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Prodigies: Glory

After the griffon ambassador to Equestria goes missing, Manehatten is attacked without warning. As their armies advance upon her cities, Celestia must gather the resources to take them back and eventually save the Equestrian citizens trapped behind enemy lines.

Hopefully the lives of the ponies stationed in the griffon homeland haven't been taken yet.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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N00813

N00813 #1 · Dec 25th, 2012 · · · Challenge ·

I like it.

Critique follows:

”.

Standard convention is to write ."

You seem to jump into present tense sometimes:

but this scare was the closest he’s ever come to succeeding.

should be 'he had come' or 'he'd come'

Lastly, thoughts / personal opinion.
I like the worldbuilding you came up with. Just a warning: beware of making either side one dimensional. I like the griffon side's caution of becoming too dependent, but be careful of making the war a war for its own sake.

Lodestone

Lodestone #2 · Dec 25th, 2012 · · · Challenge ·

1852653
Thanks!

Standard convention is to write ."

Huh, I'm really not sure how that got past my editing phase, thanks for pointing that out. I'll fix it now and keep a sharper eye out for that in the future.

And it looks like the present tense thing is something I need to work on. I'm unaware of the etiquette involved with this sort of thing, but should I go in and change it or leave the mistake as is since the chapter's been published?

N00813