Ch. 17 - Dust
The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
Dust
The faint tickle of dry dust in his nose slowly began to drag Green Grass out of his exhausted slumber. Around him, the normal noises of an inhabited library seemed to be missing, leading him to the fuzzy conclusion that Spike was either still outside tending to his tasks, or being extremely quiet for the sake of Twilight and possibly to a lesser extent the exhausted stallion sleeping on the couch. There must have been a horrible draft in the library, because the side of his coat nearest to the fireplace was searing hot, while the side facing away was as cold as the depths of space. He carefully rotated his dusty nose to one side and attempted to blow the dust out in a quick breath, deciding that the risk of snot was worth it to eliminate the risk of a hangover-triggered head explosion that a sneeze would certainly trigger. But nothing came out. Absolutely nothing, except a growing sense that something was horribly wrong.
He inhaled, feeling the curious sensation of his lungs expanding without the cool sensation of air blowing through his nostrils, or even the ability to smell anything but that infernal dust. Muttering soundlessly to himself, he painfully turned to face the fireplace and opened his eyes.
That’s not a fireplace.
A veritable sea of grey dust and rock extended to the horizon, broken only by ranks of bare, jagged peaks and giant craters. At first glance, the dust all appeared to be a uniform shade of grey, but upon closer inspection there were subdued glitters of green and red running in seams through the rocks, faint waves of silver against the crater walls, and sparkles of golden glitter kicked up by ejecta from the impact of meteorites over uncounted centuries. Not a single speck of anything green or growing could be seen, except on the huge moon that arose above the horizon.
On that majestic orb, swaths and bands of vibrant greens and blues cascaded across the beautiful globe despite the darkness that covered it, littered here and there with tiny clusters of brilliant sparks where cities and towns huddled together to protect themselves from the unknown. Above it all radiated a raw blast of sheer power in the form of a sun, so bright and hot it felt as if the hairs on his coat were to burst into flames at its cruel touch, while the parts of him in shadow tingled with the cold, going slowly numb.
Beautiful, is it not?
The voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, drilling into his skull and making him whirl around in a vain attempt to spot the speaker. He tried to speak in return, only to be met with silence, as without air, there was no noise.
We spent a thousand years like this, while the world turned beneath us. Alone.
Princess Luna! He hesitated as his hung-over brain attempted to catch up. Am I dreaming? Please say yes!
No. Not really. We have brought you into a memory of my time of exile.
The silence stretched to a snapping point. And Green Grass was the first to snap. Stop trying to frighten me!
NO! There was a rather embarrassed cough. Forgive us. We are rather out of practice. We did not wish to frighten you, merely to share with you the feeling of isolation you seem to desire so greatly. That is what you wish for, is it not?
No, of course not. Why would anypony want to be isolated in this way? I have friends, it’s just hard to make close friends when you move every few months.
Deep within your heart, you have no place for anypony near and dear. You have walled your parents out of your life, run away from your sister, and fled your opportunity to be joined in matrimony. There was a faint and unmistakable sigh. I am not speaking of that young mare with the intriguing laugh. Her, I could understand you running from, and I was quite pleased to find her an appropriate match, far, far away.
So why me?
The Night is a time of love and passion, when one’s heart can be drawn to its counterpart without the corrupting influence of the conscious mind.
I think she was just drawn to my books. Besides, my job has a considerable amount of travel involved. I’m a lousy romantic interest for Twilight Sparkle.
When did I mention Twilight?
He awoke with an agonizing start, lying in almost exactly the same position on the couch as when Spike had tucked him in, the welcome small noises of the library fireplace and the wind gently rustling the bare branches outside slowly beginning to calm his racing heart. Movement was quite impossible; muscles that had been so stressed during his Running of the Leaves had decided to set up like concrete, imprisoning him on the couch as securely as if he had been turned to stone. Which was probably the next thing to happen to him⁽*⁾ around Twilight.
(*) Current odds in the betting pool on petrification: 3:1 Contact Rainbow Dash.
—
Cracking one eye open to peek revealed Spike sitting quietly in the lobby, flipping casually through a book with a dragon on the cover. It took a few small, agonizing coughs to get rid of the taste of dust in his nose before he could whisper, “Spike, is Twilight downstairs yet?”
The little dragon glanced up behind him at the staircase and shook his head.
“How well do you know Luna? I mean, I haven’t met her. In the flesh, that is.” He snapped his mouth shut to stop babbling, and took a deep breath. “I think she just sent me a dream, and I can’t figure out if she’s warning me away from Twilight, guiding me to Twilight, or suggesting that she wants me as a coltfriend.” His voice cracked on the last word as the implication soaked in.
Spike returned his attention to the book. “Sounds like Luna. If you are really curious, I could ask her sister. It would only take a minute.”
The world seemed to drop about three feet for Green Grass as he realized just exactly what Spike was talking about. It literally would take Spike only about a minute to write and send a note directly to Princess Celestia.
“No! Ouch! I mean, no, that’s not necessary. Ow. Thank you, Spike.” The tutor sipped from the glass of juice the little dragon had stuck under his nose. The familiar contents were roughly carrot-flavored, with a nasty, bitter undertone that made it quite plainly hangover medicine from Carrot Top. Her special formula was highly effective but nasty enough to make it a toss-up for most normal hangovers. The hammer chorus playing in his frontal lobes made it an easier decision: bitter was better.
Not going to get a better opportunity than this. “Spike, is Twilight crazy?”
The little dragon looked up from his book, looked up the stairs behind Green Grass, and returned to his book. “Yes.”
“Well, that was blunt,” muttered Green Grass. “Care to elaborate?”
Spike closed his book. “She was crazy enough to think she could hatch a dragon’s egg, crazy enough to become the Princess’ private student, crazy enough to march off into the dangerous woods with five friends she had barely met that same day in order to confront a goddess who had just plunged the entire world into eternal night.” He opened up the book again and began to read.
“Mumph. True.” He took another drink of the hangover cure and made a face. “Do you think I’m crazy?”
“Think? No.” Spike turned a page. “Know? Yes.”
“Great.” He knocked back the rest of the hangover cure in one nasty gulp and struggled to keep it down. “Care to elaborate again?”
Once again the dragon looked up from his book, looked up behind Green Grass at the staircase, and returned to his book. “Because Twilight obviously likes you, and you haven’t fled in terror yet; you obviously like Twilight, and she hasn’t turned you into an amphibian yet⁽¹⁾.”
(1) That’s not to say several library books on aquatic transformation spells had not been checked out for closer examination by an unnamed librarian in the near vicinity.
—
“I don’t see how she could like me, I’ve been nothing but a complete jerk in her presence. And I don’t like her either,” he scoffed weakly. “She’s arrogant and short-tempered. She makes bad decisions without thinking, despite having the most magnificent mind. She’s dangerous. Admittedly fun, but still dangerous. She doesn’t need a husband, she needs a keeper.”
“That’s me,” said Spike, turning a page.
“I don’t think she could have done a better job teaching Dinky, but she doesn’t listen to her students, she doesn’t listen to you, and she certainly doesn’t listen to me.”
“All true,” said Spike, turning another page.
“When she was in Canterlot, she had Princess Celestia to keep her reined in, and she listened to her, I would hope.” Spike gave a little disparaging snort. “Out here, she doesn’t have... well, I guess she has her friends. They seem to be a pretty good damper on her when she listens to them. I really pity any poor schlub who decides to romance her; those five are more dangerous than Twilight. Add in her teacher, and her teacher’s sister, and the only suitors who will ever attempt to claim her hoof are stupid, arrogant nobles searching for status, and complete idiots.”
Again, the dragon looked up from his book, looked up behind Green Grass at the staircase, and returned to his book. “I could tell you some really good stories about them.”
“No thank you. I’ve seen the exact opposite end of that stick, and felt it.” Anger and the hangover remedy allowed him to rise on one elbow without too much pain. “It’s a damned shame too. She really deserves somepony special. She has beauty, brains, body and eyes so deep you could swim in them.”
Yet again, the dragon looked up from his book, looked up behind Green Grass at the staircase, and returned to his book with an affirmative grunt.
Every time he looks at the staircase, he looks a little lower.
“She’s standing right behind me, isn’t she?”
Spike looked up, nodded, and returned to his book.
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The highlight of any day; a new chapter.
The end was funny
Spike is best dragon/troll/unicorn keeper.
That is the only cliffhanger I ever enjoyed reading
This could either be very good or it could be very bad. Either way, Twilight and Green Grass are set up for a lifetime of awkwardness interspersed with total bliss.
I love how you're getting dreamscape!Luna to act like a totally unrepentant yenta, trying to set up Green Grass and Twilight. However, she was right to point out that she didn't mention Twilight in the context of a marefriend. Green Grass's mind made that connection all on its own. I also think that, if he lets this slip to Celestia, Luna won't be able to collect her winnings because she'd manipulated the game.
oh snap
I'm not sure how you plan on following up this chapter, but I really look forward to it. Twilight's reaction could go just about any way conceivable.
Oh Spike, you are a clever little one, and a troll
Well, at least he managed to express his true feelings to her now
And lol @ Luna hitting on him
You never fail to crack me up. Where are all the other romantic comedies on this site?
I feel like I should say something that doesn't just quote your own funny lines at you. It's amazing how different in tone this is to Monster. Love thinking about the comparison.
But back to this story, the reason you crack me up so much is the matter-of-fact tone in your writing. It's great. Too many writers on this site tend to give half-hearted descriptions and quotes. Boldness really does wonders for meaning.
Also, gotta love the surprise endings you add to every chapter.
Being stuck in the moon for so long can surely make someone thirsty, as is the phrase nowadays.
Nice to see a well-written Spike. I mean, not that he hasn't been up to this point, but this chapter... X3
I do rather enjoy spike written like this. there is a reason he's twilights number one assistant and it's not because he cleans up and puts things away. It's because there is nobody who knows her better than him.
That ending was beautiful. I am literally in pain.
I have to think that it's only his isolation in Ponyville, and earlier his sequestered life in the school and library that kept Spike from being inundated by line jumpers eager to get their petitions to Princess Celestia without the six-month wait assigned to non-emergency notices.
Now that I think if it. It reflects enormously well on Spike that he never seems to abuse this privilege. I can't ever remember him using this skill for personal messages unless it was for something Celestia really needed to hear about.
I would have thought that Beauty and body were sort of the same thing unless you intended for him to sort of repeat himself.
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Because where would Twilight be without Spike, other than lost?
"honesty is best policy?"
9485376
I think by body he meant she's a good fit for having children. Like his mother said, 'nice wide hips for birthing foals'. It's something that would be more attractive to the primal part of a person, where the beauty is physically attractive to the higher-functioning brain. He's saying she ticks all the boxes at a glance.
10688653
The phrase you are looking for is "butt like a broodmare."
See, this is perfect use for Spike, just calmly reacting to the idiocy of everyone around him.