Twilight groaned, rubbing her head. Her vision was blurry and her mouth felt like she had gargled with sand (and she hadn't done that since pledge week in college.). She weakly reached up and rubbed her horn (which isn't as dirty as it sounds) and smacked her lips together (which might be dirtier that it sounded).
"Wha?" She mumbled, pulling herself from the snow drift she laid in.
"Twilight..." a gentle voice called out.
The unicorn blinked, finally noticing the blue ghostly pony that was standing before her. "Huh?"
"Twilight... you must go to the Dagobah system. There you will be trained by Yoda... the jedi knight who trained me."
"What do you-"
Suddenly the figure rippled and Twilight realized that she wasn't staring at a blue ghost but a shivering Rainbow Dash.
"I said come on, we need to get inside!" The pegasus grabbed Twilight by the forelegs and helped her stand up. "There we go," Rainbow said, brushing the snow from Twilight's mane. "Alright, let's get inside."
Twilight, her vision finally clearing, realized that the two of them were no longer anywhere near Fluttershy's cottage. Looking over her surroundings, Twilight realized she had some how ended up in Ponytown, Ponyville's neighbor town (and rival... the Fighting Manticores had always hated the Blue Smoozes of Ponytown). The unicorn looked about the decorated streets and brightly lit window shops and, remembering the insanity she had dealt with so far, couldn't help but wonder if it wouldn't be better to head to Dagobah (even if she didn't know where or what it was).
"Rainbow Dash, what is going on?"
"I'll tell you on the way." Rainbow began to tug Twilight towards the doors of a large store. The building was easily 4 times the size of the Ponyville Library and all over it there were signs stating it was 'Your Hearth's Warming Stop!". A stream of ponies were moving both in and out, shoving and pushing at each other when they weren't cursing and snarling at slower shoppers to move their flanks. Twilight looked at this mob scene and found herself dragging her hooves in a vain attempt to stop Rainbow. "Well, I was flying over to actually come find you when I bumped into you-"
"You crashed into me," Twilight reminded her.
"You say tomato, I said potato... the point is that I found you. You had decided to take a sleep in the snow so I-"
"You knocked me unconscious."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "You hold onto a grudge like a war widow. Anyway... I didn't have time to wait for you to wake up so I flew you here."
"And dropped me in another snow bank."
"Yeah... you just looked so comfy..."
"Ok." Twilight chewed on her lip. "Next question, we are where exactly?" Twilight asked as they stepped inside. The answer was presented to her in the way of 40 full aisles of the latest toys and gadgets, all in bright packages and shiny plastic that for some reason makes collects go insane if it isn't mint. Holiday music was playing through the overhead speaker and there was the constant chiming of registers as the salesponies tallied up orders and collected bits.
"Super Happy Toy Emporium!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed in glee. "Only the most awesome of awesome toy stories!"
"That settled the where... now, how about the why?"
Rainbow Dash grinned. "Well, every year I buy toys for needy colts and fillies."
Twilight smiled and the tension that had been building in her temples lessened. "That... that is so wonderful, Rainbow Dash!" She hugged her friend. "Ever since I began planning this party everypony has been making me feel like no one understood the true meaning of Hearth's Warming Day. And then you... you do something like this... thank you Rainbow!"
The cyan pegasus awkwardly patted her friend on the back. "Yeeeaaaahhhhh... could you maybe stop hugging me? I have enough trouble with ponies thinking I'm gay without you mauling me in public." Twilight instantly let go. "Besides, I think Fluttershy would be mad if she found out you were cheating on her."
"...Fluttershy and I are NOT dating."
"Then why did Mrs. Cake catch you two making out?"
"Fluttershy was trying to CPR and thought in involved tongue... can we just move on and get to shopping?"
Rainbow nodded rapidly, zipping over and grabbing a shopping cart. "Works for me!"
Twilight began to push her way through the mob of last minute shoppers, marveling at the number of ponies that waited till the end of the season before doing they shopping. "So, how does this work? Do you have a list from each child and we carefully pick out a meaningful gift that will help ease them through the tough times they are facing?"
"Yeah... if by that you we just grab whatever we can find that looks expensive and throw it in the cart."
"I didn't... oh, never mind," Twilight grumbled, already feeling her stress headache coming on again. "How many more gifts do you need to buy?"
"All of them."
Twilight frowned. "Why did you wait so long to buy the gifts?"
"Because I am lazy... duh." The pegasus darted over to a shelf, inspecting some toys. "Oooooh, these look noisy!" Rainbow threw several Tydalimus Prime and Celestiatron figures into the cart. "Let's see, what else..."
Twilight looked over the end caps that were being picked apart by shoppers and shook her head. "Seriously, some of this stuff I don't get. I mean, what happened to Cabbage Patch Foals?"
"They redesigned them," Rainbow said, pointing to an endcap full of foal dolls that, with their overly exaggerated features and over abundance of makeup, looked like they were mini hookers. "Every pony wants to be hip and cool."
"Not me," Twilight said, before scowling when Rainbow began to laugh. "You know what I meant!" Using her magic, she grabbing a stuffed doll from a different shelf and looked it over. "Seriously? I can't believe they are making Tickle-Me-Luna dolls." Twilight reached down and wiggled her hoof against the plush Luna's belly.
"Thou art stimulating our belly to produce sounds of merriment," the doll said. "We shall respond in kind: HA... HA... HA!"
Twilight moaned, her ears ringing and her mane nearly torn from her scalp from the doll's 'laughter'. The unicorn reached up and tried her best to get her hair back in place. "Ok... let's not buy this one."
"Yeah!" Rainbow said, floating back over with five of the dolls clutched in her forelegs. "We need more that a single doll." She dumped her find in the cart and continued to scour for more. "Let's see... do you think they would like Cadencation?"
"What now?" Twilight said, pushing the cart over to a demo of the game. On the board there was a lewd image of Cadence lying on her bed, several holes cut in her body with little bits of plastic embedded inside. "Ooooookkkk..."
"You've never seen this game?" Rainbow said in surprise. " It is so cool, watch!" Rainbow grabbed the tweezers and touched the side of one of the holes. The board let out passionate screams and pants the longer Rainbow held the tweezers to the side of the hole. "Man, this is hilarious."
Twilight, however, wasn't convinced. "Can't we just get the needing foals Hungry Hungry Parasprites instead?"
"Sure... Oh, and grab an Angry Gildas game too!"
Twilight opened her mouth to question the mere existance of that board game, then promptly shut her mouth and did as she was told. She reached over to snag the box, only to find herself playing tug of war with Lyra and Bon Bon. "Oh, hi there!" Twilight said happily. "Are you girls shopping too?"
"Yup... now give us the box!" Lyra began to pull hard and Twilight began to tug back.
"Uh, no... I found this first."
"Doesn't matter, I need it!"
"Listen, this is going to a needy colt or filly..."
Bon Bon scoffed. "Who cares about that? We are buying this because it is a rare collector's item! We can wait a day and then sell it to some desperate parent for 10 times the bits."
"I am going to use the money for therapy sessions!" Lyra stated calmly.
"You... you would actually try to make a profit on Hearth's Warming Day?"
"Hey, mama Bon Bon didn't raise no fool! Now gimme!"
"No!" Rainbow called out, joining the fight. "We saw it first and WE'RE going to sell it for a ton of money!!"
"I thought you said these were for needy fillies and colts!" Twilight shouted.
"That was before I found out it was worth something!"
"This... this is ridiculous!" Twilight exclaimed. "We are fighting over a children's toy!" She loosened her grip and stared into Bon Bon and Lyra's eyes. "Just look at yourself and think about-"
"Yoink!" Caramel said, snatching the game from the arguing females.
"Nice going!" Bon Bon screamed. "That was our booze money!" She lashed out, punching Twilight in the face.
"Hey, you want a fight you can have one!" Rainbow shouted. tackling Bon Bon. Soon all the ponies in the store were shoving and pushing and stealing from each other. Lyra was using a container of LEGOs to beat up Caramel, while two earth ponies were wagging half of a damaged doll at each other, screaming that the other caused the damage. The register operators called for calm but none of the ponies in earshot showed any concept of hearing them.
"ENOUGH!"
They did hear that.
"Uh... you ok Twi?"
Twilight turned, her dark stare at all the fighting ponies. "Look at you all! Is this what Hearth's Warming Day has become? A bunch of stallions and mares fighting over toys? Where is the love and the respect and the friendship? One of you must remember this! Is this how you want to spend your holidays, fighting like wolves over bits of plastic?"
Every pony grew silent.
"YES!" The crowd roared before resuming their fight.
"No..." Twilight snarled, her eye twitching. "No.... NO!" The crowd went quiet again as Twilight rocketed into the air, her mane and tail on fire and her coat a bright white. "NO!"
"Run!" Rainbow Dash screamed, pushing her cart of toys towards the exit as Twilight blew out a fireball, setting several shelves on fire.
"Twilight Sparkle will kill us all!" another pony screamed as Twilight began to burn every toy and game she could find, screaming in rage as she did so.
Noooo don't do it Twilight! Think of all the needy
collectorschildren!Charity Rainbow dash, I was not expecting that...
the brawl however was a given.
Reminds me of Jingle All the Way
And now even more people will believe she is related to Nightmare Moon.
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Never leave someone hanging.
The cover art is a bit painful to read.
I think the Nightmare Moon thing is a given at this point.
Here before Nunchucks
and everything was going so well to
now twilight has truly evolved into rapidash
It's these kinds of people that are the reason I didn't get an N64 that one Christmas...
Tickle Me Luna and the Cadance game were the best.
Fighting over plastic toys.... Like the brawl and Twilight turning into Rapidash.
All hail our dark queen the star mare!
Rainbow Dash actually started off great but now she's right where I predicated she would be. Her excuse is 1 out of 10.
Fighting over a toy, seriously that's just sad.
Man am I glad I've never seen any of these kind of things. I guess I'm lucky.
But then again I've never been shopping on Black Friday or Cyber Monday, those are the worst days for Christmas shopping because everyone is in such a rush that they throw basic courtesy out the window. I've even heard of people getting trampled to death on those days. And it's even worse that some people cut their Thanksgiving celebrations short so they can camp out and be first in line. And that some stores even open on Thanksgiving Day so their employees don't get as long of a break.
But of course that's more the fault of the idiots who caused our economic recession and still haven't learned their lesson, (GOP, Big Business I'm looking at you)
Well, Twilight finally snapped.
Ha! Wonder what happens next? Does her hope in the holidays get dashed against more rocks?
I would so buy a Tickle Me Luna.
Can I get my hands on one of those Tickle-me-Luna toys? Preferably a show accurate one with multiple tickle zones. Also, I think Tydalmus Prime flows better than Tydalimus Prime (accidental pun is accidental). Celestiatron is fine as is. And I want both of them as well. They might have a hidden combination feature to make a large bipedal robot. Hands included. Wouldn't that get Lyra excited?
1799588 I heard that, somewhere, a law was/was going to be passed that would not allow stores to be open on Thanksgiving so that their employees can enjoy the holiday with their family. Restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations and the like would still be open. After all, when was the last time you heard of a Thanksgiving swarm at a gas station?
1801787
I've had to work the last 6 Thanksgivings... never bothered me. I get paid holiday plus time and a half... Thanksgiving is what I call bonus day.
1801908 And I'll bet you're thankful for that.
1801787 Yeah but of course Big Bussiness probably struck it down claiming that such laws are unconsitutional. You know big bussiness you're only making yourselfs look like greater villians when you do that. Honestly can't just leave your employees alone, or have you forgotten what it's like to not to be rich.
And then you wonder why the Republican party is crumbling, it's because their supporting big bussiness which sadly is becoming un-American.
1802033 What's needed is a Brony party. That, or a huge amount of slapping faces to try and get some sense knocked into the politicians, and if that doesn't work, a display involving 4 cakes, 5 pies, a conference catapult, and a TF2 game with no player count limit.
1802071 Yeah. I kind of wish that the ending of "Epic Rap Battles of History Barrack Obama v.s. Mitt Romney" would happen in real life, you know with Abe Lincoln dropping in, slapping them both, telling them how pathetic they are, and then saying he'll smack em both as equals. Guarantee Lincoln would be mad to see the party he helped to establish turned into the party of white bussinessmen and the party of the GOP. I mean really even die hard Republicans should realize that what their party is doing is wrong. Oh well I guess it will take the fiscal cliff and 2013 to make them and the tea party see sense.
1802087 That would be an amazing sight. More amazing would have been if Obama and Romney did have a rap battle during the campaign. But the most amazing thing that would happen would be the politicians actually doing things to improve people's lives in ways that make sense.
But enough about politics. We're really here to talk about Twilight becoming Rapidash and getting a NMM action figure.
1802124 Yeah, and I have to say that Rainbow Dash and Rarity are just pathetic. They have no excuses for their behavoir, not that Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Fluttershy have the right to do what they're doing either.
Also I just now noticed this but well I read chapter 4 and guess what, no Tydal, so where is he?
This was almost perfect, but you missed the opportunity for Lyra to break into Mean Green Mother from the Little Shop of Horrors movie. Also, Charity Rainbow Dash is now head cannon.
I think you meant collectors .
NINJA EDIT: Where's the authors note for this chapter?
"Thou art stimulating our belly to produce sounds of merriment," the doll said. "We shall respond in kind: HA... HA... HA!"
This needs to be made as an actual toy.
"Seriously? I can't believe they are making Tickle-Me-Luna dolls." Twilight reached down and wiggled her hoof against the plush Luna's belly.
"Thou art stimulating our belly to produce sounds of merriment," the doll said. "We shall respond in kind: HA... HA... HA!" -i love it, comedy gold
the last part with Rapidash -i mean twilight was priceless! "Twilight Sparkle will kill us all!" thats a knee slapper that is. hoo hoo!
eeyup, thats the holidays for you
That Tickle Me Luna doll just cracks me up. I liked the Angry Gilda game as well.
Years ago, I read an MST3K fanfic about Joel Hodgeson saving the world fro Dr. Forrester. The entire story was riddled with references just like the majority of your fanfiction appears to be. You wouldn't happen to have written any MST3K fanfiction in the past by some astronomical chance, would you?
The holidays have turned everypony insane. But at least Rainbow Dash is making some sense.
I, in fact, am glad I have only experienced shopping brawls for myself once. (I'm not even sure they have things like Black Monday in England. But then again, what would I know. I barely leave this computer because of SO MUCH FANFICTION. ) So I do know what happens in these massive brawls. I even saw someone get their arm broken because people climbed on top of him to reach a toy... I got out of there as soon as I could. (All I wanted was some Lego's for my 4 year old cousin who was staying over with my aunt that Christmas... I would have done it earlier, but he came on very short notice. ) But what I don't get is why people go crazy at the holiday times. I'm lucky that not many people I know go crazy like this. What happened to the joy of the holidays, and the joy of giving? Well, I'll stop rambling now before I bore you to death.
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Obviously, the charity is a community service thing as punishment for her infidelity issues.
yes twilight burn it all
do it just like this
Capitalism: The system that allows for multiple deaths and injuries.
And now Twilight will fulfill her destiny as the Mule-tide Log of Hearth'swarming.
When there is no more sanity, twilight will fuck shit up
"Tickle-Me-Luna dolls"
I want one.
A wild Rapidash appeared!
Next to tickle me Luna we should have tickle me Cadence and it would sound like this:
1799588 The funny thing is, I have gone shopping on that day several years in a row, and, while the stores where crowded, I have never seen violence or even rudeness!
... Oh Dash, you were doing so well.
Yesss, Twilight, this world may only be cleansed in FIRE!