Celestia and Luna were pleased with their kingdom, as Cadence was pleased with the Crystal Empire, and as Twilight was pleased at becoming a new alicorn. King Sombra was nowhere to be found, Chrysalis was gone, and Discord had even stopped misusing his powers. Everything seemed to be going great and according to plan. But within many cities and towns across Equestria, some ponies have different thoughts and feelings about one of the Princesses. Some good, some bad. And it all leads to the destruction of a family. This is the story of how and why two sisters separate and go to war with each other. Who will emerge victorious as Equestria's leader and who will die.
Editor: Super-Brony12
Special thanks to 90sigma for the picture:Celestia and Luna attacking
Alright, based off of what I've read thus far, story development wise, your good. The out of character scene with Celestia as she is sharing the story of one of her guards getting bored was a little weird. But I felt it was balanced out with Twilight and Luna's thoughts on how awkward the two felt the conversation was.
Another thing I would like to point out, in my opinion, is that the way Celestia and Luna's subjects were talking to them was a little weird at first too. Usually ponies are scrambling all over the place to bow and be courteous to the Princesses. However, given the fact that you have some ponies angry at both of them for Luna still being here, trying to be courteous to your rulers is just going to be thrown out the window.
I am puzzled about one thing though. If it's any indication from the episode where Luna visits Ponyville on Nightmare Night, most of the ponies in Ponyville (if not all of them) warmed up to her. So I don't really understand why some Ponyville citizens would be upset that Luna is still alive and living.
Overall, good so far. Saw a couple grammar/sentence structure errors and the stuff above, but other than that, its pretty good so far. I did find the part with Derpy and Pinkie amusing though.
- Super-Brony12
P.S. I will be more than glad to offer my assistance to you with proof reading and other stuff.
this has some potential
keep it up