1429764 Agent Arby Works. We are sending you on a mission to spy on the fanfic.. If it has a hint of RariJack Use the NUKE EQUESTRIA BUTTON OR RUN LIKE HELL!!!
I donnu about any of you, but I was quite blindsided by the sudden anthro. Now I happen to like anthro, so it's a pleasant surprise! Still, I wonder if fimfiction should have a tag for that.
1430312 This. I've read two fics recently where it wasn't clear until the sex scenes that it was anthro/humanized. Now, anthro I have no problem with, so I liked this one, but I actually stopped reading the other one... it would be nice to know beforehand. Your referring to the female characters as mares yet implying their breasts were on their, well, chests as opposed to where they would actually be on a mare had me quite confused. Not saying this is bad, just saying it was confusing.
Pinkie Pie wore a pink, plaid two piece halter style triangle cup boy short belted summer bikini swimsuit. Rarity on the other hand wore a light blue sexy halter monokini open back zipper bikini swimsuit with a purple waist side tie style short skirt.
Yeah, when I was watching it and I looked at all the characters closely enough I saw each of the mane six in some way and I this came to mind. I couldn't resist.
Great great GREAT story!!! Hope the second chapter comes out soon I was always a fan of love triangles or what ever shape they can come in and I can't wait to see how freaked spike is.
Then, either use the little image icon (insert image) on the comment bar or cover the link in [ i m g ] [ / i m g ] without the spaces. I suggest using smaller images than that one, though. It really clogs up the comment section.
Pinkie’s wearing that damn top that pushed those big tits of hers up and shows off that awesome cleavage. And Rarity of course goes for sexy and stylish. The open sides, showing off and emphasizing her curves and back with the wide front, showing more than just cleavage and the skirt so she can show off some leg, but keep the rest of what’s under a mystery. Celestia, I love this place.
... I'm not sure people actually think like that. ... I don't think like that.
1430487 When where you going to fix the errors? I just came across the story for the second time today, as i could see that i had read the first two chapters, and then stopped. I couldn't remember why i stopped, as this seems like the kind of story I'd enjoy, but after re-reading this chapter, i remember; It is chuck-full of errors. It seriously ruins the story for me...
If nothing else, i would personally appreciate it if you would give this story a proper once-over and get as many of the pace-breaking errors as you can. I can live with a missed comma here and there, but repeated or miss-used words makes it impossible for me to immerse myself in a story...
For example:
Albeit the fact that I didn’t get to eat a real meal today wasn’t half bad
That sentence makes absolutely no sense, at least in the context you are using it. You are using "albeit" incorrectly, and i think you meant to put a comma after "meal". If i have to stop and analyze a sentence to guess at the meaning, it just really ruins the mood for me.
also;
“Phew, Spike, you wreak!"
you probably meant "reek", but i can't be sure, as "to be a wreak", also makes it a legit sentence, albeit slightly out of context. (by the way, that's how you use the word "albeit" )
And lastly, and this is just a less technical thing that bugs me; if Spike have been "friends with benefits" with Pinkie for a long time, and been intimate with her a number of times, don't you think having him "gasp" and "stare" just because Pinkie takes her top of seems a little overdramatic? I personally think the entire scene would work better if they both seemed completely casual and comfortable with it.
Anyway, i hope i will be able to enjoy the story the third time i come across it
Dear Slam-Manian, Here is the first list of grammatical errors on this chapter. I'll be back with more. Do note that after the dialogue ends, you don't capitalize the first letter that comes afterward unless it's a pronoun (no, they only include names and titles; not everyday one-word descriptions such as unicorn, dragons, and so on unless they're titles such as the Dragon of the Deep Chasm or the Eternal Unicorn of Domination. You also don't put periods in the dialogue, especially when you write which character is saying that particular line (wrong ex. "I'm a pretty princess pony." said Magical Mystic.); you only put them in if the dialogue ends after 1) you finish introducing the character through the dialogue, or 2) when an action appears after the dialogue ends (correct ex. "I rule this zone," the Reaper roared as he spins his scythe. "None shall stop me as I take over the world." He throws the deathly weapon towards his opponent.). Just think of that comma as a period for each first line of dialogue. On the great southern sandy beach of Equedor, there stood a young teenage dragon, staring out toward the horizon. all the young, beautiful voluptuous mares forced to wear skimpy, sexy swimsuits. "I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE LAND OF SWEET SUMMERS!!!" he shouted as he threw his fists into the air and spread his wings. Spike made sure the bag around his shoulders was secure before he spread his wings as wide as he could and took to the sky. It reminded him a lot of Ponyville except that the lush forest was more integrated into most of it besides the market place and the restaurants. He looked further out into the forest and saw a mansion sitting on a large hill. It was two stories high with windows in rows of four. In the back was a greenhouse and further back around was a large metal fence. Spike observed and remembered that was part of the reason for their visit. At the speed it didn’t take him long to get there. He landed a good ten feet from the door. He closed his wings and then made his way for the door. Before he made it, he caught his reflection in the clean, stainless window next to the door. “Yeah, yeah, we know,” said a familiar voice. His eyes widened in shock as he turned toward the door to see a lavender unicorn poking her head out the door. “Now stop showing off for yourself and get in here.” the unicorn told him. Spike entered the house to see his foster-mother and boss, Twilight Sparkle, standing next to the yellow, timid animal caretaker, Fluttershy. Hey, there he is!” yelled out a familiar high pitched voice. Aw man, he thought to himself. Spike felt his cold scales warm up under the touch of Pinkie Pie’s hot ample chest. She leaned in closer to his ear, “That kinda hurts my feelings, Spikey,” she whispered. “Am I not important enough to chasing after, even though I’m the one who always helped you out and taught you everything you know about a mare’s body; Especially since we’re-” “That’s enough, Pinkie Pie!” Rarity interrupted as she grabbed Spike’s free arm and wrapped her arms through it and pressing it between her own chest. “No, I’m not; he’s mine.” Pinkie Pie said as she pulled Spike’s arm back into her chest. When he was completely clean, he got out and quickly headed back to the kitchen to find that all the food was gone. “What happened to all the food?” Spike asked in a saddened tone. “Don’t worry, Spike. I’ll make you something,” Twilight Sparkle said as she stood up from the table. “Nah, it’s fine,” he assured her. “I’ll get the dishes.” Spike tried his best to ward off the supermodel as best he could but she soon had him cornered away from Rarity and Fancypants. She leaved in to nuzzle him a little and her pink mane ran against his nose which caused him to let out of huge green flaming sneeze. “Sorry, Rarity, but I’m kinda tired. I was gonna go to bed right after doing the dishes; maybe some other time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have dishes to do. Have fun!” And with that Spike took the dishes, ran toward the sink, and got to work. “Good thing I came prepared.” he chuckled to himself. It wasn’t all that big, considering it was a servant’s room, but it was livable. “Besides, where do you think you are? We’re on the second floor. What could you possibly want?” he asked, but when he turned to look at her, Pinkie Pie had disappeared. “What do you think I want?” said Pinkie Pie as Spike felt a hand on his groin. He looked down to see Pinkie Pie in his room on her knees in front of him, gently handling his dragonhood “Wait, Spike,” she pleaded. “Yessiree, sweetie,” she said with a wide smile as she ripped his boxers off. “Hey!” he snapped as Pinkie Pie stood up. Spike knew well Pinkie Pie’s breasts were one of her weak spots. “Your hands are as perverted as ever,” “Just as big as always.” she said happily. Pinkie panted. “Keep going.” “Then I’ll make you feel even better“ “Oh, a compliment; thanks, Spikey,” I had a haydog with ketchup?” Well, when I had my first one, I thought of your hot dog between my two soft buns, and I must say, yours looks really tasty.” she giggled. Pinkie pulled her hands up under her breasts as she grabbed them and wrapped them around Spike’s cock. “I was right. Your cock does tasty better; way better than a haydog.” “Good; time to take it up a notch.” “Pinkie, your breasts are so soft. This is the best tit fuck ever.” Spike said as he grit his teeth and smoke started seeping from his nostrils. “Yes, do it. Fill me up.” she begged. He was a breast dragon and held no shame it, but he knew focusing on them would definitely make him cum. He placed his hands on the side of her plump flank as he slowed to a steady pace. “Hehe... Hey, Rarity,” he nervously chuckled. “I thought you left for your party?”
I'm liking this idea. *reads*
EDIT: Yeah, I like this. A lot. Favorited.
Will this end in Sparity? I hope it does.
A few grammatical errors, but a neat idea none-the-less.
This obviously has Sparity and Spilight.
If I see a hint of RariJack, I'm out.
1429764 Agent Arby Works. We are sending you on a mission to spy on the fanfic.. If it has a hint of RariJack Use the NUKE EQUESTRIA BUTTON OR RUN LIKE HELL!!!
....... Debriefed.
This is good. This is really good!
Pinkie Pie is gonna get it!
1429976 Yes sir!
1429976 I TOO AM READY TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE. PERMISSION TO BEGIN?
I donnu about any of you, but I was quite blindsided by the sudden anthro. Now I happen to like anthro, so it's a pleasant surprise! Still, I wonder if fimfiction should have a tag for that.
Thanks everyone for the comments. I know I've got a few grammar errors, so I'll try and fix them in this chapter and the next when I'm done with it.
1430312
This. I've read two fics recently where it wasn't clear until the sex scenes that it was anthro/humanized. Now, anthro I have no problem with, so I liked this one, but I actually stopped reading the other one... it would be nice to know beforehand. Your referring to the female characters as mares yet implying their breasts were on their, well, chests as opposed to where they would actually be on a mare had me quite confused. Not saying this is bad, just saying it was confusing.
Thanks for pointing that out. I know I have a habit of doing stuff like that when I write sometimes. I usually catch myself though, I'll work on it.
1430304 I know you are eager Cadet,But we must wait for The Enemy to see how they will surprise us.... Every Sparity For Himself....
*Intercom Ends-*
Resort Boin.
Yeah, good guess. One of my favorites.
So...you're writing a ponified version of Resort Boin?
1431660
I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING. Glad to see it's confirmed
1432090 Am I proud that I've seen it? Good grief, no. Did I recognize the similarity the second Spike spoke his first dialogue? Oh yes.
1432110 And here I was thinking I was the only one who saw the vast similarities.
FLUTTERSPIKE FLUTERSPIKE
Got a solution for all of you. Spike gets ALL the mares.
1431660
I thought I recognized the scene! I knew it sounded familiar.
I'm still totally cool with this story and looking forward to see how it continues!
this pleases me
please tell me this will become a Spike/Harem fic
I keep seeing the word hands, is this a humanize version or normal
EDIT: Ok it is humanized but ya tags doesn't have the human one. But this still pleases me!
Those clothing descriptions...
... What the hell?...
Resort Boin...with ponies... This pleases me.
Yeah, when I was watching it and I looked at all the characters closely enough I saw each of the mane six in some way and I this came to mind. I couldn't resist.
Also, I do intend to add a few little quirks to keep things interesting as well as to satisfy my own sick sense of humor. I think you'll be pleased.
FUCKING RESORT BOIN REWRITE! LOVE IT! FUCKING LOVE IT!
this is a very good Humanized fic. i would like to see were it goes
but they are old now
Yeah, this is what I thought it was going to be.
I was wrong, but not disappointed.
Great great GREAT story!!! Hope the second chapter comes out soon I was always a fan of love triangles or what ever shape they can come in and I can't wait to see how freaked spike is.
I don't know how to embed images here, so...
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=Raindrops+vector#/d4ola4k
deal with it.
---
Ew... Anthro
I can't read. Pinkie just freaks me out too much. I'm just...not able to read it. It's not you, it's Pinkie.
1490553
It's pretty simple. You need to get the link to the image itself.
Using your image:
http://th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/035/8/2/raindrops_mlp_fim_ew__bro_by_alecza1234-d4ola4k.png <-- Needs to end in .jpg, .png, etc...
Then, either use the little image icon (insert image) on the comment bar or cover the link in [ i m g ] [ / i m g ] without the spaces.
I suggest using smaller images than that one, though. It really clogs up the comment section.
Why does this whole scene with Pinkie, Spike and Rarity remind me of a certain hentai?
Awkward
1640071
its based of of hentai i don't remember which one but it's in the summery
hahahahahahahahahaha go spike go !!!!!!!!!
wildcritters.ws/data/sample/671cb24a7d9242f0b36ef7b66ce3f708.jpg
... I'm not sure people actually think like that. ... I don't think like that.
Pinkie Pie you tricky mare.
1430487
When where you going to fix the errors? I just came across the story for the second time today, as i could see that i had read the first two chapters, and then stopped. I couldn't remember why i stopped, as this seems like the kind of story I'd enjoy, but after re-reading this chapter, i remember; It is chuck-full of errors. It seriously ruins the story for me...
If nothing else, i would personally appreciate it if you would give this story a proper once-over and get as many of the pace-breaking errors as you can. I can live with a missed comma here and there, but repeated or miss-used words makes it impossible for me to immerse myself in a story...
For example:
That sentence makes absolutely no sense, at least in the context you are using it. You are using "albeit" incorrectly, and i think you meant to put a comma after "meal". If i have to stop and analyze a sentence to guess at the meaning, it just really ruins the mood for me.
also;
you probably meant "reek", but i can't be sure, as "to be a wreak", also makes it a legit sentence, albeit slightly out of context. (by the way, that's how you use the word "albeit" )
And lastly, and this is just a less technical thing that bugs me; if Spike have been "friends with benefits" with Pinkie for a long time, and been intimate with her a number of times, don't you think having him "gasp" and "stare" just because Pinkie takes her top of seems a little overdramatic? I personally think the entire scene would work better if they both seemed completely casual and comfortable with it.
Anyway, i hope i will be able to enjoy the story the third time i come across it
Hey the story is based on a Hentai called Boin Summer it's really good!
Dear Slam-Manian,
Here is the first list of grammatical errors on this chapter. I'll be back with more. Do note that after the dialogue ends, you don't capitalize the first letter that comes afterward unless it's a pronoun (no, they only include names and titles; not everyday one-word descriptions such as unicorn, dragons, and so on unless they're titles such as the Dragon of the Deep Chasm or the Eternal Unicorn of Domination. You also don't put periods in the dialogue, especially when you write which character is saying that particular line (wrong ex. "I'm a pretty princess pony." said Magical Mystic.); you only put them in if the dialogue ends after 1) you finish introducing the character through the dialogue, or 2) when an action appears after the dialogue ends (correct ex. "I rule this zone," the Reaper roared as he spins his scythe. "None shall stop me as I take over the world." He throws the deathly weapon towards his opponent.). Just think of that comma as a period for each first line of dialogue.
On the great southern sandy beach of Equedor, there stood a young teenage dragon, staring out toward the horizon.
all the young, beautiful voluptuous mares forced to wear skimpy, sexy swimsuits.
"I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE LAND OF SWEET SUMMERS!!!" he shouted as he threw his fists into the air and spread his wings.
Spike made sure the bag around his shoulders was secure before he spread his wings as wide as he could and took to the sky. It reminded him a lot of Ponyville except that the lush forest was more integrated into most of it besides the market place and the restaurants. He looked further out into the forest and saw a mansion sitting on a large hill.
It was two stories high with windows in rows of four. In the back was a greenhouse and further back around was a large metal fence. Spike observed and remembered that was part of the reason for their visit. At the speed it didn’t take him long to get there. He landed a good ten feet from the door. He closed his wings and then made his way for the door. Before he made it, he caught his reflection in the clean, stainless window next to the door.
“Yeah, yeah, we know,” said a familiar voice.
His eyes widened in shock as he turned toward the door to see a lavender unicorn poking her head out the door. “Now stop showing off for yourself and get in here.” the unicorn told him.
Spike entered the house to see his foster-mother and boss, Twilight Sparkle, standing next to the yellow, timid animal caretaker, Fluttershy.
Hey, there he is!” yelled out a familiar high pitched voice.
Aw man, he thought to himself.
Spike felt his cold scales warm up under the touch of Pinkie Pie’s hot ample chest. She leaned in closer to his ear, “That kinda hurts my feelings, Spikey,” she whispered. “Am I not important enough to chasing after, even though I’m the one who always helped you out and taught you everything you know about a mare’s body; Especially since we’re-”
“That’s enough, Pinkie Pie!” Rarity interrupted as she grabbed Spike’s free arm and wrapped her arms through it and pressing it between her own chest.
“No, I’m not; he’s mine.” Pinkie Pie said as she pulled Spike’s arm back into her chest.
When he was completely clean, he got out and quickly headed back to the kitchen to find that all the food was gone. “What happened to all the food?” Spike asked in a saddened tone.
“Don’t worry, Spike. I’ll make you something,” Twilight Sparkle said as she stood up from the table.
“Nah, it’s fine,” he assured her. “I’ll get the dishes.”
Spike tried his best to ward off the supermodel as best he could but she soon had him cornered away from Rarity and Fancypants. She leaved in to nuzzle him a little and her pink mane ran against his nose which caused him to let out of huge green flaming sneeze.
“Sorry, Rarity, but I’m kinda tired. I was gonna go to bed right after doing the dishes; maybe some other time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have dishes to do. Have fun!”
And with that Spike took the dishes, ran toward the sink, and got to work.
“Good thing I came prepared.” he chuckled to himself.
It wasn’t all that big, considering it was a servant’s room, but it was livable.
“Besides, where do you think you are? We’re on the second floor. What could you possibly want?” he asked, but when he turned to look at her, Pinkie Pie had disappeared.
“What do you think I want?” said Pinkie Pie as Spike felt a hand on his groin. He looked down to see Pinkie Pie in his room on her knees in front of him, gently handling his dragonhood
“Wait, Spike,” she pleaded.
“Yessiree, sweetie,” she said with a wide smile as she ripped his boxers off.
“Hey!” he snapped as Pinkie Pie stood up.
Spike knew well Pinkie Pie’s breasts were one of her weak spots.
“Your hands are as perverted as ever,”
“Just as big as always.” she said happily. Pinkie panted. “Keep going.”
“Then I’ll make you feel even better“
“Oh, a compliment; thanks, Spikey,”
I had a haydog with ketchup?”
Well, when I had my first one, I thought of your hot dog between my two soft buns, and I must say, yours looks really tasty.” she giggled.
Pinkie pulled her hands up under her breasts as she grabbed them and wrapped them around Spike’s cock.
“I was right. Your cock does tasty better; way better than a haydog.”
“Good; time to take it up a notch.”
“Pinkie, your breasts are so soft. This is the best tit fuck ever.” Spike said as he grit his teeth and smoke started seeping from his nostrils.
“Yes, do it. Fill me up.” she begged.
He was a breast dragon and held no shame it, but he knew focusing on them would definitely make him cum.
He placed his hands on the side of her plump flank as he slowed to a steady pace.
“Hehe... Hey, Rarity,” he nervously chuckled. “I thought you left for your party?”
1429764
But... I like Rarijack
Nipples your...
Look, I know this story is 3 years old... but would you be interested in a proofreader for this one?
"his hot seep"
seed
It was at that moment that Pinkie knew... she fucked up
Well, Rarity. In the words of Sonic the Hedgehog....you're too slow!!!