ApplePie

ApplejackxPinkie Pie shipping.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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dat_flank

dat_flank #1 · Jan 12th, 2012 · · ·

Umm.... With a title like that, I was expecting a stronger relationship and a longer story. I'm no the best author myself, but I still know when a story is rushed. You didn't really describe anything; you said it ALL! You've probably heard this before, but a story shown be shown and not told.

And to help you with the southern accent, just say the dialogue aloud in a southern accent or picture Applejack actually saying it.

It's a good premise, but for future reference, instead of just saying that the party was yesterday, explain the party in detail.

Good luck on any future writing!

DJVinylScratch

DJVinylScratch #2 · Jan 12th, 2012 · · ·

That was... Good. Rushed, even. I still loved it.
Here's a few tips from a totally unexperienced author
1) The first paragraph was weird POV. It should inform the reader from thoughts or speech. Try expanding it into the story Like dat_flank said.
2) Southern accent: It'll take forever to learn. Try looking at other popular fics to see how they do it.
3) Take it smoother. Don't rush it. If it takes you a long time, and you really want to write a good story, take as much as time as you need. There's is no need to rush.
4) Please for the love of Celesta, spell Eeyup right! (I'm kidding, of course)
-Cheers

Appleloosa2011