Something strange is happening to the residents of Ponyville. A dark presence has come to the usually peaceful town, bringing with it a horrible cloud of death and destruction. As this unknown terror worms it's way through the fair town, it is thrust upon Twilight Sparkle and her friends to discover and counteract this menace before it is far, far too late. But do the streets of Equestria harbor a far larger secret, one that could topple a certain princess? And what does this have in relation with the dangerous, undeniably evil, utterly indestructible and impossibly blacker than pitch creature?
It seems that the shadows are no longer a place to hide....
Chapters (2)
Categories:
Grammar. Total 2 points.
- No wall of text. 1 point.
- Repetitive use of "Les Luna". Not necessary, but not an mistake. 0 points.
- Good use of italics. 1 point.
- Clear paragraphs. 1 point.
- Inside-story notes, like "Chapter one" etc. -1 point.
- Good English with some mighty good use of words. 2 points.
Characters and structure. Total 1 point.
- OC is not an overpowered Alicorn. 2 points.
- Two chapters in a chapter. Why? -1 point.
I'm going to cut this short due to lack of time. As you see, I have pointed out what is good and what isn't so good. I'm going to provide some additional info on some of these things.
Good use of italics:
- Creative and good. The skritches and the speech of the reptile-thingy. Nice to see that someone uses them.
Inside-story notes:
- Try your best to avoid these. When people open your story, they expect to see a story instead of your personal notes. Those can be posted into the comments.
Two chapters in a chapter:
- As I already asked, why? That's what FimFiction has the chapters for, not having to publish the story as a single sheet of paper. Write them up together or separate into different chapters.
Consider fixing those things I pointed out. You are allowed to feel proud of the things you received points from.
Good luck!
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Hey NotTheOP, thanks for commenting on my story. As a budding author, I can use all the help offered. So thanks for the comments, you opinions are noted.
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No problem. Happy to help.
As I already said, best of luck!