Obama Goes to Equestria

by a human

Rainbow Dash…?

Rainbow Dash answered her phone.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Rainbow Dash. I need your help."

"Oh, hey, Soarin! How you doing, man?"

"I need you to testify for me in court."

"Court? What did you do?"

"It's a custody hearing."

"I didn't know you had children."

"I don't. That's why I need you to testify."

Silence.

"When is this hearing?"

"Next Sunday."

"Oh, that's too bad." Rainbow Dash drew a calendar on her wrist. "I'm busy then."

"What? Busy with what? What could you possibly be busy with!?"

"A date with Fluttershy."

"A date!? A DATE!? Blow her off!"

"Have you seen her when she gets angry?"

"Just help me out here, Rainbow Dash—"

"See you, Soarin!"

"No! I won't let my life be destroyed by a sandwich!"

Rainbow Dash hung up.

"What should I do today?" she said to herself, then smacked her hooves together. "Oh, that's right! I can hang out with Scootaloo! She loves me!"

Then someone knocked on the door. Rainbow Dash answered. It was Obama.

"Hey," she said. "What's up?"

"Hi," he said. "I've been sent here to retrieve a… Scootaloo? What or who is that?"

Rainbow Dash snapped. She slammed the wall. "MY BABY!? ARE YOU TRYING TO TAKE MY BABY!?"

Obama cowered behind his clipboard. "I… no… yes…? I'm just supposed to look after her for today."

"Oh, okay," Rainbow Dash said, now calm. She then started to search around her house. "Where did I put her again?" She checked under the couch.

"You don't know where she is?"

"Well, you know how it is. It's like your TV remote. You know you just used it, but you have no idea where it could've went," Rainbow Dash said, her metaphor horrifying Obama. "Ha! That's it!"

She opened the freezer.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash said, holding the frozen chunk that was now Scootaloo. "How did you like living with the ice cream?"

Part of Scootaloo's hair chipped off.

"Here you go!" Rainbow Dash said, handing the frozen Scootaloo to Obama. "Have fun, kids! Be sure to have her back by eight!"

Rainbow Dash slammed the door on Obama.

"You're all horrible people," he said.

– – – –

Obama ran to City Hall as quickly as he could. Inside, he rushed to the bathroom. On the way, Mayor Mare spotted him, and, upon seeing the frozen Scootaloo, followed.

"You know," Obama said as he turned on the hot water in the bathtub, placing Scootaloo inside, "in my world, giving a hot bath to a girl I barely know would look very suspicious."

"Does your world have Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo asked, now able to move her mouth.

"No."

"Then you're fine."

Obama sighed.

"How is she still allowed near you?"

"It's not due to lack of effort, I can tell you that," Mayor Mare said. "Keeping Rainbow Dash away from Scootaloo has been the leading issue of my campaign for the last three years."

"What's been the holdup, then?" Obama asked.

"She has connections. Powerful connections," Mayor Mare said. "Or maybe I should say connection. Being an Element of Harmony has its perks."

"That's horrible!" Obama said. "She gets to repeatedly injure a small child because she helps out Celestia a couple of times!?"

"Well, they did save the world… multiple times…"

"And everyone here has been so helpful to me," Scootaloo said. "At least once a week, City Hall sends someone like you to watch over me for a day and keep me away from Rainbow Dash. I can't really ask for anything more. I know everyone's grateful to Rainbow Dash for helping save the world and stuff…"

Obama thought.

"Is there anything that could get the government to change their minds?" he asked.

"Well," Mayor Mare said. "I suppose if she was caught in some sort of horrible scandal…"

"Which would happen, if she wasn't so careful," Scootaloo said. "If only we could get her to open up to someone…"

They thought.

Obama stood up. "I could do it."

"What?"

"Hook me up with a tape recorder. I go in, try to get her to get close to me, and we'll see what she says. I mean, it's worth a shot, right?"

Scootaloo and Mayor Mare considered it.

Mayor Mare shrugged. "Well, there's no reason not to."

– – – –

Obama adjusted the recording device on his lapel. It was time.

He knocked on Rainbow Dash's door. She answered quickly.

"Hey, what's up?" she said. "Where's Scootaloo?"

"Oh, uh, on a field trip," Obama stuttered. "An opportunity to see a meat packing plant came up at the last minute. It's for… you know. Foreigners." He winced. There was no way she would buy that.

"Sounds fun!" she said. "Wish I could be there. What do you want?"

"I just want to talk."

"About?"

"Anything."

Obama was worried he might be laying it on too thick, but she wasn't Rarity, so it would probably be fine.

Still, it couldn't hurt to dial it back a bit.

"Especially dirty secrets."

Obama wasn't good at thinking under pressure.

Rainbow Dash stared at him, confused, for a little bit. Then she rolled her eyes. "Sure! Usually, I would think you're hitting on me, but since you're a human, and Lyra creeped you out, I know that can't be it."

Obama sighed and entered the house. They both sat on Rainbow Dash's couch.

"Well," Rainbow Dash said. "You go first."

"What?"

"If we're telling secrets, you have to tell one, too."

Obama chuckled. "I don't have anything to hide."

Rainbow Dash looked coy. "Oh really," she said. "Then what's with what all those rumors the humans spread about you? Something about… being a Muslim?"

Obama clinched his fist. No. Not that. Not here.

"Well?"

He had no choice.

"Yes, it's true," he admitted.

"Okay! …so, is that bad in your world?"

"Yes. No. Sort of. The truth is, I've tried just about every religion in my world. But my campaign managers thought that actually demonstrating love and tolerance would be too controversial, and I wouldn't win the election."

Rainbow Dash blinked. "What?"

"Politics is sort of weird in my world."

"I'll say. Here, Celestia just sorta handles everything."

Obama tried to ignore that. He leaned over. "So?"

"So what?"

"What about your secret?"

"Oh, that." Rainbow Dash got closer to Obama. "I haven't told anyone else this…"

Obama got his hopes up. Maybe this would finally free Scootaloo!

"…except for my closest friends…"

Okay, maybe not.

"The truth is," Rainbow Dash said. "I've been to your world."

Obama paused. "What?"

"Yeah, Twilight screwed up one of her spells and…"

"You mean there's a way back?"

Silence.

"Well, sort of. It was a fluke. She could never get it to happen again, and I was de-aged and had my memories erased. You don't want that, do you?"

She had clearly never spent alone time with Rarity.

Rainbow Dash continued. "Anyways, when I got there, this guy found me. He had heard of the TV show of us in your world…"

Obama shuddered. "Did he get all… Lyra on you?"

"Not even close. He hated it. He put me in a cardboard box and dumped me on a roadside."

"Okay then."

"So then this other guy found me."

"Okay."

"He hated the show even more, so he chucked the box into a rough part of town."

"And you were…?"

"Four years old with no memories, yes."

Obama cringed. "What happened?"

"Exactly what one would expect would happen to a bright blue pony in a rough part of town."

"Oh… oh god."

"Someone was a closet brony and raised me as his own daughter."

"Wait, what?"

"We grew really close. We were practically family. It was great! We hung out all the time, I blew up a bunch of stuff with a sonic rainboom… I finally had someone who understood me!" Rainbow Dash looked down. "…and then Celestia and the gang came, carted me off home, and erased all evidence I was ever there."

"Wait, what!?"

Rainbow Dash scratched her neck. "She might have also erased his memories of me. I never could get a straight answer about that…"

There were many directions Obama was expecting this to take, and that was not one of them. He grasped. Might as well try to advance his other agenda. "And… you wouldn't happen to have any grudge against Celestia for this, would you?"

"What? No!" Rainbow Dash said, confused. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Oh, no reason," Obama lied. He tried to redirect the conversation. "So, what are your opinions on Scootaloo?"

"…uh, what?"

"Just… just wondering." He adjusted his lapel.

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes, staring right at the recording device. Obama was getting worried, but then she casually leaned back and smiled. "Oh, her? I just keep her around to abuse. Why, just last week, I used her to keep score at Rarity's weekly orgy. It was hilarious. And of course, no one can touch me, since I'm an Element of Harmony."

Obama gaped. "Wha—"

"Oh, look at the time!" Rainbow Dash said, drawing a clock on the wall. "I have to get to work! Bye!"

"What do you mean keep sc—"

Rainbow Dash pushed Obama outside, slammed the door, and leaned against it.

"A grudge…?" she muttered.

– – – –

The tape stopped. Mayor Mare and Scootaloo mouths hung open in horror.

"I can't believe she said that!" Mayor Mare said, horrified.

"I can!" Scootaloo said, which scared her even more.

"This is perfect, isn't it?" Obama said, the only happy one. "With this, even your courts will have no choice but to get at least a restraining order!"

"I don't know," Scootaloo said. "It seems too perfect."

"Don't be so pessimistic!" Obama said. "Things are looking up for you!"

"I guess so." Scootaloo slowly walked upstairs.

Obama and Mayor Mare awkwardly stared at each other until Mayor Mare broke the silence.

"Oh, I almost forgot," she said. "This whole mess has put us a bit behind schedule. Could you look through and approve those building requests?"

"Sure thing," Obama said.

He went to his desk, only to be greeted by a pile of papers almost as tall as he was. He sighed, and started sifting through them.

"The Great and Thrifty Trixie Motel? Sounds good to me…"

He totally approved it.

– – – –

Rainbow Dash subtly looked out of her window. He was gone now. She was sure of it.

She could finally drop the act.

Now confident in her privacy, Rainbow Dash trotted towards a picture frame on her wall. She grabbed it, rotated it slightly, and lifted it off. Behind it was a slight indentation with a tattered looking scrapbook in it. She took it out, opened it up, and stared at a picture of her and a human man. Next to it was a picture of Celestia.

"You took him away."

She held up the picture of Celestia.

"You… took him… away."

Tears started to well.

"YOU TOOK HIM AWAY!"

She threw it against the wall , and it pathetically fluttered to the ground. She collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

"Y–You… you… took h–him… away… from me…"

She glared at the picture.

"I'll destroy you… if it's the last thing I do…"

Comments

[Boss_Hoss1]

...
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*reads description..."Obama.. attempting to overthrow 'Tia?"
...
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Ok, whichever gender the OP actually is, You've got a giant clanking pair of steel balls for posting this. Imma give you a thumb up on that alone.

[hoiqewoiqwhfn]

Thanks, Obama.

[Shrek the Ogre]

The plot thickens!

[JosephRascon1789]

hahahahahahahahahaha the motels!!!!!! Oh go this is going to be funny

[RedvsBlue327]

Oh my god, the Rainbow Dash being in a cardboard box thing... that was hilarious.
Those jokes are the best, the ones where it sounds ridiculous, but reasonable, and fits right into the info that most people accept.

This isn't that bad, whats with the high dislike ratio? People have strange standards.

[vinyldash23]

I guess rainbow forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer... Yeah, I'm going to hell for that shit.

[RDDash]

I remember this, poor Soarin.