Scootaloo discovers surfing

by Francois

Chapter 1

The scent of salt and sea overwhelms her spirit. A cool breeze blows towards the ocean, calling her, reminding her of the new treasures she has experienced in the ocean's mighty grip.

Scootaloo has been on a trip to the Ponesia islands, and in the past few months she has found the joys of surfing. She ended up being a natural at it, catching her first wave within minutes of entering the water. Within a week she started surfing the big hollow breakers off of the shallow coral reef. She has been surfing for the past two weeks now, progressing at an unnatural rate. Today was different though. A storm in the deep sea has created swells of massive proportions, and on this particular day the little filly's life will be altered forever.

Waxing her surfboard, she could hear the breakers thundering over the coral reef. The first surfers have already made the paddle out to the reef, a good half a mile out to sea. Scootaloo decided that she is definitely not going to be left out. Putting her leash on her rear-right hoof, she jumped in the water and started the long paddle to the reef. Catching the rip current out, it didn't take her long to get to the reef, and what she found when she got there was totally beyond her expectations.

Massive vortexes of swirling water were whirling down the reef at an unimaginable speed. Her heart was pumping gallons of blood and adrenalin through her veins, preparing her body and sharpening her senses. Fear was starting to creep in, but she wasn't going to let it control her.

She paddled to the top of the reef, and waited for a swell to roll in. It didn't take long before the first set started to roll in. She let the first one roll through under her, as she spotted a bigger one behind it. She was right about it being bigger, but she wasn't quite prepared for how much bigger it ended up being. A monstrous wall of water was fast approaching her, and she had to make a decision, and fast. Not letting her fear stop her, she decided to go for it.

Turning around, she started paddling with all her might. It would take all the speed she could gather to catch the beast, and she just lowered her head and gave it her all. Feeling the wave pick her up, fear almost made her hesitate, but she pushed through. Before she knew it she was on her back hooves, and falling through the air. Making contact with the wave face, she acted quickly and made a fast turn right under the falling guillotine of water. Working with the contours of the wave, she placed herself snugly in the pocket of the wave, and watched, mesmerized by the liquid swirling around her.

The snug pocket she was in was quickly growing into a vast cavern, with inconceivable amounts of water cascading around her. If she could think at this time, she probably would have wondered if all this was such a good idea, but right now, her mind has left her. All that was left was pure awareness. But this ecstasy was short-lived, for just ahead of her, a section of wave was closing out, and she was swallowed whole by the monster. A sensation of being crushed became all that existed. Pure blackness. She was being twisted and turned in every which way, all the while being dragged across the coral reef. For what seemed like an eternity she was being held under by the savage beast. Just as she was starting to feel faint from lack of oxygen, the light came back, and she surfaced from the water. But before she could regain her composure, the crushing blackness returned as a second wave rolled over her. Luckily this one wasn't as intense as the previous one, and when she resurfaced from her ordeal, she managed to regain composure and get out of the way before the next set rolled in.

Scootaloo was out of breath, but not out of courage. If anything, the beating she just took gave her new hope that she could tame the beast. She paddled to the safety of the rip current, and rested as the current pulled her back up the reef. She took her time this time, observing how the other surfers where riding the wave. She noticed that the surfers would pump up and down the face of the wave to gather speed, so that they could make the fast section that ended up closing out on her. Making a mental note to imitate this pumping, she paddled back to the top of the reef, and waited for the next set to approach.

This set took a while longer, but within five minutes her next opportunity arose. Another surfer caught the first wave of the set, but she let the second wave pass under her as well. She wanted the last wave in the set, just in case she failed again. She didn't want to repeat the experience of being held under by two consecutive waves.

She caught the wave effortlessly, but instead of settling in the pocket, she made a long drawn out carve on the bottom of the wave, shooting up to the crest of the wave and hacking it to be launched down the line by the wave's most powerful section. On her next bottom turn she shot herself up till just under the crest, and she started weaving and pumping at the top of the wave, using the power of the pealing crest to propel herself forward. As she was raging down the line, she could see the wave rising up in front of her. This time, she had the speed to make it out of the belly of the beast. Dropping down to the middle of the wave, she crouched down and stared down the beast with single-minded determination. Responding in kind, the beast pounced, swallowing her. She was deep within it's bowels, and the raging torrent of water crashing around her threatened to knock her off and eat her whole. But she would have none of that. Staring down the depths, she could see her exit, a faint glow at the edge of the abyss. The beast was angry, and tried to suck her in, but she prevailed, escaping through the tunnel just before the beast could close its giant mouth.

For a second all was white, as the bright sunlight re-entered her corneas. Her eyes adjusted to the light, but her soul was beaming. She had escaped from the belly of the beast. She has slain the dragon from the inside. She was victorious.

She was in such ecstasy that it took her almost ten minutes before she noticed one particular development:
She had finally gained her cutie-mark, a symbol clearly resembling a cresting wave.

Comments

[ScooterFiction]

Nice story! Though I misread the title as "Scootaloo discovers suffering" and read the story expecting the worst to happen.

[Flutterwonder]

Amazing! I seriously couldn't stop reading.

[Dan]

Surfing? Coastie plebs.

Scoots should give freeheel backcountry skiing a try.

Snowboarders like to look down on skiers. We look down both on snowboarders and skiers who can't telemark. They'll never get into Sovngarde.

[Scootaloose]

Duuude that was sick bro!
^is that how surfers speak or am i doin it wrong?

Either way, I enjoyed this

[Moon-Chan]

It was very interesting, I will admit. Very well written.
I didn't see any grammatical errors either.
However, it could have a bit more detail. Like, for instance, when did Scootaloo first see other ponies surfing and want to try it herself?
Other than that, it's amazing. Keep up all the awesome work. Now, here, have a mustache.

[Francois]

1868270

I didn't really want to make this a story about scootaloo, more a story about surfing. I just like scootaloo and think that she would probably make a good surfer. If I was aiming for a longer story, say, 4000 words, then I would have made a more in depth story. But yea, I admit, the thing could have used a longer introduction. Plus, reaching pro surfer levels of surfing in two weeks?

1868188

Lol... You're close, but it varies quite a bit from region to region. I'm from South Africa, and we would say something closer to: "Awe man! That was SICK!"

But hey, we speak like most people most of the time.

1868178

I've never seen snow, ever. You'd be a better guy to write that.

1868128

1868098

Poor Scootaloo.

[Inferno demon Dash]

Seriously impressive brother, very glad to see you still writing, I really enjoyed how detailed it was and that she had gotten her Cutie Mark at last, you did real well, I'm hoping to see more of your writing soon

[Francois]

1871985

I'll have to get a computer sometime in January next year, and then I'll be able to actually get some real writing in. How much writing I'd be able to do will be determined by how demanding my studies end up being...

[Inferno demon Dash]

1874077 Shit bro...that will be a while

[Francois]

1874566 Nah, Jan is in two days bra.

[Inferno demon Dash]

1875048 Seriously? Where the hay have I been?

[Francois]

1875074

Christmas food coma?

[Inferno demon Dash]

1875622No but that would make a really funny one-shot if Spike and Luna were trying to out eat eachother

[Francois]

Spike vs Luna eating contest? Spike doesn't stand much of a chance against the Princess of the night.

If Luna and Celestia tried to beat each other in eating out each other, that would make a better one shot IMHO.

[TheTautomer]

The story was really good!

[Francois]

1889682
Thanks!

[Mitsubishi Colt]

...my first impression, halfway through the story: surfing is wet
also...1876561 Damn...I could think of a plot bunny of mine to go with that. And the longer they were doing it (in the night) the better chances Luna would have. Spike is still young and needs his sleep from time to time

So, back to the story. You need a comment from someone completely unrelated to surfing, right? Well, to start of, where are Scootaloos friends? A story about one of the crusaders without any mention of at least a second one (or better yet, all of them) leaves an easily fillable hole in your story.
Ponys surfing, hmmm...how about they paddle with all four hooves? The way you wrote it sounds like she only used her forehooves. Also, what does 'pumping up and down' a wave mean? I had some...strange pictures in my head regarding that. Other than that your explanation of surfing was easily understandable.
A last gripe I have to tell you though, Scootaloos character wasn't spot-on. She is, as shown in some episodes all about rushing, finding things that are cool and speed. While you could deliver these messages in the story you did not, which left the whole character very...bland.
Now I don't want to leave you on a bad note - your idea for writing an original story out of this would really work, especially with this little fictional work. Leave Scootaloo out of it, develop your character in the story, write a bit more about surfing. Even if that turns out longer as you intended it to be, it really could become a good story. A pony-related story not so much, sadly

[Francois]

Honestly, the only reason I made this ponified, was so that I could post it here.
Also, I only used Scootaloo because she would seem to be the most plausible character to try surfing. I agree I wrote her very bland, but that is because I was trying to avoid revolving the story around Scootaloo, as intend to de-ponify this and make it a human story.

Oh, and the whole pumping up and down thing, here is a video of surfing where you might get a better idea of what I am talking about:

And here is a video that gives you a good idea of what surfing is about: