Obama Goes to Equestria

by a human

◑ Inspiration

Twilight stared at the human through disheveled hair and tired, angry, bloodshot eyes. Oh dear god. It was another brony. Usually, she would be worried that she could tell, but the T-shirt of her was a bit of a giveaway.

"Welcome to Equestria," she grumbled. "You're in a land of magical ponies now. Deal with it."

The human seemed to acknowledge that however long his day was, hers had definitely been longer, and said nothing. He clasped his hand on the drive.

"What's that?" Twilight asked. "A hard drive? What's on it?"

"Oh, uh, nothing," the human replied nervously. "Really, you don't need to look at it."

"Well, it's government policy to examine electronics brought here, so you don't have much say in it," Twilight said, taking the drive. "Is there obscene amounts of pornography on it?"

"What?"

"The tech guys like having some warning. And… you know what, I'm done bullshitting, it's mainly so I can see that shit first. I mean, it's usually already ponies anyways, so blame yourself."

The human wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

"Oh, and if you want to commit any sex crimes, the answer of the Ponyville citizenship test is to be creeped out by Lyra," Twilight said. "Rarity's really easy, but if you want Rainbow Dash, you're out of luck, I think she forgot what sex is. Me, Fluttershy, and Applejack are off-limits because she went insane, she got tired of this crap, and I don't particularly like humans, not necessarily in that order."

The human pretended to not make a mental note of that.

"And Obama's here. If you want to punch him, I'm more than willing to help out with that."

The human stared. "Obama's here."

"Apparently Chuck Norris had something to do with it."

The human held back laughter. "What could Obama possibly be doing here?"

"Trying to rally us to overthrow Celestia. Unfortunately, he's doing a pretty good job at it."

The human blinked. That sounded surprisingly awesome. "Anything I could do to help out with that?"

"Probably, but I'd like to limit the amount of innocent people involved in this. Not that you're innocent or anything, but it's probably going to end up killing us all. Don't tell anyone."

There was a moment of silence.

"Why are you telling me all this?" he asked.

"Because I've lost faith in the world," Twilight replied. "Why else would you appear during all this?"

The human paused. That was blunt.

"Follow me," Twilight said, walking away. "If you knew who Celestia was, you obviously already know about the show, but I'll show you the slideshow anyways. You'll probably think it's funny." She looked back. "And before you start wracking your puny brain about it the entire trip, no, that was in no way a come on."

The disappointed human followed.

– – – –

Rarity, with what Twilight assumed was feigned composure, sipped some tea. "Come on, he can't be worse than that one guy."

"That's just because he just got here. This one has a much higher creeper potential, trust me," Twilight said, fiddling with her teacup. "Oh, and I told him about the Lyra test, so if anything happens in there, it's your turn to clean it up."

"Why can't she clean up her own messes?"

"Because she uses her tongue. We've gone over this."

"Fine."

The two sat still, a hair widths away from screaming at each other. They both took a slow, deliberate sip of tea.

"Did you come all the way down here just to tell me that?" Rarity asked.

"No."

"Then why?"

"Because I'm a masochist."

Rarity blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I never committed suicide like the rest of Celestia's special students," Twilight said, "and I'm here with you, so what other explanation is there?"

Rarity thought about it for a bit. "Celestia, Celestia, Celestia… You're here because you can't think of anything to raise the sun, aren't you?"

"You catch on quick."

"Hi guys!"

"What?"

"Is that—?"

Twilight and Rarity looked up to see Rainbow Dash peering in through a window.

"Geez," Rainbow Dash said, "you two need to get a room."

Rarity looked around. "We have a room," she replied.

"And that's not what we're doing," Twilight said.

Rarity turned to Twilight, confused. "It isn't?"

"Not everything is about sex, Rarity!"

It was Rarity's turn to blow a gasket. "Well, when you come in here for no reason to tell me you're a masochist, what was I supposed to think!?"

"It was metaphorical!"

Rainbow Dash started eating popcorn, enjoying watching the two argue. It didn't last long.

"And you!" Rarity screamed at Rainbow Dash. "What was with the weather a couple hours back!"

Rainbow Dash looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about! About eight, sky went almost completely black for 10 seconds! I didn't even know that was possible!"

"Well I wouldn't know anything about that," Rainbow Dash said. "I just woke up."

Rarity prepared to scream, but Twilight stopped her. "Okay, let's think about this rationally for a bit. What's more likely, that Rainbow Dash slept through the day, or that she not only did her job, but pulled off an unthinkable feat of weather management during it?"

Rarity thought about it. "That she slept through the day."

"That's right."

"Okay, now I'm just insulted," Rainbow Dash grumbled.

Twilight thought back. "But what was going on around eight that could've—" She stopped. No, it couldn't be. It couldn't be. And yet…

"I've got to check something out," Twilight said, running out. "Thanks guys!"

And she was gone.

"Well that ended unceremoniously," Rarity said. She eyed Rainbow Dash. "You doing anything tonight?"

Rainbow Dash looked a bit taken aback. "I thought you were straight."

"Do I look that picky?"

Rainbow Dash blinked. "I'd answer, but I'm pretty sure it would break the mood."

– – – –

Twilight ran with all her strength. Eventually, she got to the shed where they showed the slideshow to the humans. She ran inside, and pulled away random junk until she got a clear view of the projector. She always knew something was up with that thing. She quickly grabbed a film reel, took the projector outside, and set it up. Her heart racing, she inserted the reel and turned it on.

As usual, it lurched horribly, accumulated dark magic, and made an earth shattering groan. But Twilight wasn't looking at the projector. She was looking at the sky.

It flickered.

When she looked closer, she could see tiny distortions everywhere as it struggled to keep its shape.

Twilight turned off at the projector. That confirmed it. She wasn't sure how, but that projector had some connection to the sky.

It was the key to artificially raising the sun.

– – – –

"Twilight?" Applejack said while knocking on the library door. "Twilight? You've been in there for days. Are you okay?"

No response.

"Twilight?" Obama said.

"Come on, it's hopeless. She's just doing more egghead stuff," Rainbow Dash said.

"Come out, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "I've got cupcakes! And they don't secretly have meat in them or anything!"

Still no response.

Applejack sighed. "Okay, Rarity, you're up."

Rarity inhaled. "YOU'RE NOT HAVING AN ORGY WITHOUT US, ARE YOU, TWILIGHT!?" she screamed.

After a bunch of loud thuds, Twilight busted out of the door. "For the last time, not everything is about sex, Rarity!" she yelled, then noticed everyone else. "Oh. Hi."

"You seriously need to get out," Applejack said. "Last time this happened, the town almost blew up."

"Last time what happened?"

"You forgot the outside world existed and did a bunch of horrible things in the name of science."

Twilight was taken aback. "What!? I don't remember that."

"You said you'd forget afterwards."

Twilight wondered if this happened often.

"Since you're here, want to see what I'm doing?" Twilight said.

Everyone gulped, briefly fearing their lives, but then they realized they weren't doing anything better today and went inside.

The library was even more of a mess than usual. Books, instruments, and papers were spread around everywhere. Equipment constantly hummed, printing out incomprehensible readings. In the center of it laid what was left of the projector, now almost completely gutted for parts.

"What's all this for?" Rainbow Dash asked, sensing it involved science somehow but not much beyond that.

"I'm working on a way to artificially raise the sun," Twilight replied.

"Okay," Rainbow Dash said. "Why?"

"Because we're overthrowing Celestia, duh."

"Oh, okay." Rainbow Dash let that process for a second. "Wait. What. What? What!? WHAT!? You're doing WHAT!?"

Twilight scrunched her face. "Oh, that's right, you slept through the meeting."

"Meeting!? You guys been having meetings!? How long have you all been having meetings!?"

"Since last evening," Rarity said. "Don't worry, you're not out of the loop. Yet."

"Thanks a lot," Rainbow Dash pouted, happy that her revenge plan was finally moving forward, but not that it was with these morons.

"So we're overthrowing Celestia, if that's clear," Twilight said. "Any questions?"

"Many," Rainbow Dash said. "First being… why? I could imagine Twilight wanting the throne for herself, but what about you guys?"

"She killed my parents," Applejack said.

There was an awkward silence.

"Okay, yeah, that's a pretty good reason," Rainbow Dash said. "So, about artificially raising the sun…"

"I was just about to get to that," Twilight replied. "Basically, since Celestia raises the sun with her magic now, and we need it to live, after overthrowing her we need—"

"A way to raise the sun ourselves, I figured that out," Rainbow Dash continued. "Let's get to the juicy part."

"Right," Twilight said, a bit amazed. "At first, I had no idea what to do, so I looked up what others had tried. Artificially raising the sun is the holy grail of Equestrian science, so there were plenty of attempts. Celestia actually funded some, to make her life easier, I guess. They all failed, though."

"Well, obviously, or we wouldn't be here," Rarity said.

"They all had one thing in common," Twilight continued. "They involved magic trying to manipulate the sky."

"Doesn't that make sense?" Applejack said.

"You would think," Twilight said. "I was stuck too, until I found that thing." She gestured at the projector.

"What's so important about that projector?" Rainbow Dash said.

"It gets power in a completely different way than anything I've seen," Twilight said. "You know how you can see things raise from the ground when you turn it on? It's somehow mining magic from the earth. And watch what happens when you do that."

She opened a window and turned on the projector. With its usual fanfare, it rattled around, and the light outside flickered a bit.

Applejack looked outside. "Did the sky just—?"

"Flicker? Yes," Twilight said. "And look at it a bit closer."

"It's… it's all squiggly."

Twilight turned off the projector. "To me, that makes it pretty clear. Whatever controls the sky is underground, and it doesn't like being mined for magic. And if something controls the sky… I'm not sure that's the real sky."

"Than what is it?" Rarity said.

"I don't know," Twilight replied. "But if you were Celestia, what better way to take power than creating a fake sky you control?" She looked at the projector again. "Anyway, I've been messing with sending signals underground and seeing if I can control it. So far, I can do this." She pulled a couple levers and a picture of her face appeared in the sky for a couple of seconds.

"That's… useful," Rarity said.

"Isn't Celestia going to notice these experiments?" Rainbow Dash said.

Twilight smiled. "Don't worry, if she asks, I have a response prepared."

She pulled out a scroll with the words "because science" written on it.

"Like she'll buy that!" Applejack said.

"Well, it's simple, and technically not a lie," Twilight said. "It's not strange at all for me to try to decipher the holy grail of Equestrian science. I would've tried it myself eventually no matter what happened. I'm just leaving out the part where it makes it easier to overthrow the monarchy."

"Guess you have a point…"

"I think I'm pretty close to figuring out how to change between day and night, but—"

"You need to get out," Applejack said, dragging Twilight by the tail.

"What?"

"You've been in there for days with no food, water, or love," Applejack said. "Who knows what'll happen to you if you stay in there?"

"I swear," Twilight said, "if you're hitting on me…"

"No, I'm not, I'm just worried," Applejack said. "Forgetting the outside world exists is dangerous."

"I haven't forgotten," Twilight said. "I've been doing this for you."

"Okay, now who's hitting on who!?"

"No, that isn't it! You said that you were going to storm the castle in a month, and I know that's a suicide mission, so I want to get everything done before then!"

"Now you're just being stupid," Applejack said. "I said I'd storm the castle in a month if you didn't have anything. You clearly have something, so I'm not. I just thought you were going to stall forever, and wanted to catch your bluff!"

Twilight gaped. She began to rethink her life. Or the last couple days, at least. "Then what the hell did I lock myself in the library for two days for!?" she screamed.

"Well, being prepared isn't bad, is it?" Rainbow Dash said.

"Yeah, but you guys should tell me these things!" Twilight yelled.

"Too bad!" Rarity said. "We're going to show you a good time today whether you like it or not!"

"Coming from you, that really scares me!"

"Come on, guys!"

Much to her protest, they all started dragging Twilight off.

In the distance, a figure watched through a bush. They got out a walkie-talkie, and looked around to make sure no one was watching. They slowly turned it on.

"Hello… I have a crime to report…"

Comments

[TangoForce141]

Interesting your taking the shows logic and saying fuck you I write my own. And I like this new way of writing or I just noticed it,it looks like mine but.... Error of whether management during it?” Whether weather*

[a human]

2877565
Thanks. I fixed that.

[TangoForce141]

2883287 welcome but seriously did i call out the call the humans thing?

[a human]

2883331
Maybe, if only because I'm starting to lose track of what you're talking about.

Also, we're close enough to the end it's pointless to give anything away.

[TangoForce141]

2886140 well i'm rather sure they have a big war and people die?

[JosephRascon1789]

Well this is getting better

[vinyldash23]

Hmm...