Applejack was working on the farm when something strange happened. Now AJ, Pinkie pie, and a few other ponies must fight for their lives. The true question is who will live and who wont?
Chapters (5)
MegaMonsterPony
Joined 17th Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Wolokai · 27k words · 452 19 · 10k views
- SockPuppet · 6.2k words · 208 11 · 4.3k views
- k12314 · 69k words · 339 24 · 9.1k views
- cesmaster644 · 25k words · 23 1 · 1.4k views
- Sirheavens · 1.5k words · 51 1 · 6.3k views
- TheRainbowDashShow · 13k words · 44 3 · 2.1k views
- jessica_soul · 2.5k words · 45 4 · 1.2k views
- Rated Ponystar · 80k words · 380 35 · 5.8k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.057 seconds
Total duration
1,047 users online
1,458,546 hits today, 2,439,861 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
interesting. a little gross but interesting
Awesome
Could use a little work on the grammar, make sure to look over what you wrote before you submit.
, but the story is interesting and is really intriguing, keep up the good work. 
.
Way better than chapter 1 really good job
It seems very very jumpy and awkward to read. What you need to do is most likely scrap this, rewrite it, think the plot through and not use unnecessary description.
You need to go deeper when you describe things in a picture, you can't have the characters jumping around like this, its confusing and frankly just hard to understand. You have some great potential but you seriously need to slow it down more, supply a backstory on why pinkie or anyone is killing ponies and why the storm has arrived. This line is awkward:
"As soon as I can I have to go talk to pinkie first." I say rushing off towards sugarcube corner. During the search for the wagon the rain had started coming down as if somepony was up there dumping buckets of water down on the rest of us.
That simile is just.....its awkward and unnecessary.
Rewrite this, read it over outloud over and over and read a lot more books, this will help you improve your sentence structure and description. Also STUDY the show A LOT so you can get their personalities.
I wish you luck.
-Rezz
It is only my first story that i have ever written give me a break. I'm going to finish this story how I'm writing it now and my next story which is in the works is going to be much better sorry if it is disappointing but I have literally spent like eight or nine hours maybe in the future I will rewrite this but right now I am going to continuing to focus my time on my other story which will be a lot longer. I am planning this as a two part series and the content is continuing to get better and better quality wise. Again sorry if you don't like it I will most likely rewrite this in the future.
Weapons must be made the Kaikrussian way. Extremely deadly and can take a life faster than death can eat a Turkey leg
Well here is the next part of this story. I am happy that it is out
For Kaikrussia... I mean for Equestrian!!!!
This is the final chapter of my first book. You guys have helped me a lot, even though your constructive criticism hurt my feelings at times, it helped so thank you. My next book is going to bring the best I have so stay tuned! ( I am planning on rewriting the first two chapters of this story and there will be a second book sometime in the future probably two books into the future. Glad I am done)
And as the barrage ripped apart the zomponies Kaikrussia raises its iron fist in the air with uraaahs going around. Preparing to invade Equestria for a second time
Wow. I like it. It is fast-paced, although maybe a bit too much. And I didn't even think of zombies until a fair amount in, so kudos on not giving it away immediately. Also, I don't think I have read a applepie yet so kudos as well. I think grammar, punctuation, and maybe spelling would help a lot, as well as general organization of paragraphs. But I enjoyed it very much and I can't wait for the next installment. After all that's all the counts!