should really introduce myself as well, let's see, I am a human, my name is James... umm, Taylor, ha ha no...Kirk, Just call me James Kirk (on a side note I found this hilarious considering it wasn't really my name but the name of a certain space traveling explorer and I could practically taste the irony, plus it would prove to be some powerful foreshadowing). My interests consist of cooking, swordplay, singing, reading, movies and boxing. I come from the planet Earth, and I live in the country known as America, of which I live on the west coast. My descent is Irish, French, English, and a little bit of German, thus the reason I am so very white. I stand a six foot two, weigh two hundred and twenty pounds, mostly muscle, but enough fat to show just how much I enjoy my own cooking. My eyes are naturally hazel, my hair is dark brown, almost coffee colored and I think that about covers everything."

Twilight had a notepad out and was writing furiously on it with her magic but the rest of the ponies were just looking at me with different degrees of interest. A few questions were asked, nothing all that complex, stuff like do you like cupcakes, I do of course, and what is your favorite color which is green. Everything went fine and the party got under way, but I did noticed how very child like everything was set up, from pin the tale on the pony (so punny), too the very bright and colorful decorations. All in all I didn't have any problem with it though, I really felt that such parties should never have gone out of style after a person grew up, but such is the way of humanity... luckily I was around ponies and those things didn't apply, although I did notice one thing that I thought was a little bit off.

"So, not that I'm complaining or anything, but isn't this party a little small? I mean it looks as though it was set up for a much larger group." This may have been the wrong thing to ask at the time because as soon as I said it the music halted with a large screech and everyone looked at me with a scared look. I glanced around fearfully and said

"What?", but then I saw Pinkie looking like someone had shot a puppy in front of her, suddenly I had to grab at my heart to try and stop it from shriveling up and dieing in my chest for it was that painful to look at. Pinkie chose that moment to speak up "I'm so sorry James, I invited everypony but none of them came because they were afraid of you and now your party is ruined... waaaa!"

'Oh crap she is crying, quick James, activate operation "fierce pony hug delta" or all will be lost!' I thought, as I quickly shot over to Pinkie and pulled her in to full body hug, saying

"No, no, no Pinkie everything is great, I like smaller parties anyway, plus I feel very welcome and happy that you would throw me my own personal party, so don't think for a second that this party is ruined."

'What is up with all these adorable ponies and the ability to just jerk around my emotions like it was the easiest thing to do in the world' I thought as Pinkie pulled away from me with a much happier look upon her face.

"I'm glad you like it, I worked really hard on it and I was sad when I got so few ponies to show up for a welcome party." I smiled back while saying

"It's no problem Pinkie". As I wiped away a remaining tear on her face I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest from such a sweet moment.

Everything mellowed out for the rest of the party, until the vary end, then the princesses asked me to speak with them in private, which I thought as a little odd but I accepted none the less. They took me back in to the bathroom and cast some sort of spell to dampen sounds around the whole room, which started to freak me out, but just a little.

"So... what was it you two wanted to speak to me about?" Luna smiled and said

"Oh, a few things really, but to start with we would like to ask about how you managed to get here, for we are certain we cast no spell to summon you." I smiled back sheepishly and told them everything I remembered, leaving out the fact that I pissed myself afterwards, but basically telling the whole story. Both sisters looked at each other with confused looks before Celestia said

"This is like no spell that I know of and the way you describe it makes it sounds as if it might have been a random tear in space captured in your viewing box, a nearly impossible occurrence, so I have to assume that some higher power has graced you with incredibly rare gift for some unknown reason. Since the elements had a positive effect on you we can assume you are not a threat to my little ponies, which likens you to the humans that visited this planet before. They were some of the greatest heroes our kind have ever seen, not only saving us from multiple threats but also giving us a great deal of inspiration for the development of our society. Even more amazing is the fact that you both seem to share the ability to travel back and forth between worlds at a whim, a very powerful ability to have."

I thought deeply on what had just been shared with me and debated in my head weather or not to share what I knew about the heroes Celestia had just described to me, when I noticed the princesses looking down on me with concern (Sometimes I am not very good at hiding the emotion upon my face). I took a deep breath while steeling my nerves and just went for it

"Alright here's the thing, humanity... or rather a small group of it knows of the events you speak of, it seems that these events were documented in a poorly made T.V. show, through the viewing box as you call it and in the eighties, around twenty to thirty years ago from my perspective, not the five thousand that has passed here. We viewed it all as a fantasy or at least everybody else does, experiencing it first hand kind of made me a believer, so I find myself in a very odd position. For one thing not only have the exploits of the six ponies in the other room been documented but so have my own it would appear and now I might have to come back every night before Saturday or people will notice that something is wrong with the show and that has its own problems that arise. Don't get me wrong, It isn't that I don't want to come back to your world on a weekly basis, because I truly find your world fascinating, but I'm not sure that I can keep up such a continual cycle without someone finding out, what should I do?"

"So the events five thousand years ago are recorded by your people but it only happened a short time ago on your world?" Celestia said, completely ignoring my problem, as if I hadn't said anything, which I found annoying to say the least. I nodded my head, yes and she continued to speak

"It would seem that when a bridge connects the two worlds, that the time flow of each sync up, but when the bridge is broken the time flows at completely different rates. How very strange, would you happen to know if the heroes of old are still alive?" I sighed and responded

"I tried to find out where they lived once I found out there were others like me, but I found nothing, still I do think that they are alive at this point in time, I mean humans live up to eighty years, sometimes more." Celestia smiled sadly at this but continued anyway

"Well that is about the same lifespan for ponies... yes I know I didn't answer your question, you don't have to look so annoyed." Celestia and her sister both laughed at my surprised face before she said

"I'm really not sure how you should deal with it... I guess you will have to figure it out yourself, but I'm sure you are smart enough for that anyway. Now there is one more thing of importance that I would like to discussed with you and I would like a complete honesty answer from you." I nodded and tried to ignore the crack about my intellect as I tried to imagined what she was so focused upon.

" Could you please mate with me."


Both Luna and I looked at Celestia as if she had gone mad, which might have happened for all we knew, and we waited for some sort of answer. Celestia smiled sheepishly before continuing

"Is it really such an odd request? I am over two thousand years old and as such have experienced everything there is to experience, so when new things come along I enjoy them to the fullest, not to mention you are a very attractive young stallion if I do say so myself." Luna exploded at her sister, with a incredibly blushing face

"Tia! have thou gone mad? Where is thy royal composure, this is most unbecoming of you!"

"Now, now Luna, don't blow a gasket, besides you must know what it is like to be alone for so long without any others to fill the void, so what if I enjoy a few lovers from time to time, it keeps me sane." Luna looked ashamed but I had a completely different look upon my face, one that just shouted "poker face". I opened and closed my mouth a few times before finally finding my voice

"Umm... no thank you." Both princesses looked at me with shock as if this answer would never be uttered in a thousand years, but I guess if you are a god-princess that everyone adored, then maybe she really never had been denied before. Luna decided to respond first

"Tis a very generous offer, only a hoof full of beings through out time ever have the honor to sleep with a royal princess, so why would you deny it?" Celestia started to sniffle with tears in her eyes and asked as well

"Yes, why?"

"Whoa, whoa none of that now! Its not like I don't find you beautiful, not to mention cute, but my people have a strong taboo against having sex with animals... not that I think you are an animal or anything, but it is just that your species strongly resembles an animal on my planet and I would feel much to awkward to do something of that nature at this point in time. Not to mention I'm not really a big fan of one night stands, even one for a god like princess." Celestia gave a small smile but then an intrigued look replaced it right away as she asked

"Does this mean that you have no other sapient species on your planet?" I nodded and she responded right away with

"How very interesting, well than I will accept your decision for now, but I will enjoy breaking you of this taboo later." I looked at Celestia with a small frown and asked

"Wait, what was that last part?" Celestia snickered and responded

"Oh nothing, well this has been fun, but now my sister and I must return to Canterlot, you know how it is, important royal duties and all that sort of stuff."

"Uhh right, well see you later than." I said with suspicion in my voice, and with that they both removed their magic shield and teleported away. I walked out of the bathroom, looked at all the partied out ponies and said

"Well the princesses just left and I should as well I'll be back in a few days I guess." I got a round of goodbyes and hugs (looks like I'm not the only one that likes hugs) and with that I pulled out my remote from my pocket and hit return. I didn't pass out like I had in the past and what a weird trip it was; have you ever seen the opening for Doctor Who? Well take away the music, make the tunnel straight and toss in a feeling of extreme vertigo, that is about what I felt. Then I landed on my bed as if nothing ever happened and I looked around with a grin upon my face before summing up my feelings

"One thing is for sure, my life just got a whole lot more interesting."

Author's Note:

Okay, two things, first, this took me much longer than I thought it would, but it is done and I'm sorry to keep you all waiting and second, I know that Sugar Cube Corner never showed up in the first episode, but for the sake of consistency lets just say that he saw it when viewing the world the first time around, besides I don't want to remove my nerdy joke.

Well, that is about everything, enjoy.:trollestia:

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