• Published 6th Mar 2013
  • 6,573 Views, 368 Comments

Why am I in a cartoon? - Frake

What if MLP went in a different direction and added a human in to the cast? and let's say he is apart of our own reality and stumbled in to the wrong universe but found a way to travel inbetween both... well this is that story.

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Chapter 1 (pilot episode)

Why am I in a Cartoon?

Written by Frake

Chapter 1 (pilot episode)

You know what I never would have guested happening to me? Well scratch that, there are really many things that I would never guess happening to me so I’ll go with the top three. One, winning the lottery, two, becoming a superhero (for one thing where would I find a radioactive spider, ungodly amounts of cash, magic bracelets, etc.) and three being thrown in to another world via my extremely old television of 31 years (that’s about 110 in human years, no for real… look it up).

Now I bet you’re wondering why my third “never gonna happen” would be so well defined, well there is a reason for that and it all started on a cold stormy night. I was sitting in my room of my mother’s house (before you ask I am 23 and live with my mother, not very pretty but there it is) and it was about two in the morning. I was channel surfing until I landed on the Hub, being an eternal child at heart I enjoyed watching cartoons of a stunning variety and I thought I would find out what was on, It was a commercial for a new cartoon about to air the next day, My Little Pony to be precise. Now I had seen several generations of MLP come and go, each generation considerably worse than the last with only the first incarnation being only slightly bearable (I would usually switch over to Popeye or some good old Loony Toons to rid my mouth of such a bad flavor).

As I watched the commercial I was very close to switching to something else and just ignoring the existence of the terrible cartoon line when suddenly a lightning bolt struck the telephone pole right outside my house, causing the power to cut out for a few seconds, before everything came back on. What I saw next was interesting to say the least; the channel flickered with an eerie multihued light and the screen itself looked as if it was made of water. I crept close to the screen as the lights danced, as if it really was coming from water and I was about to touch the screen when a program started playing in perfect clarity as a very crisp song blared to life. I flew to the back of my room, my heart threatening to burst right out of my chest until I saw what was playing… it was the intro song to the new MLP cartoon, I sat stunned for a few seconds before bursting in to a fit of giggles. I nearly voided my bowls because of a little girls cartoon; needless to say I continued to laugh for a good few seconds before finally sitting back down and preparing to change the channel a second time.

However when I tried to flip channels nothing happened except for the screen rippling like a pool, I sat dumbfounded wondering what the hell was going on. As I continued to watch I noticed more oddities, for instance the fact that the show wasn’t supposed to be playing at that time but several hours later. More perplexing still was at certain points when the intros for commercials would appear nothing would happen and the show would continue on by filling the spots with whatever the antagonist would do to continue the plot, which mainly consisted of walking or boring dialog. At this point I was wondering if I had passed out and was now dreaming, but when I pinched myself I felt the pain and didn’t wake up. My next line of thought was to guess I was in a very realistic hallucination and just to go with it until it ended. As I watched the show I smiled at how well made the cartoon really was and figured that this really had to be hallucination for how else could it be of this high quality.

Now I thought my night couldn’t get any weirder but as I was well in to the second episode I was proven wrong. It was right after pinkie pies song and dance that I decided to open my mouth and comment on just how I felt about the whole thing.

“Oh yeah, giggle at the ghosties indeed, because that will scare off all the magic, evil, trees, just brilliant.” And to my surprise Pinkie turned towards the screen and answered me.

“What are you trying to say Mister funny faced monkey thing, I really like my song and it always worked against all the ghosties before, just like my grannie said. Who are you anyway… and why are you in that funny looking wall I have been seeing all day? Oh are you some sort of alien? I bet you are, that’s super-duper awesome, oh I know, we should be friends, my name is Pinkie Pie what is your name?”

After pulling my jaw off the ground I decided I might as well enjoy this experience, after all how often do you get to talk to a figment of one’s own imagination, so I responded

“Well Pinkie my name is James and I am a human, I have been watching you and your friends all night, what’s more I think I know how everything is going to turn out. Mainly I think all of you are the elements that Twilight was talking about and you’re going to defeat this Nightmare Moon. As far as plots go it’s pretty average, but don’t tell anyone because it’s a secret.”

Pinkie looked confused and asked

“Well I’ll keep it a secret then but what is this about my plot? Are you saying it looks average? That’s not very nice James, and I’ll have you know I work out all the time so it’s very toned.”

I tilted my head to the side in confusion before I finally figured out she was talking about her butt, at which point I burst in to laughter. After this Pinkie looked rather angry so I decided I would have a little fun with the ditsy but hilarious mare.

“Oh no Pinkie, I think quite the opposite, I very much so like that wagon that you’re dragging, that is some grade A plot you have going on there. I really enjoy when you sway your hips as you walk, it’s quite sexy… Rawr.”

I followed this by swiping my hand out as if it was a claw and winked at her at the same time. The reaction that I got was a little surprising for she had a bright blush on her face and a sexy little smile. She responded in a seductive tone

“Oh yeah big boy, you like what you see?” after which she turned around and shook her rear end at me, but the strange thing was that I could see her umm how should say this… naughty bits. She had flicked her tail out of the way and I could see everything, this shocked me as I didn’t even think they had genitals not to mention it also resembled more of a woman’s than a horse’s, but I’m getting off topic. I figured that since it was my own mind making this up it wasn’t going to play out like a regular cartoon so I continued to enjoy the absurdity of it all, although I was a little disturbed that my subconscious would think up such naughty thoughts about these innocent ponies.

Before I could say anything else Twilight walked up and said

“Pinkie Pie, what are you doing over here? We need to keep moving before anything else bad happens.”

Pinkie just nodded and responded

“Ok Twilight, I was just talking to my new friend James, he likes how my plot looks, don’t you James?” I just gave a cheesy grin with a 'thumbs up' which Pinkie grinned back at. Twilight however just looked in my direction with a blank stare and said

“Umm right… anyway you and your imaginary friend should hurry up because we need to go now.”

I grimaced while saying

“Hey, I’m not imaginary, if anything you’re the imaginary one with your funny purple hair, unicorn horn, and tramp stamp among other things.” But she just kept trotting away and I sat there for a few more seconds before it dawned on me.

“Pinkie I think you are the only one who can see and hear me… that’s quite odd. Well none the less you better follow along and don’t worry I’m pretty sure I will be right behind.” she responded to this with an “okie dokie” before turning and trotting away as well, luckily I was right and the screen followed.

A few minutes later Pinkie and friends came across what I can only describe as an incredible gay, crying, sea serpent, which Rarity dealt with in swift order and I decided to comment on it afterwards.

“Hey Pinkie what did you think of that guy, seemed like the 'happy sort' wouldn’t you agree?” I said with air quotes. Pinkie looked back at me with a confused look and whispered

“I don’t know he seemed pretty sad to me, well until Rarity helped him that is.” I shook my head vigorously and responded

“no, no, no, what I mean is he is a little queer, if you catch my drift.” Pinkie continued to look confused and replied a little louder

“He didn’t seem that bad… maybe a little upset but I don’t think he is that odd or dangerous.”

“No Pinkie, what I’m trying to say is that I think he is gay!” Pinkie just blinked and responded even louder than before

“We already went over this didn’t we? He really seemed quite sad but then Rarity helped him and then he was happy. Oh is that what you meant?” I face palmed with a loud slap and said

“No, well yes I guess gay does mean happy but it is also slang for homosexual.”

Pinkie was completely baffled by now and pondered out loud “Home-sex-you-will-whats-it?” Both my hands slapped in to my face before I groaned and yelled

“It means he likes to have sex with other males, you know butt sex, get it?” A light switched on above Pinkie’s head in cartoonish fashion and she grinned widely before yelling back “Oh he is a colt cuddlier!”

By now Pinkies yelling had drawn everyone’s attention and there were looks of shock to udder horror plastered on all the ponies’ faces before Rarity sputtered out

“Yes dear, I think we all figured that out but it is very rude to just yell that out loud, especially when you could hurt his feeling if he heard you. Maybe next time you should keep your thoughts to yourself.”

Pinkie was blushing like mad before she said

“It’s not my fault, James kept dancing around the issue and only just now did I figure out what he meant.” This brought on a round of rather confused looks and Applejack asked “umm who is James?” Before Pinkie could respond, Twilight spoke up.

“He is Pinkies imaginary friend, it is a little immature if you ask me but I guess that is normal for Pinkie.” The rest nodded slowly then turned around and started walking again but Pinkie hung her head in a depressed manner and it looked as if she was going to cry. I immediately felt terrible for getting Pinkie in trouble. I mean this pony was the most adorable thing I had ever interacted with and it hurt my soul so see this creature in any sort of pain, even if they all were just a part of my imagination, so I decided to apologize.

“I’m really sorry Pinkie, It’s my fault that your friends scolded you, please don’t be angry at them or be sad, I will find a way to make it up to you… I swear.” Pinkie frowned at the floor for a few more seconds before gaining a small smile and saying

“Alright but it better be pretty good because that was really embarrassing.” I nodded and the group continued on. I watched as Dash dealt with some group called the shadow bolts but I wasn’t really paying much attention as I was trying to come up with some way to apologies to Pinkie. A few minutes later Dash overcame the challenge and the group entered the castle but I still had no idea what to do, I couldn’t do something physical for Pinkie because I was stuck behind the screen and I felt that talk was just that, talk, not really enough. I focused on the screen and I started to wonder if I could enter in to the cartoonish world, I mean if Alice could do why couldn’t I, it wasn’t as if I was bound to any rules of reality at the moment anyway. Just then I noticed that Twilight had confronted Nightmare Moon on her own and each of her friends had gained there elements as the shattered stones floated around them, so I figured it was a good a time as any to try out my crazy scheme. Slowly I reached out my hand towards the screen until I made contact……..

and nothing.

Or so I thought, because just then the screen started to glow with a bright light my hand started to get pulled in.

View Point: Twilight Sparkle

Nightmare Moon interrupted me in the middle of my speech and told me that I was still missing the last element as her ethereal mane swirled above her head in a chaotic maelstrom, when something rather peculiar happened. In the center of her mane which I would call the eye of the storm, a massive bright light started to form. At first it just seemed to be some deadly spell that Nightmare was casting but then the most odd looking appendage popped out of the bright portal. It appeared to be a claw like Spikes, but with skin, not scales and it lacked the long dangerous claws themselves to distinguish said claw, however I had seen something more similar that I couldn’t seem to place. Then it hit me, it was a hand, most common with humanoid creatures like Minotaur and Satyr, along with many others. As more and more of the oddity exited out of the portal though it became apparent that whatever this thing was, it wasn’t something I had ever seen before; in fact the only thing I could think of to match it was of the most ancient of legends, a Human. Just as I was about to take a closer look several things happened at once. The human dropped from the portal and smashed in to the ground scaring the daylights out of Nightmare and all of my new friends gasped in shock. With this Pinkie looked over to the incapacitated human and yelled

“James, you came to see me, that’s so nice but you might want to get away from Nightmare Moon, she is a real meanie pants.”

I was baffled at Pinkies statement and was about to ask what she was babbling about when the human groaned loudly, glanced at Pinkie with an excited look and ran over, hugging Pinkie in a very warm embrace. I was near my wits end and then he spoke

“I’m so sorry Pinkie, I hope this makes up for embarrassing you and umm… hey what’s everybody looking at?”

I responded with the very witty remark of “WAIT WHAT?!”

View Point: James

The look on Twilight's face was hilarious, ‘that will teach you who is imaginary you funny purple unicorn, you’ I thought. Everyone’s face was a look of shock and varying degrees of fear, well except for Pinkie who was giggling in my arms as I snuggled her to my chest but on another note this pony is incredible soft and warm, kind of like hugging a big puppy except three times better. Anyway, as I was hugging, Twilight broke out of her shock and screamed at Pinkie

“Get away from that human, it must be another trick by Nightmare, well we aren’t going to fall for it, Applejack would you please kick the human back over?” Pinkie jumped out of my arms and tried to block Applejack while telling her to stop but she was pushed out of the way before Applejack reared back on her hooves preparing to strike. I opened my mouth to say something but what came out was a loud “OOMMFFF” noise as I was kicked in the stomach, sending me flying over to Nightmare.

With that Twilight finished her speech

“Well as I was saying you were wrong Nightmare, I’m the last element, the element of Magic.” With that a tiara appeared on Twilight's head and all the ponies floated in to a strange formation. Pinkie looked on with fear but there wasn’t anything she could do because the Magic had already begun and a bright rainbow shot forth encompassing Nightmare and I. Nightmare was screaming “no” in terror but I decided to be a little more articulate with my fear and screamed out

“Oh God I’m burning, it hurts so much, why me, I nev… wait, actually I feel fine. No, better than fine really, this feels freaking amazing, in fact this is the best I have felt in well… forever, yes I have never felt this good in my entire life.”

The ponies once again looked on in shock as they watched me fall out of the deadly rainbow unfazed. I looked down at my body and found that everything was perfectly in order, if not a little too bright and colorful, plus my stomach didn’t hurt from being kicked which was a plus. I then noticed that I still had my T.V. remote in my hand but I lost interest as soon as I noticed my hands for there was something horrible wrong with them. They were under defined and they had a border like a cartoon drawing, in fact they were just like a cartoon drawing, just in 3D.

“Well I’ll be dipped in chocolate and called a Sunday, I’m a cartoon, I mean how am I even perceiving this, it shouldn’t be making any sense in my brain and yet it…” I lost track of my statement for I heard a pitiful whimpering coming from my feet. Another adorable pony was lying at my feet and could only assume it was what was left of Nightmare Moon. Being the sucker for cute and adorable things that I was, I immediately felt sad for the pitiful creature at my feet and scooped her in to a big hug.

“Awww, it’s okay, nobody is going to hurt you, you too cute for words, ball of fluff.”
I was interrupted by a hug-tackled from my side as Pinkie joined in on the hug as well, all the while spouting off how glad to see I wasn’t hurt and also how we would become the, and I quote “Bestest of best friends forever and ever”. This interruption was interrupted by another interruption as a commanding voice stated with pure malice

“What are you doing to my sister you foul beast.” Because I’m a smart ass and it was a good opening for it, I immediately answered without looking at my accuser

“What? Everybody loves hugs or are hugs not allowed in this world?” With this I looked in the direction of the voice and regretted not looking first before making my comment. A pony several times larger than the rest of said ponies stepped in front of me, towering over me by at least a head. She had a pure white coat and flowing ethereal mane and tail that seemed to be made of a rainbow, not overlooking the massive wings and terribly pointy looking horn. Completing the look were four golden hoof shoes (not horseshoes because they looked nothing like them) and a crown on her head, plus the downright wilting look upon her face. By now I figured out this must be Celestia and I immediately tried to fix my mistake by adding on

“If that is okay with you, you’re umm majesty.”

Celestia looked slightly taken aback by my ability to talk but quickly resumed her angry attitude while saying

“It is allowed but touching a princess without consent is considered a crime punishable by time in the stockades so I would be very careful if I were you. Now what are you and why are you here?”

“Right then, my name is James and I’m a human, as to why I am here, umm well I do believe I am hallucinating, not sure how or why but as such you are all a part of my strange little trip and I am just waiting for it to end.” Celestia looked at me like I had gone mad and said

“I can assure you this is all very real, wait did you say you are a human? We haven’t had one of those since the rainbow bridge closed five thousand years ago and that was only looked upon as legend… but enough of that I need to speak with my sister so please set her down.” I complied and set the formerly silent pony down, at which point Celestia talked with her sister whose real name was Luna, go figure. I drifted in and out of the conversation being had as my thoughts played through my mind.

‘Now that I think about it this has been going on for an awful long time, could it be that is something other than an illusion? I feel like I am in complete control of all my senses and there was nothing to cause a hallucination, no drugs, and no medical conditions or sleep fatigue but then that would mean tha…’ I lost my train of thought just then as the two sisters hugged and resolved their differences which lead to me loudly saying “AWWWWW”.

I soon remembered the pink pony clamped on to my side as I was doused in a waterfall of happy tears, it was really disgusting but only lasted a few seconds before she stopped then jumped out of the side hug on to the ground and stated out loud

“Hey, do you know what this calls for? A PARTY!” and suddenly without any warning everyone was back in the little town of Ponyville and I freaked the fuck out.

Looking around I wondered how we could have all gotten here without moving one step or some crafty unicorn magic but then I laughed while thinking ‘oh of course it’s a hallucination’. All the little ponies continued on as if we hadn’t of just appeared out of thin air and proceeded to party, although they did seem to give me a very wide birth. The Princess and Twilight then started talking about how Twilight didn’t want to leave her friends and the Princess decreed she would stay in Ponyville, I proceeded to scoffed at the lameness of it all.

This all happened in quick concession and then Pinkie and I seemed to appear in front of Ponyville out of thin air again, at which point Pinkie started to speak away in front of me at what seemed to be empty space, saying

“Isn’t this exciting, are you excited? Because I’m excited, I’ve never been so excited, well except for the time I went HUUUU but I mean really…” I stopped her and said

“Umm Pinkie who are you talking to?” she simply answered

“Why more funny humans silly, duh.” I was a little freaked out before I noticed a glow coming from my hand, which was in fact my remote control, but more specifically the return button. Being curious I proceeded to press the button and things started to warp and fray while Pinkie seemed to drift away. The last thing I heard before I lost conciseness was Pinkie saying

“Bye James it was fun and don’t be afraid to come back at any time.”

I awoke to someone speaking in the background and opened my eyes to find I was back in my bed. I sighed and said out loud

“oh thank goodness, I guess it was a dream after all, just a very vivid dream brought on by the cartoon playing in the background. That is the last time I leave the T.V. on before goin…” I was stopped cold when I heard a certain pink pony utter the same silly monolog about how excited she was and I ever so slowly tilted my head towards the ancient television across the room. What I saw was so disturbing that I thought I was going to jump out the window right next to my bed, for on the screen was Pinky and a very familiar human. When I heard my voice come out the speakers my eyes nearly bulged out of my skull and I refocused just as Pinky said “don’t be afraid to come back at any time.”

I sat for several minutes trying to digest what I had just seen when finally I said

“Son of a bitch, now I need to change my pants.”

View point: Lauren Faust

“What have I done? Why, oh why did I put a twenty something man in a little girls cartoon, I don’t even remember thinking up his character and yet there he is, right on the screen. God only knows what possessed me to do this and why didn’t the producers stop me or tell me it was a terrible idea. It’s like it wasn’t even my idea, but I’m the one who made it official… oh well nothing I can do about it now. I just hope the show gets enough ratings to stay on the air.” Suddenly Craig walked in to the room with an excited grin and said

“Lauren you’re not going to believe it, I just got a call for the show and they said that the viewing results are above average. I know it is still too soon to tell but you may just have a hit on your hands.” I looked up in shock and said

“Wait really!?”

Author's Note:

so please comment, give it a like or dislike and tell me what you did or didn't like about it, I can only learn when you tell me what I am doing wrong and what I am doing right. I enjoy reading your reviews, They make me stronger:flutterrage:

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