Foalnapped

by Keairan

Ambition

Princess Celestia looked out at her throne room, surprisingly empty of all petitioners. She was a little bored, but boredom was better than false flattery and vain courtiers in her mind. Then to her surprise, a blonde maned, grey coated pegasus mare burst into the room, wailing "I have a message! I have a message for the Princess!"

One of her royal guardsman galloped to the distressed mare, and told her "Calm yourself, ma'am. What is your message?"

Tears streaming from her eyes, the mailmare pulled a scroll with a broken seal from her pouch. "I found this in the library after I made my rounds today. It had no address, but was laying on top of a pile of stuff, like there had been a fight or something. Your majesty, Twilight has been foalnapped!" She cried.

Celestia grabbed the scroll with her magic, and unrolled it to read it.

Princess Celestia

I have abducted your 'precious' faithful student and her friends. If you wish to see them returned unharmed, you will come to the cave on Dragon Mountain accompanied by no more than Princess Luna, Princess Cadence, and Shining Armor. We will discuss the terms for their release there.

Signed,

The Lord of Shadows

Post Script. Failure to bring the above mentioned, or failure to bring less than the above mentioned will be met by strict punishment

Celestia looked up from the scroll, rage etched upon her face. "Guard, bring me my armor. I have a traitor to crush."

*****

Drawn by a carriage of eight guards aglow in golden armor, the royal foursome have varying levels of rage etched upon their faces. Rage, fear, and sorrow, that is. Oddly enough, Shining Armor had no expression, to the consternation of his wife. "Do you not care that your sister is missing?!" she hissed in his ear.

"I care, but I must not show my emotions, for it would be the enemy's first victory." He replied, fiercely calm.

"I suppose you are right. But it is so hard to show nothing!" She whispered back.

"School your face, my love, we will soon bring justice." Shining said with finality. The rest of the trip was spent in silence, the determination etched upon Celestia and Luna's visages. Arriving at the base of the mountain, the foursome begins the walk up the path.

*****

The four royals reach the mouth of the cave at the top of the mountain, and see a large pony covered from head to tail in a brown robe, with only the eyes visible. "You are expected. The Master will discuss terms with you over dinner." The hidden pony stated in a gravely voice. "I will be your guide."

The strange group walked deep into the cave, artificial additions to the stone everywhere. The walk continued for some time, twisting and turning through a myriad of passageways, an obvious defense mechanism in the event of an invasion.

They finally exited out into a large antechamber, filled with a large table and several chairs, six of which that were already occupied. Five colorful mares sat across from each other, with a masked unicorn stallion at the head of the table. Rising from his seat, the stallion looked to his royals guests. "Welcome to my humble abode, your majesties. Now that the guests of honor have arrived, dinner can begin." A small smile crosses the masked stallion's face.

"And why should we stay for thine dinner, varlet?!" Princess Luna asked crossly. "Why should we not take thee and thine hostages back with us for succor and jail?"

"Well, my princess, that would be because of the trap that each of us sit upon. Unless I will it, each of the hostages seat's contain a trap that will activate upon them removing themselves from the seat. As for myself, killing me will ensure that the traps go off." The stallion smugly explained. "Check your own seat for a trap, and you shall find nothing. We shall have a grand meal, and then discuss the return of these lovely mares."

The group of royals looked at the smugly smiling stallion and begrudgingly took their seats. The masked stallion looked to a set of double doors to the side, and raised a fork to his glass using his magic, and rang it sharply. A pair of robed ponies bore out a large carafe of a steaming liquid. "Tomato bisque, such a lovely way to start the meal." He inhaled the bouquet of the soup as the two robed servers passed it to each present pony.

Before they began to eat the soup, Princess Celestia took stock of each of the foalnapped mares. Fluttershy looked fearful and sullen, her eyes downcast into her soup. Rainbow Dash tried to look everywhere but at Celestia, red coming to her cheeks every now and again. Rarity had a blank look on her face, obviously trying not to show her distress. Applejack had her hat low on her face, with her eyes also on her soup, refusing to look anypony in the eye. Twilight occasionally looked to their host, and unreadable expression painted on her face. Pinkie Pie... "Wait, where is Pinkie Pie and Spike?" Celestia asked, worry flitting across her mind. All five mares started, and then did not make another move.

The masked stallion's smile momentarily slipped into a frown. "Miss Pinkamena... would not come to dinner quietly. We had to lock her in her room, with only the door flap for company. Do not despair, princess, she has not been harmed, only secluded." He stated gently.

"And Spike?" an even tone present in her voice.

"Spike is also well. He demanded to be left in the same room as miss Pinkamena. We left him two doors down." His tone smug.

"Bring them to us at once, or we shall not entertain this farce any longer!" The elder princess's temper flared.

The stallion looked at her, and gently reminded her. "I hold the cards here, milady. Not you. Your threats only work against you here." With that, all those assembled returned to their first course. Time passed slowly, before the first course was finished and a small salad of greens, carrots, and apples came to those assembled. A zesty vinaigrette had been placed by each place setting, a perfect complement to the dish.

The salad course, and then the entree of a grilled portabella mushroom steak marinated with a red wine and peppercorn sauce passed by without any comment save for a few surprised looks at how good the main course was. At the end of the main course, the masked stallion looked out at the crowd before him. "Before we begin the dessert course, Princess Celestia, there is something I must tell you."

Celestia looked up from her plate, and glared at the stallion. "Say it, and say it quickly." The menace in her voice was palpable, a chill running down the spines of all that were gathered.

"Princess Celestia, I have brought you here today-" The stallion twitched, and then continued "-to... WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" screamed a room full of ponies.

Celestia bleated in surprise, and fell over in a full on faint.

*****

A short time later, Celestia awoke to the concerned faces of her student and sister. "Dear sister, art thou feeling well?" the night princess inquired gently.

"Yes, Luna, I'm feeling alright. Did I dream that someone foalnapped my student and her friends just to wish me a happy birthday?" Celestia asked, confused.

The now unmasked stallion laughed over in the corner of the room. "I wouldn't say foalnapped, or at least that I foalnapped them. If anything I was the one who was foalnapped." The stallion said mirthfully as he walked over. "Poster Tack, advertising extraordinaire. I've been seeing our darling Pinkie Pie for a while, and when she learned that today was your birthday, thought that this would be an epic prank."

At the sound of her name, the pink party pony popped up next to the prone princess. "Did you like your surprise party? Did ya, didyadidyadidya-?" Pinkie was stopped short when a stallion hoof gently closed her mouth.

"Let her answer, dear. Also, perhaps we should give her some space." Poster and his marefriend trotted back into the corner of the room where everypony else was talking quietly. "It looks like she's going to be fine. I think she was so startled by the change in atmosphere she had to shut down temporarily to adjust. Lets give her a moment to get back on her hooves." The assembled ponies continued to quietly talk, while Celestia looked at her student and her family.

"Did you know about this?" She asked softly to her sister, niece, and nephew-in-law.

The three of them had the good graces to look kind of bashful. "Yes. I had to school my face so hard so you wouldn't guess." Shining Armor said after a bit. "Nopony would ever say that I was a good actor."

Celestia smiled radiantly. "You were good enough to fool me. All of you did great, including you." she said to the mailmare that happened to be walking past.

"Oh, thank you, Princess. I had to cut onions right before I ran into the throne room to get it right."

Celestia then noticed a certain purple and green dragon grabbing some food off of the table of party food that had been set up during her faint. "Hello Spike. What was your role in all of this?"

Slightly startled, Spike looked up at her. "Oh... Hello Princess. I... I um... I was the chef! Me and Scootaloo." Spike replied bashfully.

"Your food was delicious. I have had worse from the palace kitchens. Please give my compliments to Miss Scootaloo." With that, Celestia walked into the middle of the room. "If I may have your attention-" Every eye was upon her. Celestia grinned real wide "-Let's Party!"

Everypony began to boogy down like it was 978. Celestia pranced over to her sister, and smiled at her. "Just wait for your next birthday, sister."

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading, and I'm curious, when did you figure out that this was a practical joke?

Comments

[Sinful Pickle]

I figured out it was a practical joke when they all screamed 'happy birthday.'

[Wages of Sin]

I saw thepegasista's spoilers comment first, but I liked this. 4/4 Derpys

[TeXXy]

[TrevorLaneRay]

Totally called it.
Nice little fic.

[BluePhoenyx]

haha you almost got me XD

[wolfeprocter]

When did I figure out it was a practical joke? I DIDN'T! I'm just glad Celestia didn't get a heart attack... then again, you can't live a thousand years with a frail body.

[Astronis Blackwing]

I knew something was up as soon as the description for Applejack came up. ansd i quate "Applejack had her hat low on her face, with her eyes also on her soup, refusing to look anypony in the eye." the only reason the Honest Applejack would do that is if she was hiding something. Then when I reread the paragragh on how they looked it kind of hit me. That is not what Foalknapped Mares would look like.
They where hiding something.
Well done and it would be interesting to see what Tia will do for Luna's b-day.

[fuckyoudeletemyaccount]

Well, that brought a chuckle to voice and a smile to my face. Thanks!

[Keairan]

2517645 You're very welcome!

[jpony5101]

2517645 your picture says otherwise lol

[insania exitium]

vak zis story, vak zis story to the lowest pit of hell

[MaruTheWonderbolt]

This is hilarious!

[Keairan]

4659033 Glad you liked it.