AppleJack is having severe thoughts. It was irregular to say the least, but one thought can always lead to another.
Tragedy is a big thing in Ponyville, and maybe it's just what it takes.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 16th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 15th, 2014
Ego Maniac
I'm a guy who gets inspired easily.
Ego Maniac
Joined 16th Nov, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- chibi95 · 3k words · 138 18 · 6.9k views
- Drax99 · 9.5k words · 377 13 · 9.5k views
- Dreadnought · 2k words · 358 20 · 7.9k views
- Grimm · 9.4k words · 211 5 · 3.5k views
- bookplayer · 1.5k words · 383 18 · 6.3k views
- DanishDash · 49k words · 95 4 · 1.2k views
- Lycan_01 · 46k words · 596 26 · 9.9k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.32 seconds
Total duration
1,002 users online
332,901 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I would also like to state, All criticism is accepted. ALL. So feed me your thoughts
1820011
-Spell the name of your protagonist correctly.
-Abide by the rules of English grammar and punctuation.
-Edit your work.
-Start a new paragraph whenever a new character speaks.
-Show character emotion via dialogue, body language, and other description, as opposed to saying things like "Applejack was sad."
-Check for incorrect word usage. You have a tendency to confuse homophones. (Through/Threw, Sure/Shore)
From a quick read, I get the impression that English isn't your native language. You should probably find someone more familiar with the language to edit for you.
1821410 Thank you. Sorry to burst your bubble, but English is my native language. I'm also wondering, have you not noticed I started a new paragraph for everytime a character speaks? I'll edit the homophones as I do see the problem there. I also kinda try to edit my own story, as I have really no one to edit for me. Thanks again
Good to see a longer story, though Appledash is not my thing ;)
Besides what Daffodil said:
-Title should be "Applejack's Legend". Need the apostrophe in there.
-Big Macintosh is misspelled as well.
-Numbers that are a single word, including ones with hyphens (like twenty-five) should be written out.
-Punctuation grammar is off a bit. You're doing things like capitalizing she and not changing the period to a comma for things like: "Blah blah," she said. Ezn's guide has a good section on conversation grammar with examples. Recommend checking it out.
1821461 Thank you, will fix up this chapter tonight.
1821434
I bet that bit about new paragraphs each time there's a new speaker comes from this Apple Bloom line:
It is missing the extra line break between it and the next paragraph, which starts with AJ speaking. That combined with the length of the sentence sort of gives the appearance of them being the same paragraph, even though they aren't. Adding the usual blank line between paragraphs you have everywhere else should fix that easy enough.
1822985
Glad to help
"while sitting downstairs in the kitchen while eating some apples." Just btw, you can replace that second while with a comma and it'll be fine.
1823814 Fixed, and thank you. I'll be fixing the rest of the story later.
1823864 And don't sweat it. You'll get this all down eventually. Just keep your chin up.
I think I know what you mean with this sentence but still I don't understand it.
Also, I don't get where people are getting the idea that Applejack is Apple Jack
1834712 Yea, Just noticed that, going to fix now