Obama Goes to Equestria

by a human

Flutterb—

"So," Cherilee said to her idyllic class of ponies. "It's time for our annual fundraiser!"

The class groaned.

"Oh, don't worry! It will be fun this time!" Cherilee said. "This time, the funds are not going to be embezzled, I swear. This time, all the proceeds are going to a charity to help abandoned puppies find good owners!"

The class groaned more.

"I know that sounds sketchy, but I personally verified it. I have absolutely no reason to lie about this," Cherilee said, making everyone more suspicious. "Take your cookie packs, kids!"

The kids begrudgingly took various packs of cookies and paperwork. Out on the playground, the Cutie Mark Crusaders discussed their various impractical plans for getting cutie marks.

"Looks like we've got Rarity's house, Fluttershy's house, and Twilight's house," Apple Bloom said. "Fundraising cutie marks go!"

"Are you sure? What would a fundraising cutie mark even look like?" Sweetie Belle said.

"Are you okay?" Apple Bloom said, crossing herself. "You're talking crazy! Like you're possessed by a demon or something!"

"Let's own this!" Scootaloo said, all gung ho because she was finally free of Rainbow Dash's abuse.

Little did she know things were about to get much, much worse.

"Hey girls," Diamond Tiara said. "Up for a challenge?"

"Maybe," Apple Bloom said. "What's in it for us?"

"If you live to tell the tale after doing this, we will admit that you are better than us."

"And if we don't?"

"Then you'll be dead."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders gulped.

"Sounds pretty extreme. Name it," Apple Bloom said, stoked.

Diamond Tiara smiled. "One of you call Fluttershy Flutterbutter."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders waited for the other shoe to drop. Then they started laughing.

"What!?" Apple Bloom said. "That's it!? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Apple Bloom spit on her hoof. "You have a deal."

Diamond Tiara left, clearly proud of herself. The Cutie Mark Crusaders laughed.

"This is going to be great!" Apple Bloom said. "We'll have her bowing before us in no time!"

"Don't you think there's something up with this?" Sweetie Belle said, nervous. "This seems too easy."

"Oh, come on! Be more optimistic!" Scootaloo said, tempting fate. "What's the worst that could happen?"

They set off to pick up Scootaloo's scooter, and spotted Obama on the way.

"Hey there, big community organizer guy!" Apple Bloom said. "What are you up to today? Organizing the community?"

"Well, today," Obama replied, smiling. "I'm not organizing as much as removing chaos."

They all stared at him.

Obama sighed. He held up a rope. "I'm tying Derpy to a rock. Pinkie Pie… well, it's a long story. Basically, she's insane now."

"Cool," Apple Bloom said.

"Good luck with that!" Scootaloo said.

"I'll need it," Obama said. He left.

And the Cutie Mark Crusaders sped off.

– – – –

After guilt tripping Twilight and Rarity into buying a bunch of useless crap, they stood in front of Fluttershy's house, apprehensive.

"So," Sweetie Belle said. "Who wants to knock the door?"

"You want to do it?" Apple Bloom said.

Sweetie Belle looked down. "Not really…"

"Oh come on!" Scootaloo yelled. "Are you guys afraid!?"

"Well, they did find that corpse here," Sweetie Belle mumbled. "I mean, I know Fluttershy has nothing to do with that, since she said so, but they still haven't caught that murderer!"

Scootaloo patted Sweetie Belle on the head. "Don't worry," she said. "If that murderer attacks you…" She looked Sweetie Belle in the eyes, dead serious. "Just use your rocket launchers, or whatever robots have these days, to blow him up!"

Sweetie Belle screamed in frustration.

"Since you're so confident, Scootaloo, you do it!" Apple Bloom yelled. She looked embarrassed. "I feel bad using Fluttershy like this."

"You know what? Maybe I will!" Scootaloo said. She walked up to the front door and smashed Spike against it repeatedly. It had no knocker. It was the only option.

No answer.

Scootaloo tested the door. It was unlocked. "Fluttershy?" she said, walking inside. As soon as she was out of view, the door slammed shut.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle gulped.

"We're going to have to go in there and save her, aren't we?" Sweetie Belle said.

"Looks like it," Apple Bloom replied. She approached the door. "Remember. Just keep thinking… laser beams, laser beams, laser beams."

"I'll… I'll try."

They rammed the door open only to see Fluttershy choking the chicken.

So, Scootaloo.

"Were not from the IRS, I swear!" Scootaloo got out.

"She's right! We're just here to sell cookies!" Sweetie Belle yelled. She produced cookies. "See?"

Fluttershy took her hands, er, hooves off of Scootaloo and said she was sorry.

"Oh, no, it's cool!" Scootaloo said. "We all know how crazy the IRS can get!"

"Yeah!" Apple Bloom said. "…I think. Do we even have an IRS?"

Fluttershy asked, with much eloquence, why the hell they were peddling cookies in her neighborhood.

"It's a fundraiser for our class!" Sweetie Belle piped in. "It's to help lost puppies find a new home!"

"And Cherilee says she isn't embezzling any of it this time!" Apple Bloom said. "So that means there's a 50% chance your money will actually go to the cause!" She tried to think of how to put a positive spin on that. "That's higher than usual!"

Fluttershy said she would get some bits and buy the cookies. She left the room.

"ALRIGHT!" the Cutie Mark Crusaders said.

"So?" Sweetie Belle asked. "After this?"

"Yep." Scootaloo psyched herself up. "Watch the master."

Fluttershy came back and exchanged the money for the cookies. She pretended it was a drug deal to put the kids at ease. So, after having a great time, the Cutie Mark Crusaders stood outside Fluttershy's house waving.

Apple Bloom looked at Scootaloo. It was now or never.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

Scootaloo smiled. "Thanks a bunch, Flutterbut—"

Suddenly Scootaloo was 200 feet away from Fluttershy's cottage.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!? WHAT DID YOU BUCKING CALL ME, YOU LITTLE BUCKING SHIT!?" Fluttershy screamed, holding Scootaloo by the wings.

"F– Flutterbutter…" Scootaloo stammered.

"AND WHAT IS MY NAME AGAIN? DO YOU EVEN KNOW?! DO YOU EVEN BUCKING KNOW!? ARE YOU DENSE!? ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING!? COME ON, SAY IT. SAY MY NAME! I DARE YOU. I BUCKING DARE YOU!"

"Your name is Fluttershy," Scootaloo squealed.

"LOUDER."

"Your name is Fluttershy!" Scootaloo yelled.

"BUCKING LOUDER!"

"YOUR NAME IS FLUTTERSHY!" Scootaloo screamed.

Fluttershy punched Scootaloo in the face. "THERE. WAS THAT SO HARD? WAS THAT REALLY SO HARD!? DO YOU GO AROUND CALLING EVERYONE THE WRONG NAME, OR AM I JUST SPECIAL OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE, YOU KNOW…"

She kicked Scootaloo in the gut.

"IT'S…"

She kicked Scootaloo in the face.

"PRETTY…"

She pulled Scootaloo's tail off.

"CELESTIADAMN INSULTING!"

She rocketed towards the ground and slammed Scootaloo against a rock.

"REMIND ME, WHY DID YOU COME TO MY HOUSE?"

"We–we were just–we just wanted to know if you wanted to please buy some of our cookies…" Scootaloo said through the copious blood loss.

"DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER REASON?"

"I… n–no, not really…"

"I THOUGHT SO." Fluttershy held Scootaloo up to her face. "WHY ELSE WOULD ANYONE COME TO FLUTTERSHY? IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE JUST WANTS TO SEE HER OR ANYTHING! OF COURSE NOT! EVERYONE JUST WANTS SOMETHING FROM HER! YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE BEING AROUND ME, DO YOU!?"

"P–please stop," Scootaloo squealed.

"SAY PLEASE ONE MORE TIME. SAY PLEASE ONE MORE BUCKING TIME. I BUCKING DARE YOU. I BUCKING DOUBLE DARE YOU."

"Fluttershy! Please! Please stop!"

Fluttershy's eyes filled with renewed rage. "OH, SO YOU CALL ME FLUTTERSHY WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING? THAT'S NICE. THAT'S REALLY BUCKING NICE. LIKE NO ONE'S EVER DONE THAT BEFORE. EVERYONE WANTS SOMETHING FROM FLUTTERSHY! BUT DOES ANYONE EVER DO ANYTHING FOR FLUTTERSHY? OF COURSE NOT! IT'S JUST TAKE TAKE TAKE TAKE."

Fluttershy pounded Scootaloo against the rock.

"HERE, TAKE HER FOOTSTOOL."

Pound.

"TAKE HER PETS. TAKE HER HAIRBRUSH."

Pound pound.

"TAKE HER BUCKING VIRGINITY."

She chucked Scootaloo at the rock as hard as she could.

"YOU MAKE ME SICK."

Scootaloo wheezed in a pool of her own blood.

"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHEN IT ALL STARTED?"

Scootaloo was beyond talking. Fluttershy scooped her up and started flying into the sky.

"WHEN ONE OF THOSE FILTHY MONKEYS GOT THEIR HANDS ON ME. HE CAME OUT OF THE FOREST AND OFFERED TO HELP ME OUT. OFFERED TO DO CHORES. IT WAS A DREAM COME TRUE! FINALLY, SOMEONE WANTED TO HELP FLUTTERSHY! BUT WAS THAT WHAT HE WANTED? OF COURSE NOT! WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO DO THAT? HE JUST WANTED TO GET CLOSE TO ME SO HE COULD GET A CHANCE TO KISS ME! HE USED ME! HE BUCKING USED ME! JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!"

She started ripping off feathers from Scootaloo's wings.

"JUST LIKE TWILIGHT! JUST LIKE RAINBOW DASH! JUST LIKE APPLEJACK! JUST LIKE IRON WILL!"

Most of Scootaloo's feathers were gone now.

"AND JUST LIKE YOU."

Fluttershy tore off Scootaloo's wings and started rocketing towards the ground. Faster and faster and faster and faster until everything was just a giant downwards blur and Scootaloo could see a Sonic Rainboom form through the edge of her vision.

She was almost impressed until they hit the ground.

Fluttershy timed the Sonic Rainboom perfectly to go off when they collided. Instead of spreading out through the sky, it completely annihilated the forest, the ground, and any living thing around for 200 feet. What was left of Scootaloo lied in a twitching heap at the bottom of a 200 foot deep crater. She tried to get up with all her might, but her body wouldn't obey, and she just crumpled into the ground. Fluttershy spit on her corpse and flew away.

Scootaloo got better.

Comments

[Okhlahoma Beat-Down]

The fuck am I reading.

[TangoForce141]

Ok I have to ask can we kinda get back to what was at the beginning of the story I found that actually quite funny

[Shrek the Ogre]

derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDQvMjgvMDRfMTdfMzBfMTgzXzMxMDMzMF9fVU5PUFRfX2ZsdXR0ZXJzaHlfZ3JpbWRhcmtfZ2lsZGFfYnV0dGVyZmxpZXNfNTBlOTBmNzJhNGM3MmRiODFlMDAwNzFmXzUxMjA2YWM2N2YxMjNiNGFiOTAwMDEwMy5wbmciXV0/310330__fluttershy_grimdark_gilda_cropped_butterflies_50e90f72a4c72db81e00071f_51206ac67f123b4ab9000103.png

[a human]

2496904
Don't worry, I'm planning to get back to ridiculousness and Obama appearing at all. Right now, I'm focusing on building the world more, so the ending makes more sense.
2496941
I freaked out when I saw that comic, since I wrote this chapter a couple months before! Then I remembered, especially after Fluttershed, I'm not the only person that's written Fluttershy like this…

[RedvsBlue327]

Good fuckin diety...

[silvadel]

In for a penny in for a pound. Scoots should have just kept with the Flutterbutter as opposed to saying her real name. It couldn't have made things any worse.

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/217/8/9/flutterbutter_cookies_by_pcdude2143-d45lyoj.png

[a human]

2517585
It was probably the difference between Scootaloo ending up as a battered corpse or a fine powder, but think what you will.

Also, I would totally buy those cookies. I can't eat peanut butter, but it would totally be worth it.

[silvadel]

2532034

And we all know she is "The yellow one" anyway.

[JosephRascon1789]

Well............... Yeah I don't know what I'm reading anymore...........

[a human]

2534154
Mission accomplished

[Desert Tortoise 22]

So not even telling her they're on a dare would have spared Scoots the attack, eh? That's one hell of a hair trigger!

[vinyldash23]

this feels like a fever dream.