• Published 6th Mar 2013
  • 6,565 Views, 368 Comments

Why am I in a cartoon? - Frake



What if MLP went in a different direction and added a human in to the cast? and let's say he is apart of our own reality and stumbled in to the wrong universe but found a way to travel inbetween both... well this is that story.

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Chapter 4 (Applebuck Season)

Why am I in a Cartoon?

Written by Frake

Chapter 4 (Applebuck Season)

It was the middle of the week on a Thursday morning and I had just got done stocking shelves at my crappy job, luckily I had earned a few days off due to an error of calculated hours worked and that meant that I had the next four day off to do as I please.Thinking that I would hang out in my new most favorite hot spot, a little place called Ponyville, I decided to get ready to go. When everything was in the right place I pulled out my remote and clicked the button, which was followed by the blinding lights of the wormhole enveloping me momentarily.

When I could see again I was in front of Ponyville but something was off, It felt as if there was an earthquake and I heard something that was akin to thunder. Getting a shiver up my spine, I started to get a general idea of what was happening, but I slowly turned around just to confirm what I guessed was the problem. Turns out it was a stampede of large cows merely twenty feet away, I knew there was nothing I could do, I was going to be stomped to death and in a colorful cartoon world none the less. My past flashed before my eyes,

age 10

"Hey champ, hows it going, look I have something to tell you... me and your mom are breaking up, what this means is that we are moving apart and will not longer be married, however this doesn't mean that me or your mom will love you any less, no, we will always love you and nothing will ever change that, I just wanted you to know that. Alright I better go tell your brother."

age 12

"Alright James, you are next, when you are older, what do you want to be?"

"I want to be an explorer and see things I never have seen before."

"Look, James, that just isn't practical, try to pick something more worth while like the rest of the class."

"Well then how about an ambassador who makes peace treaties for alien worlds?"

"Oh for the love of..... James, you're killing me here."

age 18

"Alright, here you go, your very own driver's license and good job on the test, you passed with flying colors."

age 20

"We are going to have a night that you will never forget James, but we will deny it ever happened if someone asks, anyway happy birthday and welcome to Vegas, now lets get wasted."

Present

I came back to myself and saw the cows barreling down on me, this left me with just enough time to say a quick prayer before I died,

"Dear God, please forgive me for the stuff I did in Vegas, I hope you don't hold that above my head when I come to see you. Amen." and with that I closed my eyes. After a few seconds of nothing happening I cracked them back open and noticed that the cows had past within inches of my body. I let out a deep sigh and looked in the direction the herd had headed, spotting Applejack at the front with a lasso in her mouth and a dog sitting next to her. I walked up with a amazed look on my face as she finished talking to the cows (note to self, don't eat any meat on this planet) and asked the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

"Applejack did you stop that herd of cows from stomping me to death?" She just looked at me with a funny look before responding,

"Well, I recon I did, luckily for you, what were you doing there anyway? Didn't you hear them coming?" I shook my head no before saying,

"No, I just got here and didn't have time to move... you saved me. I don't know what to say, I guess that I owe you my life... is there anything you need doing, so that I might repay you in some way?" Applejack sat and thought for a few more seconds before answering,

"Well, the only thing that I can think of is that it is apple bucking season, but I much rather do that myself, call it a matter of pride if you will." I looked back at her with my saddest eyes I could muster and said,

"Please Applejack, I would be very insulted if you didn't allow me to do this for you." She looked in to my eyes and started to grind her teeth in frustration before finally yelling,

"Okay fine you can move apples in to the barn but you better not get in the way." I smiled and said,

" You won't regret this Applejack, I swear." Applejack just nodded and said "yeah, yeah" as I followed after her.

Later at Sweet Apple Acres

I had been moving bushel by bushel of apples in to the barn for the last hour and work was slow going, however Mac decided to keep me company while I worked, although he couldn't do anything but watch and walk besides me, because of his injury.

"So Mac... you are Applejacks brother right?"

"eeyup"

"hmm, cool, cool... so I noticed that you aren't afraid of me like all the other ponies, is there any reason for that or do I just not strike you as scary?"

"hmm, just not scary."

"well that's good, anyway I guess that with you out of commission applejack feels as if it is her duty and hers alone to harvest the farm, am I right?"

"eeyup"

"dang, that was what I was afraid of, she does seem to be the might stubborn type. So can I ask you a question?"

"eeyup"

"How did you get injured?" Mac had a mighty blush on his face and it took several minutes to answer.

"................................... I was studding myself out for a few mares to make extra income and I broke a few ribs." I stopped walking for a few seconds as I tried to wrap my head around what was just said, before continuing walking and asking,

"Wait so when you say stud, do you mean selling sex for money?" Mac just nodded and I continue,

"And you did this with several mares?" He nodded again and I tried to get a better understanding of what was said to me,

"So is this a normal habit for stallions to preform? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to, but it has become blatantly obvious that there are some things about this world that I just don't understand." Mac's blush slowly faded as he considered what I just said, before responding,

"Well, not every stallion studs himself, but those that do are generally revered for doing so." I tilted my head to the side and asked,

"why?" Mac chuckled and said,

"Have you noticed the number of females compared to males in this town?" I thought about it for a few seconds before responding,

"Well, no, not really, all the towns folk are too afraid to get near me." Mac nodded again and said,

"That's a shame, well if you did look around town you would notice the extremely unbalanced numbers, I believe that it is somewhere in the area of three males to every seven females, but that is just here, in other parts of Equestria it is more around four to six. Because of this, most males form a herd if they decide to date, which is not to say that single male to female relationships don't happen, but they are rarer." I started to understand but had another question,

"Okay that makes sense, but what about you and studding yourself out, I mean a handsome guy like yourself, I imagine you would have to beat off the mares with a stick, so why the whole studding thing?" He made an oh face of understanding before saying,

"Ya see, I have very little time to myself and as such just don't date, but I can provide the service of studding for mares that want foals." I nodded slowly before asking,

"Alright, so it provides you with income, but doesn't that just make you a male prostitute and don't you get ridiculed for doing it?" He looked a little angry before responded,

"No, not at all, unlike a prostitute, I am giving mares foals, not just pleasure, it is a very respected job, not only does it keep pony kind from going extinct, but you must also consider the fact that I have foals all over the place that I will never get to know, that is the pain of being a stud, so don't ever call a stud a prostitute because it will get you punched in the face." I backed away from Mac and said,

"Whoa, I'm sorry Mac, I didn't mean to insult you, I was just trying to understand the situation. Well anyway, I think I got all the bushels in this part of the orchard." Mac nodded in understanding, before looking around with a slightly surprised look and said,

"Dang, look at that, good job, it takes me at least twice as long to clear out a field when I do it by hoof." I smiled and responded,

"yeah, I basically just do this sort of thing for a living, see, I move heavy boxes all day long." Mac gave another nod of understanding and said,

"eeyup" I gave a slight smile to this and laughed at the fact that Mac was the strong, silent type, but when he wanted to, he could talk your ear off on any given subject, that is if he had a mind to.

With everything winding down, I finished my work and found Applejack still working in the orchard, kicking tree after tree and I asked,

"Hey Applejack, are you going to stop soon? It is getting close to nighttime and we have another long day of work ahead of us." Applejack looked over at me with a sad smile before responding,

"sorry partner, no can do, If I stop the harvest won't be completed in time, I'm just going to have to pull an all night job." I frowned at this but accepted it for now, before saying that I would be back in the morning

The Next Morning, Friday

I was back on the farm, bright and early to meet a certain mare and her family, It was interesting to say the least. An elder mare by the name of Granny Smith (oh God the puns) came up to me and asked me what I was, I told her I was a human and she told me she had never heard of um but that I was "welcome to the best dog gun place this side of the frostback mountains". I nodded politely at her and was just about to head out to back out to the orchard when I noticed a scared little filly hiding behind Big Mac, and let me tell you she just oozed adorable. I looked down at her and said in a quite voice,

"Hello there, my name is James, how do you do?" This made her cower ever farther behind Mac and I had to hold back a loud "Awwww" from escaping my lips from the ten point nine gigawatts of cute she was radiating off of her. I gave a devious grin and said,

"Well it has been nice to meet you miss, miss... umm, well shoot, I guess I didn't catch your name" this got the response that I was hoping for and she responded,

"It's Apple Bloom." but then she caught on to what I had done, let out a little "eeepppp" and ran back behind Big Mac, which in turn made Mac chuckle. I waved goodbye and made my way in to the orchard, but a few minutes later I heard a lite clopping sound and turned around to see who it was. All I saw was a pair of eyes hidden within a small bush and it brought a smile to my face as I continued on my way. The soft beat of hooves continued and I went about my business, as if a small filly wasn't following me around as I worked. Several minutes later, she seemed to build enough courage to speak and asked,

"So are you some sort of monster?" I laughed at this and responded,

"Nope, if you were going to classify me I guess you would call me an alien, but don't worry I come in peace, all I really want is to live long and prosper." then I made the Vulcan hand sign while giggling, which in turn made Apple Bloom giggle, before she asked another question,

"So if you are an alien, does that mean you have a spaceship, or maybe an evil brain probe?" I smirked and said,

"Ah nope, I crashed my spaceship and the space police impounded it, along with my evil brain probe, now I get along with a simple teleportation device." As I pulled out my remote control, which got an loud "ooooh" from Apple Bloom as she looked at my remote, as if it held untold power, which I guess it kind of did. Once she was done staring she asked another burning question,

"Where does it go?" I looked over at her and simply said,

"My room in my house, on my planet called earth, I know, I know, it isn't a very good name for a planet, but my people named it after the first thing they could think of, namely dirt." Apple Bloom giggled again and said,
"I like you, you're funny." This nearly melted my heart as I looked at the weaponized cuteness that was trying to kill me, but I continued on and said,

"I like you too, would you like to be my friend?" Apple Bloom looked at me with starry eyes (no really they had stars in them) and responded,

"I have never had an alien as a friend before, alright James you have a deal." And with that she spit in to her hoof and held it out to me. I continued to grin as I spit in to my hand and shook, a little filthy, but no worst for wear and it made me smile as the little filly trotted along side, while asking me about my world.

A few hours later

I had just finished another field and I found Applejack bucking another tree, but something was a little off about her, mainly the fact that she looked like she was drunk off her ass. I decided to ask her what I was thinking,

"So when was the last time you slept?" Applejack popped her head up and looked around lazily before settling her eyes on me and answered,

"uhh, two days now, yeah just about that much." I nodded slowly and said,

"uh hu, well that's nice, but maybe you should, oh I don't know, go take a nap or something?" Applejack shook her head vigorously and responded,

"No, no, no, I can't stop until this orchard is plucked clean of apples, now stop buggin' me and leave." I sighed sadly and complied to her demand, hoping that things would change for the better tomorrow.

I arrived in town the next day to find myself staring at a large funny looking contraption that I guessed to be some sort of simplistic catapult. Then I noticed Rainbow Dash and Applejack interacting near the machine as I walked up to them. I said,

"Hey guys what's going on?" Dash responded,

"Oh, hey James, Applejack here is going to launch me in to the sky with this catapult, it is going to be so awesome." I looked over at Applejack and immediately felt appalled, for I noticed how out of it she really looked. I tried to voice my concern, but Applejack just ignored me and started trying to launch Dash, however she just kept failing, over and over and over. It was almost pathetic really, but in a cartoonish and silly fashion, hell I would even say that Applejack is a silly pony, yes a very silly pony, but I digress, for after failing so many time, she finally got it right. I watched in horror as everything seemed to change to slow motion, for this time around AJ was right on the mark, but Dash wasn't ready for this and even tried to yell to Applejack to stop, but to no avail and so she got sent in to orbit, which was more that a little disconcerting, however there wasn't much I could do about it. I did however, decide to keep a close eye on AJ, just in case she ended up "helping" anyone else.

The day continued on as we went back over to the farm and started working again, that is, until Twilight showed up and tried to convince AJ that she needed help with the farm, but sadly AJ was just as pig-headed as before and refused to be helped. This would have been manageable if she didn't also say that she had to go and help pinkie with baking treats, so I butted in and asked if I could come along; she said yes.

When we got to the Sugar Cube Corner I bumped in to Mr. Cake and apologized right away, but he just smiled and responded,

"Oh, you must be this James that my wife has been talking about, it is nice to meet you, my name is Carrot Cake."
I smiled and said, "Hmm Carrot Cake, do you mind if I call you Mr. C?" he laughed and said,

"That would be fine with me." He was a real nice guy and not nearly as skittish as everyone else, so I asked,

"would you two mind if I joined in with baking muffins? I make a mean banana and chocolate chip muffin." The two store owners gave me an apprising eye before asking,

"you can bake?"

"Yep, I worked at a bakery for three years before the economy tanked, but that is a completely different story for another time." This make the Cakes smile and they told me that they didn't mind, so I went in to the back with Pinkie and AJ. Just as I suspected, AJ wasn't in her right mind and started mixing up the ingredients (no pun intended), but luckily I made an extra batch for every one she made. Oddly enough, Pinkie didn't even notice what was going on as she listed off the ingredients, I didn't see how, but this world worked in a funny way anyway, so I just chalked it up to that. When all the muffins were done cooking I had to come up with a way to switch out the bad muffins for my muffins, but sadly I got caught while moving them. AJ spoke up first,

"Oh, I see you want to try one of my muffins, just couldn't wait, huu? A look of pure terror appeared on my face as I knew exactly what had been put in to the said muffins and I wasn't even sure how they resembled muffins in the first place, I mean I watched her put worms and soda in them, but sadly I had no choice but to try one. As I bit in to the "muffins" an indescribable flavor filled my mouth, I suddenly had an an epiphany, It went like this, 'This muffin is what pain tastes like, If pain had a flavor this would be it.' The girls watched as crescent moon of a smile worked its way upon my face, wavering and flickering as it fought for dominance and something started to pour out of my eyes. AJ spoke up,

"James, are you weeping blood?" I swept the tear up on my hand and looked at it, 'yep that's blood, well I better come up with something',

"Oh don't worry, humans do this when they are extremely happy, now why don't you girls go fix up the front and I will bring these out when they cool off." They looked unsure for a few seconds before doing as I said and right after this I swept up the foul abominations and threw them away in the trash can out back. Luckily my muffins seemed to look exactly the same on the outside and would work to fool the ponies as I brought then out for the muffin extravaganza, as a crowd of unwitting ponies were saved from an monster far to evil to speak its true name.

AJ and I walked back to the farm and I hoped against hope that AJ had no more tasks to do for the foreseeable future, but sadly it seemed this universe was heavily humor based and demanded a debt of blood for it to be satisfied ... I mean jokes, yeah jokes, not blood :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:. Anyway, we were working on the farm for another hour before Twilight showed up again to try and convince AJ she needed help, but sadly no dice. In fact this only seemed to remind AJ that she had an appointment with Fluttershy and I prayed that it would be something easy and not potentially dangerous. When it turned out to be herding baby bunnies I thought my prayers were answered, oh how wrong I was. Applejack was questioning why she was doing something like corralling bunnies when I intervened,

"Hey, you know I could do this for you AJ, that way you can get back to harvesting, I mean, it might take me a bit longer but I am sure I can do it." AJ looked at me with appreciation and responded,

"Thank you James" before she trotted away and left me in the care of Fluttershy, I thought I would be safe, what a fool I am. Fluttershy brought out a little vial of clear liquid and said,

"I use this every year on a few vegetables in the middle of the pen to draw in the bunnies, it is the essence of carrots and usually works quite whoops..." It was as if the universe decided that the best time to humiliate me was right at this moment, for the vial slipped out of Fluttershy's mouth and burst all over me. This wouldn't have been so bad, if it wasn't for the fact that all the bunnies set their empty soulless little eyes upon me and sniffed the air while doing so. Have you ever been attacked by a group of bouncing baby bunnies while a cute talking pony watched your demise? No, I didn't think so. I had ran for the pen thinking that it would get all the bunnies at once and I was right, but I really should have been afraid for my own well being. When the bunnies hit I started to laugh and said,

"They are giving me little kisses, this is adora... Oww, what the... Owww, oh no they are biting m... YEOWWW, Oh God the sharp little fangs, they hurt so much, make it stop, make it stop! AHHHHH!" After I managed to pulled all the bunnies off of me and shut the gate behind me, Fluttershy tended to my wounds and I had to swear her to silence, which cost me one favor, no questions asked. 'Meh, how bad can a favor for Fluttershy be.' I thought as I thanked the fact that no one knew I was a real person.

Afterwords I made my way back to the farm just in time to find Twilight once again telling AJ she needed help but AJ bucked one more tree and told Twilight that it was the last while gloating. The universe struck once again when Mac pointed out that she was in fact wrong and showed her an entire field that still had apples. Finally Applejack broke down and accepted help, which got a "Oh thank God" from me. In no time at all it seemed, all of Applejack's friends showed up and the last field was picked clean in minutes, 'damn ponies and there freaking magic' I thought bitterly as it had taken me days of work to just do what Twilight did in minutes, 'oh well'.

Applejack called everyone over for a break and proceeded to thank us all, while apologizing for the way she had acted, which brought a sigh of relief from me, knowing that this horrible ordeal was over, that is until Spike came over with some rather suspicious looking muffins. He started to give them out and I yelled,

"Don't eat those! Spike where did you get these?" Spike shrugged and responded,

"I found them in the trash behind Sugar Cube Corner." I blanched and said,

"Those were in the trash for a reason, I bled out of my eyes after eating one of those, that's not normal." AJ looked up and said,

"Hey I thought you said humans do that when they are happy, why did you lie?" I gave her a deadpan stare and ask,

"AJ do you even remember what you put in those muffins? Because I do, one of the ingredients was worms.I lied to spare your feeling and also to protect everyone from getting violently ill or worst, in fact I'm pretty sure I took off a year from my life by eating that muffin." AJ looked abashed when she remembered what she put in the muffins, but smiled at me for trying to protect her feeling. Spike looked at me and said,

"I feel fine and I ate like, twenty of these things." Everyone laughed except me and I thought 'note to self, dragons can eat anything, also ewww.' I let this thought pass me up and said,

"Welp, all's well that ends well."

Author's Note:

Starting to expand on the character of this universe, hope you all find it entertaining.:moustache:

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