Sweetie Belle has waited for this day for as long as she can remember. Don't know what that is? Well, she finally gets her cutie mark! She hid it from her friends as long as she could...but she revealed it, when she realized, why would they be mad at her? After all, she was the first Cutie Mark Crusader to get her cutie mark, now! Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were very proud of her.
Until they both saw how Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had started treating her after Sweetie Belle earned her cutie mark....
Chapters (5)
I think you meant red paint.
1998746 Oh....
I'll fix it
Oh Sweetie Belle, haven't you figured out that DT and SS's antagonizing of you has never been about you being Blank Flanks, and everything to do with DT's intense hatred of Applebloom? It's always been rhetoric.
Hmm, over-all it was a nice story I suppose...
I'll just make a little list of things that I think could be improved upon.
- The whole thing felt rather rushed, almost like I was reading through the skeleton draft of a story. Especially that cutie mark story at the beginning I definitely feel as though it could have been expanded upon.
-All the characters except Sweetie fell quite flat in my mind.
-The relationship between the CMC and those bullies is a bit more complicated than making fun of them for not having cutie marks.
-This one's more of a personal thing, but I don't really enjoy the way that you presented the ponies getting their cutie marks. I feel like those moments were somewhat undercut (considering their importance) and could instead have been expanded upon. I really wanted to see how Sweetie Belle reacted to getting her cutie mark. I wanted to see her struggle to face that crowd of nameless ponies, to hear the nervousness in her voice, and to see that moment when finally putting those dots together and realizing that singing is what she loved.
-There were a few moments where the punctuation/capitalization in dialogue was a bit off.
So I guess I didn't quite get what I wanted from the story. There's much room for improvement, and I hope that this wall of text does not discourage you from future endeavors. If you ever want any writing advice for future fics, feel free to PM me, I'd love to help.
~SilentBelle
1999829 Well, I guess that's true.
Since I'm not working on any other stories right now, I can fix those mistakes on the chapter of the cutie mark story, fix some of the mistakes etc.
thanks
Forshadowing much?
Still, well written.
needs more plot and gramer checks.