Izolovo moves to Equestria to live with his brother in the hopes that he will meet old friends and make new ones. However, what is he to do when old friends want nothing to do with (or use) him and true friends are hard to find?
Chapters (1)
Blue Hour Pony
Joined 8th Mar, 2012 ·
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im sorry, but i lost interest at the 4th paragraph....
919910
Any detailed criticism would be welcome. Did it not pick up quickly enough?
919940
if your trying to go along with the grand theft auto aspect, you'r somewhat on track as most GTA games was very slow at the beginning, then picked up.
But yes, it was kinda dull for me and i lost interest. I didn't pick up on any errors, as i often read over them due to some authors grammar on here, so i have adapted. Not saying that it faulty in grammar. Anyway my advice put some action if possible in every other paragraph or so. I have read i think 2 GTA FIMfiction books and it was based in Los Santos i think, well that and Vice City. My point is that they put gunshots in the distance and them running to it just to run from the cops taking a few out with hand-to-hand disarming them and turning the gun on them while escaping them. If you have any Questions, I will gladly answer to my best conception. PM me when desired my friend.
Ok, if you want people to read this, make roman like he was when he FOUND niko at the port, (just make sure it makes sense, now, since you didn't) second, coyotes? COYOTES??? i think a scarred black pony would've made a better leader, and masked black thugs to be better, what I'm saying is, TRY TO MAKE THE STORY A LITTLE LIKE GTA4, JUST WITH PONIES!!
921177
NO! NO! NO!
DONT TAKE THIS SHIT ADVICE!!!
MAKE YOUR OWN STORY
OR YOU WILL DROWN IN HATE AND LOST OPPORTUNITY!!
Make it your own story.
DONT just copy/paste GTA4.
Ah finally a gta story that doesn't start out with such fucking craziness
I enjoyed this quite well frankly! Keep it up blue hour!
921177
His name is "Coyote," but he is not a coyote. A "coyote" is someone who provides illegal passage from one country to another. In this case Coyote is a zebra and that is his nickname.
Very cool story thus far. I know it's been a year, but I'll favorite this just in case you decide to continue it.
2855050
Yeah, I have a whole outline and everything. I really need to get off my lazy rump and finish. Thanks, in any case. If you have any tips as a writer, I'd gladly listen to any advice.
Okay, you have my interest. So please, continue. Also, have a favorite, a like, and a follow.
I diddint know coyotes had hooves...... I could have sworn they had paws..... Hmmm.......
4738961
They do if they're zebras.