Sweetie Belle's Secret

by Little Brave Heart

Chapter 5

Sweetie Belle's Secret

Chapter 5

---

"Alright, Scoot!" Rainbow Dash shouted as Scootaloo was preparing to go down the ramp they had build, along with the help of a building crew, "Now, be careful! When I say go, you push yourself down the ramp and do your thing!"

The orange filly nodded her head. She buckled her white and purple helmet, and readied her left back leg, and started buzzing her tiny wings. She waited for the signal anxiously, looking down at the steep drop she was about to plummet into, but then, go up the other side of the ramp. "Alright, don't freak out," Scootaloo told herself, "I've done ramps before, and the worst injury was a little bruise! This'll be awesome."

"Go!"
"This is it! No more time to think, now is the time for action!"

This was her final thought as she pushed back her hind leg, and plummeted down the wooden ramp. It shook a little as
the rolls of the scooter rolled down its form. She was picking up speed greatly, wind in her bright purple mane and with a smile on her face. She was now in the middle of the ramp, still rolling and speeding by greatly. She flew up the opposite side of the ramp, her left hoof on a handlebar of her scooter, and her right hoof on her helmet.

She jumped off the scooter, and did a massive flip in the air, only to land perfectly on her scooter in the air again just in time to land on the ramps right sided platform. She let out a "Whoo hoo!" Of triumph as she landed.

"Scootaloo! That was so awesome!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Just one more thing. Look at your flank!"

The orange filly gasped as she lifted her leg to look at her flank to see the shining mark. It was still sparkling with magic, and that would last for a few more days. It was a beautiful mark, a scooter that looked like hers, with two giant wings surrounding it. She didn't need flying to get a cutie mark, her scooter had been her special talent all along.

"Scootaloo!" A voice nearby called out.

"Huh?" She replied. It sounded like Sweetie Belle's voice.

"Scootaloo!" The voice called out again. It was definitely Sweetie Belle's voice.

Next to the unicorn filly was Apple Bloom, and they were both galloping towards her. Scootaloo jumped down from the ramp, buzzing her wings to hover down to the ground safely. At once she noticed Apple Bloom's flank, and Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom noticed hers.

"Ya got yer cutie mark!" Apple Bloom said with excitement.

"And you got yours!" Scootaloo said with equal excitement.

"My plan is working perfectly!" Sweetie Belle thought, "We all have our cutie marks! Now we'll show Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara! The Cutie Mark Crusaders will be made fun of no longer!"

---

Apple Bloom walked into the schoolhouse with a new saddlebag. Most ponies had their saddle bags with their cutie marks on them, and Rarity had made the Cutie Mark Crusaders all new saddlebags with their cutie marks on them. In one pocket, was her school supplies, in the other pocket, was her red and gold cutie mark crusaders cape. Even though she wasn't a blank flank anymore, she would never forget the CMC. The crusade for the cutie marks may be over, but the friendship would never end.

The filly with the pink bow walked in and put her things in her cubby, then sitting down at her desk. Most of the ponies were already there, notebooks out and ready to learn with today's lesson. Before long, all the ponies were inside the schoolhouse, and then the lesson was starting. Today's lesson would be something for Scootaloo, because it was on Cloudsdale Stadium.

Apple Bloom began to take notes like this:
1/20/13 Cloudsdale Stadium Lesson

-Was built for Wonder Bolt preformances and races.
-Made mostly out of clouds.
-Unicorns and earth ponies have no access to the Cloudsdale Stadium or Cloudsdale alone, because only pegasi can fly and walk on clouds.
-Unless Twilight Sparkle casts the cloud walking spell which allows unicorns and earth ponies to walk on clouds.

--

"Ah recess!" Apple Bloom said as she walked out with her two best friends beside her. "Now, lets find Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara!"

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle nodded their heads in agreement. Looking around the clearing, they didn't see them anywhere. But it looks like they found them first.

"Look! Its the blank flanks!" Diamond Tiara said with a snicker. "What did you do for your first test for the school year for crusading? Chicken herding?" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon both burst out laughing.

"Actually!" Scootaloo stepped forward, face to face with the pink bossy filly, "We all have our cutie marks now. So what do you have to say to that?"

The two bullies mouths were wide open. Silver Spoon was stomping her hoof in rage. "Well, now we can't make fun of them anymore, no one will! They're practically cool now!"

"Easy now, Silver Spoon," Diamond Tiara replied, "It doesn't mean they're cool. We'll just....uhg! Just you wait, we'll find something to make fun of you about!"

With that, they both galloped off, with nothing to say.

Scootaloo nudged her elbows on Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, "Heh, I guess they'll never learn."

Comments

[Little Brave Heart]

1998746 Oh....
I'll fix it

[SilentBelle]

Hmm, over-all it was a nice story I suppose...

I'll just make a little list of things that I think could be improved upon.

- The whole thing felt rather rushed, almost like I was reading through the skeleton draft of a story. Especially that cutie mark story at the beginning I definitely feel as though it could have been expanded upon.

-All the characters except Sweetie fell quite flat in my mind.

-The relationship between the CMC and those bullies is a bit more complicated than making fun of them for not having cutie marks.

-This one's more of a personal thing, but I don't really enjoy the way that you presented the ponies getting their cutie marks. I feel like those moments were somewhat undercut (considering their importance) and could instead have been expanded upon. I really wanted to see how Sweetie Belle reacted to getting her cutie mark. I wanted to see her struggle to face that crowd of nameless ponies, to hear the nervousness in her voice, and to see that moment when finally putting those dots together and realizing that singing is what she loved.

-There were a few moments where the punctuation/capitalization in dialogue was a bit off.

So I guess I didn't quite get what I wanted from the story. There's much room for improvement, and I hope that this wall of text does not discourage you from future endeavors. If you ever want any writing advice for future fics, feel free to PM me, I'd love to help.

~SilentBelle

[Little Brave Heart]

1999829 Well, I guess that's true.
Since I'm not working on any other stories right now, I can fix those mistakes on the chapter of the cutie mark story, fix some of the mistakes etc.
thanks

[ponyheart07]

needs more plot and gramer checks.