This is a short idea I had when looking down old dark fics. I wonder why no one tried this yet?
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Stray Dog Kane
Joined 21st Dec, 2012 ·
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Alright, I probally should have checked up on Gilda as a character, but you at least kept the characters in order. To get rid of the dislike bar, edit this story. Dialogue needs to start a new line every time someone talks besides the person that just talked. Right now your dialogue is kind of a jumbled mess. Overall, it is a decent story. Just little grammatical things really would help this out. Plus, there were a few parts that were awkward to read through. Reread it to yourself out loud, and you'll see what I mean.
This has the potential to be a good story, but it really needs the kinks worked out of it. I'll thumbs up it because I like the idea, but you really should get someone to do a full editing of this. There are plenty of people who would do that for you, just look for a group.
>Dark
>Comedy
>#YOLO
A textual disaster. Missing spaces, horrible walls, nearly non-existent formatting, and that's without even stepping into the minefield that are subjective problems. You need to learn the basics before trying again.
Sorry for the problems with editing. Had some words with the program, and some for me. Hope it's fixed now. Carry on.
ok.....umm so dash is a foal again? Is she stillt he same size or is she now tiny? I am rather confused with the style of the story, though the idea is sound, the writing kinda makes it hard to understand
Hitting enter a few times would not have hurt.
Getting a pre-reader might have helped. And honoring another writer is all well and good, but it helps to write it properly.