Obama Goes to Equestria

by a human

❂ Anti-Celestia Anonymous ❂

Twilight stretched and yawned, still tired from the previous night. As she did, a paper flitted down from her forehead. Wondering what it was, she unfolded and read it.

"ACA. 5 PM. Sweet Apple Acres."

She scratched her head, wondering what it meant.

Spike came in with breakfast.

"Did you put this paper on me?" Twilight asked.

"No," he replied. "What is that?"

Twilight thought about it. The paper could have been teleported there by magic, but she was the only one nearby skilled enough to do that. Did she give anyone her spare key recently? And just what was the ACA? Angel Cakes Anonymous? Always Catapult Apples? Anti-Celestia Anonymous?

………

Nah, it couldn't be.

"Spike, mark the calendar for this," she said, handing the paper to him. "I'm curious about this ACA."

"Sure thing," Spike said, taking the paper. When he saw the address, he paused. "What's going to happen to Applejack?"

"What?"

"You said she thinks Celestia murdered her parents now. Aren't you going to fix that?"

Twilight glared at him, then sighed. "I can't think of anything that wouldn't make everything worse. When Obama forged that document, it strengthened the fake memory. Undoing the spell could cause a mental collapse. And that's not even getting into all the people she might've told."

"That… doesn't sound good," Spike said. He tried to find a positive angle. "You'll think of something, I'm sure of it."

"Don't worry, we have some time," Twilight said. "As long as Applejack doesn't show the entire town that document, it shouldn't get too bad."

– – – –

Twilight really should have known better than to say things like that.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here, so I'll get straight to the point," Applejack said into a jerry-rigged microphone that just screamed 'Vinyl Scratch.' "I'm sure you have all harbored your doubts about Celestia." The crowd stirred. "Admit it, it's true. Even if it's tiny. But listen to me. Just like you, I convinced myself it was meaningless… until I found this." She held up the document.

That document.

Twilight gaped.

"A hit order, by Celestia, on my parents!"

The crowd murmured. Twilight really hoped she wouldn't mention the fake royal seal.

"And you can tell it's legitimate because of the royal seal!"

Twilight swore under her breath and looked around. Did anyone else in Ponyville know about the real royal seal? Who would know that? Most likely… anyone who had been to Canterlot recently. Someone Celestia would trust. So probably one of the Elements.

Then she realized.

Rarity was the only pony she knew who fit that description.

Twilight stared daggers at Rarity, sweat forming on her brow. She was too stupid to remember something like that, even if Celestia told her, right? Right?

"Excuse me?" Rarity yelled over the crowd. She waited for the noise to die down. "That document isn't real. Last time I was in Canterlot, Celestia told me to be sure to remember the real royal seal was her lipstick mark."

Twilight froze.

"Come on, are you serious? Celestia was probably pulling your tail," Applejack said. "You know what she's like."

Rarity thought about it. "You know, that does make more sense," she said, and the crowd went back to murmuring.

Twilight couldn't believe she hadn't thought of that. Then she started wondering if the royal seal actually was the lipstick mark, but figured second-guessing herself that much was a bad idea.

"The point is, we have to do something about this," Applejack said. "We've lived under Celestia's tyranny too long. Think about it. Remember last time a royal law inconvenienced you. Remember the last time she inconvenienced you. I'm sure you got something."

The crowd found new fervor.

"Now that you mention it, I'm not allowed to sell amounts of roses that aren't prime numbers!"

"She tortures my family if I don't wear a hat every other Tuesday."

"Why does Rarity get away with raping everyone?"

"I'm a serial killer, but she pardoned me under the condition I told everyone I met I'm supposed to be in jail."

"It's illegal to turn down her sexual advances or tell anyone about it afterwards! …wait, shit."

Twilight looked on in amazement. Despite the document fiasco, this couldn't be going better if she tried.

"So what do we do, Applejack?!"

"Yeah! What do we do?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she said, her tone getting darker. "We have to overthrow Celestia."

"How?"

"Yeah! How?"

Applejack gestured to the barn. "There's pitchforks over there. Let's take them and show her who's boss!"

Everyone started clamoring towards the barn.

"Okay, WAIT A SECOND!" Twilight screamed over the commotion. Everyone stopped, not really because they respected her authority, but more because they respected her ability to brainwash and possibly kill the town without breaking a sweat. "You can't overthrow Celestia right now!"

"And why not, her faithful student?" Applejack sneered. "Think she can do no wrong?"

"Try me," Twilight replied.

"That what's your problem?"

Twilight took a couple seconds to compose herself. "You cannot overthrow Celestia with pitchforks!"

"They shoot fire."

Twilight thought about it. "Okay, that helps a bit."

"And I'm bringing my monster truck."

"That's… okay, that's pretty good, but still!" Twilight said. "It's not enough! We need a plan!"

"Oh really? Tell me, Twilight, do you remember why all the other overthrowing attempts have failed? Come on, everyone learns it in school."

Twilight grimaced, knowing exactly where this was headed.

"They spent so much time planning that they never got to the overthrowing!" Applejack yelled. "I'm not letting this slip away like that! And we have something they don't—the element of surprise! If we decide to invade spur of the moment, there's no way Celestia can see that coming!"

Twilight lost control. "Oh really? That's what you think?" she seethed. "Because let me tell you about Celestia. She sees everything coming. As soon as she looks you in the eye, she knows exactly what you're doing and exactly how to manipulate you into stopping. Over 2000 years, you think she hasn't seen more than enough assassination attempts to know them in and out? Because that's what this is, if you and your ragtag army didn't figure it out. Assassination. You can't overthrow Celestia without killing her, because if you don't, no matter what you think you've done, she will find you, and she will make you pay."

The crowd froze.

"And did I mention she's immortal? Or that there's no known way of killing her? Well, of course, she wouldn't want anyone knowing that! And she controls all the presses, so who knows what we know about her is true? And, oh, even if you do succeed, this is the best part, her raising the sun isn't just some PR bullshit. She literally raises the sun. How long do you think Equestria would survive without sunlight? Remember Nightmare Moon? Or did you not think that far ahead?"

"Yeah, but we can't just sit around doing nothing!" Applejack screamed back, defeated. She slumped on the ground, unable to argue with Twilight. "I… can't just sit around and do nothing…"

Twilight looked at her friend. She had never seen Applejack in such a state. She wanted, desperately wanted to break the spell then, but she knew it would only make things worse.

She looked at the now silent crowd. They looked terrified, as if their mere presence at the meeting spelled their death. Somehow, their thoughts had changed. As soon as Applejack planted the tiniest doubt in their minds, the hate spread through them like a wave. All it took was the tiniest doubt.

Just like her. As soon as Obama planted the tiniest doubt, her faith in Celestia faded away, just like it was a spell.

A spell.

A spell…

Suddenly, it all made sense.

Twilight choked.

It was just a spell.

She decided.

She knew she had to take this opportunity.

"Did I say that? Did I say to sit around and do nothing?" Twilight said, breaking the silence. "I'm saying… if we're going to do this, we need to do it right."

Applejack gaped. "What? You're on our side?"

"That's right. And I don't think you want to turn down help from the closest pony to Celestia in Equestria."

The crowd murmured an excitement, but Applejack was more wary.

"Fine," she said, "but if you don't have anything by a month, I'm storming the castle myself if I have to."

"Fine with me," Twilight said. "I doubt I could stop you." She grabbed the microphone. "We will meet here same time next week. If you're interested, come. See you then."

The crowd dispersed. Obama walked up to her.

"You happy?" Twilight said.

"Very," he replied. "You think you're up for this?"

"It's too late to back out now," she said. "And don't worry. I'm fine. Totally fine."

– – – –

She was definitely not fine.

"What am I going to do? What am I going to do!?" Twilight panicked, back at the library. "I can't believe I just did that. Did I just agree to lead the anti-Celestia resistance? I did, didn't I? And if I don't figure out how to artificially raise the sun, the holy grail of Equestrian science, in a month, then Applejack goes on a suicide mission! Could things get any worse!?"

The radar started beeping.

"Twilight! It's another human!"

Twilight raised her hooves in the air. "FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU—"

Comments

[TangoForce141]

"Call the humans call the humans call the humans call the humans"

[ArcAnge1 I4]

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU—” hahahahahahaha

[vinyldash23]

Celestia is a fake. plain and simple. She doesn't really raise the sun, she just makes it look like she does.