Applejack's farm is destined to have another bad year. Another crisis and another failure on her part.
She needs a miracle, not just to save the farm, but to save herself. Amazingly that miracle exists in a place she never would have looked, the Arena.
But will this thrill destroy her friendships? Is she really willing to risk everything, including her life for a title?
Is she ready to risk it all to be Undefeated?
Page generated in 0.091 seconds
Total duration
1,001 users online
1,436,713 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ugh, who is down voting THIS? Yeah, there are a couple spelling errors but it's AWESOME and the quality of the writing is quite good.
You really need to change that synopsis introduction. Written and spaced out the way it is now, it functions almost like a sign telling people not to read. I don't want to sound mean, but you know that the introduction is like the front window of a house-- very important that it doesn't get broken. Also, I'd revise the current chapter itself so that it's, say, three chapters of 3k words or so rather than what it is right now.
I read some of the beginning of the story. It doesn't really seem like my thing per se, but the writing isn't bad either. Some advice: 1) Space out your paragraphs, 2) watch for proper paragraph form. {{Like: As she tossed the basket into the cart she stopped to look over the rest of the farm. She had parked the cart at the top of a hill, and the view was normally spectacular, green leaves and bright apples everywhere. Two sentences =/= a paragraph}}, and 3) try to expand some of the style to include more details {{such as hair movement, hoof movement, ear movement, tone of voice, et cetera}} as the ponies act and as they talk.
Caught my interests. I'll fave and like it, but I'm hoping to see some improvements for next chapter. It's late now, but I'll probably write a better review later.
Thanks for the comments! I've had some trouble figuring out the story uploading progress, I originally wrote this in Google Docs and the import screwed up my paragraphing and spacing.
I'll have to try and figure out how to edit the synopsis, I've no idea why it came up looking like that.
EDIT: There I think i fixed it. But it keeps putting that weird space between "willing" and "too"
Can't get it to stop doing that...
SUPER DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION EDIT: Alright, I think I fixed the spacing problems and most of the spelling errors.
You guys will have to forgive me, my first story and all, and i'm not used to it all yet.
1520968
John approves this message!
geektyrant.com/storage/post-images/large_John%20Belushi.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1281584291255
Well, second chapter is up.
Mostly establishing some stuff, so kind of a dull chapter, but i tried to make it humorous.
I promise chapter three will be more exciting.
Weaponized croissant... I lolled!
And what of the animated Smarty-Pants type thing at the end?
Okay, there's chapter three for anyone still reading.
Some actual action going on now, so with luck that'll keep peoples attentions a bit better.
I think i'm getting the hang of this, my pacing seems to be a bit better this time around.
I promise, if you stick with me, I've got an interesting long term storyline!
Any feedback is much appreciated!
Ah I love a good boxing story. Or MMA in this case, but whatever. This story has a few grammar issues, but it's no where near bad enough to earn itself a 3 to 2 rating. As far as first fics go it's pretty darn good (A hell of a lot better than mine was), and I look forward to seeing you improve as a writer. That said, the scene with slammer when he said "I have nothing to teach you" had my bullshit detectors flaring. Applejack is a gifted fighter? Cool. She can learn everything a professional has learned in his entire career after just one fight?
Not buying it.
Also, seriously keep developing the situation outside the ring. I really do want to see the personal consequences for all of this. Keep writing, I am enjoying this.
Almost wondering if your gonna have to add another tag to this story soon... just a gut feeling that Twilight is starting to have feelings for a certain orange ass kickin pony
Y1FELLAS YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU MAKE CONCISE, REASONABLE AND LEGITIMATE CRITICISMS OF MY WORK!
I HAVE GONE AND CORRECTED THE LINE IN QUESTION PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CRITIQUE.
NOW I SHALL GO AND HAVE PUDDING.
Another week, another chapter.
Next chapter, her fight in the arena will be the sideshow to the real fight.
Promises!
Huh. Well that was mean to Bluebell. I actually like how ruthless that was.
Good job. As always, keep writing. Not exactly a winning story or anything brilliant, but good for what it's worth and great practice for whatever you want to do in the future.
Originally I was going to do this and the next chapter as one, but it seemed like it would clumsy and large so I've split them up.
You planning on a Twijack ship in this story?
1685452 I don't give out spoilers, one way or the other.
1687326 lol All is golden. Just keep the story at the same level of greatness, and I shall always be an avid follower of this story!
Alright! Whew!
Sorry chapter 6 took so long guys.
I had to prep everything at work for when i went on vacation, then i actually WENT on vacation, then i had to spend days getting everything back to normal.
And then I got sick.
So, now i'm back to normal, with the time and energy to pick up where i left off!
What is that weird thing? I'm really confused about what exactly it's supposed to be doing in this story.
WOW! I'm surprised that Twilight hadn't rage-shifted.
Would have been a bunch of dead Eskers then!!!
1823653 In a previous chapter it was refereed to as a "Homunculous" and is trying to acquire something called "Sympathetics"
It's a bit of foreshadowing, stick around for the long game and it'll all be explained.
Promises!
Feel free to speculate though, i like to see what people are thinking!
my speculation? I guess there´s someone gathering pieces of Applejack to create a clone of her. And that will be her ultimate opponent. AmIrite?
Loved this story.
Wish you would update or finish it though.