The Blitzkrieg Chronicles

by Fallen_Valkyrie

Cannon Conundrum (Cannondrum?)

Ponyville was bright and calm that day, nothing of interest had happened in the past few months. It was peaceful, the townsponies went about their business: Lyra and Bon Bon were walking through the park, Derpy was making her way to the post office, and a familiar purple unicorn was walking with her friend to Sugarcube Corner.

“Ah'm telling you Twi, things just don't feel right ta me,” The orange earth pony said. “I don't know what it is but somethin's wrong.”

“Applejack, really? Everything is fine, if something was wrong don't you think that Celestia would let us know?” She spoke confidently, trying to reassure her friend.

“I suppose yer right Twilight.”

“Well I'm glad we have that settled, now we should hurry. Pinkie said she had something special planned at Sugarcube Corner.”

They continued on to their destination, enjoying each others presence in silence; nothing left to be said between the both of them. They stopped to chat with some nearby ponies but were relatively quick in their travel. Applejack was walking beside Twilight when her ears flicked back, she did a quick jump to the side, Twilight barely noticed before she was hit by a large object, the wind knocked out of her lungs and her body flung to the ground. Rainbow Dash lay dizzy and confused beside her, her eyes rolling in her head as she tried to recover from the fall. As she and Twilight began to stand up, Rarity trotted over, Fluttershy beside her.

“Oh sorry Twilight, I guess I misjudged my trajectory a bit,” Rainbow laughed.
Twilight winced but laughed along with her friend, ignoring the slight pain in her side. “Yeah maybe just a bit,” she replied. Her friends joining in on the laughter as well.

“Are y'all headed to Sugarcube Corner too?” the orange pony asked as the laughter died down.

“Why yes Applejack we are, Did she call you as well?” the white unicorn asked as she straightened her main with her hoof.

“Yes actually she did,” Twilight responded, “it must be important if she wanted us all to see it, normally it's just Rainbow she invites.”

Rainbow blushed, “Yeah, well... We better not keep her waiting. You guys know how she gets when she's upset.” Rainbow quickly took to the sky and flew straight to Sugarcube Corner, her friends slowly trotting behind her.

They all quickly reached the Cakes' shop, Rainbow was patiently waiting outside. She was examining her hoof as if something had happened to it but soon snapped back to reality as her friends arrived.

“Geez you guys are slow, I could have flown from Canterlot and got her faster.
She smiled, her friends waiting patiently for her to stop chuckling at her own cleverness.

“Well we all can't fly Rainbow.” Rarity added, “otherwise we would have been here sooner.” Fluttershy looked down, tucking her wings close beside her; the comment made her feel a bit self-conscious. Rarity walked up past her rainbow friend and knocked on the door, “Pinkie darling, we're all here. Could you please open up?” She smiled and took a few steps backward, rejoining her friends. They stood together for another moment until the door swung open and the exuberant pink pony bounced out.

“Oh heya girls, I've been so busy tinkering I almost forgot I invited you.” She laughed and smiled widely, bouncing back inside, the rest following right behind her. They looked around, they were surprised to see the walls barren, not a streamer or balloon in sight. The pink pony smiled, it was then they noticed the oddly shaped tarp in the middle of the room. It was large, bulky and strange. Pinkie slowly walked over to the massive object in the room. She stood by it for a few seconds, checking under the tarp and doing some last second tinkering before finally addressing her crowd. “Well girls, let me introduce you to the Party Cannon Mach V.” She made a grand gesture with her hooves before pulling the tarp to reveal the large pink cannon.

Pinkie smiled at her friends, dwarfed in size by her massive creation. "I made it for really big parties," she exclaimed "Now I can decorate 10 times quicker and spend more time making sure ponies are having fun."

"Wow Pinkie, that sure is something." Twilight couldn't help but be impressed, the pure science behind the object confounded her.

"Well that's nice and all, but does it work?" Rainbow quipped, eager to see it in action. Applejack nodded in agreement. "Ah'm a mite bit curious ma'self, I reckon it's impressive."

Pinkie laughed and grabbed a rope that was dangling over the top of the machine, she gripped it tightly with her teeth and looked at her audience. "Yah mahght wahmnna cober yur eawers," she muffled before yanking her head down and pulling the string.

The resulting explosion left the room covered from top to bottom in balloons, confetti and streamers. No pony really had time to notice though, the ringing in their ears causing them much discomfort. "Isn't it a blast!!!" Pinkie screamed, as she began laughing at her own pun.
Twilight was the first to recover, shaking her head to try to clear her thoughts. She looked up to where Pinkie was standing shocked at the sight. "Oh and gee girls..."

"What did she say?" Applejack shouted at the rainbow mare next to her.

"Huh? You want soufflé? Pinkie might have some."

Twilight sighed, she was not going to go through this again. She quickly cast a spell on herself and her friends to fix their hearing before the damage became irreversible. She turned back to face them, looking away from the pink pony who was happily licking frosting from the walls.

"Now what were you saying Twilight?" Rarity asked as she was magically removing confetti from her mane. She glanced up to look at her, "Oh I do believe I see what it is." She cleared her throat, dislodging a lone streamer, "Pinkie, darling it does seem that you have completely destroyed the wall over there."

The pink pony hopped around the store, "Oh which one?" she asked, completely neglecting the large hole behind her.

Fluttershy replied quietly "Well from a technical standpoint I suppose it would be the fourth one." they all nodded in agreement as the pink pony turned to look at the damage. She looked down pensively but quickly jumped back to life. "Well like I said its for really big parties," she looked at the crater that had formed roughly 30 yards away, "I think I might have let the cake sit for too long." They all let out a small chuckle as spike quickly ran in through the front door.

"Twilight, it's an urgent message from the princess."

"Celestia?" she responded confusedly

"Who else egghead." Rainbow smiled smugly.

Twilight paid her no mind as she quickly read and reread the letter.

"My faithful student,
I hope this letter finds you well. I cannot for reasons of time delve into formalities, we request the presence of you and your friends here in Canterlot. It is a matter of great urgency, all will be explained soon.
Celestia."

Twilight stood still for a moment, running through worst case scenarios and contingency plans in her head. Applejack gave her a soft nudge to get her attention. "What's goin on Sugarcube? Do we saddle up?"

The whole group looked at her, awaiting her decision. "Alright girls, we have been requested in Canterlot, let's meet back here in 10 minutes." They all scattered to their collective homes, gathering their supplies and returning back to their rendezvous point with full saddlebags, Rainbow dragging Fluttershy along with her. Twilight ran through her checklist and her checklist's checklist before nodding and leading the way to the station.

As they trotted away down the street a few unicorns began to gather outside the back of Sugarcube Corner, they looked around, noticing the structural and collateral damage caused by what was essentially an oversized party popper. They smiled as they formulated a plan, the leader turning to his subordinate. "Silver Shoe send the signal, I think the boss will be pleased with this." No response came from the short unicorn beside him.
"I said call the others." he was growing impatient.

"Well um boss? The thing about that is um w-well I can't uh I can't really whistle." he was stammering nervously, looking at the ground.

The tall unicorn beside him sighed, raising a hoof to his temple. "Honestly, you have one job..." he grumbled before emitting a low whistle. A group of earth ponies who had been off in the distance arrived and circled in on Sugarcube Corner, hoisting the contraption onto their backs as the unicorns camouflaged them. Quickly they made their retreat, laughing as the went...

Author's Note:

So the chapter well, it's not as serious as the first one, I was drinking for the first half and well I hadn't slept in a few days when I wrote the second half. The point is that it's headed in a little bit of a different direction but it shouldn't suffer from it. Enjoy this little detour, We'll be back into serious business soon.

Comments

[Listie The Scribe Maid]

(Joke) Alt. Title: Blitzkrieg Bop: Hey! Oh! Dark Fic!

[Pixels]

tf2wiki.net/w/images/thumb/1/19/RED_Kritzkrieg.png/250px-RED_Kritzkrieg.png