Obama Goes to Equestria

by a human

At The Gala❣

"You don't have to give that ticket to me, silly!" Pinkie Pie grated through a trash can. "The best part of a party is sneaking in! And the best part of the Gala is not going! So try someone else!"

– – – –

"Aw, wouldn't you know it," Rainbow Dash said, drawing a smart phone with a calendar app open on her wrist, "I've got a thing to do at a place that day. Wish I could make it, though!"

– – – –

"Okay, no offense, sugarcube," Applejack said, "but the business is horrible, the dancing worse, but everyone's snooty. Ask someone else."

– – – –

Fluttershy started muttering incomprehensible curses at the Canterlot garden and walked away.

– – – –

"What? Are you kidding? Like I would want to go to that stupid Gala after what happened last year!" Rarity yelled, slamming the door.

Twilight smiled.

Exactly as planned.

– – – –

"You wanted to see me, T—" Obama said as he entered the library, then stopped.

Twilight figured especially after Rarity, candles would be too erotic, so she had lit up the library with floating torches.

It was not having the intended effect. "Okay, what's going on?" Obama asked, not quite sure if she was planning on killing him, seducing him, or both.

"I'll get straight to the point," Twilight said. She produced the two tickets. "Would you like to go to the Grand Galloping Gala with me?"

"Oh god," Obama gaped. "Rainbow Dash was right."

Twilight was going to ask, but then remembered it was Rainbow Dash, and thus, probably incomprehensible bullshit. "Now before you jump to conclusions, remember the Gala takes place in Canterlot Castle. I used to live there, but you've never even seen the place. This is the perfect chance to do some recon. No one will suspect a thing."

Obama blinked. That was surprisingly practical.

"And," Twilight said, "I'm pretty sure I can get you a document that will let you go wherever you want in the castle."

Obama smiled. "Okay, you've got my interest."

"All you need is to meet me in front of the library 10 AM tomorrow in a tux," Twilight said, and, upon noticing the look of worry on Obama's face, added, "and don't worry, I've already taken care of the tux. It'll be delivered to town hall tonight."

"Thank you," Obama replied.

"But remember…"

– – – –

"…this isn't a date," Twilight said in her fancy dress as the two sat alone in a horse-drawn carriage. "Oh, and you're paying for everything."

Obama did a double take. "What!? With what money!?"

"It was just a joke," Twilight said, laughing. "You've got to stop looking so tense. People will think you're up to something."

"I thought you said this dance was infamous for its tension," Obama said.

"Okay then, you've got to stop looking so calm, or people will think you're up to something," Twilight shrugged. "I guess it makes sense, you're probably going to be the only human there."

"What!?"

"Well, most of the humans have been booted from Ponyville for some crime or another," Twilight said. "It's rare that anyone normal enough to attend royal functions comes around, so everyone jumped at the opportunity to have you there. That's the only reason getting you free reign over the castle was so easy, I can assure you." She gestured towards Obama's document.

"So, in a sense," Obama said, "I'm representing the humans?"

"That's right."

Obama really wished Twilight had told him this earlier.

"Oh, look, we're almost there!" Twilight said, looking out the window.

Obama wondered if Twilight had some ulterior motive for this trip.

Twilight wondered if Obama wondered if she had some ulterior motive for this trip.

Obama wondered if it would change anything if Twilight wondered if he was wondering about her.

Twilight wondered if Obama wondered if she wondered about him wondering, and thought about how cute it would be if he was.

They had some trust issues.

The ponies pulling the carriage wondered if they would ever shut up in there.

– – – –

"Hello, my little—" Celestia started, but then noticed Obama. "…things. Welcome to the Grand Galloping Gala!"

Everyone cheered, with much elegance, of course, and went out to mingle.

"Long time no see, Twilight," Celestia said. "And this is the infamous Obama, I take it?"

"Infamous?" Obama said, glaring at Twilight, the only person he knew in contact with the Princess.

"Infamous?" Twilight said, glaring at Obama for glaring at her.

"Oh, it's nothing, I just wanted to see what he would admit to if I called him that," Celestia said, putting on her best trollface.

"Princess," Twilight said, clearly irritated.

They both laughed awkwardly.

Obama stared in horror. She was worse than he could've imagined.

"So," Celestia said, getting uncomfortably close to Obama. "I hear you used to be a leader."

"That's right," Obama said. "Former community organizer, right here!"

"I notice you're trying to play down your presidency," Celestia said. "You aren't planning on overthrowing me or anything, are you?"

Obama froze. "What."

Celestia smiled. "Oh, don't worry, I ask everyone that," she laughed. "Isn't that right, Twilight?"

"It's true, sadly," Twilight groaned, trying to dodge the princess's noogie.

"Would you believe I had to go through five students before they didn't admit to some horrible assassination plot as soon as I asked that? Good thing I put them in the dungeon before they could do any real damage. So, anyway," Celestia said with a segue as forced as Obama and Twilight's romantic tension, "me and Twilight have a lot to catch up on, so you just enjoy yourself, Obama! There's cookies and punch by the door! Tootles!" She dragged Twilight away, slapping her on the butt on the way up some stairs.

Obama stood there with his mouth hanging open for a couple seconds.

"Met the princess, I see?"

Obama turned around.

"Hey," Trixie said. "You get used to it pretty quick. Punch?"

"Aren't we supposed to be mortal enemies or something?" Obama said.

"I wouldn't wish Celestia on my worst enemy," Trixie said. "Especially since my worst enemy is her star pupil."

"Twilight?"

Trixie nodded. "That bitch destroyed my stage show and I'm going to get her back for it if it's the end of me!" she yelled. She looked at Obama. "You're cool, though. You haven't done anything bad yet."

Obama resented the "yet."

Trixie started looking into the crowd. "Oh, and Trump is here, if you want to avoid him." When she turned around, Obama was already gone.

She smiled, then started hitting on Prince Blueblood to convince herself she wasn't harboring a secret lust for Twilight.

As usual, it didn't work.

– – – –

Twilight laid awkwardly splayed out on the bed. "P-Princess? Is this legal?"

"Twilight," Celestia replied, "I write the laws." She held up a pitcher. "Punch?"

"It's spiked, isn't it?"

"Of course not!" Celestia said, and Twilight took a sip. "My punch has so much alcohol people spike it with normal punch."

Twilight tried to spit it out, but to her chagrin she was already completely intoxicated.

"Now let me show you what you do with that much alcohol…"

– – – –

Obama looked around. Good. He couldn't see the Donald anywhere.

Unfortunately, he couldn't see any landmarks he recognized either.

Well, now was as good a time as any to explore the castle. He pulled out the document letting him go wherever he wanted and read it to himself again.

"He's with me. He's cool.

– Twilight Sparkle"

He wished the document was more official, but Twilight assured him that's how they handled things in Canterlot.

He put it away and looked around. There was a large window in front of him, and he figured that would help him get his bearings. He looked outside and saw that he was about 30 floors up from where he was talking with Trixie.

Considering he did not remember climbing up any stairs or slopes, that worried him. He made a mental note to ask Twilight about it later. It would not surprise him if the castle had magic to confuse intruders.

He started wandering around again. He went through dozens of identical looking hallways, each in a wildly different part of the castle even though he was walking in a straight line. He started to lose faith in his ability to get back to society, let alone find anything that would be useful for his goals.

But then he noticed he was standing in front of a door that was labeled "Royal Documents." He approached it and nervously grabbed the doorknob.

"Halt!" a guard said. "Who goes there?"

"It is I, Obama," Obama said with as much authority as he could muster without a teleprompter. "I have documentation," he said, producing it. "It has the royal seal." He hoped they wouldn't notice the wet, sticky lipstick mark next to it. He couldn't get that thing out no matter what he tried, and whenever he tried asking Twilight about it, she dodged the question.

The guard examined the letter closely, and sniffed it a couple times. When he was satisfied, he handed the letter back to Obama and said, "Enter."

Obama entered the room. There were shelves full of documents as far as the eye could see. He wasn't sure where to start, so he began walking around randomly. He quickly stumbled onto the section with documents on the human world's TV show about this world. He began thumbing through some of those out of curiosity.

The information was disorganized at best, and contained various combinations of interviews with humans, extracted data from electronic devices people happened to have with them when they came here, and wild speculation. It was clearly meant to be organized later, something reinforced by the multiple scribbles of "to do: organize" in the margins. After noticing the fanfiction section, which was sorted by how much pornographic content the story contained instead of alphabetically, Obama decided there were more productive sections to look at.

He started looking around for the most confidential documents he could find.

Then he saw it.

"Perfect," he said to himself, taking the document to a nearby desk.

– – – –

Meanwhile, Twilight was pretty sure she had destroyed the economy of the Griffon Kingdom.

Comments

[TangoForce141]

There we go back to the more funnyness at the beginning and also the half strangeness so yeah nice chapter

[a human]

2732665
Well, we are going to return to some drama soon, but I think I'll be able to keep the humor a little more consistent this time. We'll see!

[TangoForce141]

2742415 hopefully

[JosephRascon1789]

Finding ways to keep me laughing. Good work dude

[vinyldash23]

since when does Celestia say tootles?