Fluttershy to the Rescue
Fluttershy to the Rescue
“Angel?” Fluttershy screamed as loud as she possibly could, which really wasn’t that loud, “Angel! Where are you?” No response. Fluttershy started to sweat. “Where in Equestria could he be?” she worriedly mumbled to herself, starting to get extremely worried about her little bunny.
Fluttershy ran to the library, her hair whipped by her face,obscuring her view. She was too upset to be bothered by it. The moonlight made all of her colors seem pale, but maybe it was because of her anxiety. She eventually made it to Twilight’s doorstep.
Finally bursting into the door, not even waiting for any greeting, she shouted, “Twilight! Have you seen Angel anywhere?”
“I do recall seeing him hop off into the Everfree Forest,” Twilight answered rather bluntly, “Any rea-”
“The Everfree Forest?! Oh no!” Fluttershy cried, immediately turning and running off in the direction of the forest. Twilight scratched her head, shrugged, and trudged back up the stairs. Maybe she would find out the cause for her friend’s strange behavior later.
“Hey Flutter-” Pinkie squealed, soon being cut off.
“Can’t talk!” Fluttershy gasped. She continued running, right past Pinkie. Pinkie raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“That’s weird, she never interrupts anypony. Oh well!” Pinkie shrugged, tossing the matter aside, and skipped off to Sugarcube Corner.
Fluttershy stopped just inches before the entrance to the large forest looming over her.
“Angel?”she called out one last time. Once again, no response. “I guess I’ll have to go in,” she whispered. Gulping in despair, she slowly approached the forest. The dense foliage instantly blotted out the light. Unable to see anything, she blindly trudged on, until a loud crack behind her made her instinctively jump into a nearby bush
“Ah! Who’s there?” she screeched. The lack of an answer terrified her even more. Then, a little squirrel scurried towards her.
“Oh, hello. Did you make that scary noise?” she asked. The little squirrel nodded it’s tiny brown head. “You startled me. Oh well, you didn’t mean to.” She forgave the small animal with a pat on the head.
A deep throated growl came from nearby, scaring it into scurrying away. Fluttershy jumped back in the bush. She absolutely refused to go on any further, until a horrible thought struck her.
“Angel! That awful thing might have hurt him!” she cried. She began hyperventilating, but she knew what she had to do. Begrudgingly, she walked out of the bush and slowly walked toward the source of the noise. All she found was a small rabbit.
“What is going on here?” she asked herself, putting a hoof to her forehead as she tried to come up with an explanation. Something was seriously wrong here. She gulped, very slowly starting her trek forward. She looked left and right quite often, getting the uneasy feeling of being watched.
“Where could my little Angel be?” she fretted, tears forming in her eyes. She collapsed onto the ground and sobbed, her tears landing on an orange flower, when suddenly she looked up to see a large house. Fluttershy eyed it warily, fairly positive it had not been there before. She got to her feet and started for it.
Once she had reached the doors, another thought formed in her head. What if this isn’t where Angel is? It could be dangerous, anyway. Overcome by fear, she turned to leave, but was soon startled by an awful screeching noise. She turned and saw in a window the silhouette of Angel! She immediately turned around and bursted through the doors, her mind now completely oblivious to any danger as her maternal instincts kicked in.
She flew up the large staircase to the location of the second story window. Instead of Angel, however, she found another rabbit that looked exactly like him. The only noticeable difference, though was that it was a female.
“What?” Fluttershy’s face was stuck in a startled expression. The rabbit started casually hopping away in the opposite direction. She trotted after it, not willing to lose the comfort of another living thing. The rabbit hopped through a door on the left and disappeared. When she finally made it to the room, she didn’t see the rabbit anywhere. She walked forward. All of a sudden a sickening crack came from the floor board and she began to fall.
She screamed at the top of her lungs, “ANGEL!” With a horrid thud, she reached the bottom. She probably had broken a bone or two, but she had other things on her mind at the moment. “Where am I?” she asked, for it was the first question she was able to form into words. She looked around frantically, but everything was near pitch black and she couldn’t make out anything. Lights suddenly turned on in a circular motion around her. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Angel tied up in chains locked by magic.
“Angel! Are you okay?” she cried. She rushed over to go unlock him when the same rabbit that had led her here hopped towards her. Right in front of her eyes, the rabbit transformed into the black, bug-like creature she knew all too well of. Fluttershy’s jaw dropped in shock.
“Oh my!” Fluttershy screeched in fear, “A-a changeling!” The changeling transformed into Pinkie Pie.
“If you defeat me you can take your precious rabbit home! That is, if you can defeat me,” the fake Pinkie Pie laughed evilly, “If you don’t, you can say bye bye to Equestria, because you won’t be coming back!” Fluttershy’s mouth widened.
“You big, dumb, meanie!” she shouted, for it was the only insult she could choke out. She charged towards the fake Pinkie. The changeling transformed into Twilight Sparkle. It shot magic at her in retaliation but she dodged all of the blasts. As she sidestepped the final shot, she stumbled into the magical mechanism her friend was locked in and Angel was set free. He hopped towards the changeling, hitting it with the final blow. The changeling disappeared into a puff of smoke. When it had cleared, Fluttershy found herself at the entrance to the Everfree Forest with Angel by her side.
“Angel! You’re alright!” She hugged the small rabbit tightly, causing his eyes to dilate. “I missed you so much! Let’s go home!” She placed the rabbit on her back and ran towards her cottage. When she arrived, she saw Pinkie Pie waiting outside.
“Where have you been?” Pinkie frowned. “I was going to give you some cake that I made for my cake practice because I thought it was really good cake and that you’d want it but when I came to give it to you you weren’t here!” Fluttershy smiled, giggling at Pinkie’s nonstop talking.
“That’s okay, I don’t need any cake,” she politely declined. Pinkie cocked her head to the side at Fluttershy’s reply.
“But really, where have you been?” Pinkie inquired. Fluttershy turned and winked to her pet.
“Oh, it’s a long story,” Fluttershy giggled.
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Angel is best pony.
Your face is an angel~!!!
As much as I love Fluttershy
... Downvoted because this doesn't make any sense plot-wise, and the other characters are borderline OOC (I don't think they would just let Fluttershy run off alone into the Everfree Forest like that) 
1741552
I hold you in high respect for commenting why you dislike a story instead of just disliking and calling it a day.
Hello! I'm here as a reviewer from Editors Dreamland.
The story itself is fine. I love the idea, but there are a number of issues that detract from the quality of the fic.
Like Zephyrus Scary said, this is borderline OOC. But I overlook that namely because if Fluttershy did run off to the Everfree Forrest to place frogs back in it, without the Mane 6. So that is not any issue at all. It's totally canon for her to care about her pets. You win FlanChan!
The syntax here needs to be changed a bit. Enter when ever there is a character speaking, or just change the sentence so it doesn't seem fragmented.
Ex. “Angel?” Fluttershy screamed as loud as she possibly could, which really wasn’t that loud, “Angel! Where are you?”
No response. Fluttershy started to sweat. “Where in Equestria could he be?” she worriedly mumbled to herself, starting to get extremely worried about her little bunny.
It just is reader friendly to separate ideas and when a charcter is talking!
The flow of this needs to be improved mainly because you can do so much more with her running to Twilight's library from her cottage. That might be a time for her to reflect on the disappearance. If someone is missing something, they don't go immediately to a friend, they search themselves. So there is a lot you can do to flush out the story just in that second paragraph.
This has the same syntax problem but you can just edit the sentence and include a comment to make it flow a lot better.
Maybe:
“Can’t talk!” Fluttershy gasped. She continued running, right past Pinkie, who raised an eyebrow in confusion at her friend as she flew past her.
"
."
This seems just a little to sudden. Again use the traveling as an opportunity for personal reflection that adds depth to the character.
You do a very good job with description!
Is,
, a thought? If so, use italics and spacing to signal it.
Add a description of the house to make it easier for the reader to conjure up a mental image of the house. Your leaving us hanging.
This would be the best time to add that description.
Again if this is a thought, signal it!
The wording here seems a little awkward, that might just be me, but there are some changes that would make come off a lot better to the reader. Like:
Again with the traveling issue. There is so much you can do! Include a dialogue between Angel and Fluttershy! Like how she usually talks to him. Make the characters seem real.
Those are my only real concerns
Again, I love the idea and I think you have talent, but making those changes will add to the story and make it better.
Again, head on over to Editors Dreamland to get help with reviews and editing!
Thanks for the Fic,
SilverTongue123
P.S.
Upvoted
I feel like your description is a little short. I implore you make a more specific and less choppy description. Right now you currently have either very short sentences or sentence fragments. Re-read it to yourself and make editions as necessary! Other then that good idea! I like the idea, though I had to figure it out for myself.
Not liking, not disliking.
1744802
That wasn't the Everfree Forest but Froggy Bottom Bogg.
1793341
My point being, she could go of without having her friends with her always. Regardless of location.
Ah, a typical in-a-rush story.
Nonetheless, the concept is acceptable, interesting and quite well-executed. Perhaps with some practise, your fiction will improve to a greater level.