Sweetie Belle is in the hospital, but why? It's now up to Scootaloo and Apple Bloom to find an object known as the Sapphire Stone. It's said to grant magical powers to anypony who holds it. Can Apple Bloom and Scootaloo find the Sapphire Stone and save Sweetie Belle?
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Always a pleasure to see Diamond Tiara stabbed in the back. (This is unreasonable and cruel of me; it is, just the same, always a pleasure to see Diamond Tiara stabbed in the back.)
What won the upvote, though, was the idea of an actual classification system at the library, something you'd think Twi would have implemented about her fourth day as librarian.
1671626 thanks. i wrote most of the story yesterday. took twelve hours to write. I appreciate the feedback.
I really like this. It follows a good plot line and isn't boring! I'll be following and such. Great story!!
I like the concept. Keep going with this, it's got real potential (hell if I actually know, I've barely started to write my first fic). Keep up the good work!
1672130 Thanks. I don't really know how many chapters i'm gonna do to this, but its my first pony fic. i've written other ones before to other shows so it was actually quite difficult to write. I'm glad you like it though.
I like the story idea. The story is not boring and has great potential don't let me discourage you other wise, but the motivations of the characters are questionable. It is either set up in a universe where they are all sociopaths and death is something to be shrugged off lightly whether it is their own or others or it is a horrid nightmare of Sweetie Belle's where all rationality can be thrown out.
Sweetie Belle's dialog is hard to swallow. Given that they are her friends she would likely lie to them. "How's that surgery go?" "...Fantastic". Less frowns to deal with and birthing a more likely character. At least that has been my experience with similar personalities as strong as hers. It was even harder to swallow Sweetie saying I'm not going to last much longer even to herself. Because the receptionist didn't recognize them I can induce that she hasn't been sick too long. Not long enough to go through the seven stages of grief on either side. I can see this being just a plot oversight but a town wide apathy is hard to swallow. My two cents.
Overall I will be keeping an eye out for updates because as I said firstly I do like the idea. It is not boring.
I sped read through it but here's one correction as a reward for reading my ramblings.
---Sweetie's
Cheers,
Mr. Winkles
I feel compelled to point out that this is the correct source for the image, not the fanpop link. We Have to Save Sweetie Belle
Now to checkout the fic.
edit: Now that I'm done. It felt like it moved way to fast and I felt a little lost at times. For example until that bit with DT it was never stated that Sweetie had been poisoned, just that she was ill in some way.
And when talking with Twilight, she just happened to have the book on hoof that said exactly what was needed to cure the unnamed(at that time) illness? And how did she even know what they were talking about? It was vague but she seemed to know exactly what they were talking about.
I mean it has potential, but slow down a bit.
I think it's a good idea and it's well written but it's paced to fast. For one the story starts with Sweetie already ill, that's fine but the illness has already progressed to the point where she's had surgery, Sweetie and Scootaloo are together which I think could use more of a background. It's kinda strange how Twilight automatically knew how to cure the illness and what book it was, also she knew exactly where they had to go to get the stone to save Sweetie Belle, Twi does no a lot of stuff but she doesn't know everything so I think it would be more plausible if Applebloom and Scootaloo went to the library and found the book themselves and decided to go get the stone. And the whole fiasco with Diamond Tiara and Silverspoon seems a bit unbelievable, Diamond Tiara may be a bitch who wants to make the CMC's life miserable but I think it's beyond her to go as far as killing Sweetiebelle. Other than those few plot points that don't make a lot of sense and the fact that it moves a little fast, the chapter was good
1674432 ok. thanks, i'll change the source for the pic then. i wasn't able to find the fic either so if you happen to know where i can find, please let me know.
Very interesting. It's a bit fast-paced, but every other good element to the story makes up for that. I'm interested to see where this goes!
1673342 thanks for pointing out that mistake, i didn't notice it during my read through's. thank you for your thoughts on the character concept, i'll be sure to keep that in mind with them. I guess i always took her as someone who wouldn't lie to her friends. So thank-you for your thoughts on the story.
1674615 thank-you for your input, i take every criticism that is given to heart. In the next chapter i'll be sure to slow down my thought process, or at least add more detail where it's needed. I'll be sure to cover any gaps in the story that was left out to the best of my ability. it might seam weird, but i just happen to move the first chapters by fast and it tends to slow down later on as i get the feel for the story. I look forward to any criticism from anybody and i will use it to make my stories better in the least. Once again, thank-you for your input.
1674675
The pic doesn't go with any particular fic. All johnjoseco put in the description was
1675342 Okay. i was kind of hoping there would've been a fanfic with it. But thank-you for correcting the source of the image. Google doesn't always give the correct place's apparently.
It's a good concept. I did feel it felt rushed and at times the characters reactions seemed unnatural and a bit forced. Do you need a pre-reader?
Hello Moon Mist, my name is Darkness, I know you in real life I'm one of your friends, I also run a page
The story was really good and I look forward to see where you go with it
I actually need some ideas for my story I'm making, I'm having some troubles with it